Here's an interesting convo that happened between me and my brother yesterday...

John: Now if you don't mind I'm going to go and finish writing another of my famous lib dem blogs

Rf: But blogs are for gaaayyyysss!!!

John: I'm not gay! Look, just because we're all men who sit in front of a computer and talk to each other while naked and staring at the other rub lotion into their body over the web cam does not mean we're not gay!

Rf: Doesn't mean you're not gay? That's a double negative...

John: Damn! You saw through my fiendish plan with your overpowering nerdness!

Liberal Democrats are a political party here in the UK that my brother's a member of, coz he's super cool

This one's pretty darn long.

Chapter 37 : Missing

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ken-chan! Let's go this way!"

Yachiru was hanging onto Zaraki's shoulder while he ran through the streets of Seireitei trying to find the place Kya had agreed to meet them. They were already ten minutes late and didn't seem to be getting any closer to their goal.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Ken-chan shouldn't doubt me!" Yachiru squealed in reply. Zaraki growled and then turned down the path Yachiru was pointing to.

Fifteen minutes later they came to another dead end.

"Ken-chan! Now let's try over there!" Yachiru shouted as she pointed off to the side.

"Are you absolutely positive this time?" Even though Yachiru was the person he felt closest to, he had learnt over experience not always to trust her instincts.

"Yeah!"

-------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later

"Ken-chan! You got us lost didn't you?"

------------------------------------------------------------

Kira woke up and scratched his head.

That bloody Matsumoto and her alcohol, always tempting him to join in the drinking shenanigans. How could he say no to her though? To those breasts?

Slowly, he sat up and looked around the unfamiliar room he was sprawled across the floor in. Where the hell was he this time? The dark grey walls and floors were something he was certain he hadn't seen before. An annoying bleeping noise was coming from one side of him and with every ping his headache increased threefold. He realised it was coming from the large oddly shaped screen that was displaying some information about some ancient artefact. Well, that was odd.

Then something hit him.

"Oh, god no"

The only places in the whole of Seireitei that would have something like that, be decorated in this bleak way, and turn him into a newt if he was found, all happened to be the same place. Here. Squadron headquarters of the twelfth division.

Not only that, but he was sure he was meant to be doing something else today.

This was bad.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Sir! There's been another battle in the gang war of the fifty-sixth district!"

Hisagi turned around on the spot and lifted his head from reading the latest report his subordinate had given him.

"What? Really?" he asked with a tone none other than excitement.

"Yes! Should we go and disband the members immediately?"

Hisagi looked stunned at the suggestion. Why would they do that?

"No! This is an important event that has to be recorded for the best of Shinigami-kind!" he answered dramatically while waving a copy of the Seireitei news about in the air. The other Shinigami around the printing press just blinked.

It was when Hisagi reached the door before one of them spoke up.

"But sir, what about your meeting with Kya-sama?"

"She'll have to wait! This is news, dammit!"

And he ran out of the room brandishing a notepad and pen, ready to catch the real story behind these events. The officers just stared after him.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Nemu! Get over here now!"

"Yes, Kurotsuchi-sama?" Nemu asked nervously as she stepped through the door of her captain and creator's room only to blink in surprise.

"Where the hell is my mask?" Mayuri shouted. Nemu couldn't remember the last time she had seen him without the mask on. It felt strange seeing his scarred face again.

"I don't know, Taicho"

"You don't know? Why don't you know?" Mayuri screeched at her in frustration.

"Forgive me, I just don't know" she bowed her head. Mayuri just rummaged through his closet in search for where he could have possibly put his ever-so-loved mask. He didn't even seem to be paying attention to Nemu anymore.

"Excuse me, Kurotsuchi-sama, but we have to leave now if we want to be on time for the meeting with Kya?"

Mayuri spun around on the spot and glared at Nemu. She shrunk away a bit.

"I will not leave without my mask! I won't! I won't! I won't!"

Nemu sighed at her captain's sudden child-like complaining. His eyes were wider than usual and she was sure she could see the faintest traces of moisture forming in them.

"Of course, I'll help you look for it..."

------------------------------------------------------

"What the-"

Renji walked out of his room and into the corridor of his headquarters' dormitories. He stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw what was greeting him on the other side.

"Matsumoto?"

Before him, crumpled on the ground in a heap, was a very much asleep Matsumoto. Well, he assumed it was Matsumoto from the giant breasts and the messy strawberry blonde hair. He couldn't actually see her face. It was covered by a very familiar looking object.

"Matsumoto!" he shouted in an attempt to wake her.

She stirred and looked up at where the noise was coming from. God, she had a hangover. How much had she drunken last night?

"Oh, hey Renji" she said dreamily. Renji just stared at her. She noticed the look on his face "What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything but instead just walked back inside his room. Well, that was different from his usual reaction to finding her after a drunken escapade. A few seconds later he emerged from his room, this time holding a small object in his hand. Matsumoto stood up and he handed her the small hand mirror. She looked into it confused at why he was acting so peculiar.

As soon as she saw her reflection she dropped the mirror and the sound of it smashing mixed with her tremendous scream.

"What the hell has happened to my beautiful face?" she yelled at Renji.

"It seems to me as if you're wearing Mayuri's mask" Reni told her.

"Why the hell am I wearing his mask?" she cried desperately. "Get it off of me!"

Renji didn't waste time in helping the distressed woman. He didn't want to anger her any further by refusing to help. She may have just ripped his heart out.

"It won't budge!" he gasped as he pulled the mask and in turn Matsumoto's face.

"What do you mean it won't budge?" Matsumoto clasped her hands to her head and tried to remove the mask. As Renji said, it wouldn't budge. "Help!"

Renji again tried to shift the black and white monstrosity. He only succeeded in pulling Matsumoto's head forwards with it.

"Ow!" she cried. Then she remembered something that made her blood run cold. "I -!£?ing stuck it on with super glue!"

"Why would you do that?" Renji asked

"I don't know, do I? I was drunk!" and Matsumoto started sobbing desperately. She couldn't be stuck like this. No way.

"Ok, ok, no need to panic, look I'll help you try to get it off, maybe we can melt the super glue or something" Renji tried to calm her down. She looked up at him hopefully.

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah, sure..."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Taicho! Let me out of here this instant!" Nanao yelled while pounding with both her fists on the door of the small dark closet she had been locked into. By who? Well, by none other than her very own captain, that's who!

"Not until you take back what you said!" Nanao heard Shunsui shout in reply from outside the cupboard.

"But it was true! You are a perverted buffoon who does nothing but sleep and drink!"

"That doesn't mean you should say it to my face! It hurt my feelings!"

"You don't have any feelings!" Nanao positively screamed. She heard a small whimper through the wood of the door. Shunsui had taken that badly.

"Fine! I guess you don't want to be let out of there!"

"Wait! No! I mean..." Nanao quickly said after hearing what sounded like Shunsui preparing to leave the room with her locked in here for god knows how long. "Fine! You're not a perverted buffoon who does nothing but sleep and drink! Happy now?"

"I suppose..." Shunsui replied rather sorrowfully

"Will you let me out then?" she asked fully exasperated by her captain who she did think was a perverted buffoon that did nothing but sleep and drink.

"I will..." Nanao gulped at the frightening tone Shunsui was using, "...as soon as you tell that me you love me"

"What?" Nanao was back to shouting again. "Why would I do that?"

"Because it's true!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Ok, but I won't let you out until you say it!" Shunsui bribed.

"There is no way in hell I will ever say that!"

"You just think about it in there. I'll be right here waiting for your answer"

---------------------------------------------------------

"Isane, what do you think about this?" Unohana asked her lieutenant.

"I'm not sure, Taicho, it's very unusual" Isane replied.

They both peered over at the new patients that had been admitted less than ten minutes ago.

"It wasn't my fault!" Joshiro blurted out from under the sheet.

"What do you mean it wasn't your fault?" Hitsugaya shouted in response from the bed opposite him. "It was your bloody present that exploded!"

"Oh, Shiro-chan, your welcome"

Unohana stopped Hitsugaya leaping up and smothering Joshiro to death with the forth division pillows.

"No one's to blame, what's important now is discovering how to treat you" she spoke calmly while looking at the chart in her hand.

Hitsugaya just mumbled something under his breath. Isane thought she heard the words 'stupid mental captain with his crazy ideas', but couldn't be certain.

"Hmm, now Joshiro, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly was this present?" Unohana asked

"Well, it was a very thoughtful gift of formula Mayuri created to help those in battle" the older of the two white-haired captains replied.

"And what was this formula?"

"It was supposed to create painful boils when thrown at your opponent's face." He answered. Hitsugaya sat up straight and glared icily at him.

"Supposed to? Well, it seemed to work pretty well then, didn't it?" he shouted angrily.

"Hitsugaya-Taicho, please don't strain yourself" Isane told him politely.

He slumped back down onto the pillow then groaned as he hit one of the many purple boils on his skin accidentally.

"Hmm, I've called for Kurotsuchi-Taicho, but apparently he hasn't been seen all morning. I could try some remedies that work on other forms of skin deformations, but there is no guarantee that they will work" Unohana said.

"Anything! Just get me back to normal again!" Hitsugaya yelled at her pleadingly.

"Ok, Isane and I will go and prepare it now"

----------------------------------------------------------

"Taicho, why are you still here, shouldn't you have left already for the meeting with Kya?"

"Umm... I would have..." Komamura replied almost sheepishly to his lieutenant.

"Then why haven't you?" Iba asked concerned

In response Komamura lifted up one of his hands, or paws to be more accurate. Iba blinked when he saw what had happened.

"Oh" was all he could say.

Attached to Komamura's paw was what looked to be the edge of one of the drawers to his desk. The fur was clearly tangled in the metal slider.

"You wouldn't help me, would you, Iba?" he asked looking embarrassed at having got caught by such a simple object.

"Of course!" Iba ran over to his captain and started trying to free him from the drawer's evil clutches.

"Ow!" Komamura snapped and he growled at Iba for pulling his fur.

"Maybe we should just cut your fur?"

Komamura just glared in response. Ok, maybe they wouldn't.

------------------------------------------------------

"Well the hell have you put it, Omaeda?"

Omaeda poked his head around the door of his captain's room. Soifon seemed absolutely hysterical.

"Where did I put what, Taicho?" he asked cautiously.

"You know what I mean!" she screamed as she suddenly appeared in front of his face, eyes narrowed to deadly slits. He backed away quickly and waved his hands in front of him wildly.

"I don't! I don't!" he tried to persuade her.

"Then where the hell is it?" she yelled frantically as she spun around and started riffling through her already turned-upside-down possessions.

"Where's what?" Omaeda asked trying to help his captain.

"The poster! My favourite poster!" Soifon shouted frenziedly.

"What poster?"

"The one I had made of Yoruichi-sama!" she screamed. "I'm not leaving until it has been discovered!"

"Umm... can I help?" Omaeda asked terrified of disobeying his captain while she was in this state.

"Yes! You search in the office and I'll continue to go through my things! I swear if anything has happened to it, I will murder whoever was responsible!"

Omaeda gulped.

----------------------------------------------------

The ninth seat of the fifth division was strolling down the corridors of his headquarters when he heard something very strange coming from the main office.

Curiously, he knocked.

There was no reply.

Being careful not to make any noise, he slowly opened the door and peered inside. He didn't like what he was seeing.

There, sitting curled up in the corner on the other side of the room, was a wide-eyed Momo. She was rocking back and forth and looked exactly as he imagined a crazy person would.

"Umm... Hinamori-sama?" he asked nervously

"He will return, he will, he will..." Momo mumbled to herself. "Aizen-Taicho will come back for me..."

The ninth seat immediately shut the door in front of him and started up the corridor again.

"Ok, then..."

------------------------------------------------------

Kya paced the length of the third division hall, bored out of her skull.

She had called this meeting for a very good reason, and after two hours of waiting, it was only Byakuya who had even bothered to show up.

She looked up at the clock on the wall again.

"Where is everyone?"

-------------------------------------------------------

That was just random, I know, and wasn't particularly good, but oh well.

I was right! After the last chapter you are thinking the wrong thing about Kya's zanpaktou! No, it's not a cat; that would have been too blatant.

I'm going away on Friday to the Red Sea in Egypt, where there is literally nothing to do apart from scuba dive. But it should be fun! Me and my family try to go somewhere nice to dive at least once a year, and since we couldn't go in the summer we're going now. It means I probably won't be able to update for a week or so though, and I doubt I'll be able to get one up tomorrow with all the packing I have to do. I swear I'll try, either using my dad's comp or an internet café, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to. I'll write though, so when I get back I will probably put a lot up.

Just to let you know.

If you review I'll save the guinea pig and won't use its ears as bluetac!