Chapter Thirty-Eight
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"Amun?" Bella walked slowly over to the man who still knelt in the dust, his head bowed, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. When they'd gone inside for the evening, he hadn't even responded to their entreaties.
There had been a debate over whether to move the RV to another location, which seemed wise considering the Theta Project knew exactly where they were. But, as Jenks pointed out, if they were going to attack, they would have done so when they had the element of surprise. Secondly, no one could get Amun to move or speak and no one was brave enough to actually try to pick him up and move him into the RV. They couldn't leave him behind. None of them would even consider the idea, not when he was obviously in such overwhelming agony.
So, they settled down for the night, albeit nervously. Collin offered stand guard for the night, since, as he said, he wouldn't be sleeping anyway. The dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn't slept in days.
Bella carried a blanket with her when she went outside. She didn't know if Amun felt the cold like a human did, but it was chilly tonight. As she gently draped it around his shoulders, he turned his head to look at her, the first movement she had seen from him in hours. His black eyes had a strange, unsettling glitter.
"Ben has been searching the server data all night and he thinks he's found another facility." Bella sat down beside him on the ground and pulled her jacket a little more closely around her. She drew her hands into the sleeves.
Amun did not reply. He simply gazed at her. She had to look away, disturbed by that strange light in his eyes.
"He thinks it's the only facility left. He told me each one was assigned a code and there's only one code left. Or something like that. I don't really get his computer talk. They'll likely be there, because it's the safest place for them and they'll probably have every Theta Project soldier they've got left guarding it."
He turned back to gaze into the the distance.
"I'm gonna destroy that bitch," Bella muttered.
"No" Amun said, and she jumped a little at the sound of his voice. It was the sound of the icy wind blowing over the Siberian steppes, bitterly cold and hollow. "She is mine."
He shrugged out of the blanket Bella had given him and stood. "Where is this facility?"
"Ben doesn't know yet. He's still working on it."
"The information is layered within the code," Amun said. He stepped in her direction and Bella was suddenly afraid of him, afraid in a way she had never been. There was something wrong with him, and though her mind couldn't identify it, her instinct - her visceral reaction to it - was to flee. Bella's knees trembled. She couldn't even throw up a shield.
But all he did was stride past her toward the RV. She followed after she picked up the blanket, a few paces behind and tried to calm her racing heart with deep, slow breaths. She gave Collin a little wave as she walked around to the other side of the RV. He was seated on the roof, a rifle across his lap, keeping watch as promised.
It was dark and quiet inside the RV, with almost everyone asleep. Most of the furniture in the RV converted to beds. Esme, Jane and Quil shared the sofa bed, a wall of pillows between the Quil and the ladies like a bundling board. The dining table, when flipped over and the benches flattened, became a queen-sized bed, upon which Forks and Phoenix snored. Lauren and Jenks were in the back bedroom (it was an agreement that the couples would get the bedroom and take turns using it.) Edward was asleep in one of the recliners. He hated to sleep on his back because it rumpled is feathers, but even at its flattest, the recliner's shape wouldn't allow him to sleep on his stomach. But the guys had taken the recliners the previous evening and Edward thought it was only fair that they should get the bed tonight. Upon his chest, Dave was curled up, a tiny ball of black, scruffy fur. His little paws twitched as he dreamt.
Alice and Jasper shared the other recliner. Alice was so tiny she could fit in the space left over on Jasper's side with some to spare. Her head was pillowed on his shoulder, and his arm was wrapped around her back, holding her even in his sleep.
Ben sat on the floor in the kitchen area, pecking at the keys of his laptop. A cool, white glow from the screen illuminated his features. He nearly dropped it when he saw Amun.
"H- hey," Ben stammered.
Amun wordlessly held out his hand. Ben gave him the laptop. Amun set it on the counter in front of him and frowned at the screen. In the soft light of the laptop, his eyes seemed even blacker, icy-cold pools of bottomless darkness. Bella's breath caught in her throat and she went over to sit on the arm of Edward's recliner. She put her hand on his shoulder and immediately felt better, as if a warm light had filled her, chasing away the shadows.
She should lie down with him and get some sleep, she thought, but she needed to know what Amun found.
"Are you sure they'd still be there?" Ben asked. "I mean, they gotta know we have this data and that we're going to know exactly where they are."
"Like a chess game," Amun murmured. "They're waiting for us to make our move. We've done well with small skirmishes. So they're going to face us with an army. They will try to overwhelm us with numbers, with everything they have."
A showdown. One final battle between good and evil.
"The end," Bella said softly. "One way or the other."
Amun's black eyes met hers and she felt a chill run down her spine. "Yes. One way or the other." He looked back at the computer screen. "Go and sleep, Bella. You will need your rest."
He was right, but there was no way she was going to be able to fall asleep naturally so she picked up Collin's tool kit and went out to climb the ladder to the top.
He looked almost Zen, sitting there. His legs were folded in front of him, the rifle braced across his lap, and he stared out at the horizon with a pensive look on his face. "What is it, Bella?" he asked. He didn't look in her direction.
Bella never again wanted to try climbing a ladder with only one hand, a hand that had a very uncertain grip on the rungs. She set the tool kit down beside him. "I need something to make me sleep."
He fished around inside until he found a bottle of caplets and shook two into his hand. "Here."
Bella dry-swallowed them. "How long before they kick in?"
He shrugged. "Half an hour or so, maybe."
"Are you all right, Collin?"
"No, Bella, I'm not," he said. "I'm doing as you advised, taking a good, hard look at myself and I'm not really enjoying what I see."
"Are there any parts you do like?"
He gave her a skeptical glance. "Are you kidding me?"
"How about the fact that you're sufficiently introspective to do the looking? That's something that's a good thing, right?"
"Yeah, Bella, I love making myself miserable." His voice was bitter and she wanted to hug him but was pretty sure he would reject it. "I think I liked it better when I was an insensitive asshole. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot more self-loathing to get through before the end of the night and there are only about six hours until dawn."
She flinched and stood to go.
"Wait, Bella, I'm sorry. Shit ... I don't mean - " He rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm sorry," he said, in a softer tone. "I know you're just trying to help me."
"Okay." Bella nodded. "Apology accepted. I'm sorry this is so hard for you, Collin, but I swear it will be worth it in the end."
"If we live."
Bella looked down. "Yeah. That." She turned and climbed down the ladder.
Back inside, Amun was still poring over the laptop. Ben had fallen asleep sitting on the floor against the cabinet. Bella put the blanket she'd given to Amun over him.
She crawled into the recliner with Edward and curled up against his side. He gave an inarticulate mumble and put his arms around her as he burrowed his face into her hair. She was surprised at how comfortable she was. When she next opened her eyes, it was morning, and she had no recollection of the sleep that preceded it. Must have been some powerful stuff he gave me, Bella thought.
She turned her face to look up at Edward and found him already awake, playing with a strand of her hair. It was back to her original color (or as close as the dye makers could get), and had grown back to brush the tops of her shoulders.
He smiled when he saw her looking at him. "How long have you been awake?" Bella asked.
"An hour or so, maybe."
"Why didn't you get up?"
"I didn't want to disturb you," he said. "You're so cute when you're asleep, mumbling to yourself. You kept saying 'Buy more eggs.'"
She shook her head. "I don't remember anything."
"You slept hard," he agreed. "But you needed it. Stand up."
She wiggled her way out of the recliner and he moved it back into a sitting position. He stood and extended his wings to fluff them, but RVs are not designed with an angels' wingspan in mind. He knocked over Ben's drink and nearly soaked the computer and bumped Alice in the face with his wing tip.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. He darted to the kitchen to get paper towels.
"I've got it," Lauren assured him. Ben held his laptop aloft while she wiped the table and gave Edward an indignant look. Alice spat out a bit of white fluff and Jasper's look was equally outraged.
"Sorry," he said again. "I'll go outside."
Bella followed him. He extended his wings to the widest and gave them a shake with a sigh of relief. Bella led him to the picnic table. "Sit down," she ordered. She sat on the top of the table behind him.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"You need a good preening," she replied.
"You should save your power. You don't know when Amun will find the information or whether the Theta Project will attack us here."
"If they do, you'll go into battle with neatly preened wings," Bella said stubbornly. She concentrated on her fingers and carefully smoothed each feather. He sighed with pleasure, and began to preen the outer feathers that he could reach. His wings gleamed brilliant white in the morning sun.
"You haven't even had your morning coffee yet," he pointed out.
"When we're done," she said. She hadn't brushed her teeth yet, either, something that she always did immediately upon rising, self-conscious about having morning breath. Edward never had morning breath. No, an angel's breath always smelled as delicious as the rest of them.
By the time they were finished, the morning sun had risen high in the sky. Bella waved at Collin as they headed inside. She could see by the expression on his face that he was upset or sad about something and she made a mental note to approach him later.
"I smell pancakes!" Edward said with glee. Bella left him to his culinary delight and went in to brush her teeth (with a toothbrush that Edward had altered for her to have a thick handle that she could grip and strap to slip over her wrist) and wash up. She noticed something strange, though: there were a few small spots on her face that were numb. She couldn't feel the rub of the washcloth on those areas. Strange.
She returned to take a seat at the table beside Edward. Everyone else, it seemed, had finished with breakfast and Bella felt guilty for making Lauren wait on them, but Lauren seemed untroubled by it. She hummed as she whipped up more pancake batter and poured it into the skillet. Bella saw a flash of silver on her hand and saw that Lauren was wearing Jenks's skull ring on her left ring finger, the back of it wrapped with thread, like a girl wearing her boyfriend's class ring.
Jane came up behind Bella and put her arms around Bella's shoulder. "Morning, mom," she said, and kissed Bella's cheek.
"Morning, sweetie."
Edward turned around in his seat to hug Jane. He sniffed and frowned at her. "You've been drinking coffee."
"Uh ... just a small cup," Jane said sheepishly.
"Go drink a glass of juice," Edward ordered, as if that was the antidote to coffee.
Jane poured herself a tall glass of orange juice and sat down in front of the TV. She flipped the channels until she found the The McLaughlin Group and settled back to watch.
"Our daughter is a nerd," Bella said to Edward, delighted.
Lauren smiled at Edward as she put a heaping plate in front of him, the pancakes topped with a pat of butter melting down the edges of the stack in rivulets. "And a bottle of syrup, all for you." Lauren plunked it down in front of him.
"Hey, that's the good shit," Forks complained. "You gave us some fuckin' knock-off brand and he gets a whole bottle of Mrs. Buttersworth?"
"I was saving it -" Lauren started and then faltered. An inexpressibly sad light flickered through her eyes and she turned back to the stove.
She thought these might be Edward's last pancakes. The thought struck Bella like a punch to the solar plexus, and she would have dropped her fork if it wasn't strapped to her wrist. Edward put his arm around her shoulders. "These aren't my last pancakes," he declared firmly. "They aren't."
"I have found it," Amun said.
Everyone froze, even Dave, who was happily gnawing on a rubber bone Lauren had bought for him when she got the groceries. Edward had a fork-full of pancake half way to his mouth. Syrup dripped from it and everyone heard it plop onto his plate.
"Where?" Bella asked.
"Near Green Mountain. It seems fly-fishing wasn't the only reason Aro frequented this area."
Bella went over to look at the map Ben had drawn up and was startled. He had placed a pin at their location, and another at the site of the facility. "That close?"
"It's further than it looks, and it doesn't appear there are any roads to it."
"There will be a road," Amun said. "They have hidden it, I am sure, but they must have an access road to bring in supplies."
"We need a van," Jenks mused.
Forks and Phoenix gave each other a high-five. "We're on it!"
Amun turned to Bella. "Tonight?" he asked politely.
She nodded. "Tonight."
"We're going to need a fuckload of guns," Jenks said. "Who do we know down here?"
Phoenix tapped a finger against his lips. "There's Renata."
Jenks shuddered. "Ugh. I hate dealing with that bitch. Who else?"
Forks scratched his head. "Well, what about the Reverend?"
"Webber?"
"Him."
Jenks considered and then nodded. "Give him a call. Don't dick around on the price, either. Just get the shit and get back here."
"Got it, Boss."
"And get some vests if he has any."
Forks and Phoenix ran out of the RV like kids escaping a classroom for recess.
"Jenks? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Bella asked.
"Sure."
Bella stood and led him outside. They walked to the opposite side of the campground and sat down on the picnic table. It was beautiful, warm summer's morning. The wind sighed through the pine trees around them and the birds sang sweetly. Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, savoring the scents of warm earth, pine needles and clean country air.
"What is it, Bella?"
"It's Jane," Bella said. "And Dave, too. There's a chance - Well, let's be honest ... There's a strong possibility I won't be coming back from this. It's the elephant in the room that everyone is pretending isn't there, but there are some things that need to be said. If Edward and I don't come back from this, I want you and Lauren to take Jane and Dave. Will you do that?"
Jenks nodded. "But I don't understand why you wouldn't choose your brother first."
"Because I need to know she's with someone who could protect her if we don't manage to destroy the Theta Project. I love Jasper and he'd make a great dad for Jane, but he's not a fighter and neither is Alice."
"They're gonna have to be tonight," Jenks said. "Laurie, too. They're all coming with us."
Bella's brow creased. "Why?"
"We need every gun we can get."
"Esme ..."
"She's on board, too. I talked to everyone this morning while you and Edward were outside. No one wants to sit this one out. And I know you don't want to, and I'm not gonna tell you how to take care of your own fuckin' kid, but I think you should let Jane come, too. Let her fight for the people she loves."
They were silent for a long moment as Bella digested this. "I saw your ring on Lauren's hand," she said.
"Yeah. I promised her once this is over I'd get her a real engagement ring, but she said she just wants my ring re-sized for her. Hard to believe she wants to wear that fuckin' ugly thing." He picked at the loose paint on the table. "I wish that I'd really be able to marry her after this. I wish there was an 'after this'."
"You never know," Bella said. "Maybe we'll get another miracle."
"Yeah. Somehow I don't really think God's gonna go out of his fuckin' way to save an asshole like me, but thanks for the thought. But I hope you end up on that tropical island of yours where Edward won't have to remember to wear pants."
"And I want you and Lauren to get married and have lots of kids," Bella replied.
He shuddered. "Me? With kids? Janey I could probably handle 'cause she's almost completely grown, but an impressionable little baby? Perish the fuckin' thought."
"I think you'd do better than you think you would. Though, you'd have to stop swearing so fuckin' much."
"See? Insurmountable hurdle." Jenks stood and brushed off the back of his jeans. "You don't have to worry about Jane or Dave, Bella. All of us have an agreement on that. It's me and Lauren, then Alice and Jasper, then Esme ... All the way down to Phoenix and Forks, though they're probably the only people who'd make worse parents than I would. Jane would end up raising them."
Bella slid off the picnic table and hugged him. "Thanks, Jenks."
"You go take a nap," he ordered. "You need to re-charge your batteries after using some of your juice on smoothing out Edward's wings."
She kissed his cheek and walked toward the RV, but she didn't go inside. She climbed the ladder to the top where Collin was still sitting.
"You didn't get any breakfast," she noted.
He shook his head. "Not hungry."
She wasn't going to pressure him. He knew he should eat to build up his strength for the coming battle and didn't need her to remind him. Maybe he'd eat later. She sat beside him and waited.
It wasn't long before he spoke. "I watched you this morning, picking at his wings."
"Preening," Bella corrected.
Collin lit a cigarette and blew out a long plume of smoke. "I watched you and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. It was ... sweet. Tender, you know. I almost felt bad for watching, like I was spying on you in a really intimate moment. The way you were taking care of him, and the way he takes care of you ... I want that. That's what I want."
"And you could have it some day, if you can open your heart. Intimacy isn't only one way, Collin. Both people have to be willing to open themselves to have to true communion of souls."
"That's easy for you," Collin said, but there was no heat in his words. "Edward is your angel. He knows everything about you. And you never have to worry about him cheating on you, or leaving you, or being cruel to you."
"It still wasn't easy," Bella insisted. "I was closed off, Collin. I had spent my whole life trying to hide from other people. Trying to hide my talent, trying to hide my sensitivity, trying to hide how lonely I felt even in a crowded room. I doubted Edward's love for me. I wondered if his feelings were sincere, or if they were something he had to feel because of what he is. And I didn't think I was worthy of his love, to tell you the truth. Or anyone's love, for that matter."
Colin tilted his head and looked at her curiously. "Why would you feel that way?"
"Because I had a low self-esteem. Because I felt guilty for things I had done."
He snorted. "What could you have done that was so awful? Egged a couple of cars after the Homecoming dance?"
"I killed someone while I was in high school," Bella said.
Collin blinked. "Fuck ... I was not expecting you to say something like that. Really?"
"Yeah, really. He was trying to ... Well, he was trying to hurt me, so I killed him."
"Self-defense. You shouldn't feel bad about that."
"Well, the kids in my high school thought differently.," Bella said crisply. "Listen, as enjoyable as this trip down Memory Lane has been - "
"Yeah." Collin gazed off into the distance again, his expression pensive. "Go on. You've got shit to do."
Considering today might be her last day alive, that was an understatement.
She climbed down the ladder but her hands slipped and she fell the last few rungs. A pair of strong arms caught her. Edward. He was always there to catch her if she fell.
"Let's go take that nap," he suggested and carried her inside the RV to the back bedroom. They lay down together on the bed and Edward took her hand in his own, twining their fingers. He leaned up on one elbow.
"We'll be together, right?"
"No matter what," he promised.
She felt tears sting her eyes. "I don't want this to be the end."
He kissed her. "I know."
"Make love to me," she whispered. "One last time."
It was slow, and sweet and gentle as they savored every touch, every kiss, every sensation. Tears streamed from Bella's eyes, and Edward wept, too, his tears falling to mingle with hers. When he came, he arched over her, his wings spread as far as this little room would allow, blotting out the light from the little window.
"Will it be different?" she asked him.
He sat up, his back braced against the wall. Bella lay on his chest and he had wrapped his wings around her, hiding her in that warm, soft, white world that she loved so much, a world where only they existed, a timeless place where nothing could touch her.
"Yes," he said. "It will be different."
"I know you never wanted to talk about it."
"I still don't," he admitted. "But I want you to know that there's nothing to fear. There will be nothing but joy, and we'll be together, always."
She fell asleep like that, wrapped safe and warm in his arms, under the shelter of his wings and she dreamt of a place that was far too beautiful to be real, a place that contained all of her dreams and hopes and every wish she had ever made. And Edward was at her side, just as he had promised. And really, that was all she needed for it to be perfect.