The Problem with Men and Me

"Personally, I think Jessie's very silly and stupid and feels awful about that long unintentional hiatus she went on. Also she's running out of good ideas for chapter names. Personally."

Chapter 38: Personally

"Leave me alone to die," I moaned mournfully, Hiding my face in my pillow and trying to clutch at the blankets even as Lily pulled them off of me. The shock of the whole situation had set in at about three in the morning, and I'd been crying ever since, for reasons I wasn't totally sure of.

Lily sighed, and sat on the edge of my bed, "Penny, a boy liking you isn't the end of the world."

"But," I sat up, sniffling unreasonably, "But- Leo. And, and Sirius is my friend, and," I shrugged, and wiped at my eyes, lower lip trembling.

Mary made a concerned face and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Hush. Just because a guy likes you doesn't mean you have to date him. You have no obligation to date Sirius."

"Unless you like him!" Marlene chimed from her bed, "Because in that case I think you need to jump on that fine arse of his. It's high time one of us shagged him. He's yummy."

"Don't be stupid, Penny loves Leo- he's so much better than Black. Older, more mature- and so sweet," Lily scolded, tucking a piece of red hair behind her ear. "Right, Penny?"

I found myself unable to answer, lips unable to move. And the three of them squealed. "Merlin's beard, Penny! You like him? I can't even-" Mary started, but I quickly interrupted.

"No! No- I like Leo. I like him a lot. And I don't feel that way about Sirius. I don't- I just... I just can't help but wonder what would have happened if I'd found out about all of this... Before Leo," I swallowed thickly, " Does that make me a bad girlfriend? To sort of wish that I'd had a chance to... To at least try with Sirius, before I'd met Leo. I mean, now that I have Leo, I'm so glad. But I can't help but wonder."

They all were sort of quiet, like they didn't know what to say. Marlene was the first to speak up. "No, it makes you human. And personally, I like Sirius better. Leo is nice and all, but he's... Boring. And sort of too perfect," she shrugged.

"There's nothing wrong with being smart and humble," Mary argued, "Leo's sweet."

Lily chewed her bottom lip, "No, no, of course not. But... well. There's something about a Marauder, isn't there?"

I laughed suddenly, "You hate James," I pointed out.

She shrugged, "Yeah, but he's still sort of sexy, isn't he?"

"If you're into that whole overgrown man-puppy thing, I guess," I said with a shrug. "He and Sirius have that in common."

"It'd be hot if they made out," Marlene sighed dreamily.

We all pictured it for a moment before nodding our agreement.

"Sirius and Remus would be way hotter," Mary argued, eyes sort of distant.

"Ooh. Yeah, that would be," Lily agreed.

"This can not be normal to talk about," I pointed out, trying to clear my head of images of Sirius and Remus, my cheeks flushed despite my best efforts to keep the blush down.