Tina wrinkled her nose and brought the neck of the T-Shirt over her nose and mouth.
"Daddy, what's that smell?" she asked as she climbed off the couch to go investigate. Fin quickly closed the lid on the package to spare Tina from seeing what was inside.
"Nothing, Baby. Just work stuff. After breakfast you wanna go visit Mommy?"
Tina's eyes seemed to light up and she nodded eagerly. "Okay, Baby, sit down on the couch and breakfast will be done soon. I just gotta make a quick phone call." Tina nodded in agreement before she scampered back over to the couch where Dorothy had just been knocked unconscious with the window shudder. Swallowing his disgust, he grabbed a hold of the vile box and hurried into his room, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Oh God, if anything else happened to her, Fin wasn't sure he could live with
himself. He had to make sure Olivia was okay. He quickly dialed the number of the one person he knew would be at her bedside, with each ring feeling like it lasted hours.
"Stabler," Elliot answered.
"Is she okay? Is she with you? Has anything happened to her?" Fin asked in rapid succession, not giving Elliot a chance to answer the previous question before he blurted out the next.
"Whoa, whoa, Fin, calm down," Elliot told him, his voice full of shock. "What the hell's going on?"
"Is Olivia okay?" he asked again, his voice leaning on the edge of desperation and a twinge of anger that Elliot wasn't answering his questions.
"She's fine, I just left her to go get us some coffee. I'm heading back there now. What's wrong?"
"I need to talk to her. Please," he begged. "Please just lemme talk to her."
"All right, all right. Gimme two seconds okay?" Fin waited impatiently, tapping his foot hard against the carpet beneath him as he waited eagerly to hear his wife's voice.
"What the hell," muttered Elliot unexpectedly into the phone.
"What? Fin demanded. "What's wrong? Where is she, lemme talk to her."
Elliot's voice was now on high alert. "She's not in her bed." Fin felt his knees buckle and he had to clutch the dresser for support.
"Where the hell is she?" Fin blurted.
"I don't know. Fin, just try to…" Elliot began.
"You were supposed to be watching her!" shouted Fin. "Where the fuck is my wife, Stabler?"
"Fin, I don't…!" Suddenly Fin heard the sound of a door being opened over the phone.
"What's going on?" he heard Olivia ask softly. Fin let out a shaking breath as he slid down the dresser and leaned against the wall. Never before had her voice sounded so sweet to him as it did right then.
"What were you doing out of bed?" he heard Elliot ask with the same amount of fear that Fin had previously held.
"I needed to use the bathroom. What's with all the yelling?"
"Fin's on the phone for you," Elliot told her. "He sounds really worried." Fin waited for a moment before Olivia's voice rang clearer and louder than before.
"Fin?"
"Hey, Baby Girl," he sighed in relief his heart rate slowing some. "How you doin'?"
"I'm... I'm here. What's going on?" she asked. "El said you were worried about something." Fin swallowed hard before he glanced down at the box that was beside him. She didn't need this hanging over her head. Not with everything else that had happened to her.
"It's... it's nothing, Liv. I woke up form a nightmare and had to make sure you were safe." Only a partial lie, he told himself.
"Oh. Well I'm fine. How's everything at home?"
"Good. I'm gonna make Tina some breakfast, and we'll be over later this morning." There was a long pause before he softly added. "I miss you, Liv."
"I miss you too," she told him just as gently. "I hate being apart like this."
"How long did the hospital say you were gonna be in there?"
"A few more days. Fin, when I get home, we need to start thinking about the fun-" Olivia's voice caught before she could get out the rest of her thought. She didn't want to think about burying her baby, and yet, she wanted it over with at the same time.
"I gotcha," he said, not wanting her to be reminded anymore of the dreadful task the couple had ahead of them.
"Yeah," she muttered. "Speaking of, we need to call..."
"Liv, don't worry about it," he pleaded. "I'll take care of everything. I promise, Baby Girl. You don't need to deal with that right now."
"Oh, no you won't. Dammit, Fin! You always do this. You try to 'fix' everything. This is something you can't fix, and did it ever occur to you that maybe I might need a distraction from the rest of the crap that's going on at the moment?" she yelled. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but she was so damn tired of everyone taking care of her. Hell, she was just tired of everything. But most of all, she didn't want her husband to rob her of her one and only chance to express just how much she loved her child. She took an audible deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I just…I need to do this," she said. Fin heard her sniff away her tears, and his heart ached. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight. He wanted to tell her that everything was going be okay but he couldn't
find it in his heart to lie to her.
"Whatever you need, Baby. I love you, Olivia. So much."
"I love you too," Olivia told him, her voice shaking as she spoke. Fin had to console himself for a long moment before he spoke.
"Can I talk to El?"
"Sure. I'll see you soon."
"I love you, Liv."
"Love you too." The words came automatically, but Olivia wasn't sure how much of them she was actually feeling at this point.There was another moment of silence before he heard Elliot come on the line.
"Fin, I don't know what's going on but..."
"Leave the room,' Fin told him bluntly. "She doesn't need to hear this." There was a moment of silence before Elliot talked not to Fin but Olivia.
"I'm gonna be outside. I already got yelled at once for having a cell phone on in the room." There was several more moments of silence before he heard the door latch behind him. "Fin, tell me what's going on and tell me now," Elliot demanded. "What happened?"
"I got a package," Fin began. "UPS dropped it off and our doorman brought it up to us."
"Okay, so what was in it?" Elliot asked, still puzzles.Fins eyes shut as he licked his dry lips. He took a deep breath before he spoke.
"A large raccoon skin and a baby raccoon skin. Both killed pretty recently. As in, still warm."
"Jesus," Elliot breathed. "Who sent it?"
"That's the thing. The return address was the address of the hospital and there was no name on the return address. "
"That's why you were so panicky," Eliot muttered. Before his voice rose again. "Was there anything else?"
"Yeah," Fin spat bitterly. "A typed card with a swastika drawn in blood on it."
"Did it say anything?" Fin opened the box again. Gagging slightly at the smell he looked down at the cards lyrics and read.
"Burn the tares in flames, hang the traitors of our race, judgment Day is here, the hand of God is in this place. Drive you out or cut you off, your blood will surely flow. Avengers of the innocent, the Earth will soon now know."
"Holy shit," Elliot mumbled. "We need to keep you and Tina safe."
"Don't worry about us we'll be fine. You just worry about Olivia. Promise?"
"Yes," Elliot told him without a moment's hesitation. "And I assume this stays on the down low for now?"
"Yeah. Tell Munch and Cragen, but that's it. Olivia has a full plate already; she doesn't need this in her head. I'm gonna call Dana and give her a heads up."
"Got it. And Fin?"
"Yeah?"
"Be safe."With a tiny click signaling that he had hung up, Fin let out a sigh of relief. At least he knew that Olivia was safe, for now anyway. Dialing the phone once more he waited just one ring before the low Southern voice picked up.
"Agent Lewis."
"Dana, It's Fin."
"Oh hey, Fin," she greeted kindly. "Everything all right?" Fin shook his head .
"No. No, something's wrong. Something's REALLY wrong." Her voice took a complete 180; from sweet and caring to alert beyond comprehension.
"What happened?" she demanded. "You three okay?"
"No. Look, someone sent me a package. It had an adult raccoon skin, a baby raccoon skin. and a card in it."
"What'd the card say?"
"There was a swastika drawn with blood and a poem. 'Burn the tares in flames, hang the traitors of our race, judgment Day is here, the hand of God..."
"'Is in this place," Dana interrupted. "Drive you out or cut you off, your blood will surely flow. Avengers of the innocent, the Earth will soon now know'." Fin stared at the phone in disbelief for a moment before he put it back to his ear.
"How the hell did you know that?"
"It's not a poem; it's a chorus in a song," Dana explained. "White Supremacy by a charming little group known as Day of the Sword."
"And you knew this because…?"
"Because I went undercover with Neo-Nazis and Skinheads for five years, but this is bad, Fin. This is really bad." Fin took a deep breath. He remembered the first time he had crossed paths with Dana Lewis, during that very undercover operation she was speaking of.
"Why?"
"Because it means that the idiots who attacked you and your family have other idiots supporting them."Fin sighed as he banged his head against the wall.
"So those two psychos have supporters now?"
"You're national news, Fin. White Supremacists, Neo-Nazis, Skinheads… they all followed the story, they all know that one of their own is in prison and another is dead because of what they think you and your wife did."
"They kidnapped us!" he shouted into the phone. "They raped and tortured my wife! They terrified Tina and shaved her head! They made me watch while they raped and beat my wife over and over and ov...!" He paused for a moment, choking back the emotion that was threatening to spring forth as flashes of his beloved Olivia in pain and terror plagued his mind. "How the fuck is that any of our faults?" he cried, finding his voice again.
"Because, the way they see it, you and Olivia are the criminals here. Not Adam and Joseph. In their opinion if you two had stuck to your own race, then Adam and Joseph would be alive and well."
"They kidnapped us!"
"Because they were doing their race a favor. I didn't say it made any sense, Fin. This is just how they think. None of the idiots who are in league with them will see past that. Now… I'm coming over in a little bit to collect the evidence."Fin sighed as he ran a hand through his short crop of hair.
"Fine. But hurry. I don't want these things around Tina."
"I'll be right there. Don't worry, Fin. We're gonna get these sick freaks." Not even having the strength to muster a friendly goodbye Fin hung up the phone. He stayed silent for a long while before he stood up. He grabbed the box and hid it in the corner of his closet so Tina would have no chance of finding it before he shuffled out to the kitchen.
"So, Tee, you want chocolate chips or blueberries in your pancakes?" he asked his daughter, forcing a false cheeriness into his voice so he wouldn't give the impression he was upset.
"Chocolate chips," Tina answered instantly, not turning away from the TV in front of her.
"Good choice, Baby," Fin told her as he grabbed the bag of chocolate chips from the cupboard. An hour and multiple chocolate chip pancakes later, Fin was running a bath for Tina to get her ready to go see Olivia.
"Bath time!" he called out to her as he added a cup full of children bubbles to the warm water. A simple, "nuh uh!" was heard from the living room. Fin groaned as he got off the floor and walked out to the living room where Tina was sitting on the couch looking down at her feet.
"Tina, let's go. It's bath time," Fin told her as he kneeled down in front of her. "I added a lot of Princess bubbles too." Tina shook her head.
"Nuh uh."
"Tee, you haven't had a bath in days. Come on, Honey."
"No," Tina challenged defiantly. "I don't want a bath!" Fin stood up and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Tina, I'm not gonna tell you again. If you wanna see Mommy today then you'll get up and take a bath." Tina's bottom lip quivered as she looked up at Fin. He could see tears form in her eyes that were a mirror image of Olivia's.
"Daddy, please don't make me take one." Fin's hardness disappeared in an instant. He uncrossed his arms before he kneeled down beside her. He knew Tina wasn't a fan of bath time but he had never seen her get teary eyed over it.
"Sweetie, why don't you want one?" he asked softly. Tina let out a sob and shook her head.
"I don't wanna say!" He quickly wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back in soft soothing circles while she laid her head on his shoulders and began to cry.
"Its okay, Sweetie," he whispered softly. "Its okay, Tina, Daddy's got you. Daddy's got you…" After Tina's cries had reverted to mere sniffles, Fin, with his arms still holding her tight, pulled away to look at her.
"Tina, look at me," he pleaded softly. Tina wiped her tears away and looked up at her father. "Baby, I gotta know what happened. Please, Baby. Did…" Fin closed his eyes and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. He wasn't sure what he would do if she answered yes to his question but a few years in lockup would be worth it. "Did the bad men hurt you when you were away from Mommy and me?" Tina shook her head and sniffed away more tears. Fin breathed a sigh of relief before he spoke again. "Then why don't you wanna take a bath?"
Tina remained silent for a long moment and Fin felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Knowing his little girl was hurting and there was nothing he could do for her was the worst feeling he had ever felt in his life.
"Tina, listen to me," Fin said gently after several moments. "Remember a few weeks ago when you thought there was a monster hiding under your bed?" Tina nodded. "And you woke me up and I got rid of him? You remember how I did that?" Tina nodded before she spoke.
"Yo... you scared the monster away by making scary faces at him."
"That's right. That's because I'm your Daddy and it's a Daddy's job to get rid of things that scare little girls. But I can't scare anything away unless you tell me what's scaring you. Please, Tina. Tell me why you don't wanna take a bath. I promise to get rid of whatever is scaring you." After several more moments of silence tears filled Tina's eyes before she spoke.
"When… when the bad men took me away from you and Mommy I woke up and I heard Mommy screaming really loud in the shower. The really mean one came in and…" Tears were now falling freely from her eyes.
"What, Tina," Fin prompted softly. "What did he do?" Tina wiped the tears from her eyes.
"He… he told me that they were drowning Mommy and I was gonna be drowned next."
Fin was going to kill him. No. That would be way to kind a fate for Colin. He wanted to cut off his dick with a rusty jagged steak knife then shove it as far inside him as he could. No one scared his daughter like that! Fin struggled to hold back the rage he felt at Joseph so he could comfort his daughter. He needed to set aside his rage, for now anyway.
"Tina, I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully," said Fin softly. "He was lying to you. They weren't drowning Mommy and no one is gonna drown you. Okay?"
"Then why was Mommy screaming?"
"It doesn't matter," Fin answered. "They weren't drowning her and no one is going to hurt you. I promise." Tina's tears still wouldn't go away even with the reassurance of her father.
"Baby," Fin sighed softly. "You have to believe me. The Bad Men are never going to hurt you or scare you again, okay? Do you trust me?" Tina nodded and Fin gave her a soft smile. "Good. Now, I have a nice warm bath with extra Princess bubbles waiting for you." Tina shook her head once more and Fin held back a sigh. He nodded and stood up, holding out his hand to her.
"Do you wanna take a shower with Daddy?" Tina sniffed and nodded yes. "Okay. Lemme go get changed then we'll take a shower together alright?" Tina nodded once more before she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.
"I love you, Daddy," she whispered softly. Fin embraced her once more and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"I love you too, Tina." Ten minutes later the bath water had been drained and Fin stood in the bathroom wearing an old pair of swimming trunks with a naked Tina beside him.
"You ready?" he asked gently as he looked down at her. Tina, looking beyond petrified, nodded, her whole body shaking. Fin gave a curt nod before he reached in, turned on the shower, and adjusted the temperature until it was perfect for her. He leaned down to pick her up but at the last moment she screamed "NO!" and ran from the bathroom.
"Tina!" he cried out before hurrying after her. He found her on her bed, her face buried in a pillow sobbing hysterically.
"Tina, it's okay," he told her as he hurried up to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Please don't make me!" she screamed through her sobs. "I don't wanna! I don't wanna drown!"
"Tina..."
"Daddy, I'm scared! Please don't make me!" Fin swallowed his own emotions before he spoke.
"Tina. Tina, listen to me." He took her by the shoulders and made her look at him. "Tina, listen to me, and listen good okay? I promise I will not let anything happen to you. Okay, Tina, I swear to you I will not let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"
Tina nodded as she wiped the tears from her eyes once more. "Good because I gotta be honest, Tina, I'm a little scared too." Tina narrowed her eyes in confusion. Since when was her daddy afraid of anything?
"Wha... what are you afraid of?" Fin struggled to think for a moment before an idea popped into his head.
"I'm afraid of girly smelling soaps." Tina giggled despite her tears.
"Why?"
"Because I'm a guy and guys are afraid of really girly smelling things."
"That's silly," Tina said with a slight laugh and a timid smile. That one smile made his whole embarrassing plan worth it a thousand times over.
"I know but I still get really scared when I see it. Plus Mommy uses the girly stuff all the time. Do you… do you think you could come shower with me to keep me safe from it?"
Tina's face fell as she looked towards the bathroom before she looked back at Fin. After a long moment she nodded. Fin beamed at her before he hugged her tightly.
"There's my brave little Princess." Fin picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. He approached the tub slowly before he looked down at her.
"You ready?" Tina swallowed hard and nodded before she buried her head in Fin's shoulder. He stepped in the tub and let the warm water wash over the two.
"You okay, Tee?" he asked as he shifted her so he was holding her with one arm.
"Ye...yeah," she answered, her voice shaking like a leaf. He poured a generous amount of baby soap onto a wash cloth and gently began to wash her body; all the while his voice never faulted, never stopped whispering that he was right there with her; that he would never let anything hurt her. Fin made quick work of the washing; wanting to get her out of the tub as soon as he could. Finally, when the last sud was washed away he pulled away slightly so he could look at her.
"Hey, Tina," he said with a grin. "You're all done." Tina unburied her head form his shoulder to look at him.
"Really?"
"Really," Fin answered with a smile. "You were a very brave little Princess. And did Daddy let anything happen to you?" Tina shook her head. "That's because I promise to never let anything hurt you again, Tina." A watery smile grew on her face as she hugged him around the neck.
"I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, Tee. Now you wanna go pick out an outfit to wear to the hospital while I finish my shower?" Tina frowned at him.
"I thought you were scared of girly soap." Fin's smile faltered. No. She wouldn't actually make him use that crap… would she? Tina reached over and grabbed the bottle she knew to be 'Mommy's soap' and held it out to Fin. The contents inside was an expensive body wash that smelled strongly of warm vanilla and brown sugar that Olivia could only find at a specialized boutique on Fifth Avenue. She would have been happy with the cheap stuff sold at their local department store, but Fin loved that scent on her more than anything so she spent the extra money to get it just for him. Fin swallowed hard as he managed a fake laugh.
"It..it's okay, Tina. I'm not scared anymore."
"Then why do you look nervous?" Fin bit his lip as he struggled to think of an answer. Before he could however Tina squirted a very generous amount into her tiny hands and held it out to Fin.
"It's okay, Daddy, you don't have to be scared." Fin closed his eyes in defeat as he scraped the expensive soap form his three-year-old's hand and began to wash himself with it as best he could while holding up Tina. Almost at once the addictive smell surrounded him and it filled his senses as if Olivia was right next to him. He had to remind himself that his three-year-old was in the shower with him several times as the warm water washed it away.
He wasn't sure which was gonna be worse. Olivia being angry at him for using her expensive products, the teasing and ridicules that he would have to endure from Elliot and Munch, or the fact that it would smell as if Olivia was right beside him every moment and he would have to constantly remind himself she wasn't. After the last bit of suds had been washed away Fin turned off the water and looked at Tina who was practically beaming with pride.
"Good job. You were very brave, Daddy." Despite his fear of the upcoming rendezvous with his coworkers, Fin laughed loudly at Tina's praise before he hugged.
"Thank you very much. You ready to go get ready now?" Tina nodded and Fin stepped out of the tub, dried Tina off with a towel and sent her to her room so she could choose her outfit for the day. He went to his room and dried off before he got ready. He dried himself off and applied a generous amount of deodorant hoping that it would cancel out the feminine scent that was now emitting from him. It didn't work, and went over to his dresser. He got out a pair of briefs, a pair of jeans, and went to choose a shirt but he was stopped dead in his tracks. He swallowed hard when he looked down and saw the Yankees onesie he had gotten the baby a few days prior. With trembling hands and shaking breath he picked up the article of clothing and held it close to his heart. Fin closed his eyes and forced the tears that wanted so desperately to fall back. God, he wanted his boy to wear this so badly.
Fin swallowed the suddenly painful lump in his throat before he gently placed it back in his dresser and grabbed a random shirt to wear. He quickly closed the dresser and pulled on his shirt, struggling to forget what was inside the drawer. He finished getting ready before he made his way to Tina's room.
"Tee, you ready?" Tina all but jumped out in front of the door with a beaming grin on her face.
"Ready!" Fin chuckled at her outfit she had chosen; a hot pink tank top with dark purple butterflies and a pair of green sweatpants with white dress sandals.
"Still a little too cold for that, Baby. How about something a little warmer?" After Fin got her dressed in more weather appropriate clothing, he grabbed his badge, gun, wallet, and the two headed out into the city.
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