Cough, cough; Here is your PSA. Drinking competitions do not prove anything, except who can hold down more liquor. Not that big a deal to find out in the first place, but whatever… Eat bread. It helps!!! Get out of my PSA! Also, it is never rude to refuse a drink. If you don't want to, then don't.
Now then, I do not support yaoi, yuri or anything else that would be deemed excessive. I don't hate people that do like it, but personally I don't like it. This chapter just kinda ended up like it is. I was listening to that Katy Perry song a bit too much and then… this chapter happened. I thought it was funny and realistic so I kept it. Hope it doesn't drive too many of ya'll away.
Chapter 35: Split-Personalities
Three hours had passed and it was definitely night time. By now Mika had been reminded of everyone's names, including but not limited to: Iruka, Genma, Raidou, Kotetsu, Izumo, and Yamato; who she already kind of knew.
Two things would happen when Mika drank; first, she would get talkative and friendly; your stereotypical happy drunk. Second, she would become competitive to the point of stupidity, as if her natural competitiveness wasn't enough. Thankfully she wasn't quite at the second stage of her intoxication, yet.
Mika was just about to deliver the punch line to a story she had completely made-up on the spot. "So he turned to the gal and said, 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.'!" Everyone but Anko erupted in laughter. "Aww, come on.", she prodded the grumpy girl across the table. "That was funny."
"I've heard it before.", she coldly answered her from across the narrow table.
"…ah, I see. Bullshit. "Well, then…. You got any stories?" She stared at Mika as she took another swig of her drink. "No? Alright then, how about one-liners? I know I'm great with witty one-liners, oooo or better yet! Movie quotes! Everyone loves famous movie quotes!"
"Heh.", she gave a slight laugh. "Yea, I got one for ya'." She cleared her throat, "Wouldja do me a favor, Mika? Drop dead!"
A collective 'oooooo' came from the group, which was already 79 percent intoxicated.
"Ouch.", Mika clutched her chest like she had been stabbed ….just like old times really. "How about this one?", she replied. "'Don't mess with the bull, young lady. You'll get the horns!"
"I bet you can squeal like a pig!"
"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"
"I think it pisses God off when you walk by!" Anko stood up.
"Stupid is as stupid does!" Mika followed suit and stood as well.
"I know you are, but what am I!"
"I know you are, but what am I!", Mika shouted back at her. Anko let out a near-primitive grunt as she lunged across the table at the blonde grabbing hold of her right arm and hair. "Ah! God damn it! Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" Mika kept just enough composure to fight back, grabbing hold of Anko's hair and the collar of her jacket.
"Dear Lord!", Izumo shouted as he and the others also lunged forward to attempt to separate the two incredibly pissed women.
"Mika! Let Go!", Kakashi shouted in her ear as he tried to pry Anko's hand off of her arm, while at the same time holding her waist to keep her from being dragged across the table. Raidou was keeping Anko from ripping her hair out from the roots. Mika dropped her collar, but wouldn't let her hair go until she let her own hair go.
"Anko! Calm down!" "Let Her Go!" "Ugh!" Genma, Yamato, and Iruka all shouted as they tugged on the terrifying beast that was growling just inches from Mika's face.
The two of them flew apart and were sitting across from each other, gasping for breath, when Kotetsu broke out into a hysterical laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god! I got one too! Listen, listen! 'Soylent Green is people!!!'"
There were a few snickers before Mika laughed out loud too. Alcohol does funny things to peoples' personalities. "HAHAHA!! Oh boy! I think you've had too much!", she reached over and took his shot glass from him, downing what was left in it. She had a pretty good buzz going, which is probably what drove her to do what she did next. She looked at the glass for a moment before slamming the shot glass on the table, challenging Anko to out drink her.
The completely drunk brunette stared at Mika in utter disbelief, before calling out to the waitress to bring a bottle of tequila. You see, Anko had a similar second stage of intoxication to Mika. At first she will be one of those grumpy, mean drunks; then she mellows out, begins to think that everything is 'beautiful', and anything is fair game. Drinking competitions not excluded.
"Mika, do you really want to do this?" Kakashi had only had a few shots over the course of the night, when no one was looking; which accounted for most, but not all, of the 21 percent sobriety of the group.
"She's not better than me.", Mika whispered to him. "I have to prove that I'm just like her. I'm normal like her. I'm not a bad person." Her gaze fell back to her shot glass.
"No one ever said you were bad." He looked around the room. "Did they?" It never occurred to him to ask her why beating her in a drinking competition would prove she was a good person.
Mika turned back to face him again, blinking her eyes a few times to focus the blurry image that was mere inches from her face. "What did you say to me?", she spoke in an incredulous manner. She had actually heard the Rokubi's voice in her head.
You're embarrassing yourself. Christ, you're embarrassing me! Just stop right now. My word is law!
"Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!" Mika swiveled around to face Anko. "Pour the damn drinks!"
"Gladly.", she gave a surprisingly mellow response. She just hit her limit.
Kakashi looked to the right of table, more to take a moment to process what was probably going to happen next in this strange scenario. It was then that his eye caught sight of a red-headed woman sitting at the bar. Really it was more like her eye caught him. She had been staring for a while. He had noticed but chose to ignore it, but when he looked directly he couldn't stop the flicker of recognition between them. Yes, he knew her and she knew him…well. She winked at him; he blinked, though it may have looked as a response in return. Faster than he may have realized, he turned his attention back to Mika. She's really drunk. I should stop her. Then again, she's a grown woman and she can do what she wants. Hm…what to do, what to do?
Mika looked about the group of men at the table. "Any of you want in on this?" She shot an intimidating glare. All she got in return was a lot of head shaking and a near collective 'oh no no no no no'. "Fine then, let the real women here compete."
"Here ya' go." Anko spoke in an almost cheerful voice. Mika was too drunk to notice, in her head Anko was still being a bitch. Everyone, except Yamato and Kakashi who were the most sober, thought she was still being a bitch too.
Before the two women was a line of six shots of tequila, with a pile of cut limes in the middle of the table. Mika licked her right hand and covered it with salt and then grabbed a handful of limes to bring closer to her. This was going to be difficult. She wasn't a natural drinker. In fact she had never planned on taking more than a few drinks in the first place, but god damn it, they just kept popping up in front of her. And how rude is it to deny a drink?
"You know you really don't have to do this, Sparky." Kakashi again took hold of her arm.
"You're right; I don't have to do this. I want to do this. I'm better than her. I can beat her at anything now. Beat this piece of trash at her own game."
"Beating her won't prove anything."
"I know that! But it will make her hurt." The drunk blonde stood up and turned to face Anko across the table. "I'm going to make you hurt! For what you are, for what you did to me as a kid!"
Anko stood up in an involuntary response, keeping the rather pleasant look on her face. "Huh?" She innocently cocked her head to the side.
"You bullied me, you taunted me, and you fucking tried to kill me on several occasions! Because of you," Mika pointed an accusing finger at her. "You made it all the easier to walk away from this god-forsaken place! When I left I thought of only two things! Death….and you!" No one was outrageously shocked at the statements, except perhaps for other bar patrons.
Kotetsu started to pound his fist on the table. "Drink, Drink, Drink!", he chanted. Genma and Izumo joined him.
Oh my god…., Kakashi's eye drifted to the floor, he'd be damned if it crossed back toward the red-head. I can't believe that is how she really felt. Well, I guess I should have understood that. She was surrounded by all of that death, no wonder she only had negative thoughts about this place. I never thought it was that big of a deal, but that's just me. I had seen death several times before. Back then, she was still so sweet, no one could have expected her to be able to handle all of it, especially if she saw Minato die. He was her world.
There was a crash on the table.
-Back about 2 minutes-Those with weak constitutions, look away-
Responding to the chanting of their friends, both Anko and Mika reached for the first shot. The first three Mika took went down easy enough, but after that she couldn't stop coughing. Thank god for the limes, they saved her. She went back and took the fourth, not noticing that Anko had finished and was taking Mika's sixth shot from her and downing it herself. Mika finished her fifth and started to cough again.
With eyes closed, the exasperated blonde pointed a finger in the air and began, "I wanna rem---mmmmm" Anko was kissing her.
During Mika's last coughing fit, Anko had crawled across the table and was staring her in the face. Who knew she was a lesbian when she was drunk? And a forceful one at that.
Mika grabbed her collar in an attempt to shove her off, only to have her shoulders grabbed and pulled against the mad woman. Mika looked around frantically at the group around her. Some had their jaws dropped, Kotetsu had a stupid looking grin on his face, and what stood out the most in her mind was that Kakashi was looking the other way. What the fuck is he doing?!? Help me damn it!, she thought to no avail.
His attention soon turned back, as Anko slammed Mika's back down onto the table. Whether it was the alcohol, the head trauma from being slammed against a table, or just the masculine presence Anko commanded while straddling her, no one will ever know. But when her tongue started to press against Mika's lips, she couldn't keep her mouth shut. The next thing anyone knew, they were really into it. Let's just say, Mika was imagining someone else. Anko's calloused ninja hands helped.
"………………………………whoa." Kakashi silently uttered beneath his breath, as he turned to see this scene right in front of where he was sitting. This went on for at least ten minutes. Even other bar patrons had joined the crowd. There was no avoiding it; this was going to be a huge piece of gossip in the morning.
"…should we stop 'em?" Iruka asked no one in particular.
"…probably…" Kakashi answered him without taking his eyes off of Mika.
Anko bit her lip harder than she would have liked making her curse out at her. "Ow, fucking bitch!" Mika pushed her up and off of her. The boys took this opportunity to help the two of them off the table. The small crowd dispersed with a couple of 'aww man's', obviously disappointed that the show was over.
"How ya' doing?", Kakashi quietly asked Mika, as she rolled unto his lap.
She lightly coughed and wiped her mouth before responding. "I still don't believe you learned how to kiss from one of Jiraiya's dirty books."
Ha, holy crap. She thinks that she was kissing me. Is Anko that manly or am I that girly? He helped her up onto her feet. "Alright then. I think it's time to go." He began to lead her out of the bar.
"Bye!", Mika softly called to her friends. They all waved, even Iruka dropped Anko to wave goodbye as she threw up all over herself. "Heh,", Mika snickered as she heavily leaned on her boyfriend, "Stupid whore can't even hold her liquor half as good as me."
"Yes, yes." He steadied her as she began to stumble. "You've definitely mastered the art of grace while intoxicated."
"You're just as drunk as me." She straightened up her back and looked him in the eye.
"I'm sure I was at some point in my life, but after that rather 'sobering' performance in there, I think I'm competent enough to stand trial. Come on."
"Oh you liked that 'performance' didn't you?", Mika laughed, quite loudly in fact. He kept walking forward. "Ooooo, I see you blushing!", she jabbed him in the cheek.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He grabbed her hand and held it down at her side.
"Oh don't try to out lie a liar! I can see it in your eyes—er, one eye. Ha ha ha! One eye, Cyclops. Hehehe."
"Yea, o.k., ha ha." He answered in a condescending manner.
"No, listen to me. I know you liked it because that exact same thing happens in your precious little book! Chapter Four, paragraphs 6 thru 13. A rather steamy section if I do say so myself!" Mika giggled.
He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "…..you've memorized passages from my book?"
"Of course I have. I love his books! Whenever I would get stuck in my writing or heck whenever I was bored or lonely, hehehe, I would just pull out his latest work. It's really just coincidence that I've memorized so much. My brain is like glue for ink."
Jesus Christ, that didn't make any sense!!! You're about ready to drop. I'm gonna take over soon. Don't worry I'll get you home safe.
"I trust you.", Mika answered the Rokubi.
Kakashi turned to face you. "Huh? Well, uh. I trust you too." Mostly….though I still have my own reservations. "We're here."
"Where?" She swiveled about to take in surroundings that she couldn't see in the dark anyway.
"Your apartment. Come on. Where's your key?"
"Mmmmm…" She dug through her pockets. "I think this is it."
"It either is or it isn't." He stared at her, leaning against her door.
"Well, it's either the key to my apartment or the key to my heart. Sooooo….", Mika started to drift off to sleep.
He snatched it out of her hands. "Either way, it's mine." He unlocked the door and helped her inside. Not that she needed much help. She was completely unconscious, but her body seemed to have regained its composure. "Do you think you can manage getting to bed on your own?"
Huh, you know, you might have been kinda right about him, Mika. He is awfully cute….hehe, what you don't know won't hurt you.
"Sure, I suppose I could go to bed alone. But I'd much rather you come with me.", Mika spoke in a sly tone.
Kakashi stared at her. ……maybe…no…well. "Alright, I guess I'll help you then." The two of them walked to the bedroom, Mika leading him in. Some help right? "O.k. then. You're in here. So, I'm gonna go now. I'll see you in the morning."
"Oh no, don't go yet, sweetie." Mika pulled him back toward her, sliding his mask down in one quick motion and kissing him square on the lips. It was a long, rough, and heated kiss, before he broke away to catch his breath. "Stay the night. Please.", Mika urged him.
"I…uh..." She pulled him over to the bed and fell down on top of him. "Mika!", he sounded shocked. Though, whatever thought was actually going through his mind at the moment was anyone's guess. She kept kissing him.
"He-he, not Mika." She spoke between kisses.
"…Hana?" He was a bit confused while she began tugging at his vest.
"Ha-ha, not Hana."
He stared up at her for a few seconds with a puzzled almost resistant look. She let out a sigh.
"Oh fine. Ruin the moment." Mika brought her hand up from wherever it had disappeared to and snapped her fingers. Instantly a spark lit up the area immediately surrounding her face and hand. "There. You happy now?" Her hand was again like a claw and on her face were the black lightning shaped streaks that ran down the sides of her neck; her eyes completely glazed over in black haze.
"….oh." He still sounded upset, but he didn't push her off of him. Curious reaction if you think about it.
Mika crossed her arms. "Oh what? Like 'Oh I'm leaving' or 'Oh that's hot'?"
"Like 'Oh, you're not Sparky'." He pushed himself to sit up, Mika still on his lap.
"Well it's still her body. So what's the big deal?"
"Heh.", he took a moment to process this and ran his hand through his hair. "Well for starters, you're technically a kind of demonic presence. Also, it'd be like cheating on Mika and taking advantage of her at the same time. So, yeah…no."
"Oh please." Mika yawned from an insetting exhaustion. "You don't know the kind of thoughts about you that have gone through her mind. I have to deal with them every fucking day. If anything, I'd be fulfilling her fantasy."
"….what fantasy?" I can't believe that I'm even talking to this….this!
She scoffed and then rubbed her eyes. "Wouldn't you have liked to find out?" She yawned again. Suddenly the bed looked incredibly inviting. "….oh damn it all." She crawled off of his lap and headed for under the covers. He helped tuck her in.
As he turned to walk out of the room Mika called after him. "Hey, uh, could you not mention this to Mika. She'll never let me live it down."
He glanced at her from the doorway and waved. "Don't ask, don't tell. I won't if you won't. I guess I'll see the two of you tomorrow." Hn, wow. Talk about a split-personality.
"Yup. Tomorrow."
… Well? I'll admit I was blushing the entire time I wrote this, but by the standard that Mika is a girl and the Rokubi is a boy, there really wasn't any yuri or yaoi in this chapter… are ya'll buying that? Cause it's what I use as an excuse to post fluff like this. Lol, Review!!!