Phew, I'm back! It felt alien to not be writing anything for a whole week but now I can get back to business! My love goes out to Melysande, Kid-X, Lady Mimzy and Eve Hawke for all your fantastic reviews. And I've just realised that I've hit the six month mark for this tale. At the rate it is going I might manage to get it finished by the year mark (yes that is how far we have to go!). I originally thought this might be around the 50 chapter range, obviously that isn't going to happen now and I have no idea when this rollercoaster is going to stop (honestly I'm not sure I want it to, I am loving it that much!)
Oh well, enough of my rambling. Time for what you are all after.
Disclaimer: I do not own DA:O or any of its characters. I do however own all of my own characters and my own little nation of Nileesa.
By the way, I am taking my fair share of creative licence here, time for one of my famous plot twists!
Chapter 35: Fate's Influence
When evening set over the camp, the group were looking in much better shape. Rod, Leliana and Zevran were now all healed while Sten had accepted only small healing, insistent on wearing his wound with pride. The Mabari were slowly being nurtured back to health by Morrigan, something which had confused everyone, but they were grateful for her contribution. Elissa still had not awakened but the burns were slowly covering less of her body. It would take at least another day of healing for them to be completely fixed providing infection did not set in, but that was not the worst of her injuries. From what they could tell, Anders and Wynne had deducted that her head injuries were worse than originally feared. There was a good chance she would have some memory loss, maybe even to the degree that she might have lost her whole identity. The news had been devastating to Rod, who had since vanished into their tent to tend to Elissa in solitude. Arria hadn't had the heart to disturb him, knowing the turmoil he faced after her illusion in the Fade. While it may have all been a fabrication, she imagined the true impact of such a situation in reality was not too different.
The one person who had suffered yet another setback was Alistair. Anders had managed to repair his muscles to the point where they could now stand his weight for perhaps a minute, but the pain was excruciating and he still could not move without assistance. He hated that Arria had to help him everywhere and his patience was starting to run thin. What really irritated him was that he couldn't even vent his feelings appropriately, and things were starting to build to a point where he knew he was going to snap at someone unfairly, probably Arria: which infuriated him further. The stress of the past day and a half was building and sooner rather than later, he was going to lose it. What was worse was that he was going to be stuck like this for at least another two days. His previous thoughts of uselessness and despair were starting to creep in again and Arria was at a total loss for how to snap him out of it.
Responsibility for the meal was shared by Leliana, Zevran and Arria with the only members of their group not present being Rod and Elissa. A few of them were situated around their camp fire and the usual suspects who isolated themselves did so but Alistair was in no mood to be sociable. He was sitting on the other side of a tree between his tent and Rod's but he was intent on wallowing in his feelings. Even when Arria approached with food he barely spoke to her, accepting it gruffly as she sat opposite him, concern evident in her gaze. She had given up on speaking to him for the moment, realising that no matter what she said he was slowly losing himself everything inside. Something had to happen soon, whether he was going to completely give up or unleash it all in a burst of fury she didn't know, but either way, she was glad they were slightly out of the way. This couldn't end well.
About ten minutes after he had finished eating she was still watching him silently and he was beginning to have enough of it. "If you have something to say, say it," he snapped.
Here it comes…she thought, now knowing it was going to be a furious outburst. As much as she was relieved he wasn't thinking of giving up because of this, she was still mildly frightened of him when he was angry. She could easily get away so he couldn't hurt her physically, even if it was unintentional. Emotionally, that was going to be very easy. "What's on your mind?" It was the same question she had asked for the past two hours and though she didn't expect him to answer this time either, maybe he could finally release all of his pent up emotion.
Alistair snarled and clenched his fist tightly. "Is that really all you can come up with? Can't you just leave me to be miserable if that is all you have to say?"
Arria tried not to let the words hurt but it was difficult. "Keeping it all in isn't going to help. There's not a lot I can do if you won't let me in." Her words were soft but this time they weren't helping.
"I hate this! I'm beyond useless in this state and all I am is a burden! What the hell was the point of surviving that whole experience if all I'm resigned to for the next few days is being a cripple? I can't do a thing without help!"
As much as she wanted to reach out to him, she couldn't do it. While he was like this, she was too scared to go near just in case he lost control for a split second. That would be all it took for the memories to come back. "Alistair, this will get better. It is only temporary."
"Yeah, and until then I'm basically baggage you have to lumber around. Why are you doing this, Arria? Out of sympathy? Just leave me be."
Now that did hurt. She fought back her own emotions and tried to keep her voice as level as possible as she spoke to him quietly. "You know why I stay. I don't want you to be alone."
"Yeah well, that's what exactly what I want: to be alone. Just go, I don't need you."
He was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn't see the blow he had landed to her. A great crevice opened in her heart at his harsh words and had he been looking, he would have seen the colour drain from her face. Realising that he really didn't want her there she stood silently and ambled back to their tent in a haze, staying there for a few minutes before she vanished into the darkness of the night. Neither had realised the observer who stood just a few feet away, his attention having been caught by Alistair's raised voice. The knight stayed where he was for endless minutes after the encounter, waiting to see if the male Warden would realise what it was he had just done but when it became apparent he was either oblivious or blatantly didn't care, that was when he made his presence known.
Alistair's head snapped forward violently from a stinging smack to the back of it and he was shocked to the culprit. "Rod, what the hell was that for?" he asked, rubbing the spot which was still burning. He was shocked at the fury in his friend's eyes and wondered what was going on.
"Just what is going on in your head? You seem determined to self-destruct at the moment," remarked Rod, his eyes piercing deep.
The male Warden was starting to become uncomfortable under his gaze and looked away. "That might just do everyone a favour, I'm pretty useless as it is. At least then nobody would have to look after me out of sympathy."
"It's not sympathy she takes care of you out of, it's love. I would have thought you'd appreciated that but instead you drove her away with bitter words when all she had tried to do since this happened is help you. I'm not nursing Elissa out of sympathy, I'm doing it because I love her. I thought you loved Arria the same way, I guess all of us were wrong in that one." That struck a chord with Alistair and guilt suddenly crashed down on him, knowing Arria hadn't deserved what he had said. He raised his head to look for her and Rod scoffed. "Now you finally catch on. Maker knows where she is, she took off into the woods just after you chased her away. I wouldn't blame her if she took her time in forgiving you for this."
Alistair's posture slumped in shame. "Neither would I…" He couldn't believe what he'd done. "Did you see her?"
"I saw half of your little temper tantrum, but have no idea where she has taken off to. At least she didn't take her pack with her, though I did see her contemplate it. I'll head off and see if I can find her since you are currently incapable. Whether she chooses to come back with me…that another thing entirely."
The male Warden watched with a heavy heart as he saw the knight follow the path he knew Arria had taken. He banged his head off the tree behind him, trying to get even the smallest part of sanity to return. This was only temporary. If he was going to be stuck like this forever then he might have some justification for his negativity but it would only be a few days before he was back on his feet.
I've really screwed up this time.
Arria had stopped not far outside the camp, knowing that she shouldn't be too far away in the pitch black of night alone, especially when all she had with her was her daggers. Without armour she couldn't afford to vanish completely. Alistair's words had really stung and while she knew he didn't mean them past that moment in time it still hurt to be rejected. She had always let him close when they were together and now he couldn't stand to have her near him in his crippled state? It made her wonder just how far the trust extended the other way in their relationship.
The thought made her pause in her amblings. Since when has Alistair had the luxury to truly rely on other people? Comrades are one thing but ever since he has been a child he was left alone to fend for himself. From the moment he could look after himself entirely he was sent to the Chantry and condemned to a life not of his choice. The only way he could survive was by relying on his own skills at his most vulnerable because no-one else was going to help him. I guess he hasn't really managed to get out of that way of thinking yet. The revelation made her feel slightly better but she wished he could trust her like that. Habits of a lifetime were the toughest to break however, and this one was going to take a massive leap of faith from him.
A snapping of branches from behind alerted her to the fact she wasn't alone and she spun with her weapons drawn but soon relaxed upon seeing the identity of her companion. "Rod, is everything okay?"
The knight sighed deeply and stepped closer. "I was going to ask you that question," he said softly.
Arria sheathed her weapons and leant against a tree. "It's fine. He needed the outlet or he was going to lose it completely."
"Doesn't excuse what he said."
"No, it doesn't…but I just realised something. How often has he been able to ask others for help when he is vulnerable? All his life he was made to feel like an outcast, something which wasn't meant to exist. Anyone he asked for help was just as likely to stab him in the back as they were to help. Would you reach out if that was all that had happened to you before?"
Rod relaxed his stance and sat down on the ground just in front of her. "No…I guess not. I still thought he trusted you though."
"Trust comes in many different levels, I know that better than anyone. It takes time for it to move through your entire being and you won't know if it exists on another level until you face the situation for the first time. If this happened again then I might feel truly hurt but after all he has had to deal with in loving me, I cannot begrudge him this."
"I keep forgetting that your relationship has so many more hurdles than Lissa and I had. Maybe it is inevitable that something like this was going to happen."
"Yes, although I expected it to be the other way around to be honest…I still can't let him in all the way yet, though I am getting nearer. That reaction, I think it was a self-defence mechanism to be honest."
"Really? Looked like a self-destruct to me." Arria couldn't help but smile. "So you are okay?"
"I'm fine, after all the stress of the past two days I knew he was going to crack eventually. He has always been so strong, this is something he has never faced before and doesn't know how to cope. How would you react?"
"Probably quite similar…"
Arria left her position by the tree and sat in front of her friend. "And how are you, Rod? I've not come to see you so that you had time to come to terms with what was in your own head."
She wanted to hug him when the tears started to appear, his strong façade breaking at long last. "I'm terrified. For all we know, when she wakes up the Elissa we know might be gone forever. I can't help but thinking while she may have survived that attack, my Elissa is already dead…"
When he finally started to let the tears fall Arria pulled him in for a gentle hug. Rod held on lightly, mindful that anything else could frighten her and she was already showing a tremendous amount of trust in such a simple gesture. "She'll be fine, you'll see. Elissa loves you, there is no way she can forget that. The rest of us might be lost to her, but she will always remember you. I really do believe that."
Rod was unwilling to truly put his trust in that statement, knowing that Arria could very well be wrong. They soon meandered back to the camp and Rod retreated to his tent, tending to Elissa again. Arria was about to seek out Anders when she felt a gentle hand on her arm. Spinning around she met the apologetic eyes of Alistair. She smiled slightly and guided him back to their tent, knowing his legs would give out very soon. They had just made it back inside when he cried out at a sharp lancing pain, collapsing to his knees and swiftly moved so that no pressure was left on his legs.
It took a couple of minutes for the spasms to retreat and Arria sat there patiently, waiting to see what his mood now was before she spoke. "You didn't deserve it, my anger," he admitted quietly as the pain faded. "All you have done since this happened is take care of me and I'm sorry for being so ungrateful."
Arria stayed where she was but smiled at him. "This is difficult for you, I can see that. I can empathisewith you. You have been so patient with me through all of my struggles, how could I do any less with you? I'm not taking your outburst personally, it was only a matter of time."
"You almost sound like you are trying to find an excuse for me."
"No, I'm not. It is simply the truth and I'm proud of you for apologising so quickly: I doubt many other men could admit their mistakes so quickly."
Alistair smiled slightly. "As if women aren't guilty of that as well?"
She smirked. "Oh we definitely are, but we don't have to apologise so often because we are normally right." The wink she gave him as she finished made him burst out laughing. With his dark mood now banished for the moment he held out his hand for her, wondering if she would accept his offer. Arria didn't even hesitate and took it eagerly, slipping in next to him. Alistair was immeasurably relieved that she had forgiven him for his harsh words, especially as she was so undeserving of them. "I know what you are thinking." She sat up again and looked at him steadily. "Stop dwelling on it, I don't hold any resentment. If anything, I guess it was a natural reaction for you, am I wrong?"
He still found it amazing how perceptive she was but after hearing some more stories of her former life he was slowly understanding how she had come to possess such skills. "I never really had the opportunity to ask for help when I was younger. Even as I grew older I didn't feel comfortable with it: I had always relied on myself and the concept seemed slightly alien to me. I remember the one time I did reach out I was burned by the experience. From then…I couldn't accept help, even if it was offered, because I was worried of an ulterior motive. Being part of the Wardens instead of a prisoner of the Chantry helped a lot, especially as I could just be myself rather than be wary of who knew my identity. I still feel ridiculous for shutting you out like that."
Arria snuggled back into his side. "Don't. You've slowly been learning how to live with someone possessing the true knowledge of your birth. Combine that with all the events of the past two days and how difficult your recovery is going to be...This is a perfectly natural reaction." She hummed in happiness when his hand started rubbing up and down her side. "Do you think you could maybe start letting me in? I'll admit, it did hurt rather a lot when you sent me away."
He guided her to sit up slightly and held his lips barely a hair's width away from her own. "I can promise to try." She closed the space between then, knowing that was the best he could give her at this stage and allowed him all the freedom she could. While he may not be able to do much at the moment, he could still send her mind spinning or set her skin on fire without much effort. It didn't take long before their arms wrapped around the other and held them as close as was possible, not wanting any space between them. Arria was the first to break away, the intensity a little too much for her to take at that exact moment but she softened her retreat by guiding his hands to help undo her wrap.
Alistair was surprised but she nodded her head, giving him all that she could offer. She wanted him to see all it was he could still do, that just because he currently could not assist them on the battlefield it didn't mean that he no longer had any use until he recovered. When the wrap fell away he couldn't help but sigh at the dark marks which had appeared on her bandages. "I thought Anders would have healed all of this?" he asked, brushing lightly over the red stains.
Arria shook her head. "I refused. This isn't something which needs healing, it is just an inconvenience. I told him to save all of his energy for you and Lissa, the two of you are the ones who need all the healing he can give you. Besides I…" her cheeks coloured and he wondered what might have caused it. She did feel slightly embarrassed to be confessing the real reason that she had told him not to fix the damage but Alistair deserved to know.
"You what?"
Her blush deepened as she admitted the truth. "I enjoyed having you tend to me so much the last time that I…I didn't want to lose that." A feather could have knocked him over at that exact moment, amazed that she felt secure enough around him that she was willingly giving him that freedom. Before when the healers were too exhausted to fix her had been different, it had been a necessary evil. Now for her to refuse healing so that he could help her instead…it was a huge leap forward for them. "Believe me, I'm as surprised as you but I-I enjoy giving myself to you, letting you have slowly more freedom every time. I feel like I am one step closer to burying Howe forever as you claim another piece of me. Healing this damage made me feel like I would be missing a chance to let you in further and I wasn't going to lose that chance. I want to be yours and only yours."
The confession made his head spin slightly and he noticed the red on her cheeks deepening as time went on. With a tender smile he pulled her in close for a sensual kiss, their hands working together to unwind the bandages from her chest. As they were both on the task it took much less time than earlier that day to reveal her but this time she felt more nervous. It had been different when he was helping to simply tend to her wounds. Now that she had admitted to wanting more, there would be a strong intent to his touch and she wasn't sure how she was going to react. When his hands started to ghost along her sides she gasped at the sensation, a mixture of apprehension and thrill passing through her at the same time. Alistair could sense her confusion and didn't rise any higher, knowing that she needed time to adjust before things went further. His lips drifted down to her neck, showering her with affection as he slowly felt the tension drain from her body.
Arria couldn't quite believe the sensations he was creating within her and had to bite back a deep moan as one of his hands slipped to her back, teasing the skin with feather light touches as his tongue started tasting her neck. The dual assault was sending all thought out of her head and it wasn't too long before she wanted more. Her hands lifted the base of his tunic and he broke away just long enough for her to practically rip it over his head before he went back to his task. A groan left him as her hands began their own journey and a shiver rippled through her as she felt his expression of pleasure from the point at where he had latched onto her neck. His second hand slowly began to creep upwards, snaking between her breasts and he instantly felt all the changes in her as they moved to something more intimate. Her heart sped up, her breathing quickened and the smallest tension seized her.
Their eyes met and he could see the battle she was fighting within. Giving him this freedom meant more memories were coming to the surface and she was having to confront more as time went on. It took a few seconds before she nodded to him, her want to give herself to him overriding her fear for the moment. He felt so honoured that she gave him such trust and proceeded to brush over every inch of unblemished skin on her exposed chest while kissing her so hard that she felt she might pass out. The emotion he poured into his every movement made her want to cry with the tenderness it contained and soon she needed to feel him nearer. Swallowing the fear within, she slowly leant back, taking him with her.
Alistair fell to his side, making sure not to keep her trapped in any way as their lips stayed locked and his hand kept exploring the new ground they had uncovered. Arria wasn't content with that and twisted so that their chests met the barest amount. Both gasped at the sensation, not having been braced for the feelings it evoked as they took another step towards where they wanted to be. The enormity of what they were doing soon crashed upon them, slowing their movements and allowing nerves to make themselves known. Arria began to shiver and Alistair realised this was as far as they could go, even if he really didn't want to stop and she obviously wanted to keep going. Their eyes met and he could see her frustration, wishing that things didn't have to be this way and he shook his head, hoping to dispel that thought from her mind. He stretched over to her pack, fetching her waterskin and wash rag as he completed the same ritual they had embarked on earlier that day.
Arria stayed lying down as he began to tend to her wounds, cleaning them as best he could without aggravating them. The bleeding was much less than it had been before and it was less painful, thankfully, but she still flinched occasionally. It was the deep grooves beneath her breasts which hurt the most, a few tears escaping her as he tried to clean it more thoroughly than he had hours before to prevent any infection setting in. Once that was taken care of he passed her another health poultice, guiding her to sit up as she swallowed and he fetched more bandages. Now that they were slightly more practiced it took only half the time for her to be fixed up and back to fighting form. It was a little too early to be settling in for the night so they dressed again with each other's help and Arria helped Alistair to the centre of the camp.
Both could have fallen in shock as they saw Morrigan had decided to participate in their discussions for once. Zevran, Leliana, Wynne and Anders were busy discussing something animatedly with the witch watching amusedly when the Wardens approached. Wynne was the first to see them and greeted the pair as they settled down. "Ah, Wardens, good to see both of you. Alistair, how are your legs?"
Alistair shrugged. "As good as they could be I guess. I get severe pains in them if I stay on them even a little too long, though from what I can't tell. Combination of everything is my guess. It's not very fun."
Wynne smiled sympathetically. "It will take time for you to regain your former strength. Considering you were practically staring Death in the face, you should be thankful to at least still have your life."
A hand came to encompass his own and he squeezed back tightly, knowing what it was she was thinking. "I am, Wynne, though I think I am allowed to grumble about things a little, aren't I?"
That earned a chuckle out of most of the others, even Morrigan. The witch seemed to be keeping a steady eye on Alistair and Arria didn't like it one bit. Normally she couldn't stand being near him and would ignore him as much as possible. Now she was specifically watching himand seemed very interested in his health. If that didn't send alarm bells ringing in her head then nothing would. "Well, you two have the knack of timing," said Anders, snapping Arria's attention away from the mysterious witch and towards him. "We were just discussing the Urn a bit. What beliefs did the Nileesans have about the Chantry and all that, Arria? I mean, you guys were all part-mage and part-elf, so your beliefs must be very different from our own."
Arria smiled at him, wondering when this day would come. It was overdue in her opinion and she couldn't help but wonder how they were all going to react. "You could say we had very different beliefs. The Chantry did have a presence in Nileesa because we do believe in the Maker…but not as you all do."
"What do you mean, Arria?" asked Leliana, fascinated to learn what the Nileesan people believed.
"For a long time we had mixed beliefs: everyone was allowed their own belief as you would have it. Then, about three hundred years ago we discovered something which completely changed things. It gave us a 'core' belief, one which we knew couldn't be accepted by everyone else in Thedas, except by maybe the Tevinters. How may Spirits do you all believe exist?"
"Primarily there are the spirits of Valor, Justice, Faith, Compassion and Hope who are benevolent. There are countless others that exist I am sure, but we have never encountered proof of such a thing," answered Wynne, her interest in the topic now reaching new heights.
"You know most of it. The truth is though there aren't just five Spirits of Inhabitance as we call them: there are actually six. The sixth is incredibly rare and has only been seen once on Thedas. She was young woman who changed the future of the continent forever, altering its fate beyond all recognition. Three hundred years ago we found the diary of Andraste."
That stunned everyone silent for a few seconds. "You found the diary of Andraste herself?"
"I know there have been many supposed 'diaries' for over the centuries but we know this is the real thing, and from that our whole system of belief was born. We were guided to it by a Spirit of Hope, and it believed we could protect the knowledge it contained, that perhaps Thedas could someday learn the truth of those events leading to the downfall of the Imperium. Many people across the years have wondered how Andraste could possibly bring about the end of the Imperium by herself as it were, but we discovered within her diary that she was not working alone. She was, in fact, a Vessel."
"She had a Spirit inside her?" asked Leliana in wonderment.
"Yes, what she named as a Spirit of Fate. Originally, there were two sets of powerful spirits who ruled over the balance of the world, the Old Gods and the Spirits of Fate. The Old Gods decided to take an active role in the future of Thedas and influenced events until their energies began to fade, trapping them in an eternal slumber. After they were gone, Thedas forged its own future, but the influence of the Old Gods led to the superiority of the Tevinter Imperium. The Spirits of Fate choose not to intervene, knowing that to do so would mean the end of them. Spirits of Fate can only exist in our realm for a very short time and can be a part of our world only once. The first Spirit, Maenere, decided she would change the future with the help of a woman who could end the Imperium. Maenere asked Andraste to allow her to inhabit her, and thus Andraste became the first Vessel of Fate.
"Spirits of Fate can foresee the path the world takes, choosing their moment to eventually descend and change its course. The catch is that they cannot see what sequence of events they will create as a result, so they only choose to involve themselves if they believe there is no other way. That diary's discovery gave birth to our beliefs. The Spirit of Hope who guided us to it said that Andraste would someday return to this world, though not in the form we knew her as and from that statement, we began our belief in Rebirth."
"Rebirth?"
"A soul leaves the body when it dies, but where does it go? We believe that the Maker himself does not take an active role in Thedas' day-to-day activities, but instead oversees its future. When a soul is left to wander the abyss after its body expires, the Maker deems whether it is worthy to be reborn. If it is, he eventually returns it to Thedas. Some he changes to keep the world in balance but many of them return as they were. In rare occasions, the worthiest of souls he keeps by his side, sending them back to this realm in its most dire moments. Those he sees beyond all redemption he banishes to the Fade, the souls eventually becoming a part of it."
The rest of them were silent for a couple of minutes. "That's an unbelievable set of beliefs," remarked Anders.
Arria chuckled. "You can all see why we kept them secret. If word ever got out that Andraste was in fact a Vessel, people would start calling her an Abomination because they couldn't tell the difference and it would lead to the total collapse of the Chantry. With that, the continent would descend into chaos."
"Would that really be such a bad thing?"
The female Warden looked at the male mage, understanding his frustration. "While I share your feelings regarding the Templars' treatment of the mages, it isn't just that which would change. Without the Chantry people will lose their beliefs, their beacon of hope. It would be anarchy, the populace would be divided and take sides until eventually-"
"It would be all-out war," surmised Alistair. "Unlike Nileesa, the rest of us aren't ready to hear truths like that. Prejudices still run too deep and suspicion clouds people's judgement to where they can't see the truth. There is still this apprehension surrounding things that are different…just imagine what kind of reception there would be if the true nature of the Nileesans became common knowledge. Mixed-bloods are looked down upon as freaks of nature, if they found out that it was actually the source of their power-"
"It would increase the fear and suspicion aimed at all mixed-bloods, not just the Nileesan people. There would be massacres in the streets, people could be denounced as being of mixed race if suspicion was high and it would fracture society even more. This is why we kept so many secrets, why we isolated ourselves from Thedas. The world…wasn't ready for us. We were a society that arose one thousand years too early."
Silence reigned over the rest of them for a short time before Morrigan spoke. "The conception of the Tamers across the world is the same: an unstable yet powerful society with the power to rule to world. Little did they all know that your people may have been young, but they were the wisest among the whole continent, as well as the most open-minded. Tis truly a shame they did not exist today, they would have been the heralds of a new age."
Arria turned suspicious eyes to Morrigan, wondering where she was going with this but Zevran interrupted before she could voice her question. "Do you know anything else of Andraste from her diary, dearest?"
She shook her head. "No, we only learnt about her days in the fight against the Imperium; it only extends until her eventual betrayal. Some of the information was interesting, other parts confusing but it didn't give us any clues on where she might be buried. It looks like our researchers were right in their guess about Ferelden being her place of rest however."
Conversation switched to more innocent topics for half an hour until Arria stood to check on the two Mabari. Both had taken up station outside Rod and Elissa's tent and Carou barked at Arria as she approached. The Nileesan woman greeted him brightly, petting Hallai in a more subdued fashion when the black dog ducked her head shyly. She examined the deep gouges in Carou's back, making sure to not agitate the wounds as she looked for any sign of the Taint. After Anders had found it in her earlier that day she was being extra careful with the rest of her group. "You two are okay, yeah?" she asked, received twin barks back. "Morrigan has done a good job with your wounds. Speaking of her, do you know why she's suddenly taken an interest in Alistair? Normally they can't stand each other but ever since the attack last night she hasn't really stopped staring at him."
Carou and Hallai shared a look before the black Mabari nudged her mate, encouraging him to tell the truth. Carou stood and moved to a more open area, hoping to relay to Arria what really happened that night. He started by dropping to the ground, playing dead and she had a hard time interpreting what he was meaning. "Someone collapsed? Fell?" Carou shook his head and repeated the move, Arria finally catching onto what he was saying. "Playing dead…someone died?" The brown Mabari nodded, padding over to his mistress and laying one of his wrapped paws just above her heart. It felt like it froze when she realised what Carou was saying. "Alistair died? I really did feel it? But how…?" Hallai barked and nodded towards Morrigan, the truth finally clicking for the female Warden. With a kiss to each of the dogs, she stood and marched back to the group. "A word if you will, Morrigan."
The witch raised an eyebrow but did as asked, leaving with Arria to a secluded area where they could not be overheard. Once they were alone, Arria tried to keep her voice steady but failed miserably just after she started speaking. "How?" she breathed out. "How did you bring him back?"
Morrigan crossed her arms but kept her face impassive. "I did not think the Mabari would offer such information freely."
"I asked them, after I noticed you watching him. Normally you would rather stick your eyes with needles, something had to have changed for your new behaviour and they told me what happened. I thought magic couldn't normally bring back the dead?"
"You would normally be correct and though my mother's grimoire which I have may be incomplete, it has given me much. One such item was how manipulate energy dissipated upon a being's death and harnessing it as energy. Normally such a thing should only last for a few minutes but with the skills of the Necromancer, I managed to extend it."
"So he is completely revived?"
"I cannot say, Arria. That is why I have been watching him, to see how effective my resurrection spell has been. Thus far I have seen no sign of the spell expiring, but that could yet change. Such skills were not meant to resurrect permanently, he could very well just be stalling for time."
Arria's face went pale. "Is there no way to tell?"
"I can keep a track of the entropic energy I passed into him, watch for the first sign of it dissipating but I believe the only way I can truly extend the spell to being permanent is to obtain my mother's true grimoire. No doubt she possesses such knowledge but would not offer it up willingly. It is entirely possible that it will last to the end of his years, however long that may be, but I cannot say for definite."
"Can you…get any sense of how long he has?"
Morrigan regarded Arria closely, watching her reactions. The witch was impressed with how well she was keeping her emotions in check, perhaps telling her the truth would not change her perception of events. "Currently, I can only be certain of six months. It would be impossible to guess any further than that since the energy is slow to act and I am not entirely sure how much of what I channelled into his body remained past his resurrection."
Six months… Her heart ached to think that was all they might have left but it made her will harden. Before that time limit hit, she was going to confront Flemeth. It the maleficar knew how to save him permanently, she was willing to do anything to see it done. Until the day came where it was necessary for him to know the truth, she would bury it deep in her heart. He could not know. "Thank you, Morrigan, for saving him. Just out of curiosity, why did you do it? It certainly wouldn't have been out of the goodness of your own heart."
The witch laughed, amused at her wording. "Indeed, had I the chance I would have left him to perish. However, there is something I require him for yet and until that time comes and passes, I will do all I can to ensure his survival."
Arria narrowed her eyes at Morrigan. "Why Alistair?"
Morrigan smirked. "That is for me to know, and you to find out. Arria." The witch bowed her head in farewell before she transformed into a bird and took to the skies, flying beyond Arria's reach.
What did she mean she 'requires' him for something? Why him and no-one else? What the hell is it she is planning? Arria's thoughts spun in turmoil for a few minutes before a gentle hand on her waist broke her from her musings. Just as she turned around she was forced into supporting Alistair's weight, he legs giving out on him. "Damn!" he exclaimed, letting out a frustrated expelling of air as they managed to manoeuvre him to ground safely.
Arria chuckled, sitting next to him as the moon shone down upon them, lighting the camp through the heart of the night. "Is there any reason you decided to follow me over here and almost fall flat on your face?" she asked lightly, earning a milg glare from him in response.
Alistair huffed, unimpressed before broaching the topic which had drawn him to seeking her out. "Arria, there is something I have been wondering for a while now and I think this might be the best time to ask. Do you hate humans?" Her eyes widened in surprise and he continued. "It's just…well you don't belong to any of the races. I don't mean that in a negative way, but you are such a heavy mix of all of them combined that I don't think you can really be associated with any of them now. I noticed how you reacted to the Dalish and it has had me wondering ever since."
She paused, wondering if she should be completely honest with him and eventually decided it was probably for the best that she was. Letting out a deep breath she held his hands and let him into her thoughts. "Humans are so fundamentally flawed that I suppose it is inevitable. They are the most abundant race on Thedas, but are also the cruellest. Humanity fear anything which is different, much like the others, but where they differ drastically is how they respond to it. Anything which has even the smallest potential of power is considered a threat and either managed or eliminated, whichever is more convenient for their supremacy. Humans cannot stand not being the top of the food chain: why do you think they eliminated the elven homeland and refuse to help the dwarves? They fear the differences between them and see them as a threat. Humans forced out the elves and condemned them to slavery for nothing other than being of different blood, and they later abandoned the dwarves to be the world's last line of defence against the darkspawn. Because of that, they became to dominant race but it is a false peace they have carved out.
"When we arose, we were constantly feared by all around us. Humans are the ones who started it because they saw the power we contained and even though we posed no danger, we had only peaceful intentions, we were still exterminated. When the opportunity presented itself, we were eradicated. Yes, I do hate humans for what they are, but that is because they have so many faults. Most can be forgiven, but one cannot be: the need to be dominant. That basic instinct is what fuels humans, but is also what makes them the most naïve and dangerous race amongst us. I don't just hate them, I am also terrified of them. If a single human discovered the truth about me and denounced me as a mixed-blood, I wouldn't be able to live a life of peace. I would be constantly hunted, even more so than for just being Nileesan. Mixed-bloods are viewed as a mistake upon this world and a plague that needs to be destroyed. I can't help my birth and I am proud of who I am: I just wish humanity was a little more accepting to see what it is they are missing out on."
When Alistair had asked her about this, he hadn't expected such an emotional speech. Clearly the hurts within were deep and, if he was perfectly honest with himself, he couldn't deny most of it. She could see a lot more as another race entirely than he could at looking the flaws he contained as a human. "And do I…do that?"
Her posture instantly relaxed and her face softened. "No, I know you aren't like that. Honestly, if I didn't know better I would say you shared our views and were one of us for how open-minded you are. I guess you are…the exception that proves the rule. Not all humans are like that, but the vast majority of them are. That was part of the reason I never really set foot outside of Nileesa until after my homeland was destroyed, I was afraid of what would happen if I was discovered." She chuckled. "I find it terribly ironic that I ended up falling in love with a human of all things, but like I said, your values are the polar opposite of every human I have known. Every races has its flaws, I know that, but humans have more. To find one so perfect…It was something I thought impossible."
Alistair looked at her sceptically. "I'm hardly perfect."
"You are perfect for me, and currently, that is all I care about."
He smiled at her and gathered her in close, something she mentioned before bugging him. "Arria, you know earlier when you were telling us about the Spirits of Fate? Do you think one would intervene here?"
"To help save Ferelden? I don't think we would be important enough in the grand scheme of things. If all of Thedas was about to fall, maybe then one would descend but I think it's just wishful thinking for one to help us. Wynne would be able to tell if we found one, Vessels can sense of other Vessels. Maybe we can ask her to keep an eye out."
"So…we really are on our own?"
Arria nodded sadly, nestling deeper into his hold now that the night chill was starting to move in. "We are, but we are going to succeed. We've come too far to lose everything now." She noticed how he was looking at her and faced him. "Are you okay?"
"I think I should be asking you that question, you almost seem distracted by something."
She smiled gently and kissed him, hoping to dispel any doubts he held. "I'm fine, just exhausted. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little easier than the past two days: I'm ready for this whole thing to be over." When he nodded and gathered her close she swiftly quashed the sorrow that built up in her heart, knowing that by all rights, she should have already lost this. Morrigan's magic had brought Alistair back but now that Arria knew the truth, she was going to find a way to save him for good. It didn't matter what it took, she was going to make sure he would have a life again rather than just living on borrowed time. Until she knew what to do, he could not know what happened.
A few minutes later they heard someone approach and they looked up to see Rod. From the look on his face, they were almost apprehensive to ask what was on his mind but he spoke before they could ask the question.
"Elissa's awake."
And…another cliffhanger for you. Sorry I couldn't resist but at least you shouldn't have too long before my next update, I'll be back on my normal schedule now. As ever, please leave your thoughts and I'll see you all next time.
Negative Angel