Bella walked out the back door of the house, closing it carefully behind her so it didn't bang shut.
She looked around to make sure no one had seen her leave, then headed towards the stables.
Jessica was probably searching high and low for her. Angela and some of the other maids might be a bit worried as well. But there was nothing for it- she couldn't see any of them without explaining why she wasn't working, which would mean explaining her engagement. And that announcement would surely spread like wildfire around the manor.
No, Bella owed it to Jacob to tell him herself, instead of allowing him to find out from someone else. No matter how difficult telling him would be.
Though it was late afternoon, the sky was still bright blue, dotted with occasional clouds. The air was warm, and permeated by the scent of spring flowers.
Bella found herself thinking that an overcast sky would have been much more appropriate for her task- some heavy clouds and even rain would be fitting for the occasion.
As she approached the stables, the workers saw her and began to call for Jacob. They looked at her excitedly, and Bella sensed there was something different about their expressions. There was an air of anticipation today.
Bella shook it off, smiling at them in thanks as she waited for Jacob. They always called for him, but they seemed to be shooting each other meaningful glances and grins. Bella wondered if maybe it was due to her recent absence- perhaps they were surprised that she hadn't been by earlier.
Regardless, it felt a bit strange, and Bella crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously, wishing Jacob would hurry up.
After a few moments, Jacob stepped outside, ducking down to avoid hitting his head on the door frame. He reached up and placed his hand over his eyes, shielding them from the midday sun as he searched for Bella.
In the second or two that he stood there, allowing his eyes to adjust to the sunlight, Bella was suddenly struck by his physical attractiveness. His posture, arm outstretched and head held high, showed off his impeccable physical form. He was so tall, towering above the other workers, and his arms were ringed with powerful muscle. Every movement he made seemed to be a testament to the hard physical labor he worked at every day- one could see the power and strength in his gestures.
He scanned the yard for a second, seemingly blinded by the setting sun.
When his eyes landed on Bella, he grinned widely, taking off on a jog towards her.
Bella uncrossed her arms, and when Jacob reached her, he bent down and took one of her hands.
"Well, well, at long last," he said. He looked into her eyes. "I've missed you."
Bella smiled, slightly uncomfortable with the intimacy of his words.
He seemed to take in her discomfort. He looked behind him towards the stables, where all the workers were watching their reunion with rapt interest.
He grinned at them and waved, before turning back towards Bella.
"Come on," he said, and began to walk towards the woods, holding Bella's hand in his.
They walked together in silence, with Jacob shooting happy glances in her direction every few steps.
Bella smiled back weakly in return, before averting her eyes towards the ground. She didn't want to look at him: his happiness and affection made her feel even worse.
When they reached the clearing, Jacob led her to the rock she always sat on. He bent down and brushed it off, then held out his arm for her to grasp as she sat down.
Once she was seated, Jacob stood in front of her. With the difference in their positions, her head only came up Jacob's stomach, giving them a serious height difference. But Jacob didn't seem to notice, beaming down at her happily.
"I'm glad you came today," he said. "I was starting to worry."
Bella shrugged, unsure of how to respond, how to launch into her speech. "I've just been so busy lately," she said, looking down at the forest floor."
"Well, I was planning on coming to the manor tonight if I didn't see you," he said. "I know you don't want Jessica to know about us, but I wanted to talk to you."
Bella gulped. It seemed that rather than shake his faith in their relationship, the kiss last time had made Jacob feel somehow closer to her. He had always been a sweet, happy guy, but the way he looked at her today was different. It was more affectionate, almost wistful.
She could feel something in the air, some imminent change Jacob wanted to make. But she wasn't sure what it was.
"That's funny," Bella said. She sensed that she should launch into her speech now, before Jacob had a chance to go any further. "I was wanting to speak with you too."
Jacob grinned, his eyes crinkling with delight. "Great."
She patted the seat next to her. "Will you sit down here though? I think my neck is hurting from looking up at you," she said playfully.
Jacob laughed and sat down. Usually he sat a couple inches away, but today he sat very close, so that his arm rubbed against hers.
Bella felt an instinctual urge to scoot over, giving her some space from Jacob. But she didn't want to do anything rude, not with what she was about to say.
Funny, though- a week ago, she would have been thrilled for Jacob to make such a forward move with her. But now, with her future aligned with Edward's, it was the last thing she wanted.
"Alright, Bella," Jacob said. "But before you say what you want to, I need to talk to you about something."
Bella nodded, feeling at once relieved that her speech would be postponed, and nervous as to what Jacob would say.
A thought flashed in her mind: was Jacob planning on ending things? In some ways, that would be a relief, but in others, she would be a bit hurt. It was strange: she knew she didn't want to be with Jacob, but she still valued his opinion of her. To have him end things, would be conversely gratifying and also insulting.
Jacob looked down at the ground, and took a deep breath. He looked as though he were bracing himself for some kind of battle.
"I worry that last week- I might have… spoken rudely to you." With this, he shot Bella an apologetic look, as if worried about how she would react to the memory. "I just- I said the wrong thing. I want you to know that I do want to to kiss you- very much."
He shot Bella a goofy smile, and she did her best to return it. The truth was, the thought of kissing Jacob now made her feel somewhat nauseous. She couldn't imagine kissing anyone other than Edward.
"I liked you the moment I saw you, and I meant what I said about being husband and wife. To that end, I want to officially ask you," he gulped, and his eyes looked nervous. "For an engagement."
Bella felt as though she had been slapped.
It felt almost like a dream, or a nightmare. She felt as though she left her body for a second, and looked down on herself from a distance. As though she were watching some comedy of errors: the already betrothed girl having to turn down an engagement from her previous beau, who was still actually her current beau. This was the moment in a play when the audience would break into laughter at the absurdity of it all; and yet Bella felt far from amused.
After a second, Bella became aware that she was supposed to say something. She could feel Jacob's eyes on her, probably looking a bit confused as to why she hadn't responded.
And yet no words came; she simply stared into the woods. Possible responses shot through her brain, but none were appropriate.
What could she possibly say to turn Jacob down, without crushing him?
"Um, thank you," Bella said after a second.
She turned to Jacob and saw the concern on his face, and she knew instantly that she had said the wrong thing.
"I mean- thank you, thank you so much Jacob," she said, her words coming out in rushed urgency. "That's so sweet of you, how nice of you to ask."
Jacob simply stared at her, as if she had grown a second head.
It occurred to Bella that this was probably the exact opposite of the response that Jacob had been expecting. And probably the opposite of the expected response for a happy fiance.
Jacob looked down at the floor, and Bella felt a panicked need to say something, anything, to end this situation.
"It's just I- I can't," Bella's words came out in a flurry. She was speaking so fast that they often fused together. "I've been thinking too, and I think we might be… better off as friends."
Bella whispered the last part, then bit her lip, watching Jacob's face.
Jacob's face had been confused and hurt. But as the last sentence, it darkened. He looked back at Bella with an expression of betrayal.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I really like you," Bella said. "I do, very much."
Jacob's face was confused.
"It's just- the kiss last week…. I think you were right," Bella said. "It wasn't good, and I don't think it ever will be."
Jacob's expression turned to anger.
"That's not true, Bella," he said. "What are you even saying? Of course it would be. When we're married, it'll be great. We'll grow to love each other, grow to get better at it!"
Bella stared at the ground, biting her lip. She had no idea how to respond to Jacob's statement.
"I enjoyed your kiss. Very much," he said finally. His voice sounded hurt, as if he was expecting Bella to soothe him and reciprocate his enthusiasm.
Bella turned her head slowly to look at him.
"But I didn't enjoy it, Jacob," she said softly.
With this Jacob stood up, turning away from her and marching across the clearing to the row of trees. He braced an arm over his head against one, so that he was leaning on it.
Bella bit her lip, debating what she should do. On one hand, she felt as though she had done her part. She had broken up with Jacob, had let him know that they were over.
But another part of her felt responsible for his outburst. He was clearly angry and upset, and she did still care for him. She couldnt just leave him in the forest, so angry and heartbroken.
Even though he was clearly mad, Bella felt she had a duty to comfort him.
She picked herself up, and walked towards Jacob. She called his name once, but he didn't respond, simply stayed leaning against the tree, facing away from her.
Twigs and leaves snapped under Bella's feet, so she knew Jacob could hear she was close to him. When she was about a foot away, she said his name gently.
Then she reached out, placing one hand on his upper arm, the one which hung loosely by his side, and rubbed it soothingly.
Jacob waited a couple of seconds, and then turned around, pulling her to him and covering her lips with his.
Bella was shocked by the sudden invasion, allowing Jacob to slip his tongue in her mouth.
It seemed almost as though all the passion Jacob had repressed, all the anger he felt towards the breakup, all his emotion towards her, was poured into this kiss. And Bella was momentarily stunned by the intensity of it all.
He held the back of her head with one hand, and used his other arm to pull her against him.
In just a couple of seconds, Jacob had managed to pull her around and press her against the tree he had been leaning against. His arm stayed against her back, pulling her even more against him so that she was able to feel the full length of his body.
As soon as she felt the tree bark against her, Bella seemed to fully become aware of what was happening. Instantly, her thoughts went to Edward, and she tried to wriggle away from Jacob. But he didn't even seem to notice, he simply continued to kiss her, holding her head in place so that he was able to have full access to her.
The kiss was so passionate, so forceful and commanding of her attention, that Bella found herself momentarily distracted. She was shocked by the hungry way Jacob was kissing her, as though he were trying to drink her in.
For a couple moments, Bella found herself enjoying the sensation of Jacob's tongue. He wasn't as finessed as Edward, but it did feel good. It almost felt possible to pretend it was Edward, to lose herself in the feeling…
Jacob let out a low groan, and pushed his groin forward against her, revealing the beginnings of an erection. One which felt much smaller, incidentally, than Edwards.
With this movement, Bella suddenly came to her senses. A sense of panic overtook her, as to what exactly Jacob planned to do.
She reached her free arm, the one not being pinned by Jacob's, up and against Jacob's shoulder. She pushed against him with her hand, shoving as hard as she could.
But Jacob's body didn't move, and he didn't let up the kiss at all. In fact, he seemed to hardly have noticed.
Bella tried to rear her head back, but it was no use, Jacob held it firmly in place.
She bunched her hand into a fist and pounded it against Jacob's shoulder as hard as she could, knocking against him several times.
Again, Jacob didn't move and made no change in his actions, continuing to kiss her as though he hadn't felt a thing.
Bella felt a cold wave of panic begin to overtake her. What was Jacob doing? Was he going to stop? What if-
Before Bella could complete her thought, she felt Jacob suddenly wrenched away from her.
Her eyes had been closed, and when she opened them, and when she opened them, she saw Jacob in a heap on the ground, a few feet in front of her.
To her left, Edward stood, staring down at Jacob with a look of utter hatred.
Jacob seemed almost dazed- he shook his head quickly as if trying to bring himself back into reality. When he took in Bella, standing against the tree, and Edward, standing next to her, his expression became alert and angry. Instantly, he scrambled to his feet, bracing himself into a fighting position, and wiped his wet mouth off with a shirtsleeve.
Edward began to start towards him, and Bella reached out to grab his arm.
"Please," she whispered. "Don't."
Edward's arm flexed in frustration, but he stopped his movement toward Jacob.
He turned around to look at Bella. "Are you okay?"
Bella nodded, reaching up to smooth back some of the hair that Jacob had messed out of place.
"I should have known," Jacob's voice broke into their private interaction. It was bitter and angry. "Of course, that's why. You left me for him."
Bella turned to look at Jacob. As angry as she was for what he had just done, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He was staring at her with a mix of sadness and rage, and his shirt and pants were dirty from landing on the forest floor.
"That's right," Edward said. His words came out at the same time as Bella's denial.
"That's not true!" she said.
Edward shot Bella a confused look, and she suspected he was somewhat taken aback by her denial.
"Jacob," Bella said, ignoring Edward for the time being. "I didn't leave you for him. I made my decision to end things with you before Edward came to me. It was after our kiss, and it was my decision, and mine alone. Edward had nothing to do with it."
Jacob let out a bitter, false-sounding laugh. "Please, I don't buy that for a second."
"Does it really matter, Black?" Edward said. His voice was stony and cold. Bella could sense that Edward wanted to hurt Jacob, was hoping to provoke him so that they could hash things out physically. "She's not with you anymore and that's all you need to know."
Jacob looked at Edward with an expression of utter rage. "So help me, Cullen- if you come one foot closer…"
Edward laughed, "It would be my pleasure."
Edward took another step forward but Bella grabbed his arm with both hands, pulling on it as hard as she could. "Please, Edward, don't."
He turned around to look at her, and Bella could see the anticipation and battle-hunger in his eyes.
She shot him a look of pleading, and she took in the blood-lust momentarily dim in his eyes. He looked at the ground for a couple seconds, debating internally whether to go over to Jacob or listen to Bella.
Finally, Bella felt the tense muscles in his arms relax slightly, and he turned to stand next to her.
"If you want to fight me, Black, by all means. But I'm not coming to you," he said.
Bella felt a momentary burst of joy as she realized she had managed to put off a physical conflict between the two of them, for at least the time being. The idea of the two of them fighting was truly terrifying: they were the same fight, and relatively equally physically matched. Edward was longer and leaner than Jacob, whose muscles were large and bulging from his days of hard labor. While Edward had fiercely impressive musculature himself, his leanness gave him added agility, and his mental prowess was a real advantage. Bella wasn't sure who would win, but she was sure both sides would leave with some broken bones, at the very least.
Edward put his arm around Bella's shoulders, pulling her close to him. Then he ran his hand down her side, until it rested on the curve of her hip. The entire time, Edward's eyes did not leave Jacob's, and Bella realized that he still wanted to fight him, and was hoping to entice him into starting the fight himself.
Jacob looked at Edward with an expression of pure rage. Then he fixed his gaze on Bella.
"You realize he's just going to fuck you and throw you away?" he said bitterly. "You'll be just another name on his long list of women."
Despite the fact that she was engaged to Edward, Jacob's words stung. It was an insecurity she had always had- what if Edward were merely pretending to be committed to her, in order to get her into bed? How could a man, who had so many women at his disposal, want to settle down with her, of all people?
Bella tried to keep her face impassive, but she suspected that the hurt was plainly visible. She looked away, into the forest.
She felt Edward's arm tighten around her waist, and when she looked over at him, the expression he wore was truly frightening.
"Don't you say a damn word to her, you bastard," Edward said through gritted teeth. "I will come over there so fast…"
"Prove it." Jacob said, his voice smug with the knowledge that he had managed to finally hurt them.
Edward's arm loosened around Bella's waist. Before he was able to take a step, she rushed forward, putting herself about a foot away from Edward and outstretching her arms in either direction.
"Stop, both of you!" she shouted.
She turned to look at Jacob and saw him looking past her, his eyes fixed on Edward. Edward looked the same, staring at Jacob with an expression of pure hatred.
"Edward, please," she turned to face him, reaching both hands up to cup his face and turn it towards her. "Please, can you take me back to the manor?"
Edward stayed looking at Jacob first, his eyes not moving with his face. When he finally looked down at her, his gaze softened, became one of concern.
He seemed to be debating the issue in his mind, and he looked back at Jacob one more time. Instatnly, his gaze shifted back into animalistic anger, the look of a dog whose seen a fox it wants to catch.
Bella pressed her hands into his cheeks again, hoping to get his attention back.
It worked- he looked down at her, and something inside of him seemed to relent.
He let out a deep and heavy breath. "Let's go."
He reached up and grabbed one her hands, which was still affixed to his face, before turning around and heading towards the manor, pulling Bella after him.
Edward walked briskly, and Bella suspected that he wanted to be out of the woods as quickly as possible, in order to avoid the temptation of going back to fight Jacob.
Just before the end of the clearing, Bella turned around to look back at Jacob.
As horribly as he had acted, she found she still wanted to know that he was okay.
But she saw that Jacob was not looking at her- instead, he was staring at Edward's back, his eyes almost black with rage.