Erik Notes: Fondest salutations, gentle readers. If you are not reading the Giver of Life vignettes by my muse, I strongly implore you to study these stories with the utmost attention you are capable of giving.

It has been many months since I have had the opportunity to address you directly. Please be assured I have not forgotten you. With wedding plans and operas to write, I have been quite occupied. I dare say I will drop by again soon.

OW36

Her patience and understanding with me had come to an abrupt end. Her face hid it well, her expression remained relaxed and pleasant. But her eyes had narrowed and she twisted her engagement ring. I watched her carefully, expecting her to remove the band from her finger.

My lips parted though I had no words for her. I was certain she could find her own.

"From Christine?" she questioned valiantly. "You carried it with you tonight?"

There was pain in her voice that her expression could not mask.

I glanced from her to the envelope and exhaled. "No."

"Then you brought it with you? To our party?"

"No, I didn't bring it here. It's…it's not exactly mine."

She took a deep breath and blew air past her lips. "Not exactly," she mumbled.

Her words made me wince. My past lay in my hands. Christine was a reluctant student whom I'd thought I couldn't live without. She was breath and blood, sight and sound. I gave her credit for my ability to taste wine and feel the rose's thorn.

But I learned that I gave her far too much credit, and she'd never given me a damned thing in return. I was her obedient dog on a very short leash. All the years I'd thought I held control of her life would have been better spent controlling my own—and finding what was real.

"Julia, her husband—"

"Did you show him? Is that why he decided to leave so abruptly?"

"Of course he saw it." I watched anger flash through her eyes. I should have stepped back from her but instead I stepped forward. At last, I stepped toward her, not away. "He handed it to me when he came upstairs to check on his daughters."

"He gave you a letter from his dead wife?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm telling you the truth."

"Why would he do such a thing?"

"How the hell should I know? The irritating bastard handed it to me, said he needed to give this to me. Perhaps it will bring him peace."

She remained unconvinced. Her arms folded across her chest and she stared at the ground. "Does it bring you peace?"

Far from it, I thought. Whenever Christine's essence was near there was no peace in my life.

"I haven't opened it. Here, look." I held it out to her so she would believe me. "It's still sealed."

She shook her head but I still handed it to her. Lips pursed, she examined the front briefly. She appeared surprised when she turned it over and gazed at the wax seal.

"Then I have interrupted you." She sounded more angered than upset when she held out the note. Her expression now matched her voice, for which I couldn't blame her.

Reluctantly I accepted the envelope. We stood in silence for a moment, the fire crackling at my back, the flames warming her otherwise cold features.

"You haven't interrupted me."

She shrugged and raked her hand through the end of her long hair. "Of course I have. Far be it from me to intrude upon your private reading."

"Julia—"

"No, I understand. It's yours, and I'm being petty. Excuse me, Erik, but I'll be in the kitchen with Anthony if you need anything. He wanted to say goodnight to Lissy before he left. If you care to join us…"

Before she could turn from me, I grabbed her arm. "Listen to me!"

The tone of my voice made her jump. Once I was certain she wouldn't run—or slap me—I released her.

"I didn't ask for this. He handed it to me and walked away without any further explanation. I don't know what the hell to do with it. I don't want it and I don't want her, but…" I shook my head. "But I do."

She frowned. "I know. I expected as much." She took a small step forward and I could smell her perfume. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know what she's written."

I glanced from her to the envelope and felt the desire to crumple it up. What I held was merely paper, what I longed to hold was flesh and blood. I refused to chase a fantasy a moment longer, to dwell over what was never mine.

"What does it matter?" I muttered under my breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever it says, it's not from you. I don't care what she's written, be it truth or lies." My hand balled into a fist and I prepared to tear it to shreds, but Julia stopped me. Our eyes met.

"Don't do this for my sake," she whispered. "If you must know, then know."

"I've made up my mind."

"Erik—"

Without a word I grabbed her round the waist and drew her to me, kissing her so hard I felt her breath leave her lungs in a harsh exhale. She stiffened a moment, alarmed by my sudden display of affection, but just as swiftly she melted into my grasp and brought her hands to my face. With great tenderness she removed my mask and kissed my cheek.

"You don't have to do this. She was important to you." Her gaze lowered. "But I'm still very jealous of her. I'm ashamed to admit it."

I continued to hold her tight as I nuzzled her neck, planted kisses along her throat. Never was I more relieved to hold her.

"It's done," I whispered.

She met my eye, ran her fingers down my cheek. "What do you mean?"

She followed my gaze to the hearth and the wisp of smoke from the burning seal. Her hand squeezed my hip gently.

"Her memory exhausts me," I said under my breath. "Perhaps now I will no longer think of her."

"I will light a candle for her tonight," Julia murmured. "For her and her family."

I kissed the side of her head but didn't reply. My heart was still racing, my arms unable to hold her tight enough. Again I kissed her, first on the temple, then on the cheek. She tilted her head, allowed me to kiss her mouth. The kiss deepened into something more primal than innocent, and had I not heard Alex's voice I would not have stopped.

"Damn it, he needs a bell," I grumbled as I peeled my hands away from her. I managed to steal one last kiss before she murmured that Anthony was still in her home and that he'd be leaving soon enough.

"Alex, your father is right here," Julia called out. She made a pile of dishes, which she quickly shoved into my arms, then rummaged through the desk.

"What am I supposed to do with these?"

"Take them to the kitchen. And clean them."

I was about to protest when Alex walked into the parlor and crossed his arms. For emphasis he shifted his weight and sighed heavily. "Disgusting!" he spat.

"Excuse me?"

"Grand-mere and—and the tailor."

By the sound of his voice it was scandalous. Julia and I exchanged looks.

"Didn't you knock as I told you to?"

He nodded. "He said he stole a kiss and I told him he better give it back or I'd roll up my sleeves." He shook his fist in the air, his mouth forming a straight line of utter contempt. "Do you know what he did, Father?"

I chuckled to myself. "What did he do?"

He looked about ready to burst. "He laughed at me."

"Oh…well…"

Julia stepped in and put her arm around Alex. "Will a cookie make you feel better?"

His features softened. "I doubt it," he grumbled. "But there's no harm in trying, is there?"

Julia looked at me from the corner of her eye and smiled. "Of course not."

She ushered him out of the room and I followed once my mask was in place. Her cousin stood at the end of the hall with his coat and hat in hand.

"I'll be right with you, Anthony," she said. She glanced upstairs and I followed her gaze. "Lissy, why are you out of bed?"

"Goodbye, Uncle Anthony," Lisette mumbled from the top of the stairs. She waved and dragged herself back to bed, ignoring her mother's question.

"It seems like only yesterday you brought her into my store and she was learning to walk," Anthony mused.

"I'm afraid she'll be looking for an engagement by next Tuesday with how she's grown."

Anthony shrugged into his coat. "Thank you for a lovely evening, Julia." He turned to Alex and extended his hand. "Good night, young man."

"Not particularly."

Anthony stared at Alex briefly, then turned his attention to me. "You look as though you could use a bit of fresh air, Monsieur."

I suppose that was his invitation.

A moment later Julia brought my coat. She shoved something into the pocket and smiled when she handed it to me. "I'd just as soon have Alex stay here for the night, if you wouldn't mind. I hate to think of him wandering back and forth between houses at this hour."

I grunted in agreement. "I'll return shortly."

With that she took Alex to the kitchen and I walked her cousin outside. Hermine and Raoul were loading the children into the carriage. Only Hermine turned to wave when I closed the door behind me. Already it felt too hot to bother with an overcoat and cravat.

"Monsieur," Anthony said once we were out of earshot. "I'd like to discuss what Lisette said to me this evening."

"Concerning?"

"Why, concerning you, of course."