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Song is 'Perfect' by Hedley
Finn's POV
On Friday afternoon, I stormed into my house, infuriated. I threw my bag down in the front foyer, rattling the pictures on the walls. I started up the stairs to my room when my Mom poked her head out of the kitchen.
"Finn? Are you okay, honey?"
She'd been working the day shift instead of the night shift lately so she could spend more time with me before I left. I didn't bother answering; I just kept on going until I was in my room and on my bed. A minute later, Mom was there too, perched on the edge rubbing my back. Up until that point I hadn't noticed, but I was so enraged that I was trembling against her smaller hand.
"What's wrong, Finny?"
"It's Kurt!" I snarled. "He's… being so… argh!"
"Tell me what he did," she cooed, although I knew that whatever it was that Kurt did she would side with him no matter what (after all, he was the daughter she'd never had.)
"He keeps avoiding me at school and then he never spends any time with me afterwards and he won't tell me where he goes or what he does and it's driving me crazy!"
Mom paused in her actions for a minute, chewing this over. "Well, it is your last few months of school, honey. If he's moving away with you next year, maybe he just wants to spend some time with his friends he'll be leaving behind."
"Yeah but it seems like he doesn't even want to go to Northwestern anymore!" I grumbled, clenching my hands.
"Oh honey, you know that isn't true! He loves you."
"Then why isn't he talking to me, Mom?"
"Maybe it's just a gir… I mean, a boy… er… a Kurt thing. I'm sure he'll get over it soon. I wouldn't sweat it."
And then suddenly, it all dawned on me. "Oh my God… he's having an affair. Kurt's cheating on me!" I sat up, knocking Mom's hand off of my back. She settled me back down just as quickly, laughing like the neighbor's kid who was kind of dumb but charming all at the same time just told her a really bad joke.
"Wow… um, okay then. That wouldexplain a lot of things, but seriously, Finn… who in the world would he cheat on you with? You know there isn't anyone else like you two at McKinley."
I relaxed back down. At least I could always count on Mom to make sense of things for me. "Yeah, I guess you're right. That was a stupid idea. I think it's just the friend thing, like you said."
"Just wait until after graduation," she assured me. "And things'll be just like they used to."
"But I still feel bad about it," I huffed. "I kind of blew up at him about it today, and to tell the truth, we've kind of been at each other's throats all week long about stuff."
Mom shrugged. "So… make it better. You've got too much with Kurt to throw it all away over a couple of petty disagreements. But trust me, everything will be better when the summer hits and you start to get ready to go away."
"Yeah, but how do I make it better now? 'Cause I don't think I can live through another week of this. I really miss him, Mom. I've barely seen him all week… I just want him back. I didn't mean to get mad at him today. So what do I do?"
"Sing to him in Glee," she said like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Ask your teacher if you can have a little bit of time at the end of rehearsal, and then sing to him," she winked. "Like you did the first time."
"Yeah, but the first time didn't really work out, remember? He thought it was for Rachel, and then he stopped talking to me for a week, and then…"
"Yes, but you two are past that now. Trust me, I bet he misses you right now as much as you miss him. It'll work… I promise, Finny."
Mr. Schuster said that he understood what I was going through, and it really seemed like it was the truth. He gladly offered up some rehearsal time for me to sing, looking like he felt really sorry for me. I started wondering if it was really all that obvious that Kurt and I had hit a rough patch, or if it was just him that had noticed.
I didn't have any classes with Kurt, and I didn't see him all day, which, I figured, was just because he was probably avoiding me. Why was I not surprised? So when I walked into the choir room when the dismissal bell rang, I was a little bit shocked at his outfit. Was it just me, or had his wardrobe been significantly un-Kurt-like lately?
Well, today it was a shapeless pair of pants and a black hoodie on top, zipped all the way to his neck with the hood cloaking his head. Even his shoes were black.
I sidled up next to him, just hoping that he wouldn't up and leave as soon as I reached the seat next to his. His eyes crawled up to meet mine. I gave him another once-over.
"Geez… who died?"
Tommy, who was sitting directly behind us, ducked out of his conversation with Mercedes and yelled, "Our Akita!"
Mercedes and Tina automatically started giggling like maniacs and chimed in, "Evita!"
Like I knew what that meant.
Kurt obviously did, because he rolled his eyes and said, "Nobody died Finn. I felt like wearing black today, I wore black." I half expected him to add: 'You got a problem with that?' He glared at me.
"Oh." I started to back away, but stopped about a foot back (well, actually I tripped over a chair, but I tried to cover it up so I didn't look like a complete goofus.) "You know, if there's something wrong, Kurt, you can talk to me about it."
"Why would there be something wrong?" he snapped coldly.
"I dunno… don't people usually wear all black when they're mourning something?"
"Yes," Kurt turned his face away from mine, giving no further explanation.
I stood there for a while, trying desperately to find the right thing to say. I wanted to know what was bugging him… I wanted to make it better. I wanted to see him dress in pink or something again rather than black. Well, figuratively, I mean.
"I love you, you know," I said quietly.
He looked over at me again, holding my gaze, as if he was searching for something in my eyes.
I waited, but he didn't say anything back.
Glee lasted too long, in my opinion. But finally, Mr. Schuster was standing at the front of the room congratulating us on a job well done.
"And before any of you leave, Finn has requested a few minutes to sing something for us, so all of you listen up."
I got up and took my place beside the piano. I didn't need any music… I knew what I wanted to say, and I knew the song by heart. I looked towards the remaining eleven and noticed that Kurt wasn't even looking at me. He was staring at the ground quite intently, like he was watching a bug crawl across the floor or something. I didn't want to single him out, or get his attention, so I just decided to start. He'd know it was for him.
"Falling a thousand feet per second
You still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over
I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence
It takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong."
He wasn't even looking at me. I was trying… I was directing it all at him, all the meaning and the feeling. And it looked like he wasn't even paying attention. Part of me wanted to scream at him 'Just look at me, dammit!' Was it that bad between us? That he couldn't even look at me when I sang to him?
"I'm not perfect,
But I keep tryin'
'Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said?
Or just my personality?"
I let Brad the Piano Dude take over for his little solo thing, but right as I was about to come in for the second verse, I felt this huge wave of sadness wash over me and my throat tightened so much that I knew I wouldn't be able to make any sound come out of it even if I tried. The sound that was left was that empty, dead kind of air that's full of awkwardness.
Kurt looked up. His neck snapped up and he looked at me.
The instruments faltered and then stopped playing all together, and a few seconds of silence passed before Mr. Schuster started a round of unsure applause. Embarrassed and worried that I hadn't gotten my point across, I sulked back to my seat until Mr. Schuster dismissed us a few minutes later.
There wasn't any more I could do. I'd tried… I really had. I couldn't force him to talk to me. Heck… he wouldn't even look at me unless I screwed up in the middle of a song!
Feeling discouraged and dejected, I got my stuff from my locker and trudged down the East hallway towards the parking lot where I'd parked the Benz. I'd almost reached the door when I heard someone running behind me, trying to catch up. Figuring I'd forgotten something in the choir room and someone was coming to give it to me, I turned around, only to come face to face with Kurt.
He was breathing hard and his hood had fallen off the side of his head.
"Finn," he said breathlessly, leaning up against the wall trying to catch his breath, "I need… talk… you… now…" he gasped.
"Yes?" I wasn't sure what to expect. Another reprehensive fight… or maybe just some kind of acknowledgement that I existed?
He paused for a minute until he regained his powers of speech, and then he tearily professed, "I'm so sorry, Finn. I am so sorry. I was a complete idiot, and I know that now." He looked so sincere. But, he'd also looked sincere all those other times that had ended in a screaming match. It would be so easy to pick a fight with him. Like, yeah, you were an idiot. Your point?
"Okay…? And?" I prompted.
"I love you more than anything in my life, Finn. But I messed up big time and I made a lot of mistakes. But I get it now, I do. I only want to be with you…. I mean, I want to be with you… still. I mean… God, I'm screwing this up…"
He reached for my hand, and then held our joined hands up. They fit together, it felt right, just like it always had from the beginning.
And then he mumbled something to himself that I couldn't quite make out, but sounded something like, "Quinn was right."
"Quinn?" I questioned.
"Uh… nothing…" he shook his head. "Finn, what I'm trying to say is that I want things back the way they were too. And I'm willing to try my hardest to make it work, if you'll take me back."
I glanced at our hands: his slender, perfectly manicured fingers mingling with my larger, calloused ones.
But I couldn't just forgive him that easily.
"I don't think things can ever really be like they used to be, Kurt." I said it, even though I didn't believe it. Not one bit. I wanted this as much as he did, but he'd hurt me.
"I think they can," he pleaded. "Yeah, we went through a bad spell, but it can be over now. I promise, I won't ever hurt you again. We'll be together, like we talked about. Forever."
He pulled me closer, like he desperately wanted me to say yes and he would do anything to make me see how much he missed me.
"I promise that I won't ever, ever, ever hurt you again. I promise that for the rest of the year here, everything is going to be about us. I promise that I'll only want you for the rest of my life, Finn. Please, please forgive me…?"
Unable to hold back the tiny smile of relief that had erupted onto my face, I untangled our hands and put my arms around his waist. He was so tiny that I could easily reach my wrists on either side, so there was enough room to be just comfortable. The fabric of his black hoodie was soft and warm, and for once I wasn't getting yelled at for ruining some sort of designer shirt or something.
I brushed his forehead against mine, teasing him, our lips close but never quite meeting.
"I forgive you," I whispered before breaking the spell and closing the gap between us. And wow. Kissing Kurt was even more amazing than it usually was. There was a mixture of relief, like a parent who'd lost their child at the mall and finally had them returned, and that usual spark that happened whenever I kissed him. One of my hands reached up to his hair, which was unstyled, and for once, hadn't been sprayed ten times with hairspray that morning. After what seemed like forever (which trust me, was perfectly fine by me) he pulled away, smiling.
"Can we go to your house?" he asked eagerly, an aura of the same relief surrounding him.
"Why?" I laughed. "We could stay here for hours, just like this, and no one would ever know. Well, except for Mr. Kidney the janitor, but I doubt he'd care."
"I miss your house," he confessed. "You know it's my favorite place in the whole world, right?"
"Okay," I beamed. "Let's go."
We started towards the door, but halfway there, he stopped.
"Wait a sec… I forgot my messenger bag in the choir room. Stay right here… I'll go get it."
Giving me one last peck on the cheek, he took off down the corridor.
I sank against the wall, smiling, even though there was nobody left to see me smile. 'Finally,' was all I could think. 'Thing are back.'
Because for me, we'd proved something. Kurt and I really could get through anything, and nothing could stop us from getting what we wanted. Now we had a whole future together, and things felt like they were exactly like they were always supposed to be.