Chapter Thirty Seven
Jasper
I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I wanted to, I wanted her to be like me to spend eternity with her but not like this. I still believed she could survive, Carlisle was only minutes away, she would stay alive for me. I needed her to stay alive for me. I wanted to hear her say, Jasper I love you, change me so I will always be with you. I couldn't have her like this, not without a choice. It was my fault she was laying here at death's door, everything I touched ended like this, dead or dying. It wasn't fair but then my mother had always told us as children that life wasn't fair. I wouldn't change Bella like this. I took her hands and whispered in her ear, "Hang on Bella, please. Don't make me change you, please don't leave me without an alternative. I can't do this to you. I love you and I need you to stay alive to tell me you want to be with me. If I changed you and you woke up as a Vampire and no longer wanted me I couldn't go on. I can't do this to you Bella, to us."
Bella
I was in a tunnel walking towards the darkness, away from the pain of my wounds. Then I heard him, I heard the voice of my savior The man who had given up everything, his whole life for me, and asked nothing in return. He'd expected nothing and given everything and even now he wanted nothing from me. He was so scared that if he made my decision for me I would hate him at the end of it all. My poor Jasper who was so insecure he was always terrified I would turn my back on him. Did he really think so little of himself, and why? Who had done so much damage to him that he could see no worth in himself. A man who was so very good, worth so much, so noble, who was so ignorant of it all. A man who saw nothing but evil and blood when he looked in the mirror. I couldn't leave him in such purgatory, I had to try to save him from himself so I turned slowly and started the long slow trudge back. Trying desperately to keep ahead of the encroaching darkness for the sake of my love. I couldn't lose the one man in my life who meant it was worth continuing. He needed saving more than I did, I would only lose my life, he would lose himself. Jasper was closer to the edge of insanity than anyone realized. Even Peter and Charlotte didn't know how fragile their friend really was. If I died, if I left him, I knew what would happen, Jasper Whitlock would cease to exist, only the Major would still survive, a soulless creature running from death to death for all eternity.
Jasper
I felt her struggling as her body weakened with loss of blood wanted to give up the fight. Peter put his head round the door,
"What the fuck are you waiting for Major? You want to lose her?" I turned to him and snarled,
"Get away Peter. Go wait for Carlisle but get away from me before I forget we are friends and rip your head off."
He went, knowing I wasn't threatening lightly. Then I heard a car coming down the drive,
"Bella its OK, Carlisle is here. You're going to be fine".
I stroked her pale face and she opened her eyes to look at me,
"Should have changed me Cowboy" and they closed again.
Her heartbeat was weak but it was still beating so we had a chance.
Carlisle
Peter almost dragged me from the car in his haste,
"You go up there and you save her Doc, you save her."
I listened for her heartbeat, it was weak, and I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. When I saw Bella and Jasper I knew time was running out fast.
"Why didn't you change her? It was her best chance." he turned ferocious eyes to me,
"She will survive this Carlisle. You do what you have to, but you keep her alive."
I moved him out of the way noticing the amount of blood on his clothes. How it hadn't turned them all in to crazed animals I had no idea.
"Bring up my bag" I shouted downstairs "but keep Esme away, there's too much blood."
Peter came up with my bag and I started a transfusion straight away, Jasper looked as I did it. She should be in a hospital Jasper. She's lost so much blood".
I looked at the tourniquet he'd put around her upper arm.
"Have you been loosening that regularly?" I asked him. He nodded,
"Yes Carlisle I'm not a complete idiot".
Then he turned back to Bella as we heard her faint whisper,
"Don't fight. Jasper did everything he could. No hospitals Carlisle"
and she moved he hand, searching for his. They touched and she smiled before relapsing into unconsciousness.
"I told you I'd be needed again. What happened?"
"She wanted to see me hunt"
"And you took her? Are you sure you're not an idiot? Only a complete moron would take a human girl with them on a hunt. You might have attacked her yourself in your feeding frenzy."
"Yeah well he didn't Cullen so shut the fuck up and do your doctor bit. The Major has other things on his mind and he hardly needs you moaning in his ear." Peters words made Jasper smile.
Jasper
I was mighty sick of being lectured to by Carlisle and I knew Esme was waiting ready to put her oar in at the earliest opportunity. I shouldn't have taken Bella hunting but I did and I wasn't the one who attacked her. I'd managed my thirst with her blood all over me and so had the others. We loved her too much to hurt her in any way.
"Carlisle, is she going to be OK?" I asked looking at her face, she was so pale. He looked over at me, "Hopefully but it will be touch and go for a while. She's lost a lot of blood".
He looked at me, "It might be a good idea if you got showered, all that drying blood isn't a good idea in a house full of vampires."
Peter laughed,
"No shit doc! Well we haven't had Bella for lunch yet so why don't you just do whatever it is you do and shut the fuck up now."