Hooray for a piece of shit chapter that I don't have time to proof read.
ANYWAY, HEYYYY GUYSSSS
I was tired of sleeping.
As I slowly sat up on the couch, I found my fingers itching for a pencil. Not to write down my thoughts in a journal or anything, but to make a list of things I needed to do. If I got things on that list done, I would feel productive, and feeling productive just might take some of the heaviness off of my shoulders.
"Kei!" I raised my voice so he could hear me from his room. I wasn't sure of what time it was, but judging from the light streaming in through the window, it was at least morning, if not early afternoon.
And yet, despite that, I still heard soft snores coming form his room down the hallway.
After I fell asleep yesterday evening, I didn't wake up until around six in the morning, just shy of getting a solid twelve hours of rest. Since then, I had tossed and turned (well, sort of.) until now.
"Kei!" I yelled.
A groan resonated throughout the apartment, followed by a thud, and then another groan. His footsteps were heavy as he left his room; it almost sounded as if he were dragging his feet on the floor rather than actually picking his feet up and walking.
When he came into view, it was obvious he had just woken up; messy hair, half-lidded eyes, crumpled clothing. His sweatpants sat low on his hips, the cuff at the bottom half up his right calf, and his over sized black shirt was shifted towards one shoulder.
Kei rubbed at his face. "What do you want so early in the morning?"
I rolled my eyes. "Check your phone."
It didn't surprise me when he just reached into his pocket. His fingers fumbled for a moment, still weighted with sleep, but when he finally opened the phone and checked the time his eyes widened.
"Noon?!" He exclaimed. I nodded. "We have to call your dad. I told him we would have an answer before now."
"Wait." My heart rate spiked. "You what?"
Kei ran a hand through his bedhead, either trying to calm it down, or a nervous tick.
"He asked if we could give him an answer before noon. I said we could."
My head fell back onto the back of the couch. I wanted to call my dad after we could something to eat, so we could hopefully have clear heads and full stomachs.
"Why?" I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut. I was scared to talk to my dad; I didn't trust him. I wanted to, but he hadn't given me a reason to trust him, had he?
"Do you have your phone?" Kei asked. I opened my eyes and saw him slipping his own phone back into his pocket as he walked to the couch.
"Yeah." I said. He sat down next to me as I reached to my left where my phone was resting. That was where my head was as I slept last night, so I kept my phone close in case I got an important call from a certain someone.
"What's the plan?" Kei asked once I had the phone in hand. His voice seemed a bit breathy, as if he was nervous too.
"Um," I said, going over what we talked abut and what I had thought of, trying to find a logical way to word it. "We see when he's meeting the Prime Minister. I get his plan for the kingdom, his thoughts on some of the things that have happened. And…" I trailed off. "And I'd like to hear about how he's been."
Kei nodded. "I'm letting you take the lead, but I'm still here if you need help."
"Thank you." My hands shook as I opened my phone. Much like the last time I approached my dad, time moved far too slow. My thumb felt like it was moving through molasses as I pressed call, and each second seemed to stretch into five, ten, or fifteen as the phone rang. But each beat of my heart became sporadic and fast, contradicting how slow time felt.
"Hello?" My dad's voice came through the phone. My fingers fumbled to put him on speaker as my stomach lurched.
I took a breath, giving myself a single heartbeat to collect myself and my scattered brain.
"Hello?" My dad repeated. I opened my mouth to speak, but all the words were suffocated.
What was I going to say?
"Akahoshi-sama," Kei cut in, "It's Kei and Sachiko. We'd like to talk."
I hated that he had to say hello for me, but I was kind of relieved that he did.
"You're late." Daelun scolded us but his voice wasn't very harsh.
"We apologize. I slept in too late." Kei said with a chuckle.
"We?" My dad said. "Sachiko?"
I took a steadying breath. "Hey, dad." My voice wasn't as stable as I would have liked it to be.
"Did you give my proposals any thought?"
No, How are you, or I hope you're okay, but Have you given by proposals any thought? Like we were just business partners, two people coming to a mutual agreement, nothing personal about it.
I took another breath, this one deeper.
Professional, rational, smart.
"I took everything into consideration," I said, my voice evening out as I went. I pinned my eyes at a spot on the floor, a place between two boards. "I talked things over with Kei, but we can't currently contact Akame, so she doesn't know."
Was I making myself sound like a dependent brat?
"It's good that Akame doesn't know." My dad said. "Don't tell her anything about what we talk about."
I tore my gaze from the floor and looked at Kei, who had his thumbnail stuck between his teeth, eyebrows furrowed.
"Why not?" I asked.
"I don't trust her."
"I'll repeat what I said. Why not?"
Dad let out a breath. "Just trust me, okay? She hasn't done anything for five and a half years."
I burned the spark of irritation and anger I felt and told myself that I didn't know what my dad had done.
"Yes, sir." I said, my teeth nearly gritted. "Explain what, exactly, you have done these past five years."
I had to find a reason to trust him.
"Well…" I looked up at Kei, who, rather than having his thumbnail between his teeth, was now fidgeting with his hands that were in his lap. "I've been avoiding Akame and trying to find the chef that poisoned your mother. I have found a few of our most trusted guards, and they'll be accompanying us to meet the Prime Minister—that is, assuming you'll go. Personally, i find it preferable if you could come with me. It will send a message to those around us."
He wanted me with him so he could send a message. I couldn't deny that it would; father and daughter, king and princess, finally together to get their kingdom back. I let out a sigh, hoping it could ease the tightness in my chest.
"Why are you meeting up with the Prime Minister? And when?"
"I need to apologize for the mess, and then I need to leave, back to Chishima. I plan on doing this next Thursday."
My jaw hung open as the wind was knocked out of me. My mouth moved, trying to form words, but no comprehensive sounds were coming out.
Chishima.
Did my dad have a death wish? Going back there would ensure execution, if not torture or something even worse. Did he leave out a few steps in his plan or something? If this was it… I wasn't sure I wanted to go through with it.
"Is that it?" Kei got the words out before I could. His hands had stilled and his eyes had gone wide.
"Well, I do plan on asking for assistance, I'm not that dense, Kei."
My mind felt like it was racing. "What is he expecting in return?"
"I'm not sure." Dad said. "But I know he won't help us for free."
"Do we even have anything to give?" I asked. I had no idea what we had or what we could give, but I was pretty sure what little we did have was needed for us to survive.
"There is one thing…" Dad trailed off. "Breaking the betrothal between you two, so Sachiko can marry a Japanese citizen of the Prime Minister's choice."
A sharp pang echoed through my chest.
"Not only would there be Japanese blood on the throne, again, but if the man he chooses is related to him, then he would have some claim over inheritance and our economy and we could improve trade between countries." Dad said.
"B-but—"
Kei silenced me with a look. I knew it would be childish to fight it. Our future and the future of a kingdom because I might not be able to even like Kyoya the way I do now? I bit my tongue but spit out a lie instead.
"Whatever it takes." I said. I didn't feel the words, so I let the woman that died pass through my mind, her daughter stuck on Chishima with brigands who forced young girls into servitude. Then the man I killed.. the slick blood on my hand…
That was right. I didn't deserve to get what I wanted. I only had to do what I needed.
"I've been meaning to talk you about something." Dad said. "Ootori."
"What about him?" I asked, but I felt like I was far, far away from the conversation now. My gaze had wandered back to that spot on the floor, the crack between two floorboards.
"His guards were seen protecting you. What's his relation to you?" For a moment, for the briefest moment, I thought dad might have been worried about me. You know, the whole protective dad thing when it came to boys and relationships. But then reality settled in.
"A friend, dad. He's a close friend." I said, despising the word friend.
"Could we employ his guards again? How many does he have? Is he on our side?"
That was what I thought. Dad wanted to use Kyoya. For some reason, when dad brought it up, it made me sick. Using Kyoya because he was convenient and wanted to help…. It felt wrong. He needed to be reimbursed for his efforts.
"He's on our side, he has one hundred, and I don't know if we could but I can ask."
"Okay, good." Dad said. "I may not like his father, or the family name, and I may not trust him, so we should meet, but his help could be useful."
"Don't talk down to him or about him." I said, the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them. It was just… If he talked down Kyoya just because of his family name, then that made my father just like Yoshio, Kyoya's dad. I heard my dad let out a breathy chuckle, and then he changed the subject faster than I could blink.
"Are you going to accompany me to meet the Prime Minister?" Dad asked. I could hear hope tinging his voice, but other than that it was hard and… Well.. Professional. I had already made my decision, honestly. I had just needed a bit of reaffirmation, something to make me feel a little less uneasy.
"I'll accompany you to meet the Prime Minister next Thursday." I said. "Kei will come as well."
"And.. My other proposal?"
That one was a bit more challenging. The thought of living with my dad again… But leaving Kei…
"I don't know." My voice had softened, losing a bit of the leader quality it had taken on. "I've been living with Kei for so long, and I can't leave him by himself."
"You'll be safer with me."
That was true. I would be safer with my dad. But he didn't know me, he didn't know my routine, he didn't understand what had happened. Kei did to an extent. He was my best friend. I didn't want to leave him behind, and I wouldn't. I wouldn't abandon him for my dad, who did nothing to help me for the past five years, who hadn't even bothered to send a message that he was alive and okay.
"I'm going to stay here." I said.
He sighed. "Okay."
And that was that. He didn't argue with me, he didn't try to convince me to stay with him. He just dropped the subject. Like he didn't care if I was safe, like he didn't care to spend time with me, like he didn't care if we rebuilt our realtionship—like he just didn't care.
"We'll need to meet up before going to see the Prime Minister." I said, pushing the destructive thoughts far away from my self so I could concentrate on what I needed to. Personal relations did not matter. They did not matter. "I want to confirm for myself what your plans are, so I can be better prepared and not make a complete fool of myself."
"Of course." The tone in Dad's voice hadn't changed like I had wanted it to. There was no sadness or disappointment, just the same, boring, droning, professionalism. "I can go to you guys."
"No. You will not." I said. "Kei and I will choose a meeting place that we approve of. Give us two days."
"O-okay." Surprise tinged his voice.
"If you don't mind, we have to leave now. There's something we have to get done." I said. We had to go scrounge for food like beggars. We couldn't survive like this for long. And no matter what my dad said, I still trusted Akame with everything I was. She had finally come back, despite the rough edges and transitions. She had trained me to defend myself, which turned out to save my life. She was more of a family member to me than he ever was.
So contacting her was a priority of mine. As much as I hated to admit it, we had to get her help so we could feed ourselves.
"I'll see you soon, Sachiko." Dad said. There was no warmth in his voice.
"Bye."
And then I ended the phone call before he could say anything else. Kei looked at me, let out a breath, and then fell sideways onto the couch, his shoulder hitting the arm of it as he nearly kicked me. I felt some of the tension leaving my shoulders. However, thoughts were flooding my head, of things I still had to do. I didn't have time to relax. But I took a few minutes to sort everything out, getting rid of negative emotions, leaving nothing but a grim determination.
"Kei," I said, a sweat breaking out on my forehead due to the sun coming in from the window and the lack of air conditioning in this apartment. I had to show a good front for the Prime Minster. I couldn't degrade the Akahoshi family name.
Kei looked at me, one eye stuck together, his hair tousled once again. I don't think he expected the next words that left my mouth.
"Help me walk."
§
Kaoru was just a little bored to say the least.
He, just like the rest of the Host Club, was not allowed to leave his house. Even his parents had delayed their flight home for fear of whatever was happening in the town. Both Hikaru and Kaoru were clueless on that, much like nearly everyone else was, but Kaoru suspected one person he knew, maybe two, were well aware of what was going on and how to stop it or at least make it safe for people to leave their houses. He tried not to get annoyed at them when he thought about this; he knew they would try their best.
Kaoru just wish he knew more. He wanted Sachiko to include him in what was going on in her life so he could help in any way, shape, or form, but he was scared about what that might entail. Would he be hunted down? Would it damage the relationship between Hikaru and him?
Kaoru curled further into a ball, the evening sun visual through his window, bright and blinding. He had spent the day running around the house, setting up pranks for the maids, calling and checking in on his parents, and just playing video games with his brother. The entire time, however, he had a heavy feeling in his chest, a sense of dread he couldn't be rid of.
"Kaoru!" The door to their bedroom opened and Hikaru stepped in, leaving the door open behind him. Kaoru looked over his shoulder at his brother's bright face and wondered what he thought of everything: of Sachiko, the situation in the city, school, the Host Club, and Kyoya. He knew Hikaru wouldn't talk about it, that he wouldn't approach the tense topics.
"Yeah?" Kaoru's voice sounded groggy. He had just woken up from a nap, one he took not because he was tired, but because he was just that bored. Not to mention, it gave him a break from the thoughts in his head.
"Do you want to prank call one of the other Hosts? Or someone from class?" Hikaru sat down on the bed, digging his phone out of his pocket. Kaoru sat up, rubbing his eyes as the blanket fell around his waist.
"Yeah, sure." Kaoru said. "Who?"
Hikaru shrugged. "I didn't have anyone specific in mind."
"We could always prank Kei-san." Hikaru said. "We've never pranked him before."
"But we don't have his number."
Hikaru held up his phone, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "Correction—you don't have his number."
Hikaru must've seen the hesitation on Kaoru's face, because his grin faltered. Kaoru, as much as he didn't like Kei, didn't want to prank anyone too close to Sachiko and risk getting on her bad side, again. He still felt bad about that day at Kyoya's villa: the dark hallway, the look of utter terror on her face, and the anger when she realized what had actually happened.
"Fine." Hikaru said, recognizing Kaoru's train of thought. "Not Kei-san."
"What about Haruhi?" Kaoru asked. Hikaru tensed, but still managed to make his refusal sound casual.
"No, she's still on edge because of what happened to Sachiko."
He had a point. However, Kaoru had asked to see what his reaction would be, to see what he suspected was true. Kaoru saw how Hikaru had made an extra effort that day at the pension, saw how he at least tried to make Haruhi feel better. Not to mention the fact that after Sachiko had arrived there, Hikaru was spending time with Haruhi when she was alone. Not necessarily talking to her, but just being around her, as if he wasn't sure what to say.
Just thinking about it gave Kaoru a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"Let's just prank call his Royal Highness." Kaoru said, reaching for his phone that was resting on the bedside table. "It could be fun."
But just as his fingers brushed his phone, it began to ring, the sound echoing in the rather large room. Hikaru raised an eyebrow at the device, but Kaoru just picked it up and answered, not even bothering to look at the caller I.D.
That proved to be a mistake, because as soon as he put his phone to his ear and breathed in to say hello, a clear and determined voice interrupted him.
"Hey, so I just thought I would let you know that I'm meeting with my dad in two days, and on Thursday I'm going to meet the Prime Minister." Kaoru's heart leapt and bounded at the sound of Sachiko's voice, the sound of her talking without seeming so weighed down. "He wants to meet you, so I was wondering if you could come with me. Kei is going too."
His heart stumbled. His brother was watching him carefully, gauging his reactions. They knew each other too well; Hikaru likely figured out who had called.
"I mean, I only want you to go if you're comfortable. My dad seems to be a bit of a pushover now, so he'll likely pressure you into doing something for us. I will, of course, make sure you are reimbursed for your efforts. I will always make sure you get something in return."
Kaoru swallowed. "I—what?"
The other side of the line went dead silent. Nothing of the conversation made sense to Kaoru, except for the fact that Sachiko was meeting with the Prime Minister, or that she was meeting with her father. Or that she wanted—
"Kaoru?"
"Yeah?" He said. He hated how his voice sounded breathy.
"I, uh, I didn't mean to call you."
She might as well have stabbed him. He wanted her to want to talk to him, to feel like she could talk to him, and here she was saying she didn't mean to call him. And with information like this… He had a feeling he knew who she meant to call.
It was always Kyoya next to her. It always had been. Could Kaoru do anything to change that? Did he want to do anything to change that? How hurt would she be? He didn't want her to hurt. He wanted her happy.
"I hope everything goes well." Kaoru said after a brief moment of silence. "How are you feeling?"
"Drained, exhausted, frustrated." She said. Hikaru grit his teeth as he heard where the conversation was going. Kaoru pretended not to see it. "You?"
"Pretty bored staying cooped up in the house. Do you have any idea of how much longer we'll have to stay like this?" Kaoru adjusted himself on his bed until his pillows were behind his back and he was leaning against the headboard of the bed.
"Uhmm," She drew the syllable out. "I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't even know what's happening. I'll let you know once I have more information, though. I'm sure all of you are curious."
"I'm a bit more than curious, but thank you." Kaoru said.
"So, Kaoru," Sachiko said, "I think we should hang out, after the mess in the city is cleaned up. We shouldn't wait too long to do that."
Hikaru stood and left the room, shoving his phone in his pocket as he went. He didn't bother to hide his frustration as he slammed the door shut. Kaoru flinched at the loud sound.
"Why?" He asked.
"I just think it's best not to wait too long, you know? And I wouldn't mind doing something to take my mind off of everything."
Kaoru felt a smile spread on his face as she said that. She wanted to spend time with him. She was willing to make time to spend with him.
"Okay, we'll do it soon." Kaoru propped one knee up. "How's your leg?"
"It hurts like hell." Sachiko said, "But I have to go, I have to find—I mean I have to call someone."
And just like that, Kaoru's mood deflated. He wanted to talk to her longer, he wanted to feel the warmth in his chest and the butterflies in his stomach.
"Are you sure you have to go?" Kaoru said. "I want to talk to you longer."
Kaoru chewed the inside of his cheek after he said the words. He felt his face heat up. Sure, he had flirted on occasion, but he'd never really honestly said how he felt or what he wanted. It was… It was terrifying.
"I'm sorry, I really have to go. Plus, dinner, food."
"Oh, are you eating normally again?"
"Attempting to." She said. Kaoru smiled. "It's hard."
"It's good that you're trying."
"Mhm." He heard some shifting coming from the other side of the line, then a muffled get out. "I'll call you later, okay? Bye, Kaoru."
"Bye, Sachiko. Good luck with your dad and the Prime Minister." His voice was soft and gentle and caring. He didn't have to force it to be that way, because he genuinely wanted her to be happy, to succeed at everything she tried.
"Thank you." And with that she hung up, and once again Kaoru was alone in his room, her words echoing in his mind, keeping a smile pinned on his face.
He would deal with his brother later. For now, he replayed the conversation over and over in his head, each word exchanged, longing for something more but willing to take what he could get.
§
Kei wouldn't stop snickering. I had accidentally called Kaoru instead of Kyoya, and he just found that fact so amusing. It wasn't my fault that their contacts were right next to each other in my contact list. With my injured wrist, lessened mobility in my hand and fingers, my thumb slipped.
"I thought I told you to get out." I said. It wasn't because he was laughing any getting on my nerves, I just didn't want him hovering over my shoulder when I called Kyoya. And this time, I was calling Kyoya. Not Kaoru.
Kei raised his hands in defense as he slowly backed out of the room. "Alright, alright."
He, thankfully, shut the door behind him as I pressed Kyoya's number and called him. The ring was monotone in my mind, my attention partially on the extreme pain in my leg. We needed to ice it, to get some of the swelling to go down, but we didn't have any ice in the apartment. We didn't have an ice maker on our refrigerator. And after practicing walking for so long…
"Hello Sachiko." Kyoya said as he finally answered. I felt a grin spread on my face, less weighted than it used to be.
"You sound so formal." I said, "Not even a nickname?"
I could almost hear the smile in his voice. "What? Do you want me to call you princess like Kei does?"
The teasing took me back and made me question all of my life choices. Well, not really, but it did surprise and shock me. For a second I thought I had called Kaoru again, but that was undeniably Kyoya's voice.
"No," I said, "Something else, something unique to us."
Us. My stomach flipped over the word once I realized I had said it. If my arm wasn't in a sling I probably would have shoved half a fist in my mouth, and if my leg wasn't so sore, I probably would have flutter kicked my legs from where I lay on my stomach.
Instead of doing any of those things, I let my left elbow slip out from under me and face-planted onto the mattress, face burning.
Kyoya coughed twice, and I managed to lift my head.
"You aren't getting sick, are you?" I asked.
"No, I'm not." Kyoya said, the words slightly rushed. "Any development?"
I let out a breath as I pinned my eyes on a loose thread on the blanket. My cheeks still felt like they were on fire still, but they were cooling down. "Yeah, actually. I called my dad today, and we talked about a lot of stuff. I'm meeting with him in two days, and then Thursday I'm meeting with the Prime Minister."
"Do you trust your dad?" Kyoya asked. I could hear the scratch of a pencil on paper, and wondered why wasn't using pen like he always did. What was he doing that he couldn't get to a pen?
"Honestly, no." I said, "He talks to me so devoid of emotion, like he's separated himself from me. He tells me not to trust Akame, not to tell her anything, but Akame isn't answering and the city is in ruin. No one is living. I can't just let things stay like this."
"I understand."
"There's another thing," I trailed off for a second. It was hard enough to spit the words out earlier when I thought I was actually talking to Kyoya, much less a second time when my confidence was even lower. "He wants you to meet him. He wants to employ your guards."
It made me feel so guilty. It was like I was using him.
"Of course," I continued. "I will pay you or make it up to you in any way possible. I promise."
"Any way?" Kyoya questioned. I raised an eyebrow at this, but he wasn't like Kaoru. He wouldn't force me to do something I didn't want to.
"Yeah." I rolled over onto my left shoulder, my right arm falling asleep. "I think you should talk to your dad though. I mean, if you're seen at the Prime Minister with me it would imply that you're throwing all of your support behind me even if the leader of your country hasn't. Also, you should probably pray that the Prime Minister will help us, because if he doesn't…"
"I think that could have been part of the issue with my father." Kyoya said, "Either way, he's already given me permission to do whatever it takes to get you back on the throne. Granted, he was a little pissed about sending my guards to China, but he said anything. I'll tell him, but I won't let him stop me. I'd love to accompany you."
I pursed my lips. His dad was mad about him saving me…?
"You don't have to do so much."
"I want to."
I didn't think he realized how much that burdened me, but I didn't want to fight him on it. I didn't have the energy to fight him on it. I was so, so tired.
"Okay. Thank you."
"Where do I need to meet you in two days? Do you want me to bring my guards?"
"You don't need to bring your guards. And I'll have to apologize—" A yawn escaped me, cutting my words short. "—apologize for anything my dad says. He seems to have something against the Ootori family, which makes me wonder how bad things were between our families."
"You dealt with my dad," He said and I cringed at the memory that resurfaced. "I can deal with yours."
"Okay, good luck." I almost, almost, forced a laugh, but my chest felt too heavy even with the erratic beat of my heart. Even with this feeling, the support of the people around me (That I didn't deserve nor want) I couldn't be rid of the shadow behind me.
"So," I continued, "I was thinking about dragging my dad out to a small, local restaurant. Somewhere that isn't crowded, but has good food. Do you know any places?"
I never really went out much, and we never really ate out, so I didn't really know any restaurants or cafes even though I had been living here for five years now—nearing six.
"Hmm, I can look into it, if you want me to."
He would be doing another thing for me, but Kei and I didn't have the resources. I didn't want to risk sending him into the city when it was like this, so he couldn't search that way either. However, Kyoya could use his computer.
"Yes please, thank—"
My words were cut off because of a shout coming from the living room.
"Sachiko!" Kei yelled. "I'm going out to scavenge for food, I'll be back in an hour!"
If I could've walked, I would have shot to my feet and sprinted down the hall and into the living room. Sadly, I couldn't stand much less walk.
"You idiot!" I yelled, "You can't leave!"
"But I'm starving!" He whined. I prayed Kyoya wasn't hearing any of this, but he was attentive enough that I was sure he was. I didn't want Kyoya to know that Kei and I were struggling financially, because I didn't want Kyoya to give anymore than he already was.
"So? You could get hurt or die if you go out there."
I should have known Kei would try and pull something like this. He ate too often and had too high of a metabolism to go without food for too long. I could feel an ache in my stomach from where I hadn't ate, but I could deal with it. Kei, however, didn't have the same problems as me mentally, so he could likely stomach any type of food.
"Just. One. Bite. Of anything would do just fine!" Kei said.
"Sachiko," Kyoya said into the phone, "What's going—"
"If you leave I swear to God I'll jump out of that fucking window."
"Woah, woah—" Kyoya said. I had almost forgotten I was on the phone with him. "Sachiko, what?"
Kei opened the door to my room, narrowing his eyes at me. "You wouldn't."
I rolled over to the edge of the bed and planted my feet firmly on the ground, dropped my left hand to the mattress, phone still in it.
"Watch me."
"I just want some food!" Kei said, dragging a hand across his face. "You may not be eating that much but I'm so, so, hungry. I haven't been this hungry since I was a kid on Chishima!"
That felt like a slap to the face to me. I knew that there were kids on Chishima hungry, and that their parents were struggling, but I never liked to think about it or consider it. So when I was little, I blocked it out. I had been going to bed with a full stomach while others starved.
I didn't say anything. Kei had a hand in his hair, a habit of his. Neither of our stomachs growled despite how hungry we were—we had passed that point of hunger—so there was nothing to fill the silence.
That was, until Kyoya spoke up through the phone. "Sachiko?"
His voice was quiet since my phone was so far away from my ear. I raised my hand and pressed it to the side of my face.
"I'm sorry about that." I said, letting out a sigh."How are your brothers?"
He ignored my question. "Are you hungry? Have you eaten?"
"We're hungry," I said. I didn't want to lie to Kyoya. "We haven't eaten. But we'll be fine."
I could feel Kei's glare burning into me. There was a muffled voice on Kyoya's side of the line, deep and masculine. Kei kept staring at me, but I was listening to the man's voice on the other side. However, the voice was too quiet for me to hear.
"Sachiko, I have to go." Kyoya said, and what little bit of a relaxed mood I had built up fell fast. It plummeted.
"Okay." I said. I heard the disappointment in my own voice.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay, I have to call my dad tomorrow, so if at all possible, can you give me the location of the restaurant before then?"
"I will." Kyoya said. I dreaded his next words. "Goodbye, Sachiko."
"Bye, Kyoya."
Kyoya was the one to hang up as I let out a huff and flopped back onto my bed. There was a sweat breaking out on my forehead—in fact I felt sticky. I had broken a sweat walking, both due to the effort and the intense summer heat leaking into the apartment. I wanted to take a shower, but that was still something that I couldn't really do by myself and I wasn't willing to ask Kei to help me.
"Open the window." I mumbled. That was at least something that could get a draft going through my room or maybe the apartment if we opened another one. It wasn't food, but it could be something to help make us feel better.
But Kei hadn't moved.
"Kei, please."
I waited five seconds.
He didn't budge.
Well, technically, he did, but it was just to cross his arms over his chest and lean against the door frame. Was he really being like this because I wouldn't let him leave? It was petty. Couldn't he handle one night without a dinner?
"We haven't eaten all day." Kei said. "I get that it's dangerous, but—"
"Tomorrow." I said, not so willing to compromise but willing to get this tense feeling to go away. "Go tomorrow in the middle of the day. I feel uncomfortable with you going, but I'd feel better with you going in broad daylight."
Kei pressed his lips together in a thin line. As he thought about my offer, something else popped into my head. If he was leaving to look for food tomorrow, I would be by myself. Crippled and exposed. Anyone could waltz in here and kill me, and I wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight. The thought terrified me. Shivers ran down my skin as blades traced across them, slow, taunting, painful, meant to draw each moment of agony out in an effort to get me to talk.
"I'll wait until tomorrow."
"Thank you." I said, somewhat relieved but still terrified by the idea of being by myself. I would have my phone on me; I would be okay, right?
But still, the thought made my breath shorten and my chest feel heavy.
Kei opened the window like I had asked, but it didn't help with the staleness of the air. It still felt thick and it weighed my already tired limbs down. Nevertheless, I mumbled another thanks as I willed my body to morph into the mattress, to completely relax, but it never did. I still had the ache emanating from my leg, my toe, and a slight ache in my shoulder. I kept reminding myself that it was only another week for my shoulder, but I still longed to take the sling off and move it freely, to sleep—or rather, toss and turn for hours—the way I wanted to.
"Kei," I said, "When was the last time you tried to call Akame?"
"I tried to call her yesterday, but I haven't tried today." He said. She was the way we were getting our supplies. Kei hadn't saved any money up from his job, sadly, so we were in a tough situation. Without her, the odds of us starving were very high.
"Can you try again, right now?" I said, fighting off another yawn that seemed to attack me out of no where. "While you do that, I'm going to take a nap. Wake me up if you have news, or if the world is ending."
I pulled my feet onto the bed and pushed with my right, moving my body back and rearranging myself until I had my head on my pillow. "Actually," I continued, "don't tell me if the world is ending. I'm not sure I want to be awake for that."
"Sleep tight." Kei said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and leaving the room. He shut the door behind him and I attempted to close my eyes, but it was impossible. They kept drifting over to the open window, the shadows of the side of the brick building next to ours morphing into fingers that stretched towards me, reaching with every bit of energy they had. The faces of the people in those cells, voices echoing, knives dragging across my skin…
The sweat on my skin turned cold and I squeezed my eyes shut, turning my head towards my bedroom door. But they haunted me there too. I found it to be incredibly difficult to chase them away when everything felt so weak and numb and obsolete.
Throughout the day, even while I was concentrating so hard on walking, and so hard on what I needed to do, it was always there. Always. No matter how much I pretended, or how much I forced laughs and smiles and light conversation, it was there, and would likely always be there.
I hated it, but what could I do about it?
It took a few minutes, but eventually, I drifted off into a sleep stocked full of screams, whimpering, a cold chill, and the faces of the people who have died for a person like me.
i am so so so sos os so sosososososososososo soooo sorry. I had zero motivation to write this. I saw the reviews and went "I have to write I have to get this chapter up, I have to tell Sachiko's story." But every time I opened my computer, I found myself just wanting to sleep. To not do anything, because everything I did turned out shitty. I genuinely lost any will to do anything, I found myself looking at the knives in my room differently, and I got so scared of myself because I just. Didn't. Care.
It was the small things. The little comments I made here and there, I stopped eating, I stopped being careful when it came to a lot of things (cooking, crossing the street, etc.) Sooo yeah, I fell into a hole and I'm currently clawing my away out of it. It's really hard though. It's really, really, really hard to want to live and I don't know what's causing it.
WELL THAT WAS DEPRESSING SORRY FOR THAT LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CHAPTER NOW SHALL WE
This chapter was written over the course of two months? Has it been two months? Idk, but it felt a lot longer than it actually is. I'm currently trying to balance Sachiko's emotions, handle the thing with the twins, and then the dynamic between Sachiko and her dad, Kyoya and Sachiko's emotions, Kaoru's, and oh heavens it's a lot. I signed up for a lot.
I GOT THIS THOUGH
{review responses}
lillyannp ~ I love you, you support the story a lot and I really, really appreciate it. I agree that Sachiko is getting slightly better. And yes, writer's block. It's so hellish I FEEL SO BAD. Thank you for reading and reviewing
nanirios10 ~ It was shorter than my recent chapters. When I first started writing my chapters were 1000 words long, now they're upwards to 7000-8000. Thank you for reading and reviewing
MissCandyApocalypse ~ PM the details you want and I'll write it :)
Nina3kpop ~ YES OH MY GOD STAN TALENT STAN BTS also vote bts billboard music awards top social artist. By the way, I'm currently working on a bts fic on wattpad if you want to check it out :))) I haven't posted it yet though, but I will. It's jikook and Jungkook has anxiety, Jimin is his therapist.
{end of review responses}
I have to go nurse a shoulder injury now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'm praying to whatever gods will listen that I get the next chapter up soon. I love you all and really appreciate you, and I'm so sorry for treating you guys poorly.