I apologize for the late post tonight. I had to run errands and I had a raging headache for a couple of hours. But, I did get it up!

Chapter Thirty Eight: Confusion

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you mean to me

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you cannot see

You're hiding from feelings, searching for more

Sharing and hoping, untouched for so long

Our lives still change from the way that we were

And now I'll tell you something I think you should know

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you mean to me

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you cannot see

You cause me confusion, you told me you cared

He's calling these changes that last to the end

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies

The past is your present, the future is mine

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you mean to me

You just can't believe me

When I show you what you cannot see

You tell me you need me, I'll make it this time

The thread won't divide us, the sensation survives

I was sure that I told you it was good from the face

You've caused me some problems, you've taken my place

Why can't you see what you mean to me?

-"Confusion" by New Order

The next morning Edward was once again reluctant to get out of bed.

"I don't want to get up," he whined, "I wanna stay in bed with you."

I chuckled. "Come on, hot stuff. If you get your ass out of bed and to Angela's, we can go back to bed when we're done."

He brightened. "You have yourself a deal." He smacked my ass and got up to shower and dress. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the girl's shower room. I missed being able to take showers with him, but I didn't exactly feel comfortable sneaking him into the showers, as tempting as the idea was. I showered quickly and went back to the room. He was wrapped in nothing but a towel, water dripping from his hair and down over his chest when I opened the door. I nearly dropped the shower caddy I was carrying when I saw him.

"I think I'm about to make us late to Ang's." I shut the door behind me and gently pushed him back onto the mattress.

"I am totally ok with that," Edward said hoarsely.

I straddled him and leaned down to kiss him. His hands slid up under my robe and cupped my ass.

"What the hell got you so worked up?"

"Thinking about you."

"Not that I'm complaining…" he said hoarsely. I rocked against him, feeling his cock slide against my wet, sensitive skin. "Uhhh, Bella. You're killing me," he groaned.

I nipped at the skin on his neck with my teeth and ground down against him harder. He moaned again and I laughed throatily. "No, but now I am."

I reached down and lightly stroked his cock. It was already hard and I positioned myself over him. I lowered myself onto him and we both groaned.

"Fuck, you feel good."

"You do too," I said breathlessly.

I rocked over him, my head thrown back with pleasure as he sat up and pulled my legs forward a little bit. He leaned down and nudged my robe away from my nipple and took it in his mouth. He sucked at it gently at first before gently dragging his teeth across the tip. I cried out and shuddered against him. He did the same with the other and suddenly needy and desperate I pushed him flat against the mattress again so I could ride him harder. He fell back with a groan and I braced myself against his chest, leaning forward, my hair hanging down between us as I fucked him harder.

"I'm gonna come," I gasped and his fingers tightened on my hips to force we down harder against him. I came with a strangled cry, my thighs tightening against his sides and his fingers dug into my hip as he bucked up against me. I shuddered over him as the pleasure became overwhelming for both of us. I collapsed forward onto his chest, breathing heavily. Edward's hands slid up and down my arms in slow rhythmic strokes and he kissed the side of my head. He let out a low purring sound of contentment and I smiled against his shoulder. I loved knowing how happy I made him.

When we were dressed we headed out. It was raining heavily and I had forgotten an umbrella. Parking on campus was scarce and most days I parked in the commuter lot and walked everywhere. Unfortunately it was a bit of a hike and both of us were soaked by the time we made it to my truck.

"This is ridiculous," I laughed.

"I know. That's one good thing about Rome. The weather is so amazing. None of this…"

He gestured to the rain pouring down outside the truck. I dug out a towel I kept behind the seats and handed it to Edward so he could dry himself. I started the truck and we sat there for a few minutes. He rubbed the towel gently across my skin and soaked up the water in my hair. I turned the heat up as soon as the truck was warm enough and we sat there for a few minutes, Edward's arm wrapped around my waist, his cheek resting against the top of my head.

"I kind of like the rain right now," I said softly.

"Yeah, me too. I like this. Tell me I don't have to go back to Italy," he murmured.

"I can tell you that, but I'd be lying."

He sighed. "I know."

I wound my fingers through his and squeezed before sitting up and putting my seatbelt on.

"Let's get to Angela's, so we can get back to the dorm."

"Back to bed?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes. Back to bed."

As much as I liked to tease him about it, I felt the same way. I liked being alone with him, liked feeling his skin against mine.

"I like it too," I said softly and I squeezed his hand again.

I held it as I drove, even though it was awkward to shift. He smiled at me, and though neither of us said anything else, it was reassuring. When we got to Ben and Angela's place, we both made a mad dash for the front door. When she opened it, we nearly fell inside trying to get out of the rain. She laughed at us as we stood dripping in the entryway.

"You guys didn't have to come in; you could have just grabbed the car and left."

"I wanted to let you know we were here and say thanks. I really appreciate it."

"Oh, it's no trouble. I was glad we could help. It's nice to see you again, Edward. I didn't really get a chance to talk to you much at the party."

"It's nice to see you too." He smiled at Angela and I saw her breathing falter for just a second.

He had that effect on everyone, but for a moment I was very glad that I knew Angela was happy with Ben.

"I was just about to head out for work," she said apologetically.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we were keeping you."

"It's alright." She smiled at me. "I have plenty of time, but I should head out soon."

"Thanks again." I hugged her and we said our goodbyes. We got into our respective vehicles and Edward followed me to the lot on campus. The rain had let up a little and I parked and hopped into his Volvo.

"You should be able to park fairly close to the dorm. I got you a temporary parking pass yesterday when I got the shower key." I pulled it out of my purse and stuck it on the inside of the windshield. "Do you want to head back in now?"

"Yes, although I wouldn't mind getting coffee first, if that's ok with you."

"Coffee sounds great." I smiled at him. "The Union coffee shop maybe?"

"Sure." We ran from the car into the building, and laughed when our shoes made squelching noises on the tiles.

"A caramel latte and…uh, a double mocha latte, right?" I looked up at Edward when I placed the order.

"You remembered." He looked pleased.

"I did."

"You got a vanilla latte last time, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yeah, it just depends on my mood."

When they were ready I sprinkled a little bit of cinnamon and nutmeg on top. "Do you want to go sit by the fire for a few minutes?" I asked.

"Sure, that sounds good."

We curled up in the oversized chair right in front of the fire and I rested my head on Edward's shoulder. To any outside observer, we looked like a typical couple in love. My heart jumped at the thought. Did I want that with Edward? Oh god, I did, so much. Except…there was Italy, and Claire and the fear that I couldn't quite seem to push away. I closed my eyes for a moment, willing it all away.

"Do you want to try my coffee?" he asked.

"Sure." I handed him my cup and took a sip of his. It was dark and rich and very strong.

"Wow. That packs a wallop."

"I know." He laughed. "It's gotten me through an awful lot of late night studying. Being in Italy hasn't exactly helped either. I pretty much drink espresso every morning." He took a sip of my latte and smiled. "I like this. It's a lot sweeter than what I normally get, but it reminds me of the pumpkin pie we made."

I nodded. "They have a ridiculously good Pumpkin Spice Latte in the fall, from mid October through Thanksgiving."

"That sounds good." He handed my drink back and we finished them in silence. I stretched and rested my head on his shoulder again.

"As much as I want to get back to bed, I'm not sure I want to brave the rain."

"Me either," he admitted. "But the sooner we get back, the sooner it's over."

I knew that he was talking about the rain, but I couldn't help but think that it was true of the week we had together as well. Every moment that ticked by was one moment closer to him leaving again.

"Alright," I sighed and stood up, and he took my hand as we walked to the door.

"Wait here, ok? I'll bring the car right up to the door."

"You don't have to."

"I know. But I want to."

I nodded and stood just inside the door as he ran out into the rain. The feelings I had for him were overwhelming. I could see us together, as a couple. We were so close, the only thing that stood in the way were the words neither of us could manage to say. I could see them in his eyes when he looked at me, feel them on his lips when he kissed me. So close. And now, there was Claire too. My stomach churned and I felt my eyes blur over with tears as I watched for Edward's car. I ran out into the rain when I saw him and he opened the door from the inside so I could slide in quickly.

"Thank you," I gasped.

It was pouring again, even harder than it had been raining earlier in the day. I wiped at my eyes, glad the rain disguised my tears.

"While we're out, do you want to get food?" Edward asked.

"Sure, might as well."

He drove to the nearest store and parked. When we walked in, completely drenched from the rain, Edward's arm was around me and I saw several girls shoot me an envious glance. He let go of me long enough to grab a shopping cart and for some reason the idea of him pushing a cart struck me as very funny and I started laughing.

He glanced at me with one eyebrow raised. "What's so funny?"

Between giggles, I managed to say, "I dunno, the idea of you grocery shopping is funny to me. It just seem so…normal."

"Are you saying I'm abnormal?"

"Maybe." I snickered, "I don't know, it just seems like you have this charmed life…a nice house, trips to Italy…groceries should just magically appear for you or something."

He laughed. "I'm afraid not. Food has to get to my house some way and unfortunately, it doesn't just magically appear. You know I can't rely on Jasper or Emmett. In fact, I really wonder how they're surviving without me. It was dismal enough when I was there but really busy."

It was probably the most fun I'd ever had shopping. We snuck kisses as we walked down the aisles and he kept tossing things into the cart and I had to remind him that there was only so much room for me to store things and that my fridge was very small.

"But I'm not letting you leave again while I'm here," he said. "I'm locking both of us in the room and you're going to need food to keep up your stamina."

A girl walking by shot me an amused glance. Apparently she'd overheard him. He grinned at her and winked and she turned red. Once she had moved on to the next aisle he leaned over and whispered to me, "You know…I've decided that no one else is nearly as cute as you are when they blush."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I think you're biased."

"That's true, I am completely biased. I'm crazy about you."

He leaned down to kiss me and despite the fact that we were in the middle of the aisle of the grocery store, I completely forget where we were. We finally broke apart when we heard someone clear their throat. I blushed and Edward looked amused. It was an older couple and the gentleman had been the one clearing his throat; he smiled at us and the little old lady smiled too, her eyes twinkling.

"Ahh, young love," she said. "You two are just the cutest couple."

I felt awkward and wasn't sure what to say but Edward just turned his dazzling smile on her and said, "Yep, I'm completely smitten."

She patted his hand where it was still resting on the handle of the shopping cart and said, "Well I can see that my dear. We only interrupted because your ice cream is melting."

I glanced down and sure enough there was ice cream dripping from the carton.

"Thank you ma'am," he said and the couple moved on.

We hurriedly moved the rest of the way down the aisle and let the employee stocking shelves know about the ice cream puddle on the floor.

"Ma'am, huh?" I teased him.

"Yes, Esme raised me to be polite to elderly ladies."

I laughed. "Apparently."

For a moment I pictured Edward and I as the couple, still holding hands while we went grocery shopping after forty or fifty years together. I shook my head, reminding myself not to assume anything and that I was going to have to work up the nerve eventually to figure out what was going on between us.

He dazzled the checkout girl who kept dropping the food as she tried to scan it. I moved closer to him, sliding my hand into his back pocket as he wrapped an arm around me. Apparently even I had my possessive moments when it came to Edward. She scowled at me, but continued without dropping anything else. Edward carried the bags, despite my protests, and we were back at the dorms in no time.

After we changed into warm, dry clothes I ran our wet clothes down to the dryer in the basement. When I got back to the room Edward was unpacking the bags.

"You still like honey walnut cream cheese, I see," Edward commented as he took the container out of the bag and put it in my fridge.

"Still?"

"Yeah, don't you remember? That's what you got at the bagel place that first morning the two of us hung out."

"You remember that?"

"Of course I do. I remember everything about that day. You had on that red sweater and dark jeans and you looked so fucking hot. And when I caught you when you slipped on the ice, I wanted to kiss you so badly."

I gaped at him. "Really?"

"Yes really." He pulled me closed and kissed the top of my head. "You were completely irresistible."

I grinned. "Well obviously not. It was months before you did anything."

"True. I was trying to work up the courage."

"You didn't have the courage to kiss me?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't tell if you were interested in me. You seemed very…indifferent most of the time. The only time I thought you might be feeling it too was the night of the poker party."

I nodded. "Yeah, I kept trying to deny it. But I could definitely feel it then. I hated it that you went upstairs with Rosie after."

He looked at me, surprised. "Really?"

"Really. I was drunk enough that night to admit to myself that I wanted it to be me."

"You with Rosalie?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, with you."

"If it's any consolation, I wanted it to be you too, you know that. And actually, she and I got in an argument that night."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she started getting all weird and insecure about things. Truthfully, that night was pretty much the end of things between us."

"Hmm."

"Hmm what?"

"Just hmm. I didn't realize that. Was it because of me?"

"A lot of it was. I wasn't that interested in her anymore because of you and she pushed and I pulled away."

I shook my head. "I just can't believe how oblivious I was."

"To what?"

"To you even being interested in me, to your and Rosalie's issues…I was in my own little world, I guess. Her graduation party definitely changed that though."

Edward laughed. "I would hope so. I was so nervous though. I really had no idea how you'd react to me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it seemed like it was equally likely that you'd either be interested or punch me for trying something."

I laughed. "It never really crossed my mind to say no to you. I just couldn't seem to understand why you even bothered with me."

He shook his head. "How do you not see it? I think you're beautiful and smart and interesting..."

I felt a thrill run through my body at those words.

"I believe it that you think I am all of those things. I'm not sure that I agree with you and sometimes I question if maybe you're a little bit touched in the head."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Touched in the head huh?"

"Yes."

"Well, I suppose that's always a possibility. But I am sure hundreds of other people would back me up on how incredible you are."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Good, because I really don't like the idea of hundreds of other people falling for you too."

Too? What did that mean? That he'd fallen for me, as in, fallen in love with me? I wondered.

My heart sped up in my chest and I swallowed hard wondering if we were really going to have that conversation over groceries. I turned away from him to put a box of cereal on the shelves and I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye. It was awkward between us suddenly.

"Well you don't have to worry about that," I said lightly as I turned to smile at him. "You're the only one I know of who seems to be suffering from that particular delusion."

He smiled, but his eyes looked a little sad. "Oh, I don't know, Claire seemed pretty interested in you."

I shrugged, trying to feign nonchalance. "I guess."

"Where do you want it to go?"

"Where do I want what to go?"

"Things with Claire."

Fuck, he knew me too well, I thought. Apparently he had seen something between Claire and I at the party, or maybe it had just been the way I'd spoken about her over the past couple of months.

I sighed. "I don't know. I know I like her a lot as a friend, and I'm attracted to her, but beyond that… I don't really have a clue. And the situation she's in is complicated."

"How so?" Edward's lips were drawn tight and he looked…worried. I wanted to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about, but I wondered if that would be entirely the truth.

"There's a guy she's in love with but he won't date her because he's good friends with her brother."

"Does he care for her?"

"Yes."

"He's an idiot then."

"Probably. But as far as things go between Claire and I, I highly doubt that anything will happen. I don't really even know how far her interest in girls goes." I shrugged. Edward nodded, but he didn't look convinced. "Look, it really isn't that big of a deal. Let's just enjoy the rest of this week. I don't want to waste the time we have together."

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Alright. What do you want to do tonight?"

"We could go to a movie."

He nodded. "That sounds good. What do you want to see?"

I shrugged, not really caring. "We could just go and see what's showing."

"Ok." He grabbed his coat from the hook and shrugged it on. "Let's head out then."

The drive to the theater was quiet and he seemed lost in thought. I reached over to squeeze his thigh and he turned to look at me. He smiled faintly but didn't say anything. When we were settled in our seats with popcorn he relaxed a little. He lifted up the armrest between us, and slid his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder and our bodies relaxed into each other as usual. We sat like that for quite a while.

Partway into the movie he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "This movie is awful."

I snickered quietly and nodded. "We could always do something else to keep us occupied," I suggested.

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Hey, you promised that as long as I was sober you were up for public friskiness," I reminded.

"That's true. What did you have in mind?"

I grinned wickedly at him and slid my hand higher on his thigh. He glanced around but the theater was mostly deserted and there was no one sitting behind us.

He shook his head. "You're trouble."

"You like it."

"That's true," he admitted.

I placed a hand on his already hard cock and I looked up and grinned at him. He grinned back and shrugged. "That's what you do to me," he whispered.

I teased him for a little while, gently dragging my fingers along his denim covered cock. He shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. I quietly unbuttoned his pants, grateful that he had on pants with a button fly, instead of a zipper. He gasped when my fingers wrapped around his bare cock.

"Shit, Bella," he whispered through clenched teeth.

I smiled at him and stroked my hand up and down his length. I rubbed my thumb over the tip, swirling around the pre-cum that was leaking from the slit. I slid my hand up and down again, grasping him more firmly. His hips jerked under my touch and I saw him bite his lip to hold back a moan. I could hear him breathing heavily, and I watched him as I stroked his cock. His fist tightened on his thigh, gripping the fabric there as he struggled to keep his control. I desperately wanted him to break, to make him lose it completely. I glanced around quickly, making sure that no one was looking, and I dropped my head to wrap my lips around his cock.

He gasped and his fingers closed around my head, tangling in my hair.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

I didn't answer, just slid him in and out of my mouth. He held his hands still for a moment as if warring with himself. But when I swirled my tongue around the head his hands tightened on me, guiding me to continue. It wasn't long before his hips thrust upward at me and his fingers tightened on my skull. I heard him gasp and felt him shudder beneath me.

"Bella," he whispered in warning and I sucked harder.

He came hard, spurting into my mouth and I swallowed it, knowing he'd be able to feel my mouth tightening and relaxing around his cock. I licked his cock clean, feeling it twitch under my tongue. I released him slowly and hesitated before I sat up, wondering if someone was looking at us.

"It's clear," Edward whispered and I smiled, wondering if he could read my mind.

I sat up and he tucked his cock back into his pants, buttoning the fly. His head fell back against the seat and he took a deep breath before turning to look at me. In the dim light from the movie I could see his face. He smiled at me, eyes crinkling around the corners, a sated, almost drowsy look on his face.

"Thank you," he mouthed at me and I smiled back.

He held out his arms and I curled up against him, my head on his chest. I could feel his heart racing beneath my head and I slipped my hand under his shirt letting my hand graze over his stomach and chest, rubbing soothing circles against the warm bare skin. He placed a kiss on the top of my head and I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of him. The movie was nearly over and just a few minutes later the credits came up. I sat up and stretched, noticing the way his eyes lingered on my chest. I was still feeling keyed up from the rush of adrenaline our fooling around had caused.

I dragged my hard nipples across his arm as we left the theater and he pulled me close to whisper in my ear, "you are such a trouble-maker tonight."

"Mmhmm." I grinned at him and he shook his head at me.

"You know, I can't believe you did that." He laughed, his arm slung around my shoulder as we walked back to his car.

"I've always wanted to do something like that," I admitted.

I stretched up to kiss the smooth skin of his jaw. It was awkward, my shoulder jostled his chest, but he turned to me and smiled. When we were at the car he pinned me to the passenger side and kissed me until the only thing keeping me standing was his body against mine. When he stepped away my knees buckled and he laughed, catching me around the waist.

"That good, huh?" His voice was smug sounding.

"Damn you, Edward Cullen," I muttered as I shakily got in the car. We weren't more than a few minutes down the road when he spoke.

"Unbutton your jeans and put your feet up on the dashboard." His voice was stern and hard sounding.

"What?"

"You heard me."

I turned to look at him and he was staring straight ahead, jaw set. But I could see the amusement in his eyes and the corner of his lips and I hastily followed his instructions when it occurred to me what he wanted. He moved a hand to my pants and worked his fingers under the fabric. I was soaked. I sighed as his fingers touched me, parting my folds.

"Did it turn you on to suck me off in the theater?" he asked.

"Yes," I moaned.

"Knowing that we could get caught?"

"Yes. I liked the thought that someone would know what we were doing."

"Me too."

His fingers delved deeper and I moaned. When his fingers moved back up to my clit I gripped the armrest of the door.

"Tell me how it feels."

"So good," I gasped. "I'm so turned on right now."

"Tell me what you want." His fingers slid over my clit and inside of me before returning to my clit.

"I want your cock inside of me."

He chuckled. "I'm afraid that's just not possible while I'm driving."

"Then pull over," I gasped.

"No, I want you to get off on my fingers. Tell me what to do."

I shuddered and pressed his hand harder into me until two of his fingers were inside of me and the heel of his hand was pushed hard against my clit. I moaned loudly and my head fell back against the headrest. I panted as he slid in and out of me and my eyes fluttered closed. When they opened again a moment later I noticed that we had pulled up to a stoplight and there was a truck pulled up next to us. The driver was slack jawed, staring at us as Edward's fingers worked feverishly to make me come.

"Fuck. Someone's watching," I hissed, turning to him and attempting to stop his hand with my own. He glanced over at the guy.

"Let him. I want him to see the way you come for me."

I gasped and did just that as his fingers made a sudden deep thrust into my aching wetness. My legs clamped together as my nails dug into the skin of his forearm and I shuddered against him. The light changed and we pulled forward, leaving the startled driver beside us in our wake. When my orgasm subsided I relaxed my legs and took a deep breath.

"Wow..."

"Yes."

Edward looked a little stunned himself. He slid his hand out from my pants and held it up. His fingers were dripping with my arousal and I grabbed his wrist and brought it to my mouth. I licked his fingers clean, sucking each one slowly in and out of my mouth. My tongue traced over his palm and he let out a strangled moan.

When we got back to the dorm I fumbled for the door and barely had a chance to get it closed before he pulled off my shirt.

"I need you, right now," he panted and let his hands drop. We both hurriedly undressed ourselves. I stood naked in front of him, panting with an overwhelming need for him. "On all fours. Now." He pointed at the floor and I knelt immediately. He moved quick behind me and he slammed into me without any further foreplay. I moaned loudly, my inner muscles already beginning to tighten around him in pleasure.

"Shit, Bella," he gasped.

"Me too," I panted and my head dropped to the floor, going down on my forearms. I felt his hands tighten on my hips and he fucked me hard. I nearly howled with pleasure when he gripped my hair in his fist and tugged. It was raw and primal and incredibly intense.

"Fucking come for me, Bella," he snarled.

My body shivered and clenched and shuddered around him and I came with an embarrassingly loud moan. He slammed into me just a few more times before he shouted my name and spilled inside of me. We collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily. The tile on the floor was cold on my bare skin but I didn't have the energy to move. We laid there for a few minutes before Edward crawled over to the mattress, tugging me with him. I curled up in his arms, exhausted and blissful. Edwards lips trailed over my forehead gently, a sharp contrast to the rough and demanding lover he'd been just a few minutes before. Our skin was damp from exertion and I shivered when a cool breeze blew over us. He pulled the sheet and blanket up and tucked it around us. I rolled over and he fitted his body against mine, his nose nuzzling the back of my neck as we drifted off to sleep. Whatever awkwardness had been between us earlier was gone.

It might not have been easy for either of us to talk about how we felt or what we wanted from each other, but this…this we were good at.

-Hot enough for you?

-And what did you think of the conversation about Claire?

Sorry I haven't been doing Story Recs lately. There just haven't been any that caught my eye lately, until today.

Story Rec:

Perfectly Imperfect by lindsay520: Bella is a socially awkward loner. Edward is lost in a meaningless marriage. Co-workers of a moving company, several long road-trips and lonely motel nights alone start a bond between them that may be stronger than either of them had ever expected. AH

This story is only three chapters in, but I am LOVING it. It's fresh and really well written, and I am totally hooked and wanting more. Check it out!