Chapter 38

Red used to be cool. He totally deserved the pressure bomb she was going to put on his seat, one sit and bum, shaving cream all over. She just had to find enough of the stuff. Maybe Poster Boy America had a stock. The trustworthy face of America's most beloved hero was a clean shaved one.

Too bad he was apparently an annoying hero too.

After the electricity was cut off, and she was once again thrown into the depths of maddening boredom, the Super Soldier decided that leaving her alone to her own devices was maybe not the best choice.

So here she was, wondering if she could knock herself out if she started hitting her head against the table a little harder.

" God, is this torture? This is how you punish people who say curse words? You send HIM to fucking talk me to death? " She asked, looking up.

" Language. And that is very rude. " Said Steve, not looking up from the monopoly board in between them.

" So is this. I believe that Geneva's Convention has laws about this. " She said, her right hand's fingers hitting the table-top at a rhythm that followed the code she was coming up with in her mind. The gloved left hand was supporting her head, covered with the hoodie. " Don't you have better things to do? Other than following me around and forcing me to play the world's most famous love/hate game? "

" No, not really. " He said, rolling the dice. " I realized that if you're just left alone you'll do what you're not supposed to. And apparently you have the ability of making Vision act his real age, so I'm the one keeping you busy. "

" This is not busy! This is mind-numbing. " She exclaimed, getting up from the chair.

" I'll just go to whatever you are and bring the board with me. And we'll have to start again. " Said Steve. " Or, we can do something else. "

" Great, just give me your phon- "

" No. Nothing work related. Something fun. Something kid-like. " Said the man.

" Something kid-like? " She asked, raising an eyebrow. " Wow, you're very new at this, aren't you? "

" Yes, yes I am. " He said, with a small smile.

" Jeez. " She said, shaking her head. " An 'honest' jailer. "

" This is not a prison, Bella. " Said the man, the smile gone.

" No, you just threw me in here and don't let me leave. I suppose it can be called unlawful imprisonment. " She just said. " In both cases, you should be ashamed, Mr 'Holier than thou'. "

He sighed, looking at her with pity. Oh that was a mistake on his part, she hated pity. HATED it.

" Tony is trying to protect you from yourself, Bella. " He said, in a soft tone that was supposed not to be completely infuriating, but of course that's why it was. " You have a lot of dangerous people who are looking for the one responsible for the things you did. "

" Then let them come! " She exclaimed, slamming one hand on the table. " I did it all very much aware of what would come my way. I don't want any protection. Specially from him. "

" You don't know what you're talking about, kid. " He said.

" Oh, please! Stop with the 'kid' thing. You think I don't know what those guys are capable of? I made it my job to know what they are capable of! I read all the reports, I saw the torn bodies, the tortured people who died in agony, scared and alone. I know how they pass over any line of human decency for the sake of money! " She wanted to punch this guy in the face. Why did he still looked at her like that? She wasn't someone to be pitied! She had to pay for her mistakes. She had to work to make this world a little less awful to try to pay a debt that could never be payed. She had to do it, until she couldn't anymore. And that was only going to happen when she was dead.

No glorified old man would look at her with those puppy dog eyes and spin some bullshit story about her living happy and 'safe'.

" So don't you come and patronize me. Most of all, DON'T insult my intelligence! " She said. " I am very much well-informed of the consequences and I'm ready to face them. "

" We're talking about you dying. " He said, with a sad expression.

" I faced death before, more than once. As far as I'm concerned, I'm already living on borrowed time. " She said. " You should know something of it, right? "

She turned around leaving the room.

" Come talk to me when you find a way down your fucking high horse. " She said. " I know it might take you a while, it's a long way down. "

Tony was staying at the compound, but that didn't mean that every minute he wasn't second guessing that decision. When Pepper left in the helicopter, he almost jumped in to follow along. He was already thinking of the excuse he would give the woman.

But to his credit, he remained strong. And stayed back.

He was already worried about what he had to face when Steve came and told him about his talk with Bella.

Not surprising, the talk rang familiar bells when it came to the worries he had over the girl.

" She's too much like me. " He said, out loud for some reason. He wasn't one for a lot of confessional moments. But this situation with Bella was taking more than he felt he could give. " Too much for her own good. Doesn't matter how old, no one should be like me. "

" You're being too hard on yourself. " Said Steve.

" You weren't there, Steve. " He said. " You didn't see me when I... "

" When? "

" When I was where she is. When I hadn't learned to bury it deep, deep enough that sometimes I may even believe that it doesn't exist. "

He was saying too much, he had to stop. He had to guard himself.

' Starks are always at someone's crosshairs, Tony.' The voice of his father rang in his mind. 'You can't give them any fuel to use against you. Keep your feelings to yourself, so that they can't be used against you.'

That old reflex that made him want to run away, came back. The emergency mode that told him to shut down everything and get the hell away from everything.

" What 'it'? "

He shook his head, looking away from the wall in front of him and back at the tablet on his hands.

" Nothing, talking nonsense. The hangover must be still messing with my head. " He said. " Thanks for letting me know about- You know. I'll add it to the list. "

He stood up from the couch, his mind flashing back to a roof, years ago, when he was ready to die, when he wanted to die. To get it all done with.

" I forgot that I have to get on a conference call in about five minutes. Pepper does her best but I'm still expected to do 'some' work. " He said, with his trade mark 'work smile'. " See you later Cap. "

" Tony. "

He didn't stop or looked back.

Of course, he didn't have a conference call. He was sure Steve knew it, the man was just too polite to call him out on it.

His mind was going to places it had no places going. He had to work. Think about things that made sense. That were comforting.

He was sure that his suits were due to an upgrade.

A massive one.

Sam was not surprised when he saw the feet under his car. He expected it at some point, after Maria got her free repair.

" I won't have to pay you, will I? " He asked, getting close.

He heard a bang and a curse.

" What the hell is with people here and sneaking up on me?! " She asked, then sliding herself out from under his car, rubbing her forehead. When she was sitting up, her other hand moved the hoodie up to cover her face.

" Did you get hurt? " He asked.

" I'm fine. " She said. " This yours? "

" Yep. "

" You don't take her to the mechanic often, do you? " She asked.

" Not really. It slips my mind. " He said. " After the other car totaled, I kind of lost my will to work too hard on vehicles. "

" What happened to the other car? " She asked, taking another tool from the organized pile next to her and laid back down, sliding herself back under the car.

" HYDRA. "

A huff came.

" Should have guessed. " She said.

" Me too. " He said. " I still wasn't done paying for it. And my insurance didn't cover it. "

" My heart aches for you. " She said in her sarcastic tone. " Now that we poured our hearts out over the traumatizing loss of your car, can you leave me alone? "

" No. " He said.

" What the fuck is wrong with this place? " She muttered, but he heard it.

" How about this? " He asked. " You let me help you with this and I take you out of this compound for a ride. "

A sound, and she slid back looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

" A ride where? " She asked.

" Do you like ice cream? "

" Am I five? " She asked with a fake smile and a sarcastic tone.

" Everyone likes ice cream. " He retorted.

" So why did you ask? "

" To be polite. "

" Boring. " She said, rolling her eyes. Then going back under the car. " What do you hope to get from this 'allowed' day out? That an ice cream and fresh air will make me more malleable? "

" Ha, no. I have the impression that you were never malleable. " He said. " I would guess that you were always like science rules. Laws of Physics. They are what they are. Can't bend them. Can't break them. "

" Good, you see that this whole thing will not change me. " Said Bella.

" But you can move around them. " He said. " It's what you geniuses do, isn't it? Find ways around? Think your way around the problem? In other lights? "

" Somethings you can't move around. " She said.

" You would be surprised. " He said.

" Is this the VA guy talking or the Avenger whose salary is payed by Stark? " She asked.

" No difference between them. " He said.

" Right. " She said, unbelieving.

" Doesn't matter if you believe it or not. I know it's true. That's enough for me. " He said.

" At least you're not trying to spin a fairy tale to me. " She said.

" I don't think the things the others are telling are fairy tales. I believe in them. " He said, sitting down on the floor, next to the tire of his car. " But I know that sometimes people need a breather. I can do the fairy tale after. "

" Be my guest not to. Promise I won't tell your boss. " She said. He had the impression she was smirking.

He decided to ignore it.

" So ice cream, no ice cream? "

" No thanks. " She said.

" Why not? "

" Cause I said so. " She retorted. " Why does it matter to you why I'm having it? "

" Because depending on the answer, it will be important. " He said.

She sighed loudly.

" I'm terrified of ice creams, it's a real problem, look it up. " She said, in her tone that indicated she was messing with him and wanted him to know it. He knew her for such a short amount of time, and he had heard it enough to recognize it. " Pagotophobia. "

" Really? " He asked, curious. He took his phone out and searched for the word. " Would you look at that, so it is. "

" Told ya. "

" So, obvious fake self diagnosing aside, why don't you want ice cream? " He asked.

" It's against my religion. Like Muslims and smoking, you know? "

" Why don't you want ice cream? "

" I'm lactose intolerant, ice cream gives me explosive diarrhea. " She said, in a serious tone.

" Why don't you want ice cream? " He repeated the question, laughing a little.

" What's it to you why not? " She asked, appearing from under his car again. " You keep this up I'll mess this baby up so bad no mechanic will able so save her. "

He looked from her, narrowed eyes that he could see clearly because her hoodie had fallen back, then at the organized tool and car parts between the two of them. An idea coming to mind.

" No you won't. " He said.

" Yeah I am. "

He reached for the nearest tools, mixing them up and piling them on top of each other carelessly.

" Hey! " She exclaimed, sitting up and organizing the tools again.

" As I said. No way you're leaving an engine you're fixing, messy. " He said.

" Aren't you sure of yourself? " She asked.

" I am. I know a control freak when I see one. " He said. He had learned from observing Maria interact with the girl that this kind of comment worked with Bella.

" Wow, two minutes around me and birdie thinks he's an expert. " She said, laying back down and, again, going under his car.

" Yeah, I clearly don't know anything about what I'm talking about. " He said, silently pushing the tools out of alignment.

She was quiet for a moment.

" You messed with my tools again, didn't you? " She asked, making him laugh.

" I'll stop if you give me honest answers. " He said.

She appeared from under his car again, organizing the tools. He could see that she was thinking.

" Didn't know you had such a dairy obsession. "

" You know now. " He said.

She looked up at him with a smirk.

" I told you before that I don't want anything from Stark. " She said. " I may be forced to be inside here now, but I'm not going to be running around having 'ice cream' or whatever. I have more important things to worry about. I should be working. I need to be working. Not 'enjoying life'. "

" Why can't you enjoy life? " He asked.

She rolled her eyes and went, again, under the car.

It wasn't a lot of progress, but he made some.

" I mean, why live like this? Sleeping in abandoned buildings, not knowing when your next meal it's going to be. Not speaking about you getting kidnapped by sadistic serial killers. " He said. " You can hack into ATM's like it's nothing. You could get yourself a better deal- "

" It's not about getting a better deal. It's about doing what I have to do the way I have to do it. " She said. " We all have stuff we have to carry. "

" And what you have to do is force yourself into a horrible life? " He asked. " What are you carrying? "

He heard the sound of the tools, a long silence.

" None of your business, Birdie. " She said, in a sharp tone.

He had experience enough helping people to know when to stop.

She cursed Birdie for catching her off guard and getting her to talk more than she meant to. But she did manage to shut up after, and he did keep his end of the deal he proposed himself, after the car was done, they got in it, and he drove to the nearest city.

She was just happy to be out of that place. And his taste in music wasn't awful. Better than a lot of drivers she got rides from.

He drove for a while, until they reached one of the small towns that circled the area where the HQ was.

" Now what? " She asked, once they were out of the car. " You're the Tour guide of this thing, aren't you? "

" Now... " He mused, looking around. " Ha! How about we see some books? "

She had no better option and without any planning, running away wasn't an option. So she followed him there.

The smile he sent the woman who had a 'manager' tag on her chest told Bella that it wasn't the first time he had been there. And it had nothing to do with books.

" Dude, I am so NOT going to be your wing man. " She said to him as they walked to the fiction section.

" What? " He asked. " What are you talking about? "

" Buddy, you're nowhere near as subtle as you think you are. " She said. " I could practically see the drool. "

" I am just being nice. " He said.

" If you say so. " She said.

" I do. "

" By the way, she's totally checking out your ass. " She said. " You might want to tell her you're 'just being polite'. "

" Hey, I'm not shy. If she wants to check out the merchandise, who am I to deny her? " He said, lowly with a smirk.

" Gross. " She said. " Didn't know you had a thing for people watching you. Now I know why you became an Avenger. "

He chuckled.

" Just look through the books. "

" I'm more interested in finding bleach to get the knowledge of your weird kinks out of my brain. " She said.

Thank god, that conversation didn't continue, and it didn't get any weirder.

She barely remembered the last time she did anything for fun. The last time she read something because she liked it and not because she had to, in order to take out some criminal.

Her mom loved reading stories to her. Actually Bella was too impatient to wait for her mother to read, so they took turns doing the voices. The extra drama and sound effects coming from the girl. Not just kid books either, her mother read the classics. Including horror.

Bella had no idea at the time, when they were reading Frankenstein, that she would end up looking like the monster.

She adjusted her hoodie, making sure her face was covered.

It had been a few minutes already that Sam had stopped pretending that he wasn't there to flirt with the manager and had parked by the register and was talking with the woman. From the pieces of conversation she picked up, the woman knew he was an Avenger. Maybe she was one of those who loved celebrities. Because seriously, Sam was kinda fun and not horrible to be around (considering the company he kept) but 'dating' him? Ew. Just gross.

She turned her attention back to the books.

Was she even able to enjoy them? If she tried? To sit down and just ignore the world, drowning into another one?

It felt wrong to. She couldn't. She had to continue working. She had made mistakes in her life and had to pay them by continuing working.

She walked by all the halls, more the sake of taking more time than anything. She stopped in front of shelf that had books for kids and teens. They still had this amount of Harry Potter books for sale? They really did get popular huh?

She took the first book in her hand. Remembering reading it with her mom. Making the voices. She always liked Hagrid, he was that big man, that was stronger than all of them, but he wasn't what people assumed he was at first sight. He was a gentle soul. Maybe that was the reason she befriended Tiny so easily, he wasn't what people assumed he was.

She knew how it was, not being what one looks to be. Being a genius, such a young genius, it was living with people making assumptions about her. People looked at her, saw this tiny skinny girl. They thought she was nothing special. Then she opened her mouth. And boy, she proved them wrong. And that no, just because she was young, didn't mean she was a pushover or a tool to be used by others.

She loved making Hagrid's voice. Her mother always laughed when she did.

She felt the familiar pang in her heart at the sweet memory. She missed her mom. She missed her so much.

She missed how she sounded. She missed how soft she felt when she hugged her. She missed how comfortably worm she felt when she laid next to her and read with her.

She put the book back on the shelf, getting out of that session and went to the science session. She looked through the titles, sometimes leafing through one.

When she was done wasting time in that place, she moved towards the register.

" Are you done hitting on her? " She asked, startling the two adults. " Come on, get her number and let's scramble, we're loosing daylight. "

She didn't even wait for an answer, she just started moving towards the door, maybe she would get lucky and the man would take his time saying goodbye to his would-be-girlfriend, and she would get a few moments alone.

No such luck as she saw him appear next to her.

" Want something to eat now? " He asked. " It's getting late, we should be heading back soon. "

" I'm fine. " She said.

" Sure? "

" I'm fine. " She said, she didn't feel like eating. But she didn't feel like going back to the Avenger 'super-prison'. " Just feel like walking. "

" Alright then. We'll walk. "

" You can skip it. " She said.

" It's getting late and you're a kid. I'm the grown up and I'm keeping an eye on you. "

" I'm not that young, you know. " She said, rolling her eyes.

" No, but you're really small. Like too strong a breeze can blow you away. " He said.

" I'm tougher than I look. " She said.

" Seeing how tough you look, that is not that comforting. " Said Sam.

" Well, I survived three years on the streets. " She retorted. " That tells you all you need to know. "

" Yes, the medical records sure tell me a great picture. " He said.

Seriously, that guy was hellbent on getting on her nerves.

" That was called ULTRON, in case you forgot who dropped me from the sky. " She said with poison on her voice.

" I'm not talking about that. " He said. " I'm talking about all the times you got hurt before. "

" Oh come on- "

" And of course, let's not forget the very large note the doctors made about your malnutrition. " He said.

" What are you now? My nurse? " She asked. " Stop nagging me. "

" Fine. Not talking about it again. " He said. " I'm just taking a stroll with you. Then we're going back home. "

" Prison, sweet prison. " She said.

" Well, at least it has cable TV. "

" And denied internet privileges. " She said.

" Nothing is perfect. "

They walked around for a while, until Sam deemed time to get back.

She tried to hide it, but she felt walls closing around her the closer they got to the HQ. The large building getting bigger and bigger, the lights shining in contrast with the dark sky. She felt the urge to grab the steering wheel and turn it, but that would do no good, it was just going to kill them both. And she wasn't going to be responsible for his death.

" Here we are. " He said, after he parked. " Did you like the ride? "

" Of course, because my idea of fun is seeing you flirt with a woman who enjoys your ass. " She said with sarcasm, getting out of the car. " At least you didn't start making out and gave me reasons to drink bleach. "

" You're welcome. " He said, with a small smile. " I make a point of not permanently traumatizing teenage girls. "

She got out of the garage, going to the bedroom that they had told her to use. She needed to be alone.

She sat on the bed, looking around the space. The silence and stillness making her skin crawl and her heartbeat be heard without a problem.

She didn't know what to do next. Just sit there? Until she was about to crazyagain, andd she had to get out to do something? Then have all computers declared off limits? What she would do next? Fix all the machines in that place?

She had to stop her silent glaring of the room around her to answer nature's call. And since she was on the bathroom anyway, and she wasn't going anywhere soon, she decided to take a shower.

It was very hard to do all that in the dark, she still didn't want to stare at the mirror and avoided the lights because of it.

She found a robe in the bathroom, after feeling around for a bit on the drawers and put it on. It wasn't very large, like the one from the hotel had been, but it was still big. Good, it covered a lot of her.

She sat again on the bed.

" Now what? " She asked herself.

Time passed and she started getting restless again. She had to do SOMETHING! She was going crazy. She had to find ways to distract her mind from the people (one person) who was in that place too.

She looked around the shelves, seeing the books there. Should she read one? Just to pass the time and stop her from going insane?

She was living in a difficult situation, she wanted to avoid all things Stark, but she was in a place that was made of his things. What would she do? Lay in a corner and slowly starve to death?

She had changed the whole point of living to working, now she had people stopping her from doing it. Even a billion cameras.

She shook her head. She had to calm down. She was smart. More than that, a genius, she would find a way, eventually.

For now, she would take one of the books and read. Just to make her brain stop buzzing.

It had over 800 pages, good, a lot of distraction. Even better, she got tired half-way through and fell asleep.