Chapter 38

Roxas sat awake in bed that night, Sora curled up against his side, his hands grasping Roxas' shirt firmly.

Roxas wasn't feeling well. He could feel a fever settling in and his head throbbed painfully. But he didn't want to call a nurse on the off chance of waking Sora. The brunette had had a long day, he needed as much rest as he could get. So Roxas lay there quietly, staring at the ceiling above the bed.

As he lay there, listening to the silent hospital around him, he thought over the days events. Cloud and Aerith had gone and spoken to his principal today. They told him he didn't have to go to school anymore if he didn't want to. He already had enough credits to graduate. His last semester had been nothing but electives and extra classes anyways, so it wasn't like he wasn't going to be able to graduate if he missed them.

Roxas agreed with them. He had been dreading the thought of having to go to school again. Especially since his hair had finished falling out. He had enough to deal with without having to hear the whispers everywhere he went, or asking the questions which were sure to come.

Roxas sighed, closing his eyes only to open them a moment later as his cell phone began to vibrate. Reaching over he snagged it off the nightstand, careful not to wake Sora.

Roxas face fell slightly as he read the text message Axel had sent him, guilt washing over him.

I Love You. It said simply.

Roxas closed his eyes. It had been three days since he had seen or spoken to the red head. He hadn't returned any of the boys' calls or messages, not because he hadn't wanted to but for fear of letting something slip.

He had tried over and over again to gain the courage to call Axel over the past three days. But every time he tried he froze up. He couldn't make himself press send; he could make himself talk to him.

Every time he thought of telling the red head he felt sick. He loved Axel more than anything and he didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want to see the pain in his eyes when he heard the word leukemia. He didn't want to see the betrayal spread across his face when he heard Roxas had been hiding it from him. He didn't want to see the fear run over him when he heard what Roxas had done only nights ago.

He didn't want to hurt Axel. That was the last thing he wanted to do. But Paine's words were true. Axel was going to be hurt either way.

Did Roxas want to put Axel through the experience of watching him die slowly? Did Roxas want to put Axel through that long, drawn out process where the pain would be stretched over months at a time? Did he want to have Axel with him until the end, despite the effects it would have on the red head.

Or should he break it off now? Push Axel away forever in order to save him. Sure, Axel would be hurt now. But the pain would fade soon, sooner than if he had to watch Roxas fade away.

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth and clenching his hands into fists, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm and his stitches stretched.

Which should he choose? Which did he have the courage for?

Roxas lay there for hours, debating back and forth with himself. What should he do? What was the right thing to do? What would Axel want him to do? Which way would be the best for Axel?

Finally though, as the sun began to poke from below the horizon he realized what he had to do.

Tears fell silently down his face as he made his decision. There was no going back now. No changing his mind.

With shaking hands Roxas lifted his phone, pressing buttons with clumsy fingers.

I love you too.

Roxas closed his eyes and cried as he pressed send.

That morning the twins were released from the hospital with instructions to go home and rest.

Armand and Paine took back to their house; Cloud and Aerith were back at work and didn't feel comfortable with having the twins left at the apartment alone. So Armand had happily stepped forward, offering his house to them until they got off of work.

Roxas didn't say much the rest of the day, preferring to sit quietly, eyes downcast as he lost himself in his thoughts.

Whenever Sora or Paine would ask what was wrong he would shake his head slowly, not looking at either of them.

At five Cloud picked them up, taking them back to the apartment where Aerith prepared a special welcome home dinner. Complete with ice-cream cake for dessert. Roxas smiled politely, but said nothing throughout the dinner. Earning him worried looks from the others.

After dinner Roxas threw up three times. His stomach refused to keep anything down. Sora and Cloud watched Roxas miserably. Roxas could tell they wanted to help but neither of them knew what to do.

By nine thirty the four of them were already in bed, still exhausted from the last few days.

Roxas, however, didn't sleep. He waited silently, listening until Sora's breathing evened out. Once Roxas was sure his brother was asleep he pulled out his phone.

I need to talk to you. Meet me at the playground?

Roxas took a deep breath and pressed send. A few moments later his phone vibrated loudly, Roxas looked over his shoulder, making sure Sora was still asleep beside him.

Be there in 10 minutes.

Roxas let out a rough sigh, sitting up in bed and swinging his legs over the side. As he sat there he reached up as if to run his hand through his hair. Half way through the motion though he froze, remembering his hair was no longer there. Instead he rubbed his forehead, wiping the thin layer of sweat that had broken out away.

His wrist ached dully under its bandage and his stomach cramped unpleasantly. He could feel a fever starting but he ignored it. He could deal with that later; right now he had more important things to do.

Shakily he stood, grabbing his snow cap from his desk and pulling a jacket from the closet. He dropped his phone into his pocket at made of the door.

"Where are you going?" Roxas froze, hand on the doorknob. He looked back to see Sora sitting up, watching him with wide, scared eyes.

"Sora I-"

"Please don't leave me," Sora said pitifully.

"I'm sorry Sora. There's something I have to do."

"Are you leaving me again?"

Roxas let out a little sigh before moving back to the bed.

"Of course I'm not," He said leaning over and pulling Sora into his arms. "There's just something I have to do, alright? I'll be back in a little bit."

"Promise?"

Roxas pulled back, giving his brother a reassuring smile.

"I promise. Now go back to bed. I'll be back before you know it."

Sora nodded uncertainly, laying back down and watching Roxas leave the room.

Silently Roxas crept to the front door, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys from the basket. Slowly he opened the front door as he listened for any sign of movement in the house. To his relief though he heard none as he slipped out into the chilly night air, closing the door gently behind him.

Roxas shivered slightly as he walked down the steps. Around him the night was silent, save for the occasional car which drove by. Sticking his hands into his pockets he hunched his shoulders, walking quickly to the park down the road. The silence around him was making him nervous. He had never liked walking alone at night, his imagination always made monsters out of nothing, always coming up with new ways to frighten him.

He quickened his pace as the park came into view. He jumped, startled, as a cat darted across the path in front of him, a mouse clamped firmly in its jaw. Once it was gone Roxas laughed shakily at himself before hurrying forward, making it to the park without another scare.

He stood there waiting, listening to the sounds of the night. On all sides of the play ground were trees. It wasn't a forest, just a small patch of woods but it was enough to frighten him. Roxas sat down on one of the benches, looking around anxiously as if expecting something to jump out at any moment.

He sat there for several minutes, growing more and more apprehensive as time when on. It was almost enough to make him forget why he was there. Almost.

Roxas closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself. Trying to forget where he was and what he was doing.

Why am I doing this? Why couldn't I have waited? He thought miserably. Suddenly though he felt that familiar feeling in his abdomen. He leaned forward, vomiting uncontrollably.

"Roxas!" A familiar voice cut through the silent night. Roxas didn't look up as Axel hurried forward. "Oh my god Roxas. What's wrong?"

Roxas coughed thickly, clutching his stomach as the nausea passed.

"Roxas. Are you okay? Do you need me to get some help?" Axel asked frantically, sitting on the bench beside him, rubbing his back soothingly.

"No!" Roxas choked out roughly. "No. I'm fine."

"Roxas. You're sweating, you have a fever, you look like you haven't slept in days and you're throwing up. We need to get you some help." Axel insisted, pulling out his phone.

"No!" Roxas screamed, leaning forward, hands holding the back of his head. "I don't need help! I don't need anyone's help!"

I'm sorry Axel.

"Roxas, what's wrong?"

"Why does something always have to be wrong with me!?" Roxas demanded, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. He hated this. But there was no going back now. "Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Roxas! You need to calm down!"

"Stop telling me what to do!" Roxas screeched. "All you ever do is tell me what to do! I'm so sick of it!"

I'm so sorry.

"What are you talking about Roxas?" Axel asked, hurt. He tried to lift Roxas head, tried to get him to look at him but Roxas jerked away. Standing and glaring at him past the tears in his eyes.

"JUST STOP IT! You're so damn clingy!"

Axel flinched back, looking at Roxas with a shocked expression. "Roxa-"

"Just stop! I don't want to hear it, okay!? Just stop!" Roxas turned away, his back to the red head.

"Roxas! Wh-" Axel started, getting to his feet and reaching out, his hand on Roxas' shoulder.

At the contact Roxas spun back, knocking the red heads hand away. "CAN'T YOU TAKE A FUCKING HINT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE! I DON'T LOVE YOU!"

Axel stumbled backwards as if Roxas' words were a physical blow. He watched Roxas with wide, hurt eyes, tears slowly slid down his cheeks.

Roxas stood, panting, sweat rolling down his face, his hands clenched into fists. He felt his legs shake, threatening to give out but Roxas ignored them.

I'm sorry, Axel. But the more you hate me the less it'll hurt later.

"Don't come near me again." Roxas said as he turned his back on the red head. He didn't see Axel collapse behind him, falling to his knees as he watched the thin, sickly boy walk away. He didn't see the red heads heart break in two.

I'm so sorry… Roxas thought as he walked away from the only person he had ever loved with his entire heart. The person he still loved. The one he would love for the rest of his life. He could feel his heart break as he walked away from him.

You'll understand one day…

A/N: *sigh* Not much left in the story. It should be over in like five or six chapters left I think.