Stuck In The Middle

Tami's POV

"Lily –"

"I can't talk to you right now"

"I know, you're busy with finals and everything but –"

"No, Tami, what you're doing is wrong. You can't keep this a secret anymore. You have to tell him, and until you do, I can't talk to you"

I could feel my anger level rising, but I couldn't tell whether I was angry at myself or at her. Lily was partly right; Ricky deserved to know the truth, but it wasn't something I could easily do.

"Why can't you understand?"

"Understand what? That you're cheating on your boyfriend and you're keeping it a secret, and not only that – oh no – you're also making me lie for you?"

"I'm not asking you to lie for me. I'm not even cheating on him!" I exclaimed in a whisper. I looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"No, you're right. But you have cheated on him, and by forcing me to keep quiet you're making me lie. Just let me know when it's safe to tell the truth"

Lily pushed past me and walked out of the library. I watched her until she had turned the corner, wishing that it was as easy as she wanted it to be; as easy as I wanted it to be.

xxx

Sirius' POV

Lily was obviously very mad. Normally, she didn't talk to me very much. Probably because of James and his – uh, infatuation, for a better word, but lately. Lately she wasn't speaking to me at all. She wouldn't even look at me.

It wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't been doing the same thing to Tami, her very own best friend. It was easy to deal with Lily being mad at me; it wasn't exactly something new. But I couldn't just sit back and watch her be mad at someone who didn't deserve the anger.

"I need to talk to you"

Lily continued to read her book, even when I sat down beside her and started poking her. I could see that bothering her wasn't going to work, so I stopped.

"Lily" I tried again.

This time she looked at me, a little surprised.

"What?" I asked.

"You've never called me Lily before" she replied, placing the book slowly down into her lap.

"I haven't?"

Strange, I had never really noticed that.

"You've always called me Evans, like James does"

"I guess it's because I've always just seen you the way James sees you"

Lily raised her eyebrows at me.

"No – I mean, - I don't… like you that way"

"I know" she replied. "I wasn't aware that you liked me at all"

"Well, you have your annoying moments… pretty much all the time"

"Funny"

I gave her a cocky smile and continued. "I want to talk to you about Tami"

Lily's face grew cold and solemn. She stood up and began walking away.

I jumped up and trailed behind her. "All I wanted to say was to stop being mad at her. It's not her fault"

"Yes, I know it's not her fault. It's your fault, Sirius! You're the reason all of this is happening!" Lily shouted back.

"I know, okay? Don't you think I know? But this isn't what you think. I'm telling you. I care about Tami, as in I really care about Tami. I can't just let her walk away. This is the first… it's the first time in a long time, Lily, that I've actually cared about someone who wasn't a Marauder and it –"

I took a deep breath, shocked at my own boldness. Lily had turned and was watching me with weary, but hopefully convinced eyes.

"That doesn't change anything, Sirius. Ricky cares about her, too"

"Oh, please"

"He does! How can you think that he doesn't?"

"Because I know how people like him think. I know what he's really thinking and what he's really feeling because I used to be that guy"

"He's lasted longer than you ever did in a relationship. Don't you think that's says something? And you can't just know someone by looking at them. You know nothing about him"

"And what do you know? What does Tami know? What do any of us know about him, Lily? For all we know, he could be an undercover Slytherin or something!" I shouted, exasperated with Lily and her feeble arguments.

"Do you hear yourself when you talk? You're not making any sense; 'undercover Slytherin'? Your jealousy is making you insane!"

"I am not jealous"

"Yes you are, Sirius. And it's clouding your judgment. For all I know, maybe you really do care about Tami. I don't know, but I know for sure that Ricky cares, and that's all that matters to me right now"

I breathed in and calmed myself down.

"I didn't want to get into a fight about this. I just want you to give Tami a little break. I know you hate it and I know you hate me, but Tami has feelings for me, too. And as long as that's the truth, I'm not giving up."

Boyfriend or not

xxx

Tami's POV

I sat in the dormitory, quickly doing the reading for tomorrow's potions homework. I was never good at Potions. It had always been Lily who helped me out.

"And if she was here, I wouldn't have to read all of this" I snapped. I closed the book and attempted to rub the tiredness out of my eyes.

Why was everything going so wrong?

"It's a new potion we're supposed to try tomorrow. It requires a little of specific ingredients and instructions, so Professor Slughorn wanted us to do this reading. I can help you tomorrow, if you want"

I opened my eyes to see Lily standing in the doorway.

"Tami, I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I don't know what you're going through and I don't know how to fix it, but I shouldn't have been shunning you because of it. You need me right now"

"I do" I whispered, feeling the tears slowly crawling down my cheeks. "It's so hard, you have no idea. I thought this would be the easiest part of life; so it easy, it would be a joke. I've had boyfriends before, but… both of them are so perfect"

"I never thought I'd hear someone call Sirius perfect and mean it"

I laughed and let Lily hug me. "Ricky's treated me so well, and I can't bear the idea of hurting him. But Sirius –"

"Is Sirius" Lily finished for me. "I know the temptation, trust me. And I think… I think he might really be sincere this time. It's hard to believe, but I think he really likes you"

"You've talked to him?" Lily let go of me and gave me a confused look.

"Haven't you?"

"No, I've been avoiding him."

"Why?"

"I can't deal with all of this"

"Oh Tami, you have to deal with it sometime. Avoiding him is not going to fix anything. I don't think he's going to give up on you"

"Ugh" I put my face in my hands. "I wish this could be easier. I wish I hadn't kissed Sirius, I wish I didn't like him so much, and I wish –"

"So the rumors are true then"

I looked up and saw Marlene standing in the doorway now.

"You and Sirius, huh? I can't say I never saw it coming."

"Go away, Marlene" Lily growled, standing up and glaring.

"Oh please, don't get up on my account. I just wanted to thank Tami"

"For what?" I asked.

"For giving me Ricky all to myself" Marlene sneered.

"I won't let you tell him" Lily snapped.

"There's nothing you can do to stop me. But if it makes you feel any better, Tami, at least you're not the only guilty one in this relationship"

Marlene turned and walked out of the room. I turned to look at Lily right when Lily turned to look at me.

"What did she –"

"Never mind her, Tami; she was just talking nonsense"

"I don't think so, Lily. There's something definitely wrong here"