.

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart

and a song of praise upon your lips.

March 4th, Saturday

Since my entry yesterday I have received a request from Lady Narcissa that threatened to quite discompose me. She and I are hardly intimates, nor do I think would we naturally pursue each other's acquaintance without Severus bridging the gap for us. And yet, I am the one whose mercy she has thrown herself upon.

In but a few words: A contact has provided her with the knowledge that the crown will exact the debt of loyalty from the absent and traitorous Lord Malfoy from his innocent wife and son.

I had only to think of what Severus would do in this situation and I had my answer for her—an unreserved yes.

I did, however, have to extend my most sincere apology after dinner, upon further reflection on our conversation. With my newfound confidence in my own voice, I have found that it is possible too forceful and unreserved with my ideas and opinions. They have the capacity to wound.

My apology was gracefully accepted and Lady Narcissa has bid me to think no more about it. I must use every lesson to become a better lady.

On a less pleasing note, my aunt sent a terse note refusing me access to the cousins outright. I was not so surprised at her response. I have not the energy at the moment to fight her on it, but come summer, if it is within my power, I will see my cousins.

March 11th, Saturday

Severus's—well I am truly not certain what to call her—Lady Lily Potter came to call today and has left not three hours ago. I am without words, completely astounded and robbed even of any true anger I might have felt under other circumstances.

She is most assuredly a pawn in a game too dangerous for her. Her husband sounds like a villain and her son has abandoned her. I had quite the talk with Austen after she left. He told me all in confidence, which I now relay to the page.

I had some inkling that Severus has made himself in society, but I had no idea that he started so greatly disadvantaged. He was born to the daughter of a wizarding gentleman who had run away from her family to follow a drifter. As it was told to me, she barely managed to secure the marriage before Severus was born. His father drank more than he worked and his mother was reduced to prostitution before many years had passed. Lady Lily Potter was born Lily Evans in the same slum that Severus was raised. They were childhood friends who separated for primary school and met again at Hogwarts College. Although the school is mostly gender separated, there are still times of general mingling.

There was some sort of falling out almost as soon they had met again, so violent and rending that Severus fell ill with a depressive malady and almost didn't complete his first year. Lily's future husband, young Lord Potter, tormented Severus unceasingly. But the second year Severus returned, cold and bitter and ready to fight with Lily's entourage. He made few friends and devoted himself almost entirely to his studies.

Lily continued to spurn him until they left school. She married quickly in a lavish ceremony in London at the end of the season and settled in high society quickly. Lord Potter apparently was able to keep her family origins hushed up for a time. It sounds like the makings of a fairy tale—and so it might have been, but the ton is a fickle thing. Lord Potter gave up none of his youthful vices or passion at the altar and it seems that she has been made to regret her decision.

At first I was furious but I have come to pity her. She is paying for the choices of her youth in ways that I cannot begin to imagine.

March 14th, Tuesday

The Malfoys are no trial to live with. Narcissa is courteous to the servants, and having Draco about to assist in experiments is invaluable. When Severus returns, I will have to complement his protégé.

I must confess, however, I begin to think of sending Ginny home. She has more energy than I have strength to endure, and occupying her time when she is disinterested in books and research is taxing. Narcissa has taken her under her wing and is discussing London fashion as they systematically dismantle and remake Ginny's wardrobe.

Otherwise, things are well–and the weather is improving now that we are halfway to April. I long for the warmth of spring.

There is nothing like the disappointment of a desire deferred to make you depend on the people you trust. My longing for Severus to share both my life and the growth of his child does not abate and it is never far from my thoughts. Some days it seems as though this season of feeling half alive, waiting impatiently for his return, will never end.

Come home Severus, please; be safe and come home.

Edited multiple times for grammar, capitalization, clarity & spelling between March 13th & March 19th, 2014 [courtesy of renaid, who always tells me when the chapter needs an overhaul & is willing to work through the many edits, any quality you find here is due to her influence].