Penelope enjoyed being driven to work once more, finding herself soothed by the classical music Erin had turned up when the conversation had ground to a halt. There wasn't much to say, she felt, as she wanted to focus on what was going to be the start of her day. But then, a familiar piece started, and she turned her head to look at Erin, one hand absently rubbing her stomach as she drew in an expectant breath.
"Do you think that I should start putting headphones on my stomach and pump their little ears full of Mozart so that they miss out on the gorier details of the job I do? I mean, that's what Jayje did for Henry, but Michael was completely different. Maybe that was because he was the second child? I don't know. I just want to make certain that I'm doing right by them, and not having them miss out because of something I did wrong."
Erin gave her a gentle smile as she shrugged her shoulders a little. "You have to make certain that whatever choice you make, its right for you. And do not, under any circumstances, go looking for advice on the internet. There are so many holier than thou mothers on message boards who will judge you for every decision, and you don't need hyper critical people in your mind and heart, Penny. I know you, you'll internalize that and it will create a swamp of toxic negativity in your heart. Ask Jennifer or myself for advice, ask trusted friends who are mothers. Hell, even ask Jessica for advice, since she's had a major hand in helping to raise Jack after Hailey passed. Just don't rely on the kindness of strangers."
"I never took you for a Tennessee Williams fan," she replied, giving Erin a broad wink.
"There are many things that you do not yet know about me." Erin winked back before turning her attention back to the road, humming along to the song. Penelope found herself relaxing to the sound, wishing that she knew the piece better so that she could join Erin's humming. They arrived at the office before the piece was over, but Penelope knew they couldn't take the time to finish it. Still, she let out a soft sound of discontent as she unbuckled her belt and climbed out of the car.
Together, they went up to the sixth floor, and Penelope found the elevator a little too close for comfort, stepping closer to Erin as they travelled up. Thankfully, the car had emptied on fifth floor, and she let out a relieved breath as she stepped away from her mother, shaking her hips a little as she waited for the doors to open once more. "People get to be too much at times, don't they?" Erin asked softly as the elevator came to a stop.
"Just a little," she replied as they stepped out onto the floor. And though she knew that she was just being overly sensitive, Penelope still felt like she was attracting every eye on the floor to her. "I hate to ask this, but…"
"Of course I will escort you up to your office, darling," Erin said, and Penelope felt her shoulders sag a little in relief. "I told you this wasn't going to be a walk in the park."
"I know, but I need to get used to it." Unconsciously, she grabbed at Erin's hand, holding on tightly as they entered the bullpen. "I swear, if Reid or Hotch come up and try to give me words of comfort, I am going to have a breakdown where everyone can see me."
"It is thoroughly okay to cry, Penelope. There's no set timeline on grief," Erin replied as she led her over to the stairs. As they started upwards, Penelope heard her name being called, and she turned quickly, almost losing her balance. Erin steadied her with one hand, bracing herself against the railing with the other hand as she also turned to see who had gotten their attention.
"We didn't know that you were going to be in today! Agent Hotchner said that you would probably be off for another week or so."
She gave Agent Anderson a small smile as she shook her head. "I thought that it would be best if I got right back to it. I didn't want to be left alone with my own thoughts."
"I completely understand that. If you need anything, anything at all, just call down to my desk and I'll get it for you. We have to look after you and the baby."
She was touched by his concern, and gave him a fleeting smile before turning and continuing up the stairs. Thankfully, she didn't hear her name again before she closed herself in her office, and Penelope sagged down into her chair as she started to boot up her systems. "Do you need me to do anything else here?"
"I think I'm good now. But we're still having lunch together?"
"Of course. It will have to be a working lunch for me, I'll have Helen order us something, and try to get something you'll like. Be in my office at noon, and we'll spend that hour together."
Penelope nodded and then spun around in her chair so that she was looking at Erin. "Hug for the road?" she asked tremulously, and Erin nodded, stepping forward to embrace her as the door to her office rattled open. She had expected Erin to let go of her quickly at that, but still, the hug lingered on, even as Dave stepped inside.
"I thought I might find you here, Erin. I was hoping to see you before you started your work day." He met Penelope's eyes evenly, a twinkle there that told her he was hoping to kiss Erin before they had to get to work. Giggling a little, she pushed Erin towards him, watching as they effortlessly came together, wrapping themselves around each other as Dave's lips came down to capture Erin's in a delicate, loving, kiss.
Erin's cheeks flushed a deep red as Dave released her, and they smiled at each other before looking at Penelope. "I suppose that this is where I leave you, Penny. I'll see you in a few hours," Erin said before she placed her hand into the crook of Dave's arm and leading him from the room. The sudden silence startled Penelope, and she turned back to her systems and called up Pandora on her free terminal, starting a new station from the song that had been playing on Erin's radio. The soothing sounds of Mozart spread through her office as she started to get to work on her backlog.
It wasn't until she felt a large hand close around her upper arm that Penelope looked up from her monitor and realized she hadn't done anything more than stare at her list of email for the last half hour. "I was getting a bit worried about you when you didn't show up for the briefing. Anderson mentioned that you were looking forward to jumping back into work."
"I am!" she agreed quickly, watching as Hotch's brow furrowed in sympathy, giving her a small shake of his head. "Truly, I am. I am fit to return to duty, and you don't have to worry about me. Okay?"
"I wish that it was okay. I'm going to have to say this, hopefully in a kind way, but you are not fit to return to duty. Perhaps if you had someone stimulating you, keeping you occupied as you conducted your searches, it might be different, but I don't feel comfortable with you being here alone."
His hand, though heavy on her arm, was warm and comforting, and she sighed as she nodded. Gently, he pulled her up, and she threw her arms around his waist as she fought to keep from crying. "I suppose Mother was right, I should have given it a little more time. I just can't bear to be alone with my thoughts."
"And the baby can feel that stress, or so Hailey always told me. I want what's best for you and your child, Penelope. And if that means holing up in Erin's office for a week while you get your feet back under you, then I am perfectly willing to allow that to happen. Bring your laptop with you to the briefing, and then we'll head over there together and let her know that this is what we've settled on as our solution."
"Thanks, Hotch," she murmured into his suitcoat, and she drew in a deep breath as she stepped away from him. "I always knew that you would look out for me, from the moment you picked my pretty pink resume."
"That is the stuff of legend around the other SACs, you know." She shrugged as she bent to pick up her laptop. "I wish that I had a camera so that I could have taken a picture of Erin's face when she saw that I was the one who agreed to take on the extra paperwork that having you on our team would entail."
"I know, I did cause quite a few issues for the FBI, but I was young and hurting, would you expect anything less of one who wanted to stick it to the man in honor of her departed parents?"
He chuckled lowly as he shook his head. "I suppose that you have a point there, Penelope," he said as he placed her free hand into the crook of his elbow and led her from the room. It felt nice to be guided in this manner, since she didn't really have to think about where she was going at that particular moment and could instead focus on pulling herself together.