Guess what? Damn right, another headcanons list! Nothing can stop me! Not even the two Very Important Exams I have to take this week, haha…ha…ha *melts on the floor in a puddle of anxiety* Whatever. You want to enjoy my headcanons, not watch me fail my exams. So here goes!
1. Appearance headcanon: Much to Iblis's chagrin, Nimrod is a few inches taller than him. I'm not talking a largely visible difference, just...if Iblis tried to kiss Nimrod, he'd probably have to tiptoe a bit.
2. Evil djinn are at their least powerful around Christmas. This headcanon is based on a) the difficulties the twins had in the second book when it was Christmas time and there were just too many wishes and it was cold, and b) something that Layla said, also in book two, regarding evil djinn and Halloween. I always kind of headcanoned (is that even a word?) that evil djinn are more strongly influenced by seasons and the weather than the good ones, so that they're most powerful around All Hallows Eve (because it was originally a holiday dedicated to worshipping them) and, in the fall and winter months afterwards they gradually weaken (even those who live in all-year warm conditions like the Vegas Ifrit) until, at Christmas, they are at their weakest, just for the fact that Christmas is so inherently good.
I dunno. It's nice imagining the Teer family all piled on a giant sofa with a load of blankets basically hibernating through most of the holiday. Some years they have a tree and presents, some years they haven't.
Speaking of Christmas presents, Iblis would probably get ties from all his sons.
3. Pirates AU where Nimrod is a British Redcoat (fitting, huh?) chasing the Ifrit pirates! It's silly, but it would be fun to write.
4. Iblis is aware of the fact that he probably has a libido problem. I mean he has 347578340 sons, please keep it in your pants, Iblis. He just sometimes doesn't have brakes like other people. The only reason why he hasn't gone into therapy yet is because he's a massive idiot.
5. I'm toying with the idea that Iblis may have something to do with the death of Alexandra's brother that caused her to go bananas. I don't know for what reason though. Jealousy springs to mind, but I don't think Iblis is that kind of person. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. But it would be a nice little plot twist if any of the three made the connection.
6. When Iblis possessed Madame Coeur de Lapin, he spent most of the time groping himself going "Ehehe...boobies".
7. How I imagine the classic Highschool AU to go like with Nimlis:
•Nimrod is the bookish nerdy kid who has friends because he's just so very kind with everyone, especially with the misfits
•Iblis is, at first glance, your typical popular bullying jock with his very own clique of admirers
•Iblis would sporadically tease Nimrod, dropping homophobic slurs now and again (even though Nimrod wouldn't be openly gay)
•after gym/football practice/whatever Iblis would always be the last to leave the locker room, refusing to shower or undress in the proximity of the other boys, what with "that fag in the room who's probably out for my ass" and everyone would just think "ugh wtf man"
•until one day Nimrod would accidentally walk in on Iblis changing by himself and see that his body was riddled in bruises in varying states of healing from where his father beat him. It would turn out that Iblis never had anything against gays, he was just making up an excuse so the other boys would not see
•after that they would secretly befriend each other. awww, right?
8. You know what would be absolutely hilarious? If, whenever a djinn transforms into an animal, the clothes don't get transformed back, like with werewolves. Then, whenever they would take human form after being an animal, they'd come back naked. Well, I guess if it were that way, John and Philippa would be mentally scarred now.
9. Fem!Iblis would basically be Britney Spears. You don't understand? Well, listen to any of her songs... especially "Piece of Me".
10. When he's really annoyed or exasperated, Iblis does the eyeroll-and-bassoon-noise thing that everyone and their brother associates with Dybbuk (who has, of course, inherited it like that sometimes happens). During book four, when he was around Dybbuk in the guise of Adam Apollonius, he had to actively refrain from doing it very often in order not to slip up and blow his cover.
11. Headcanon that the Ifrit elite consists of total dorks who all have "funny" in-joke embarrassing nicknames for each other, that get a lot less funny when you figure that they all relate to a particularly evil deed the Ifrit in question has done (Palis is "Happy Feet", Jirjis is "Wifebeaters" and so on). Headcanon that, when Nimrod finds out that all notable Ifrit call Iblis "Dandy", he laughs himself silly nonetheless, embarrassing Iblis in front of everyone.
12. Another idea that occurred to me: Any flashbacks in fanfics regarding Nimrod or Iblis I've ever seen are like a hundred years ago before or during the World Wars or whatever when they were like really young. But the AUs I want are all like
•Iblis and Nimrod watch the punk movement/ the 90s
•Iblis and Nimrod's stance on women's suffrage
•Iblis and Nimrod IN 1968! I mean, imagine Nimrod getting really into that love-and-peace thing that these mundane young "hippies" are on about, while the Ifrit get none of the love and peace but the neat music and all the drugs. Imagine Iblis lighting a joint on a burning waistbin. Imagine Iblis on pot, generally.
13. Iblis is absolutely unbeatable at poker, but always loses to Nimrod at djinnverso.
14. Things I want to remind people ARE CANON:
-Philippa listens to boy bands.
-Nimrod wrestled a cougar once when he was in school and won a prize for it. I mean, what?!
-Edward Gaunt hides paperclips in the skin of his feet because he's a fan of Houdini. Also Edward Gaunt is horribly sexist. CANON!
-Iblis, in canon, has weird phases when he doesn't leave his bed for weeks and lets his hair grow out and basically, if this were a series written for adults, this would all sound eerily like symptoms of clinical depression.
-Groanin considers himself a ladies' man. He also wears a gay aftershave. He only needs a fedora now to evolve into broni friendzoni.
-Faustina hums like a bee when she's happy.
15. Some Ifrit can sprout snake fangs and even unhook their jaws like snakes do. They scare the living daylights out of unassuming people when they do that.
16. Sometimes Iblis makes these horrible dad jokes, but then he immediately notices and apologizes. It seems to be a thing that comes with fatherhood.
17. There's a djinn binding on the Secret Teer mansion that prevents everyone from using their powers. As soon as you step onto the premises, no djinn powers can be used. There also are no servants, so whatever chores there might be around the house must be done the mundane way by Iblis and his sons. This binding was cast by Iblis as he and his sons kind of silently agreed that this house is their hiding place where they don't need to be djinn, especially not evil ones, a place where they are just…a family like any other one.
18. Once, Iblis walked in on his sons all together in the living room, filming themselves while doing all kinds of ridiculous shit. When he asked: "What the hell are you doing?" one of them answered "Vines, dad."
Their vines are pretty good, actually.
18.5 If Iblis himself would do vines, they'd be like that British guy called Arthur who explains the British through yelling at things. They'd be called "Iblis explains the Ifrit".
"How Ifrit make love. The same as you, you idiot, we grab our loved ones, get the tea bags out of the way…and then we throw them against the fucking wall! Fuck off, Nimrod."
19. I was reading the Iblis scene in book 3 again (the one with the tigers, not the other one) and I noted how Iblis said he had "killed planeloads of people" because there was some guy with a guitar on board, and I think the author is making a reference here to "The Day the Music Died". Guys Iblis killed Buddy Holly…
And now I want one of his sons (preferably Rudyard) to be a fan of Buddy Holly's music and find that out and be super upset and, like, post on his facebook: Newsflash, guys, my dad is an actual monster with no music taste!
20. Speaking of, djinn kids would probably have two facebook accounts, one for mundane friends and one for djinn friends, so they can post about the magical stuff without causing mass confusion. Or there's a secret djinnternet out there.
21. When no amount of money or threats will do the trick, Iblis is not above using sex to get his means. Throughout his career he has spread his legs for several people – male and female – to achieve some deal or other.
22. It being established that I headcanon Iblis as more or less secretly an alcoholic, I also imagine him being an obnoxiously clingy drunk.
List of things Iblis will do when drunk:
-dial Nimrod
-sing
-blow shit up
-intervals of random laughing
-tell everyone why his life sucks
-hug random people
-talk exclusively in verse, or Swahili
-recite Shakespeare/Wilde/Poe until everyone runs away
-dance on a pole (a rare occurrence)
-go to bed with random people, resulting sometimes in Dybbuk
23. Iblis hates being touched without permission, and he'll likely snap at anyone who does, even his sons. On the contrary, Nimrod loves warm hugs. He is known for giving the best, most soothing hugs on the planet.
Due to their solitary lifestyles both of them, at times, get horribly touch-starved.
24. A particular little thing Nimrod loves about Iblis is his hair – its texture and color, the way it feels to run his fingers through it. Sometimes, very rarely, Iblis will allow him to touch it.
25. I like to imagine that the grave of emperor Qin, which contains a certain jade suit of armor, became a kind of shrine after some Ifrit found it. Evil djinn would go there and put down wreaths of flowers, or little "offerings" to the spirit of Iblis before going about an exceptionally evil undertaking. It soon became a custom to rub the jade stones for good luck (crotch area for fertility and/or random sons). However, when the Iblissons found out, they brought an end to this little cult by visiting the place with a giant sledgehammer and getting their father and baby brother a decent burial.
26. I also like to imagine that Nimrod has got inofficial permission by the Teer family to visit Iblis's grave, and sometimes he really does that. I like to think that after fighting Iblis for so long, he feels a sense of loss after he's gone. I see him sitting down by the grave for a while and just telling his once greatest enemy about how he's been or how his day went or what's worrying him right now. Of course he'd bring flowers every time.
27. Dybbuk would probably be the kind of guy who'd tease Philippa for listening to "girl music" and demand she listen to some "real" music. I want Rudyard to be the kind of guy to play rock covers of One Direction on his guitar for her and convince his band to let her sing a few Avril Lavigne songs at their concert.
28. In times of peace, Iblis will do all kinds of dad stuff with his kids. You see, I imagine every Iblisson having at least one interesting hobby that defines them, and Iblis giving his support when he can. I mean…
•Iblis teaching his sons how to play Baseball or whatever it is American suburban dads play with their spawn
•Iblis helping his sons with their homework
•Iblis going to concerts, football games or what have you to cheer
•Parent-teacher-conferences at school and all the female teachers want to bang him on the desk
•Iblis being involved in his sons' lives and interests
29. You know what this planet needs? An AU where the Gaunt/Godwin family runs a nice little diner or restaurant, and the Ifrit run the club across the street that's always blasting this infernally loud music and might or might not be a Mafia-sponsored drug den. And one day Nimrod goes across the street to complain about the noise, all huffy righteousness and "I want to talk to your manager" and then that's Iblis and Nimrod is like "Oh no, he's hot"
30. So as I said, Iblis being a supportive father, but! absolutely horrified by the concept of even casually touching his kids. Because back when he was a little (dude had a really bad childhood), his own father used physical contact only to cause humiliation and/or pain, so with his sons, Iblis will be extremely careful not to cross that kind of line. As long as they're babies, yes okay acceptable, but as soon as they grow older than, say, five years old…umm, how about no? So, fatherly hugs/hair ruffles/pats on the back or whatever will happen extremely rarely and some of the Ifritsons will notice and be bothered by that.
31. I remember when I first read book one, a thing I found really cool was the deck of cards with all the djinn on that John and Philippa got. In retrospect, I'm p sad that this didn't come up again. My headcanon is that the pictures on these cards are moving like in Harry Potter. All the bad djinn depicted would flip the bird or make scary faces whenever John or Phil tried looking at them.
(I also remember listening to "Loose" by Nelly Furtado constantly while reading the book, and my first juvenile fantasies about Iblis got intertwined with those songs. I had long forgotten that fact, but recently I remembered and listened to the album again and god, most of the songs on there are pretty horrible actually).
32. Another book one thing: the German translation was kind of vague about everyone's looks, so for the longest time I had this picture in my head of Iblis as your typical middle-eastern looking dude, dark skin dark hair. When I happened upon (English) fanfic years later and found out what exactly "fair-haired" meant, I felt betrayed. But I will not stray from my path. Iblis is now dark-skinned and blond, no take backs. I am dead serious about this. Appearance headcanon: NON-WHITE IBLIS
33. I skimmed book 4 to check if this is right…and you never see Iblis referring to Dybbuk by his name. It's always just "the boy" or "he". This has brought me to believe that Iblis physically cannot bring himself to speak Dybbuk's name. Like maybe he regrets. Not just Dybbuk losing his powers, but everything. The whole thing. Dybbuk as a concept.
Also, had Iblis lived beyond book four and seen Dybbuk turn to evil, he'd be less than thrilled. I think he'd be like "Woooooah boy stop right there you want into my family? Absolutely noT. What is this you're not evil, go home to your mom, Dybbuk Teer my ass"
I have considered rewriting that one chapter in book five to Iblis's ghost turning up alongside Rakshasas and telling Dybbuk exactly that.
34. In any given scenario where they get together, Nimrod will only accept Iblis as a life partner if he makes a formal apology to Jenny Sachertorte beforehand. (Remind me to put that into SAO somewhere because I wanna see that)