Chapter Thirty Seven
Edward
There was silence in the helicopter as we flew to Portland, all lost in our own thoughts and I could hear them all. Jasper was busy thinking about my wife and son and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to persuade her to stay with me. I knew she had been hurt by my reaction to Gabriel but now maybe she would finally understand why. I loved her and I was growing to love the little boy who carried my name Cullen, not his biological father's. Esme was hurt and I understood that too although once she was aware Carlisle wasn't the father she should have cooled down and perhaps seeing what he did as trying to help his family she would go back to him, without her he was nothing. I'd seen the real Carlisle Cullen and it scared me. Only once had he lost control since he changed me, it was when he came looking for me when I'd been gone for several years. He found me in the company of a nomad and seeing how I was being corrupted he had literally ripped my associate to pieces and burned the evidence. He never spoke of his outburst and something told me it would be better not to mention it. Esme seemed to keep him calm and level or was it just that he only exploded on rare occasions? I had no idea of what would happen when I saw Bella, all I could do was wait and see how she would react.
Jasper
I knew Edward was reading my thoughts but I didn't care, knowing your enemy's intention didn't always mean you could thwart him and I intended to fight for Bella and my son. Bella's own reaction to the truth would be telling, would she forgive Edward his feelings for my son now she knew the reason? Would she feel her duty was to stay with the man she was married to or would she be unable to resist the mating pull? The closer we got to Portland the more nervous I became and Peter knew, he always knew, and was watching me closely along with Charlotte. If I decided to act they would back me up but what could I do? Snatch my son from his mothers arms and kidnap him? Bella would hate me for ever if I did and I thought she might try to get him back and risk her life and others in the process. No, I could only wait, talk to her and hope she chose wisely, in my favour.
Bella
I heard the elevator stop and the sounds of feet as the visitors arrived at the door holding Gabriel close to my chest as a shield. I had no idea how I would feel or what I would do when I saw Edward and Jasper again. I stiffened as Sara went to the door and opened it welcoming them in and Gabriel lifted his head as if testing the air, would he know the scent of his real father or would Edwards scent be the familiar one he picked up on? Edward was the first one in and he smiled tenderly as he saw us. I tried to smile back but my eyes were drawn to Jasper who stood behind him watching for my reaction. In the end I just nodded to both of them and I felt Gabriel stiffen as Edward approached.
"Bella love, I am so sorry about what happened but I swear to you I knew nothing about it and I have to tell you that Carlisle isn't Gabriel's father"
My eyes were drawn back to Jasper and he understood that I knew the truth.
"Carlisle was wrong to do what he did even if his motives were good and pure"
I thought about this for a few seconds,
"Pure? Good? Just how do you justify what he did using those words? He betrayed my trust, your trust, and Jaspers trust, and there is nothing good or pure about that. Do you have any idea how all this makes me feel?"
"I'm sure you feel terrible but it doesn't alter the fact you are my wife and Gabriel has only known me as a father figure."
"You're wrong you know."
He looked at me puzzled as Gabriel shifted unhappily in my grip.
"If I put him down who do you think he will go to? Lets see shall we."
I put him down steadying him for a second then let go and he looked at the group of adults all interested in him.
Jasper
Bella stood there holding my son and she knew who I was but I had no idea what she would do, especially when Edward appealed to her but when she put Gabriel down I knew he would come to me, I didn't have to encourage him or call him I just watched as he toddled over to us ignoring Edwards outstretched hands and stopped looking up at me with eyes that were a mirror of my own. I crouched down and held my arms open and he walked forward into them smiling. My son knew who his father was. I stood up with him still in my arms and Edward continued to stare at Bella.
"So he chose his real father, what about you Bella? Who do you choose? Your husband? Or the man whose sperm created your baby? We have a life together you and I, we're in love and that's all that matters"
I knew what he was about to say and so did Esme because she stretched out a hand to stop him but he shrugged it off,
"I want you to come back with me Bella, back to our home and our life, the life you promised me at our wedding. I love you."
She flicked a glance at me then looked back at him,
"What about Gabriel?"
Edward shrugged,
"I offer him a family and a father who will look after him as if he were my own but if he chooses to stay with his real father then what can I do?"
"You want me to go home with you and leave my son with Jasper?"
"You are my wife Bella and Gabriel's mother. Its for you to decide what happens to him, stay or go with us its your choice but I implore you to come home with me, you're my wife not Jaspers."
Bella
I felt like the mother who was forced to choose as King Solomon gave his judgement, could I stand by as my son was torn apart by his two claimants? Jasper held his son to his chest a gentle smile of contentment on his face and my heart yearned to be there with him, the father of my child, the mate I had once thought was Edward. I shook my head,
"I can't do that Edward, I won't make this about my son. You're asking me to choose between staying with you and losing my son. You didn't want him, you begged me to get rid of him Edward and I can never forget that, your words, your attitude. I loved you as a human and I know you never wanted me to become a vampire. Maybe you understood if I did then things would change, that I would discover it wasn't you I wanted to spend eternity with. Did you ever have any intention of changing me? Was this all a ruse to force me to tie myself to you in marriage?"
"Bella please..."
"Just answer the question, did you have any intention of changing me or were you going to put it off hoping I would stop begging you eventually?"
He didn't have to answer me with words, his expression told its own story,
"I see"
"Bella you know how I feel about us, about vampires. I never wanted to subject you to an eternity of misery, to steal your soul away. We could have been happy with you human, I know we could"
I turned away from him disgusted but whether more with him or myself for believing him I couldn't say. He was a different person or at least he was allowing me to see more of the real Edward Cullen and now I wasn't blinded by love I could see the flaws I had overlooked as a human, flaws I neither liked nor was I sure could I live with.