Chapter 38 - Forlorn Resolute
I stared at my empty hands for what must have been hours. Even as the biting chill of the mountain grew ever colder at the sun's retreat to the horizon, I continued to stare at my hands. Even with those hands aching and covered in blood, I could still feel Zee's incomparable warmth each time I pulled my fingers into a fist.
That warmth had been taken from me, like so many other things, by this world that seemed determined to eschew rest until I was buried within it along with everything I loved.
The handful of inches between myself and an end to the pain that had long scorched its way through my despair-blackened body beckoned to me. The howling of the hateful wintry gale only further taunted me with the promise of the only possible escape from this horrifying phantasmic mockery of a life.
But I had made a promise. It seemed so innocuous in its utterance that it would have been impossible to conceive of the soul-rending agony that loomed over every moment of that promise's fulfillment.
I had to live. More than that...I had to want to live.
Impossible. Or...very difficult, at least.
My eyes remained pointlessly focused on my empty hands as small piece of melting ice fell into my palm and then ran onto the stone, taking some small measure of the blood with it. In path left by the tiny river, I saw the bruised and calloused skin beneath.
Those roughened callouses would never have existed if it hadn't been for my twisted determination to make Zee mine-wouldn't have existed if she hadn't forced me to train with her every single morning.
I closed my eyes for many long moments as I tried to turn my thoughts upon warmer times and warmer places. As my tears, frozen within me until that moment, finally melted enough to fall freely at the happily glowing thoughts of Zee, I managed to find a center in the knowledge that the callouses that Zee had helped create would disappear if I didn't continue to train or if I let myself waste away in despair. If I kept up my training then...at least that small reminder of her might always remain.
"Requiem to a Predicament," I whispered aloud as my mind made the short song hers, each moment spent with Zee carved into my memory. It seemed fitting given how many pained voices often screamed out in accompaniment to that particular tune...and also how I wished a righteous angelic avenger had come down from the heavens to save Zee in her final moments.
Wiping away tears, I picked up the small pouch Zee had left for me. Inside I found three letters, one addressed each to me, Dahlia, and Azalea's mother, her familiar kiseru...and a single gold piece. While I was still tangled up with another very pressing task that demanded my attention, I decided to spend that moment with Zee...or at least the words she'd left for me. I moved across the wide chamber, away from the chill wind of the outside and sat on the floor, leaning back against one of the heavy columns within the room and opened the letter with no small amount of trepidation.
(the next few sections have been crossed out) Hey Joe First of all, if you're reading this letter and I'm not already dead, you're about to be in some real trouble. I'm also really hoping that if I am dead that you're not staring at my corpse as you read this. That'd be sort of weird, so...move somewhere else if I'm currently a bloody stain on the ground next to you. I can wait. Damn it. This seemed like such a good idea when Meryl told me to write this letter for you but I'm no good with words and I don't know if the moment you're reading this is one where you need to cry, smile, or stop being a bitch. Sorry. That was mean. Let me start over. - Joe. Every time I think about you I start feeling... NO NO NO - Dearest Joseph, The merest thought of your towering manhood sets my heart atwitter as thoughts of your thorough and complete ravaging of my desperate body lay heavy upon my thoughts at all hours of the day and night. I want you to do things to me that would make Delilah blush like a virginal schoolgirl. Tie me up and make me beg you for release like a dog as you deny and torment me by making me watch you defile our beautiful fox princess companion with your ambrosial seed and- Shit...she's waking up. This one was all me, love. Zee's going to kill me… ~Your Sexy Fox So I found out today that parchment is actually pretty expensive and I'd rather swallow broken glass than ask Meryl for a loan so here we go. I'm not any better with words than when I started this but I had to do something. I hope you never have to read this...but I know the pain of leaving important things unsaid and at least this way I'll get to say some of them. Are things pretty bad right now? Part of me would like to think that they'd have to be for you to be reading this in the first place. Maybe saying these things will just make things worse for you right now, but if I'm dead then you have to forgive me, right? There are so many things I want to say. I think the first is that you reading this is just more proof that I fell for the right man. I try to think about how hard it would be for me to open a letter like this...or if I could even do it at all. Every single day I was with you I watched you grow stronger by leaps and bounds. Your fighting skills definitely improved...but what impressed me was your heart. You managed in a couple days what I'd spent months trying to work out with my own misplaced guilt over what happened in Uruk. I know that you probably need a lot more than a dumb compliment to get you through what you're probably dealing with right now but I don't know what else to say on that. There's still a long road ahead but you're a survivor...and I want you to always be that way. Maybe fate really is out to get you. I've never met anyone that seems to have such horrible luck. But Joe...that misfortune lead you to me and all the other women you care about. The only way to spite an enemy that's stronger than you'd ever be able to handle is to just keep getting up. You've been doing it all this time and you're going to keep doing it. I believe in you. Stand up, Joe. We'll see each other again. You know how I know? Because that would be the best way to show that so-called "fate" that she can't beat you. Maybe I got to the supposed afterlife before you, but I'm sure I can kill plenty of time with all the people I've sent here and the ones I brought with me on my way while I wait for you to get here. And it better not be soon. I love you, Joe...and I love that even in the short time I was with you, you made me understand what it means to say that to you...and that no matter how many times I say it, I'll always feel like I need to say it just one more time. ~Your Azalea PS Since I owed her and since she told me she could "guarantee" she'd make it worth your while in a huge way, I promised Dahlia you'd put an egg in her. Call it...a big personal favor to me. PPS Meryl says I should give you a place to meet if you somehow got this letter and I wasn't actually dead. I doubt that'll ever happen since I'm keeping it next to my kiseru and I haven't lost that thing in five hundred years. I really don't don't want you aimlessly out there looking for me if I'm gone, but fine...I'll give you an old Ashtail riddle for this one. "North of the Dead Woods, chasing Charisse's tail. Within the spider's tribute, salute the coat of mail." There. It's super dangerous and full of traps so I just wouldn't even bother going. You'll just be sadder when I'm not there.
(end of crossed out section)
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I knew my grief would have to wait for later if I was going to stop Del...and if Zee was watching, I wasn't going to let her down.
With a heavy sigh I got to my feet and then gently and carefully folded the parchment back up and and stowed it with the other letters, Zee's kiseru, and the single gold piece in my otherwise empty gold pouch.
"Time to move," I muttered aloud as I headed for the other side of the hall.
"If you're certain you're ready," a familiar voice called out in response.
Not even turning to look at the succubus maid, I picked my weapons back up and silently sheathed them, then moving toward the far side of the room and the stairs that would lead me toward my goal.
I heard her steps as she moved to follow me. "If you'd listened to me, Azalea would be-"
"Get away from me," I coldly replied, halting my steps.
Her steps continued to draw her closer as her every word hit me like a hammer. "Because you're doing so well on your own, right? How exactly were you planning on dealing with Durand herself when she shows up?"
"I said get the fuck away from me!" I screamed as I turned to the young succubus. "I don't care what Medea made you promise to do, I just...want to be alone," I added as my voice softened slightly.
"You're lying," she answered back as she stared at me with determined and pitiless eyes. "I'm a sorceress, Joe. And Medea's apprentice. I know what you're thinking. I'm sure we're going to have it out sooner than later, but now isn't the time for that. For now I just wanted you to know that I was with you. We don't have to talk or anything."
I turned back away from her and sighed. "Fine, whatever. I'm going so just...please be quiet."
I could almost hear the slight smile in her voice as she tried to respond. "I'll be like a ghost. You won't even know I'm...oh god-"
What she was about to say turned to bullshit before she could even finish saying it as she fell to the floor and began throwing up her dinner. Seriously?
"I'll be-hrng-fine…let's just go," she managed to force out between her retching as she began to cry almost hysterically.
If they ever discovered a mamono that lured in prey with tears, I'm sure I'd never see another day of freedom.
"Come on...it's going to be okay," I offered softly as I turned and moved next to her, gently rubbing her back between her demonic wings while helping to hold her black and white hair back.
"I'm not even upset *hic* I don't even know why I'm…" she tried to claim as she bawled like a colicky infant.
Thankfully, Phina's sickness passed within a few stressful minutes and we were able to get moving. I wasn't sure what this succubus was supposed to be able to do or what she was planning to do, but her presence was, perhaps strangely, making me feel a bit better.
"You are such a horrible person, you know that?" she said as she shook her head with a look of disappointment. "You actually smiled for a second there while I was crying my eyes out."
"Aren't...ah...I mean, weren't we going?" I nervously replied.
I really didn't like the idea of a woman following me that could actually read my mind. Though, maybe I should have been more appalled that I'd never been fully able to shake my guilty pleasure in the misery of others.
Nobody's perfect, right?
-
Damn but this castle was gorgeous.
Even while walking through hallways that were comparatively unadorned when placed up against the individual rooms we passed, each reminding me of a presidential suite in a five-star hotel, I was dumbstruck that there was no place I could lay my eyes that didn't scream of extravagant riches beyond even my full comprehension.
I didn't have time to dawdle but I really wished I did.
All too soon, the pleasant distraction and mostly silent guidance from the succubus behind me lead me to a door that represented all of the fearful dread that had lain like a pall over my entire existence on this island.
With arcane designs of wrought iron over blackened wood, it was clear to me that the door represented a reasoned desire for function over frivolous form. It was also obvious, much to my very immediate horror, that Phina was already opening the door without so much as a warning.
I wanted to kick her nearly as badly as kiss her for doing so. That solved the problem of agonizing over whether to open the door or not.
Even before trying to execute my most recent grand financial plan and resulting brutal defeat that followed, I knew that I would eventually be standing in this exact spot. I might not have known what the door would look like, or how the castle standing around it had been constructed, or even of the woman that owned all of it...but it was impossible to deny that I was destined to stand before it.
After finally being shown some small piece of fate's ridiculously assholish plan for me, I'd been gripped by disquieting anxiety at the thought of finally facing what would be standing on the other side.
It was...not quite what I was expecting.
Before me was a simple, smallish domed room, covered from floor to ceiling with obscure and arcane tracings that threw off the lambent glow of barely contained power at a level that filled me with foreboding terror...like watching a hyperactive five year old running with scissors and a live hand grenade.
Within that room stood also the circle of crystal-encased bodies representing the nearly sum total of every remaining thing I truly loved.
"It appears that wonders simply never cease, my love," Delilah called out as she turned to face me with an enigmatically unreadable expression on her face. "Your escape and arrival here was expected. However...would you care to explain her presence?"
"Her?" I asked, snapped from my confused daze as I looked to Phina before turning back to add, "She's the one that broke me out and lead me here."
"To what end?" Del asked without hesitation.
Somewhere along the way, I'd managed to get pretty good at telling when Del let herself get the tiniest bit angry...and this was certainly one of those times. I wondered with more than a little concern if she knew how cute she looked when it happened.
"He thinks you're adorable when you're angry," Phina suddenly stated, rapidly resurrecting my desire to kick her.
Del's stony expression faltered for the briefest of moments at Phina's comment. I saw the momentary twitch at the corner of her lips that meant she was hiding a smile. It was impossible to ignore the worry over whether it was the smile of a wife overjoyed at her husband's affection...or the smile of that wife about to teach her husband another lesson on humility.
Phina continued. "Oh, and he also thinks I'm here to stop you. Honestly...after the regimen Medea's forced me to undertake, I'm actually sort of curious if I could do it." She then shrugged and crossed her arms to add, "The reason I'm actually here is a secret, but I promise you that I won't interfere. I can appreciate the gravitas of this moment, Delilah. I truly hope that-oh...hells, why now…?"
Hell, why not? Nothing really could have put a glossy spit shine on the solemnity of this moment more than a succubus trying to find a corner in a round room into which to vomit up the little that could possibly still be in her stomach.
Delilah turned back to me, apparently convinced of the truth of Phina's claim that she wouldn't interfere, or perhaps about to ask me one of many questions I wouldn't want to answer.
"Joseph, my love..." she began, her use of my unshortened name never a good sign, "...have you copulated with Durand?"
Despite my absolute certainty that, aside from Del and Mira, none of the women in the center of the room could move, the shiver that ran down my spine convinced me that every single one of them was staring claymores at me.
Determined to find something interesting about my feet, I sheepishly replied with more volume than I was intending, "She had me tied down, Del! You can't blame me for-"
Interrupting me expertly enough to make me jump, she demanded, "Did you...enjoy it, my love?"
My mouth fell open as I searched for some combination of words that could provide anything like a correct answer to that question.
Instead of the, likely pitiful, attempt I would have made to go back to the well with the eminently reliable, "It's just sex" argument, I never got the chance as Durand magically appeared in the room wearing nothing more than a smile and what could only be-
"My attendants only ever tell me what they believe I want to hear. I came to observe how this comedy will reach its conclusion and to obtain a second opinion on this...exquisite new perfume," Durand said with a lustful sigh as she drew her fingers across her naked body, tracing her flawless skin with a familiar and thick milky liquid that also continued to slowly drip from her nethers in positively inhuman quantities.
I'd have been proud if I hadn't been so horrified at the thoughts of how Del would respond to the massive visible amounts of my...uh...essence all over Durand.
Seeming to ignore the damning indictment of my earlier activities, however, Del looked over to Durand as her expression changed to one I'd never seen before. It looked almost like barely suppressed...glee?
As she regained a small part of her composure, Del turned back to me, her eyes far too reminiscent of Gasai-tier yandere. "I will not let you enter this circle, my love. Not even Durand would be able to prevent the ritual from unmaking the one cursed with the burden of its cost. Joe...I...need you to trust me."
As she spoke, I could see the necromantic magics that normally held her body together starting to fail. It looked as if entropy itself was tearing at her from within. More than just weak on her feet, her look reminded me of the one I'd seen on Zee less than a handful of hours ago-the look of someone who was at peace with the knowledge that they were about to die.
I had decided the moment my memories returned that I was going to trust Del. Whatever she had planned was completely beyond me, but that simply didn't matter anymore. Nothing could have convinced me that Del was planning anything short of my survival along with the survival of every single one of the women I loved.
There was no other reason she would have waited for me to arrive in this room, right at this time, even with her body falling to pieces before my eyes. It meant that, along with my ignorance, my presence here must have been essential.
Durand suddenly smirked with an unmasked vindictive malice, "I find myself suddenly curious, Delilah, how you would respond if he were...already within the circle."
Before anyone in the room could fully process what she'd said, I felt an unmatched, obliterative pain that was wholly unlike and beyond anything I'd ever experienced or could have ever hoped to imagine as I found myself, my entire reality like a poem on agony, standing within the ritual circle.
Del's eyes fell softly upon me as if to reassure me that everything would be okay despite every nerve in my body loudly and angrily demanding otherwise.
With a nod to the exhausted looking Mira, Del turned to Durand with something not unlike a smile as she said simply, "Let us see."