This is going out pre beta, sorry for any mistakes, I'll repost it once it has been.

I don't own Twilight S.M. does, I do own a Harry Potter

Candle.

Chapter 38

What the hell am I going to do?

"Bella, wake up love."

"Please Bella, wake up, I need to see your eyes"

"Bella"

I can hear someone, but I can get my eyes open. What happened?

My mind started moving so quickly, I felt like my mind was going so many directions at one time. Its hard to slow it down and try to come to reason on why its racing.

Why is my life so fucked up, why did this soul fusion thing happen? I was ready for my death, embraced it in face at the end. Why was I sent into Bella Swan's body, and not on to what ever is after this life? I liked being Bella, but its because I knew what was going to happen. I hate this 'most powerful vampire'! I don't want this power, I'm happy with just the shield.

"Bella, please, please wake up love, I'm so scared." Sounds like Edward would be crying if he could. I try once more to open my eyes.

I slowly open them, and realize I'm on our bed. I look up at Edwards worried and concerned face and smile weakly, "Hey"

"Hey" His face lights up with joy, but I can still see the underline currents of the stress my passing out did to him.

I reach up and cup his face with my palm, he turns his head into my hand. "I'm fine Edward," I rub his cheek "just overwhelmed, confused, and very scared."

Edward reaches over to the nightstand and grabs a bottle of water that was waiting for me. "Here love, drink."

I grab the water, I don't feel thirsty, but I end up drinking the whole bottle, well fuck, maybe I was. In a moment of clarity I remember "Fuck, what about Charlie? Is he here yet? How long have I been out?"

"Calm down love, Charlie called, he won't be able to make it tonight, big accident on the 101 between a logging truck and a big rig pulling a mobile home. He'll be tied up most of the night supervising the clearing of the road, he asked if you could spend the night since it would be a long wait to get back into Forks tonight. You've only been out for ten minutes"

I see a smile grace Edwards face with the news I'll be spending the night.

"Good, I have a feeling there is still a lot of questions," I try and pull myself upright on the bed, I look over to the clock and see its almost kitten feeding time, "Its almost time to feed the kitties"

"Let the others do it Bella, you should rest a bit longer." Edward tried to convince me, by kissing my neck.

"Mmm, that feels good" I say while getting lost in his kisses, but no I need to feed the kittens "As much as I hate to say this right now, but I need to feed the kittens, I just want to do something normal."

Edward grumbles a bit and I think I hear fine, before he runs out of the room. I lay back and giggle, my horny vampire. Edward comes back after a few minutes carrying the kittens in one of the many beds thrown about the house now, and four bottles.

Edward gently places the kittens bed down next to me and hands one of the bottles over. I pick up Kimba first, since at the moment she is the only awake one, and begin to feed her. Edward looks like he wants to ask me something, but doesn't, I'm glad. I need time to get through all these thoughts.

Until Eleazar mentioned I could be the most powerful vampire ever, deep down I thought this was my own personal heaven. I never really allowed to believe anything was really, real. Even when Lauren attacked me, I still believed it was a dream, or nightmare depending on the given circumstance. But when Eleazar told me that, it was like reality slapping me up on the side of my head and yelled 'HELLO IS ANYONE IN THERE?'.

I finish feeding Kimba, then pick up Macy, Edward left then to go visit with the others. I really need this time alone to sort out what I really want. It was great when everything was going by the book. Now, I'm fucking terrified. Having a baby was a big risk with the Volturi finding out, but having a baby and becoming a very fucking powerful vampire, its like I just put a HUGE target on this families back. Maybe I should leave, go to Renee, let this family live in peace without my fuckupness. I really fucking hate Florida, lived there once in the nineties, I would put up with that hell hole of heat and love bugs to save the family I love from danger.

"NOOO!" I hear Alice yell somewhere in the house, and poof there are eleven vampires in our room. I jump almost dropping Macy.

"What?"

Alice comes over and leans in to me, "YOU ARE NOT LEAVING US!"

All the Cullens gasp, Edward scoops me up in his arms.

"Bella, don't leave me, we can fix what ever it is, please don't leave me, I won't survive without you." Edward starts sobbing into my hair.

What the hell? Oh shit, fucking see it all vampire.

"It was just a passing thought, Edward." I look down at my lap like a scolded child, fuck I almost pulled a Bella. "This scares me, what it could mean for your family. I don't want to see any of you hurt. I promise, no leaving for Florida." I pull Edwards face from my shoulder and look at his honey colored eyes "I promise Edward, no leaving without you."

"Bella, you are family, our family, family sticks together," Carlisle reminds me, "We are stronger together than apart, remember that." Carlisle comes over and picks up Macy from my lap, I didn't realize she is done feeding.

I get up, one by one I hug my family. I don't hug the Denali's only because I really don't fucking know them, but I give each one of them a smile. The family leaves the room, Rose picks up Kimba and take her to her room while Edward and I feed, Fred and George.

"Talk to me love." Edward takes my hand, stroking the back of it.

"I'm confused, scared, and totally out of it. So many emotions and thoughts are running through my mind, I've never fully accepted that here with you is real. But its like a switch came on and said 'Its as fucking real as it gets girl, deal with it'."

I finish feeding Fred and put him back in his bed. I get up, grab some cozy clothes to change into, then go to the bathroom. After I change into a t-shirt and shorts, I join Edward back on the bed with our babies. I pick up Fred and slide him down into my shirt, I tucked my shirt into my shorts making a little pouch that the kitten can sleep in, once Fred is settled, I take George, again putting him down my shirt to join Fred.

I've done this often, it amuses everyone when I do, but it's a way I bond with my kittens, they feel safe, secure, and warm just like their mama's womb. It always works, I create a bond with my cats like this that can't be broken.

I stand up, cradling my stomach holding my tiny cargo, "Edward, I need to play, do you want to join me?"

Edward's smile brightens up, "Of course, love." Edward likes to watch me play, fuck Edward likes to watch me do anything, at times its nerve wreaking, but I've gotten used to it.

We make it down to Edward's music room, I walk over to the piano and sit down on the bench. I shuffle my kittens around, making sure they are settled, before doing my warm up scales, I play My Immortal, it soothes me. I need some release of this tension that is now in me, with all the directions I feel I'm being pulled. Before I know it I'm playing Sweet Sacrifice.

It's true, we're all a little insane.

But it's so clear,

Now that I'm unchained.

Fear is only in our minds,

Taking over all the time.

Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

You know you live to break me. Don't deny.

Sweet sacrifice.

One day I'm gonna forget your name,

And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain.

Fear is only in our minds,

Taking over all the time.

Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?

I'm your sacrifice.

(I dream in darkness

I sleep to die,

Erase the silence,

Erase my life,

Our burning ashes

Blacken the day,

A world of nothingness,

Blow me away.)

Do you wonder why you hate?

Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?

You poor sweet innocent thing.

Dry your eyes and testify.

You know you live to break me.

Don't deny.

Sweet sacrifice.

My hands rest on the final note, and I burst into tears, uncontrollable sobs. Edward puts his arms around me and lets me cry myself out. Alice appears with a box of tissues for me, I mumble a small thank you before she disappears once again. I blow my nose a few times, while I settle back down.

"Okay, I'm good now." I croak out looking down at the keys.

"I think your far from okay Bella, not after that song." Edward rubs his hand up and down my back.

"No, I'm fine for what I just learned today," I try and reassure him, "I think we should join the family, are they still here?" I stand up, then wait for him to join me.

"Yes, they are all down in the living room catching up." Edward scoops me up into his arms, mindful of the kittens, while I squeal as he races us to the living room. Edward plops us down on the loveseat, me firmly in his lap.

"Feeling better Bella?" Esme says coming over to me, giving me a great hug, before returning to Carlisle's side.

"Yeah, just a lot to wrap my head around." I pet the kittens through my shirt, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone in the group. "I just need everyone to promise me something."

"What?" Carlisle leans forward in his chair, giving his full attention to me, I take a chance and look up, and flinch. Its really spooky at times when you have eleven predators in your mist, looking at you with rap attention, if I didn't know better, I would say my name is Dinner.

"When I go through the change, if I become this powerful vampire, keep me grounded, I don't want to control anything or anybody, I just what to live in peace with our family and others." I shyly look up at the group "I don't want to bring the Volturi upon us, or any other coven, but promise you will all help me keep my morals of right and wrong in check."

I got a collective "We Promise." from everyone at the same time, it was pretty funny, I giggled and said 'Jinx'.

The conversations went to lighter topics. The Denali's were interested in the kittens, they never thought they would be able to have a pet. I gave them the argument how much easier it is to take care of cats over dogs, the kittens were passed around, not one of them hissed. Looks like my experiment so far is correct, its environment, this pleases me to no end. I think I have a side business, breeding cats for vampires, I could call it "Cats for Vamps", I should make a web site.

The families were planning a joint hunting trip for next week, they would be gone for four days. They are going to Oregon, they are having a black bear, and mountain lion problems, pets are being killed, a toddler was even injured by a lion.

Its going to be hard, I asked Kitty if she wanted to come over and stay a few days while they are gone. Kitty is excited to visit, so I would meet her at the ferry in Kingston. Edward is leaving me the Volvo to drive while he is gone, still haven't replaced my fucking car!

Subject turned back to my potential powers, the whole vase incident came back to the forefront.

"How did that vase go from the sideboard to Tanya's head?" Emmett asks.

"Bella did that I believe." Eleazar looks at me like I'm a fucking bug under a microscope, creepy vibes dude.

Edward silently laughs, fuck my shield came down on its own. "How?"

"I don't know exactly, since most gifts are tied to emotions what where you feeling before that vase smashed." Carlisle asks

"Really, I can't remember, it was over so fast." What the fuck was I feeling? pissed most likely, but it seemed more.

Jasper leans forward, "Bella spiked rage, jealousy, and confusion, right before the vase went flying."

"No, not me, I can't believe it." I shake my head, while holding my hands over my eyes. This is fucked up, I don't know if I can handle this.

Well you better learn how to handle it missy!

Yeah, what if someone pisses me off at school, and I throw a knife at them.

Well, I guess you'll get put in jail for murder one.

Your just full of sunshine and lollypops aren't you?

Then you better learn how to control it, so you don't fuck up accidentally, beside think about all the things you could do to Emmett when he pisses you off.

Hum, didn't think about that, good idea!

Don't get a big head, your talking to yourself moron, now the others think your gone mental.

Shut up!

No, you shut up!

Shit I'm really losing it, I'm fucking fighting with myself, maybe Carlisle can hook me up with some feel good drugs.

"Lets try an experiment," Carlisle gets up runs to the kitchen and grabs a plastic pitcher, "Everyone come outside, don't want to break anything in the house, Esme will kill us."

"Sure will." Esme rises from her seat to follow the others outside.

We all move into the backyard, forming a semi circle. Carlisle gets a small table from the deck and brings it to the middle of the yard, placing the pitcher on top.

"We are going to try and recreate what happened in the house," Carlisle moves me to the side of the table, "Jasper, if you may, please feed Bella the emotions she felt at that moment. Bella, just concentrate on moving that pitcher."

I feel really pissed all of a sudden, I stare at the pitcher and nothing is happening, I keep trying, move fucker move!

Nothing!

As I feel more and more like I want to tear this thing apart, nothing is happening, I heard a giggle off to my right and glance over.

Tanya is playing with the buttons on Edward's shirt, Edward looks really uncomfortable.

NO FUCKING WAY! BACK OFF BITCH!

The pitcher and the table go flying right for Tanya, Edward jumps out of the way, and they both land on Tanya's back, smashing on impact.

"Whoa Bella! NICE!" Emmett booms, laughing his ass off.

I feel calmness surround me, Jasper is doing his mojo, I'm still pissed, who the fuck did that skank think she is?

Edward flashes to my side, "Calm down love, it was part of the experiment."

"What the hell, Edward?" I glare at him, fuck like you wouldn't be pissed if you saw Mike Newton all over me!

"I know love, but the feelings Jasper was feeding you wasn't enough. Carlisle whispered to Tanya and I to do that since that is what was happening last time." His eyes beg for me to forgive him, not yet I want to double check.

"Is this true Carlisle?" I turn my glare on him.

"Yes Bella," Carlisle looks ashamed. "I just wanted to see what it took." Then he pulls that puppy dog look.

"What the hell is with you Cullens and that damn pout? Do I get to learn that when I'm changed?" I spout off putting my hands on my hips. Then quickly remember I have a pouch of kitties.

Tanya steps forward, this bitch better not start with me!

"Bella, that was all an act, once a vampire has chosen its mate, I know there is no turning back for either one of them, I respect that." Tanya shuffling from foot to foot but looking straight into my eyes, "When Edward made his declaration in the living room earlier, he was off the market and no other woman wouldn't stand a chance because there would be no other woman."

Tanya moves forward and strokes my cheek, really weird, but I don't swing that way girlfriend "You're the only woman to him now, take care of him, don't hurt him, or I will kick your ass." Tanya leans down and kisses my cheek.

"Thanks Tanya," Fuck, I hate myself now when I called her a bitch, "Sorry for throwing stuff at you, I didn't know I could do that. If I had known, I would have been throwing crap at Emmett for weeks now."

Everyone broke out in laughter, including Emmett, we filed back into the house.

We spent the rest of the night going over a training program for me till summer is over, Kate and Tanya will be staying here after next weeks hunting trip, while Eleazar and Carmen take a vacation to Europe. I feed the kittens once more, and put them down for the night, thank god for vampires, they can do the midnight feedings. I fall asleep listening to Edward and Jasper arguing about who is better, Superman or Batman, fucking boys.

I also don't own any Evanescence music including My Immortal and Sweet Sacrifice.