"Yeah, just saying that he reminded me of you."
"I am sure he would take offense at the mere insinuation. So, did you get this urge to throw a vending machine at Sharky?"
"Nah. But he creeped me out, two of you is a bit too much."
Izaya chuckled.
"No worries, Heiwajima-san. Orihara Izaya is unique and inimitable."
"But you knew who I meant right away so you must know that this Shark Boy is a lot like you."
"He's a wannabe. I've heard this before but I don't think we're all that alike. So what did Shark Boy say?"
"He talked a lot but it's not like he got to the point. Dunno what he wanted."
"Let me guess, you stopped listening halfway through."
"Pretty much. Something about changes and 'the world'."
Izaya chuckled.
"Enough of Shark Boy. I must say, I expected some great crises of conscience on your part. A 'Am I turning gay?' moment of freak out but alas, my expectations were foiled."
"I don't really care about stuff like that. Being gay or whatever."
"That's so advanced of you."
Izaya turned on the TV. And grew a few shades paler. On the screen a reporter gestured toward the still smoking remains of an apartment. Izaya recognized it immediately.
"-residents claim that they heard a loud bang and that the building shook, the incident took place shortly after ten. So far the police have been unable to determine if foul play is at hand and it has yet been confirmed if the owner, an Orihara Izaya, was at home at the time of the incident."
Izaya jumped to his feet.
"Looks like someone's out to kill you-"
"Give me your phone, mine's dead."
Shizuo shrugged but obeyed. Izaya switched cards with the speed of a croupier and paced up and down, phone firmly tucked. A million ideas ran through his mind, each one more alarming than the previous. Shizuo could only catch half of the conversation but it was enough to make him feel a bit sorry for whoever was on the other side.
""Masaomi? I expect you to have an explanation. I know that. Do not waste my time. Again, Masaomi, you are wasting my very precious time. Get to it. Who did it. What are you supposed to do for me? Which you're failing to do. Now, you're going to tell me who did this. Don't 'Orihara-san' me."
Izaya halted suddenly.
"You do realize that this means that you're utterly useless to me? I leave you in charge of something very simple and you fail completely. Oh, I see. Your pal Mikado is behind this, isn't he? He's been after me for a while and finally decided to do something very stupid. Looking after your buddy? Best friends for life? So you don't know that it wasn't Mikado, do you?"
Izaya half gloated but Shizuo could tell he was very close to losing it completely.
"If you like your buddy so much then you can follow him to the bottom of Tokyo Bay. How does that sound? You can then be together forever, literally."
A pause as Izaya seemed to actually listen.
"I get your point. But of all those possibilities you should be able to narrow them down. That's what I pay you for. How convenient! When you want someone to give you a job while you're off gang whoring you're ever so mature but when shit goes down it's suddenly 'Poor Kida-kun, can I haz candy.' Not going to work. You have until the end of the day to find out who bombed my apartment. Got it?"
Izaya was already punching in Namie's number when Shizuo snatched the phone from him.
"Give that back right now."
"Not until you talk to your sisters. I just got connection, Mairu's on the line."
Only now did Izaya notice that Shizuo held the landline received in his hand. He took a deep breath before reaching for it.
"Hello- yes, I'm okay. Ah. Sorry to have worried you. I only found out just now- I know. I should've done that, yes. Put her on, then. Kururi, hi there!...please don't cry. I'm fine, left town for a bit. Come on now, you know that there are no phones in the afterlife. Bad joke, huh. Stop crying, please? I really am alright. There, there. It's okay. Tell you what, you girls keep a low profile for a while. Just to be on the safe side. No tomfoolery until I find out what is going on. And don't contact me until further notice. I mean it. I'll give you a plush toy, something cute. I don't know yet- soon. Bye now."