A/N: Thank you very much for those lovely reviews and encouragement. I was very touched. So, I have a confession to make. When I said 40 chapters, I lied. We don't even get out of Croatia till 42. Honestly, I don't know how much I'll have to say about Chicago. But considering the first thing I say in the first chapter is that this is a short piece, I think there is no truth in advertising about the duration of this saga ; ) Truth be told, I thought to deal with what happened would be messy and difficult for them, and I didn't want to simplify that. So they ride the see-saw these next chapters.

Umbrella

Luka put his key in the lock and opened the door. Joe was crying. He quickly walked through their home calling for Abby and calling to Joe. He found him upstairs, in his crib, standing, face red with tears. How long had he been crying? Where was Abby? "Where's Mommy, Joe?"

He picked Joe up and took him downstairs to get him milk. Luka sat rocking him till he fell asleep. He heard the door open, and Abby came in. She was stumbling, struggling with her coat.

"Where have you been? You left Joe alone. . . He was crying .. . . "

"Where have I been? Where were you? You were supposed to be home."

"I got stuck at work. You just left?"

" I just . . .I just had to. . . get out. . . I couldn't handle it . . . "

"Couldn't handle what?"

"It . . . it. . .I couldn't handle it. . . okay?"

"No . . .not okay. You've been drinking."

"Well, I guess I have."

"What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what else have you been doing?"

"Don't worry . . . . . . .I didn't even like him."

Luka's eyes opened. His heart was pounding like a drum. His stomach sick. It was a dream. It was only a dream. But. . . it was . . . possible. The moonlight was shining in through the window, lighting her hair. He was completely struck by her beauty. It only intensified his pain. She was so peaceful, so still, her face, her features as if they'd been chiseled by a master artist. For him. The skin of her shoulder, upper back, arm, smooth and pale. . . perfect. Made for him. He was tucked around her, his hand on her hip, skin on skin. He rolled away. Covered his face with his hands, ran them through his hair, and he began to pray. He had found the prayers of his childhood returning to him since being back in Croatia, more these past few weeks than ever. When the sky started to lighten, he got out of bed.

Abby stirred, half asleep, she reached for him. He wasn't there. She sat bolt up right. The room was unfamiliar. She saw herself in the mirror across the room, hair askew, sheet pulled up over her naked body. Her stomach dropped, her heart began to pound. No. . . no. . .no. Her mind began to clear. Luka. . . . it couldn't have been a dream. She pulled on her robe, frantic to cover herself, and find him. She had to find him. The floor was freezing and her feet were bare. She took a deep breath, but her voice still trembled.

"Luka . . . Luka?"

"Here."

There he was, sitting in the front room of their suite, staring out the windows at the rosy sky.

"Luka?"

"There's coffee in kitchen."

"I don't want coffee. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. . . "

She sat on the sofa next to him, tucking her knees under herself, positioned towards him. "Something wrong?"

"No. . . no. . .I'm fine." He took a long drink from the thick white mug in his hands.

"Why are you up so early?'

"Couldn't sleep." He leaned forward to place the mug on the low table in front of him.

She gazed at him intently. "Why?"

He turned to look at her for the first time and shrugged.

Maybe last night. . . maybe it wasn't the same for him. She'd been so. . . happy. . . it had been wonderful for her, but maybe she wasn't the same for him anymore. Maybe she never would be. Abby stop it. Don't assume. Ask. "Luka, was last night. . . . . . was it not. . . was it not. . . . . . okay. . . for you?"

He smiled tenderly and shook his head, reaching out, he put his hand to her cheek. "It was . . .it was . . .great . . . "

"Then. . . what?" Her eyes were pleading with him.

"I just .. . . it just hit me, what they said at that meeting how each relapse can be . . . worse. And I'm trying. I'm really trying to understand and to help you.. . and to get beyond. . . it all. . . but I just. . . I just don't know. . . "

"If you could do it again. . . . . . "

"Yeah. . . If I could do it again. . . . . . and what that would mean. . . for you. . . for me. . . for Joe. . . . . . It's scary."

She nodded. "It is." She took a deep breath. It was her turn. She took his hand in hers, knotted their fingers. "I spent a lot of time in rehab thinking about us. About how much you've carried us these last couple of years. . . " Luka shook his head. "You have. You've carried me. You carried me when I first found out I was pregnant, and I wasn't sure what to do . . .what I wanted. . . or if I should even be a mother. . . and when Joe was in the NICU. . . and with Ames. . . and on our wedding day. . . You always believed in me and in us, and if you can't do that right now, maybe it's my turn. I can't know that I'll never screw up again. But I can believe that if I follow the program, I won't, and I can do the work every day so I won't. I don't want to lose you or Joe. There's nothing more important to me than the two of you. You have to know that. It will help me if you can believe it too."

"I want to Abby. . . I want to."

"Maybe that's enough for today. That you want to. I'll hang onto that. My sponsor's been sober for almost 20 years. It's possible. I believe that can be me too. I have to."

Luka nodded. "One day at a time."

"That's what they tell me. I'm fighting for my life, Luka. For our life. I know that. I do."

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They walked around the lake, the clouds above them heavy with rain, bundled in warm coats and hand in hand.

Luka looked down at her, decided to ask. "You never struck me as a Higher Power kind of person."

"Maybe that was my problem. . . or one of them. I let you become my Higher Power."

"Me?"

"In a way. It goes back to you being the one with the faith and confidence in me, propping me up, encouraging me to do the 'right' thing. . .or take the risk. I just. . . I had you at work and at home. . . and. . . it wasn't fair. I got too comfortable. I wanted to spend time with you, and then with you and Joe. . . and. . . I stopped going to meetings. I stopped working. I forgot I needed to. Things were good. And then once you were gone. . . . . . I just, I went right into addict mode. . . even before I was drinking. . . my thinking. . . it got screwed up. . . so. . . fast. . . I was a mess before I opened that first bottle . . . And don't say you're sorry again. . . or I'll have to hurt you."

"Okay . . .okay. . . I don't think I've been anyone's Higher Power before."

"Well, don't go getting a swelled head or anything. I'm trying to replace you after all."

"With what?"

"That's the thing. Right now it's some sort of vague notion of love, but mostly for me today, for all practical purposes, it's the program, but finding a way to have faith, to find healing by connecting to a Higher Power. . . I'm still sort of searching. It's not easy."

"I can see that."

"You believe in God."

"Yes."

"I just. . . I was raised with the 'you are going to hell' sort of God that makes the idea of connecting to God really difficult."

"I don't know. I've thought about it. . . a lot. . . I was angry for a long time. Gave up my faith, then sort of reinvented it. Maybe almost dying does that to a person. I don't think God's waiting to punish us for breaking the rules."

"You don't?"

"No, I mean it's like with Joe. We have to give him rules, like don't stick your finger in the electrical socket, don't climb on the table, that kind of thing because if he breaks them, he'll get hurt. I've come to think that we punish ourselves. That how we feel when we've done something. . . is the punishment. That and what happens to our lives. I've always been miserable when I've 'broken the rules'."

"So then, what's God's job?"

Luka smiled. "To help us get back up when we fall down."

"That's very twelve step of you."

"Yes. . . well. . . I'm trying."

"I know you are." She looked up at him. "I love you for it."

He stopped and turned to face her. "Make me one promise."

"What?"

"Promise me . . .if I ever . . .if you feel like. . . I'm not there . .or that you're slipping. . . even just a little. . . promise you'll tell me . . .this time."

"That's one of the things I have to do. I have to be able to tell you how I feel, what I need, if I'm . . .losing it. I'm trying. I guess. . . I guess what I most need is for us to learn how to make decisions together. The big ones anyway. . . like how we take care of our families when things come up. . . when and for how long we have house guests. . . how and when we get married. . . you know those little details. . . we need to work them out together."

Luka nodded. "Together."

The clouds let loose and the rain began a steady beat down. He opened his coat and took her in under his arm, and they made their way back home.

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They lay in the warm water. He was leaning against her, her legs wrapped around him. The oversize tub had been the selling point for this particular venue. She'd known if all else failed, if she could just get him into a tub. . . .

"Europeans have this bath thing down don't they?" She ran her hands down his shoulders, over his chest.

"Mmmmm"

"So, I was thinking that we should take Ana and Niko out for dinner to thank them for watching Joe. And so I can get to know them."

"That would be. . . . . . nice. . . " He wasn't really sure how that was going to go. On the other hand, he didn't want to discourage her, or make her more nervous. They would have to deal with his family at some point.

"And maybe. . . maybe we should invite Tatiana? Since she helped you so much." It was time to stop making assumptions and start facing the people in Luka's life. His life in Croatia. Like it or not.

"Tatiana? You want to invite Tatiana?"

"Is there a reason why we shouldn't?"

"I didn't think you liked her."

"I think we got off on the wrong foot. I don't know her. But if she helped you and Joe, if she has a place in your life here, I'd like to know her."

He craned his neck to look at her. "A place in my life here?"

"Yes."

"I didn't know I had a life here."

"I think you do. I can see it, Luka. I could hear it when we were apart. You do have a life here. It's a beautiful country. You have a lot of memories here. People you love."

"Our life is in Chicago."

"I know. But it can be here too." No more fear.

"Can it?"

"Do you want it to be?" There's nothing to fear.

"I don't know. . . "

"Then maybe we can figure that out together. I was thinking, maybe you and your brother shouldn't sell your father's apartment. You could rent it to tourists, and we could come and stay. . spend some time. . . vacations. . . if you want." But fear.

"You'd do that?"

"If you need it to be part of your life, then it can be part of mine. . .of Joe's. Maybe it should be. We can think about it." We.

"I never. . . . . . let myself. . . "

"Well, maybe you should. . . we should. . . we can decide together. . . "Us.

He took his hands and ran them down her legs, he turned his head to face her, reached a hand behind her head. "Thank you."

She smiled as his mouth found hers.