Cornadopia - Hey! That sounds dirty! You've been reading too much Mercutio.
Maybetheawesome - I guess that's why Gabriel's friends with him!
Uh oh. Shylock's onto Anthony. As for our homeless chic, Gabriel, let's see what happens when he gets stuck at Benvolio's apartment!
"Oooh, he's waking up" observed Hermia, poking at Gabriel with a wet flannel. She twisted one end, so a stream of water trickled on his eyelids.
"Hey!" shrieked Gabriel, jerking upright.
"Rise and shine, poor little rich boy" sang Mercutio, bending over the sofa, so Gabriel was entreated to a full view of Mercutio's face.
"What are you doing?" yelped Gabriel "Soaking me?"
"Yeah. Because we don't like you" smiled Hermia.
"Where the hell am I?" asked Gabriel, looking around.
"At our apartment" replied Mercutio.
Gabriel wrinkled his nose "Well, that explains why it smells so bad"
"No. That's Eliseo's diaper. Benvolio's just changing it. God, I can't wait until he's potty trained! I'm going to dance in celebration"
Gabriel sat up, and rubbed his eyes. Snooky had made herself comfortable on an armchair. He could see through an open door Benvolio changing Eliseo's nappy in what was presumably their bedroom. Hermia and Mercutio had both been leaning over him, and Gabriel hoped they hadn't been tampering with his stuff. To his relief, his suitcase rested by the end of the sofa. That Allegra girl who'd started dating Mercutio last December was making a cup of tea.
"My God, she's put on weight" remarked Gabriel, earning him a slap in the face with the flannel from Mercutio "Oi!"
"Don't insult my Wally-wegra! Or you're out. And I know you don't have anywhere to go, and you don't have money, because we rung up Tybalt and he said you were homeless. We could have chucked you out in the street, but we're nice people, and so we've kept you. Plus, I want to interrogate you" swarmed Mercutio.
"Interrogate me?" frowned Gabriel "About what?"
"Shylock" said Mercutio, folding his arms "Your best friend, I believe"
"Not anymore. He's gone completely crazy. He's trying to kill Anthony. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen. He went mad and shut me in my room for twenty four hours, with no food, no water. I haven't had a shower in three days, and I stink like Tybalt before Rosaline turned him into a metrosexual"
Mercutio actually snorted "Well, if you tell us what's going on, I will give you full access to the bathing facilities in this apartment"
Gabriel looked almost offended "I was going to tell you anyway. I was going to warn you"
"You want to help us?" remarked Hermia.
"Well, yes. I mean, I'm friends with Shylock. He's been a father figure to me when Angelo has failed too. But murder is wrong. It won't make things better. It makes you as bad as the perpetrator"
"You've changed your tune! Last Christmas you and Tybalt decided to play soldiers and went after Demetrius with guns. And from what I've heard, you were actually going to kill him" said Hermia.
Gabriel glared at her "I suppose we were. But I've learnt my lesson. Demetrius is a disgusting, animalistic, warped and twisted sociopathic monster. I'm a human being, and will behave as such. Whilst he deserves to suffer and then die, us civilised people do not have to stoop to his level to be the ones to kill him"
Mercutio and Hermia shared glances.
Sensing the tenseness in his would-be sister, Mercutio shook his head "Whatever. Going back to Shylock. What does he want with one pound of Anthony's flesh?"
Gabriel shrugged "How should I know? I don't know what's going through his mind right now"
Benvolio walked out of his bedroom, Eliseo tucked under one arm. He stopped at the sight of Gabriel.
"What I want to know is" he said firmly, without backing down "Is it true?"
"What's true?" asked Gabriel.
"Is it true my dad did all those terrible things to him?" asked Benvolio.
Gabriel smiled "Aw, how cute. Daddy lied to baby Benny all his life. Yes. Of course it's true. Your dad is an anti-Semitist, and, if you'll pardon the sentiment, an ignorant bigoted bastard"
Mercutio whacked him with the wet flannel again. Gabriel squealed.
"Why is it, every time you come close to behaving in a way that might be perceived as likeable and socially acceptable, you go and act like a complete twat?" asked Hermia.
Gabriel glared at her "Well, it must be who I am. I'm not changing for anyone, whether they like me or not. It's your loss. If I may quote Marilyn Monroe, 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best' So there. Do I get to bath now?"
"Get out of my sight" instructed Mercutio "Oh, one thing" he turned around, bent over Gabriel's suitcase, and pulled out a silky lacy scrap of material "Does this belong to you or Amparo?"
"Give me that!" screamed Gabriel, lunging for his underwear "How dare you go through my things! How dare you! How very dare you!"
Hermia bent over to Allegra "This is even better than the time we hid Rosaline's make-up!"
After Gabriel disappeared into the bathroom, and the housemates heard the bath fill with water, they turned back to each other.
"Well, no information there so far" shrugged Mercutio.
"I bet we have to put up with him until Angelo turns up somehow or unless we can blackmail Rosaline into taking him back" said Hermia.
"Why don't we ring Angelo?" suggested Allegra.
"I don't know his number" replied Mercutio.
"I thought at the palace you had him, dad, Lord M and the others on speed dial" said Hermia.
"I wasn't allowed to use the telephone. Not after I used it to call the Duke of Mantua and tell him he'd left his buttplugs at the palace after his state visit"
"Mercutio!" groaned Benvolio as Hermia and Allegra fell on each other with laughter.
Mercutio grinned mischievously, and they heard Gabriel sigh as he sank into the bath.
"Do any of you have Amparo's number? We could call her to tell her to come and get rid of him for us" said Hermia.
"No. She's thirty three. Why would I be in contact with a thirty three year old who works at the government?" replied Mercutio.
"Thirty three...and he's eighteen? It's gross" groaned Hermia "Not to mention the fact her biological clock is probably ticking by now and if they want to reproduce, they better do it now. The idea of a mini Gabriel...urgh, I can just see it at nursery school with Eliseo. I bet it steals all the dressing up clothes and has tantrums when it can't play with the toys it wants too"
"Stop making me feel ill" instructed Mercutio.
"Eliseo's a year older. He wouldn't have to go to nursery with it. And we're living here in Venice. Gabriel and Amparo live in Verona. No contact" explained Benvolio.
"Good" said Hermia "I bet he sticks the poor kid in pointe shoes before it can walk"
"I can hear you, you know!" called Gabriel "And no, I'd never do that to my child. Children are not colouring books – you can't shade them in the way you want them to be. I'd fully support my children and be one hundred percent behind them, no matter what they want out of life!"