Earlier…

They'd been making out on his bed and she didn't know how they got there.

It'd started innocently enough. They'd been sitting there together after he'd woken up from one of his nightmares involving his cousin not long after the funeral. All she'd meant to do was to hold him tightly until his body stopped trembling, his heart didn't pound against her chest. At first he didn't even know where he was, a part of him was back on the battlefield with bombs going off around him.

Then he'd settled down and they'd started talking, still holding onto each other. She didn't remembered who'd kissed who first, it'd just happened during a pause in the conversation. Their lips brushed first perhaps in comfort, and then when they should have parted, they didn't…not until she broke the kiss to collect herself.

"I'm sorry…I guess…I…"

She couldn't get the words out right. He just reached out to stroke a tendril of hair out of her face gazing at her in a way that made her stop breathing.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I…."

His lips met hers and when C.J. kissed him that second time, she had no idea how hard it would be to stop.

So she decided she didn't have to so she continued pressing her lips against his mouth, gently taking possession. There was nothing shy about what she gave and what she took from him. If he had expected feathery gentle caresses on his mouth, he was in for a shock.

This time she slipped her tongue in first, darting its tip in and out of the warmth of his mouth, tasting it and wanting more. He didn't fall behind the pace that she set but met it, wrapping his arms around her as they fell backwards. The bed creaked as he pulled her down on top of him and she fell against his hard body. He cushioned her with his own hands which gripped her as she continued her assault on his mouth.

She took charge which thrilled her and seem to intoxicate him. He skimmed his hands over her back and cupped her rear. She felt his hardness against her belly, not exactly where she wanted it to be but a good start. Her hair dangled and brushed against his face as she lifted up from her kiss, her eyes dancing over his face, the strong line of his jaw and his forehead, his slightly jagged nose and warm brown eyes.

Then the mouth that broke out into a sly smile...and her eye brows lifted.

"What are you thinking," she asked him.

He remained silent a long moment.

"You should know that just from being on top."

Her own mouth curved into a smile because yeah, she could definitely feel him against her.

"You feel…good Houston…is that what you want to hear?"

He reached up to stroke her face and his fingers though callused felt so gentle on her skin there. She wanted to close her eyes and just enjoy the attention and forget how they got there.

"No…not exactly…I want to hear that you want me inside of you…"

Her mouth fell open and he thought for a moment he had said too much, but then he caught the edge in her eyes.

And he knew she wanted it too.

He knew if he stroked her between her thighs that even with the panties, he'd feel just how much.

"Come on C.J., you know you want it…," he said, "and don't say no or I'll go and touch that one spot that will make a liar out of you."

She bit her lip knowing exactly what he was talking about…and she shifted on top of him until she felt him where she wanted him. Now if she could just rub against him a little bit…

He cursed softly…and then he reached up to grab her hips and she knew exactly what he wanted…should she show him what she could do?

She gyrated her hips and rubbed against him, just barely at first and just being that close to him made her body ache. Her hair caressed his skin as she reached down and kissed him every now and then…never letting him know when it was coming. Just when he thought she had moved on…those lips settled on his mouth again tempting it. How she did that, gave him such good attention while rubbing against him, his briefs tightening.

Her hands braced her weight, allowing her with the help of his own hold on her to control how hard, how soft, how long…and…he threw his head back…as she continued to ride him.

She showed him her own pleasure on her face, the way her cheeks flushed and her eyes lit up and her mouth relaxed in between kissing him. And inside her body, she felt the sensation inside of her coil up so tightly, it felt taut inside of her as if all it would take would be one nudge…

To send her over the edge and maybe she'd take him with her as well.

But for now, she just flirted with the edge, keeping on the stronger side while she felt him grip her hips harder…urgency showing on his face to match that in his hands. She loved riding him…like this because she felt so free, so alive and she could forget everything else.

Even with several layers of clothing between them…it felt hot. But then suddenly it hit her what they were doing, what would happen next. The intensity of her feelings, and she felt she had to get away from him.

She pulled herself away from him and off of him…her body shaking. He read her face, seeing the arousal which matched his own but he saw resistance too and maybe a little fear.

"You have to really want this C.J. before it goes any further…"

She shook her head.

"I can't…I know it started it and I'm sorry but I just can't…"

"Why not?"

Frustration laced his voice and she was the cause of it.

She sighed, as she nodded, flipping her loose hair behind her. Then she looked at him intently…trying to pick her way through a minefield around her and between them. And she didn't know if she had the skills because so much about him overwhelmed her not to mention her own feelings.

She did know it wasn't just her that had wanted it…so did he…he wanted her too…she could see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch…not to mention…but no one of them had to remember first and stop the other from going too far. She saw puzzlement on his face as he looked at her.

"Okay C.J. what are we doing here then?"

She looked at him from where she sat, neither of them wearing much.

"I thought we were kissing."

He sighed.

"We were doing a hell of a lot more than that…"

"Houston…I know…it's just that…this is happening pretty fast…"

He read her face and saw that she had been struggling with something but she had felt so good on top of him and he'd seen the pleasure on his face that she received from him.

"Do you want it to end here and to walk away?"

She tilted her face looking back and he knew she was thinking…then she shook her head.

"No…I don't…I enjoyed myself too much…I want to take this further with you…it's just…life's so damn complicated. It'd be a mistake. A big one…for both of us."

"You mean if we had sex? C.J. we're both adults. I don't see…"

She interrupted him.

"No you don't Houston…but I do. I don't want to mess up the most important relationship in my life. You're grieving…we both are and this isn't the way to do it."

He sighed.

"I wasn't thinking about Will. I was thinking about you and how much I wanted you…"

"I know…but we can't do it. We just can't. It'd hurt too much and I don't know about you but I can't feel anything right now."

He paused.

"Yeah…me neither most of the time but when I'm with you…"

She nodded, grateful that he understood that part of it but that wasn't all of it.

"And…we've been friends for a long time…and I like that about us a lot that we've always managed to share that…I don't want to mess that up."

"It doesn't have to…if we have sex."

She rubbed her lips together…wondering if she would agree with that…it just felt that if they gave into their feelings and it didn't work out…how would they feel about each other then…would they still be able to be friends?

Because if they couldn't…she didn't want to go any further and take that risk…because to lose him even as a friend would be too much. She didn't want to leave town with that between them. They'd be going their own separate soon enough. She back to law school and he starting his MBA program.

"What makes you so sure about that Houston…?"

He smiled at her.

"I care about you C.J.…that's never going to change…it's because we've been friends for so long that it can be better between us."

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry Houston but I told you I can't…I think I should leave now."

She got out of bed and walked out the door while he watched before sinking back on the bed.

C.J. woke with a start and saw darkness around her. The faint hum of traffic outside her window. She realized she'd been dreaming about him again, about what'd happened years ago back in Texas after they buried Will. It'd been four days and no word from Matt…she knew that up to a point, no news was good news but she'd hoped to gotten some news about the fate of him and his team.

She got out of bed to go brew herself some chamomile tea to help her relax and fall asleep. She'd woken up as if she'd just left him in his bed, her body still felt the imprint of his hands on it and her mouth tasted him. She sighed as she filled the kettle and turned on one of the burners on the stove to heat it. Matt hadn't been too happy when she'd walked out of him that night and she didn't blame him. After all, she'd come on to him pretty fierce and then when it got hot and heavy she'd pulled away from him. If he felt like she rejected him…but it'd not been about him at all. She'd envied him his ability at times to separate their tight friendship from any desire to step their relationship up a notch. But then again he was a guy and that's what guys did.

If she hadn't stopped him, they'd have done it and she knew she'd regret it. Whether it made any sense to Matt or not.

The kettle whistled and she poured enough water in her mug to steep her tea. She sipped it thoughtfully while she tried not to think about all the things that could go wrong on Matt's mission to find his cousin.

She'd talked with Roy earlier that day and he'd said that a contact of his said that nothing had happened yet. The warlord's compound had been located but that Matt and the team were waiting to make their move. She'd told Roy what the mysterious caller she'd intercepted had told her and he'd pass the word along without hesitation.

"Did he say anything else to you," he'd asked her.

She shook her head.

"No he said nothing at all for a moment then he hung up…"

Roy was nervous, despite his calmness because Matt and Too Mean hadn't reported in not that it necessarily meant anything. They might be out in the remote desert where the warlord had allegedly set up his operation while paying off some corrupt governmental officials to look the other way.

"That's how it often happens in these countries."

She nodded.

Now she drank her tea which worked its magic on her muscles relaxing them. She'd been so tense, so on edge waiting to hear a word but she'd kept herself busy enough to not think about the men because to do that was to worry.

She remembered hugging Matt goodbye, holding onto him while burying her head in his chest. Inhaling his scent, tracing her hands against his back. They hadn't said much before parting but they hadn't needed words. After finishing her tea she put the mug down and walked back to her bedroom.

Time to sleep, she'd need to be rested and to be at full strength in the morning. She had a feeling that tomorrow she'd learn the fates of Matt and the other men.

Matt woke up before dawn looking up at the roof of the hut. Too Mean and Andy lay in their sleeping bags besides him, softly snoring. He'd been dreaming about a night he spent with a certain woman that had woken him up too soon. It'd seemed so real, he remembered the softness of her skin beneath his hands and the imprint of her mouth on his lips.

He sighed as he unzipped his bag and got up to face the morning. The day their ragtag army would meet up with some local militia men and free his cousin. The news that Will was indeed still alive exhilarated him. He'd been sobered up when Andy had reminded him that his cousin had been a POW for nearly 10 years and most likely wouldn't be the same as he'd been before his capture. He might have been hurt physically and any such scars would pale alongside his emotional ones, from likely being tortured and confined during his captivity.

Too Mean stirred and got up to join them as they both looked out of the window into the barren desert. They'd taken shelter on an abandoned farm, that'd never been resettled after the war.

"I'll get some of that instant coffee," Too Mean said, "it sure aint' cappuccino." The ex-football player turned bodyguard had a weakness for them.

Matt just stared ahead as the sun rose enough to soften the darkness.

"You nervous?"

Matt shook his head.

"Nah, we ran the plan over and over last night," he said, "put in every safeguard. Today's the day he'll be coming home a free man."

"If everything goes according to plan…but Houston he's going to be changed and we won't know how much even when we get him back."

Matt sighed.

"I know…but I just want him back," he said, "I almost gave Uncle Roy the news but I decided to wait until we're finished and heading back to Kuwait."

"Yeah I think that's best. Well better get Andy up so we can have some breakfast and get a move on."

Matt nodded, still running over the plan inside his head. Every contingency covered, everything ready to go. By tonight, he'd be reunited to a cousin he hadn't seen in years.

It didn't occur to him that he'd lose one of his team members along the way.

Roy had flown out to meet Matt and the others while C.J. manned the fort back home. She filed her briefs at the courthouse in the mornings and then tackled a pile of paperwork in the afternoons handed off to her by the secretaries.

She didn't mind so much. It kept her busy and besides with Too Mean in Iraq with Matt, she couldn't spar with him at the gym. She looked forward to making up for lost time when he returned.

Chris ducked her head in the office.

"I'm going to the coffee spot. You want anything?"

"A caramel latte will be fine."

Chris went out to fetch it and then the phone rang. She went to pick it up and heard static on the other end. Then she sat down knowing it'd come from the other side of the world.

"Houston is that you?"

"C.J…we found him and we got him out of there."

Elation filled her, and overwhelmed her. She didn't know what she had expected but the news that his cousin had survived all these years he'd been believed lost, just unbelievable.

"Oh my god Houston...you serious? Of course you are. So…how is he? When are you bringing him home?"

She heard another voice on the phone which she recognized even after nearly a decade.

"Hiya C.J. it's me Will…good to hear your voice."

She still couldn't believe it was really him.

"Great to hear yours again. God I don't know what to say…this is all so…"

"Unbelievable? Yeah when I saw that ugly mug of my cousin and his ragtag set show up, I thought I was hallucinating again."

She heard the weariness and so much more in his voice. Damn they needed to get him home safe again so they could all take care of him, make up for lost time. When she thought of what he must have gone through…she couldn't imagine and Matt…

"You coming back soon?"

Matt returned on the line again.

"Yeah we're heading back tomorrow. We'll be back by late afternoon at LAX on the jet."

"I'll be there and how's Roy?"

"Ecstatic…he's not let Will out of his sight since they reunited."

She felt happy about that.

"And Too Mean?"

A long pause, then she felt the apprehension build even before he spoke again.

"C.J. he didn't make it back. They killed him when we sprung Will…if it hadn't been for him…we'd all be dead."

She fell silent, shocked, her elation shoved away by intense sadness.

"Oh Houston…"

"Yeah…we're trying to get them to hand over his body for burial back in the States at least…"

"What can I do to help?"

He sighed.

"Contact Randy…and Caryn his fiancée…"

"Okay…I'll see you all tomorrow…have a safe flight."

They hung up and she collapsed in a chair wrapping her arms around herself, so overwhelmed with a flurry of emotions, not knowing just how it was possible to feel intense joy and deep sadness at the same time.

Will got settled in a room at the Veterans Hospital undergoing treatment for an assortment of medical ailments, none of them lethal. He'd already began regaining the weight he'd lost in captivity and filling out his skeletal frame.

Denise one of the top experts in traumatic counseling took on his case though Will insisted that he was doing just fine, he just wanted to return to his life and start gaining it back. Make up for lost time and live it to the fullest as it could be snatched away so easily after all.

Matt visited him a lot and in some ways, he seemed to be the same Will he remembered growing up…just trying to catch up with a world that'd changed so much without him. He'd been keen on learning how to use a cell phone and listening to music on an iPod. But Matt knew that Will brought back his demons with him to his own life, it'd only be a matter of time until they emerged.

As for himself, he'd tossed the hated sling off when he got back to the beach house. He'd just been dinged after all and as for the bruises, they'd heal.

Matt worked hard with Too Mean's friends to make sure his buddy got the sendoff he deserved, then they held a wake at his beach house right in the strip of sand in front of it. Barbecuing steaks and ice chests filed with beers. Kicking back and sharing old stories, memories the way his friend would have wanted it. Too Mean wouldn't want to be remembered through tears and sadness, but laughter and everyone having a grand time at a party.

Roy headed on home with Will who'd come along but though he ate and drank, he remained on the fringes of everyone still unsure of his place in his newly rediscovered world.

C.J. stayed after to help him clean after everyone else had cleared out. Damn she looked gorgeous without even trying in a summer dress which hugged her body and wearing her hair loose around her shoulders.

"I think he would have enjoyed it Houston…damn I'm going to miss him…"

He sighed.

"Me too…don't worry about the chairs. I'll sort them out in the morning…"

She didn't want to leave and he didn't seem to want her to head home. Something between them…since he'd come back home. Something had changed. Maybe it was his near brush with death, maybe losing Too Mean…maybe the fear of losing him for real this time. Maybe the reality that life remained fleeting and damn fickle in how it decided people's fates…

It's started when she'd hugged him in comfort, and he'd wrapped his own arms around her pulling her close to him inhaling her scent.

What happened soon after, neither could remember who made the first move…until they had their arms around each other, kissing softly at first and then more urgently. Their hands all over each other, tentatively at first and then in places it'd been years since either explored. He slid her summer dress up her thighs while kissing her so thoroughly she thought her knees would buckle.

"Houston…"

"Shhhh…don't interrupt me."

They kept at it, forgetting everything around them, forgetting the past few days, weeks, months hell even years. The only thing that mattered was right now and what they both wanted which was each other.

His hands moved lower and before she realized it, he slipped his hand into her panties and started stroking her there. She saw the expression on his face change when he realized how aroused she had become already.

Not to mention feeling him against her.

"Houston…oh god…"

So he stroked her there, caressing her and she gasped.

"Like that…I can see that you do…"

She couldn't even nod because she felt limp against him already as he rubbed her, sliding a finger inside of her marveling at her slickness, and how she clenched on his finger without realizing it.

Snug and tight and oh so hot…

He moved his finger inside of her focusing on an area that swelled beneath his touch.

"Oh…my …god…"

He smiled at her as he kept up the pressure and upped the tempo just slightly.

"You're so wet darling…and so hot…"

She felt like she was getting even hotter, a wave of warmth spread outward from his area of focus.

"What…?"

"Like that….how close are you?"

"Close…?"

"You know what I mean…"

Oh…pretty damn close, she tried to think but her mind swirled, caught up in the eddies of sensation that had enraptured her body. Her breathing came rapid as she leaned against him, her heart pounding, her skin perspiring as if she had worked out in the hot sun.

"So close…."

He increased his tempo and god, she couldn't help it but she threw her head back and cried, trying to suppress it and not succeeding.

"Let it out…there's no one but us here…"

She tried…but she couldn't…all she could do was sigh hard…her hips dying to meet the movement of his finger to push it deeper inside of her…as she rushed up to the top of the summit…nothing holding her back.

And…he kissed her on the mouth then as the pleasure grew beyond what she could stand until she leaned against him, her breath coming harshly.

.

She felt so limp against him, he felt solid against her like someone she could hold onto, yet she felt vulnerable as well. At what she had just showed him, what they had just shared.

"Houston…I…"

The woman who had been known for her way with words in any situation had been left speechless. He stroke several damp tendrils off of her face and kissed her again, tasting her as he pulled her closer to him. That primal feeling that filled him as that hit him aroused him even further…he wanted to carry her to the bedroom, push her against the bed and thrust hard inside her to take possession of her. More than he had ever remembered wanting anything.

But he knew looking at her, a mixture of sated passion on her face, and apprehension because she had felt him hard against her and knew what he wanted from her. After all, this wasn't exactly a road they had gone down before not except for some summer night long ago. He stroked her cheek gently, willing his own body to be patient.

"Come on…we need to move this to the bedroom…"

She nodded, knowing that too and so she relaxed against him when he swept her off her feet into her arms and proceeded to do just that.

Neither thinking of anything but what they both needed right now.