April 4th 1:00PM
My body was still radiating with happiness from the breathless kisses we had stolen during my gym period. Graduation was so close. It was only a matter of time before the laws would no longer be an issue and we could actually be happy together once and for all.
As I walked down the familiar path that I have taken many times before to my math class, I dreamt of the future ahead. So many versions of us swirled together—making pancakes together while the coffee brewed, picnics in beautiful weather, excitedly going to a concert, finding cute notes on the bathroom mirror when I come home from work and so many more. Our doppelgangers were unbelievably happy in these many different versions of the future and I could not wait to fulfill each one.
When I rounded the corner, there were two police officers standing outside Alice's classroom and when the one on the right noticed me, he looked me up and down and then said into his radio: "We've got her."
Was Charlie okay? Did something happen? I immediately gripped onto the straps of my backpack tightly.
"Bring her to the office immediately," I heard Charlie's voice ring through the static radio.
Immediately, I knew.
No. No, it can't be. Please. No, please, please. NO!
Our doppelgangers simultaneously started shrieking in my ear as I felt panic sink its sharp, icy fingers into my soul. As they began walking towards me, I moved to the side to see if Alice was in the classroom with that reassuring gleam in her eyes. I saw Mr. Hurt look over his shoulder with despair before moving to shut the door. The entire class was staring at me over his shoulder—Nikolai had his eyebrows furrowed in worry, a tight line of his lips. Mr. Hurt gave a small nod in the officers' direction, bit his lip and then gently closed me off from everyone else.
My thoughts exploded into fluttering, taunting echoes of unreachable dreams and our doppelgangers reached forward to grasp helplessly and stay. They began shrieking loudly, overwhelming everything around me. My heart was pounding hard against my chest until all I could hear was the deafening cries of our doppelgangers' deaths and the thunderous pounding throughout my skin. As the officer reached forward to wrap his hand around my wrist, noise began funneling into a vacuum of all encompassing static and then suddenly, everything became mute.
This isn't real. This can't be.
My legs felt like jelly as I turned and walked alongside them, following without any protest or thought.
I pictured Alice being approached by officers. She must have been so scared. I thought about her cry of misery for her future. My thoughts turned to her family and the horrible, erogenous avalanche of pain that I had descended upon them. Not only had I destroyed familial bonds with Edward but now I've lost everything for Alice's future.
The two men surrounding me did not say any words of encouragement. They simply kept their hands on the small of my back, leading me towards my destination. The mute world around me seemed to sway and vibrate in my gaze.
The officers gently pushed me forward into the counselor's office, stationed themselves by the door and then closed it. Charlie was standing there, hands on his hips, shoulders tight, and his lip nearly raw from biting. Once he saw me, he rushed forward to wrap his arms around me. I stiffened involuntarily.
Honestly, this was not the way I ever pictured him reacting?
"Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing my back. His arms tightened before releasing me. His hands stayed on my shoulders, caressing me with his thumbs as he kept eye contact with me.
"What's going on?" I blurted out. The counselor—a black man named Arnold with a goatee and clothes that were too big for him—cleared his throat and stood.
Nothing felt real. I wanted to wake up. This was only a bad dream. This didn't happen. Please, this didn't happen.
I could feel tears starting to brim and my throat constricted tightly. At this sight, Charlie's eyebrows knitted together in worry and his hand moved to cradle the back of my head.
"Hey, hey. It's okay. We'll figure this out together," he muttered softly.
Again. This was not the way I ever pictured him reacting.
"Bella, sit down," Arnold requested quietly. Charlie moved to place his hand on the small of my back and led me to the two chairs in front of Arnold's desk. I sat down clumsily, still reeling from this. Part of me knew what was coming, part of me was still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. There was no way this could be happening, right? Charlie stood next to the other chair, his arms crossed tightly across his chest.
"Honestly, how the hell could this have happened?!" Charlie began practically yelling at Arnold. I jumped at the abrupt sound, barely even used to him at a normal volume, let alone shouting. The counselor's face transformed into a defensive stance and he gave my father a pointed look.
"I assure you, Chief, the school had no knowledge of this," he started. "If we did, we obviously would have intervened. We take great pride in the staff here, especially Ms. Brandon, and never expected this to happen."
I gulped uncomfortably since my throat seemed to be getting even tighter. A few tears finally brimmed over, spilling onto my cheeks and my chest felt as though a 50 pound weight had been placed on it.
Arnold bent down to be eye-level with me. "Bella, I understand that this is probably traumatic for you."
Understatement of the year.
"But," he continued. "We need to get an account of the abuse."
What?
I blinked several times, looking at his caring eyes staring into mine. Or maybe that was for fear of a lawsuit from the way he was talking? I turned my head to look at Charlie.
His body was obviously quite tense. His eyes were boring into Arnold with a look of fury and his head was shaking softly side to side. His gaze moved to me and I watched his features relax.
"Hey, Bells. It's okay. I'm here for you. We're going to get to the bottom of this and sort it out," he nodded. Was he close to crying? "I'm sorry that I didn't notice. Honestly, I'm so sorry."
Oh my god.
With a startling realization, I felt nausea threaten to overtake me. Did they really think that Alice was abusing me?
Alice? An abuser? There was absolutely no way. Not only did they find out, but they think it's this? How? Why?
I felt like my clothes were sticking to my skin from the sweat and my thoughts were fighting against one another to find the best way out of this horrible situation.
"Can...can I have some..some water, please?" I finally managed to get out. My voice sounded different to my ears. It was like a small child, sitting in the corner and waiting for the monsters to go away. But this monster was something that I had created and now I had to stand up to it.
Charlie moved to the door, cracked it open and I heard him whisper something to one of the officers. He closed it softly and moved to stand next to me.
The silence was deafening. The air was palpable with tension. These two men were guarding me against something they thought was awful—against everything they stood for—when in reality, they were tearing me away from complete happiness.
There was no way I could withhold the truth. Alice could not have this hanging over her head for the rest of her life. How could I get her into this mess? We seemed untouchable. How foolish of me. God, I was so stupid.
Can I just reset everything? Let me take it all back. I was so selfish. I knew the stakes all along. Alice and I both knew what was at stake; how could I have knowingly put her in this position?
It felt like several minutes had passed even though I know it wasn't that long. Charlie's belt let out a small squeak from the weight of everything as he bent down to be eye-level with me. I had both of these men down on their knees and gazing up at me with such concern.
"I know it's hard, Bells. I'm sorry. But we need to hear it."
I'm about to break Charlie's heart. My gaze moved to his eyes and I was right, he was close to crying. I couldn't even begin to imagine the guilt he felt over this fabricated situation. I could only assume he sped over to the school once he got the call, his grip tight on the steering wheel and his foot heavy on the gas.
"I…" There was no way I could say this. I cleared my throat, delaying the inevitable. Tears continued to drop while I silently cried and each felt like a burning streak across my skin. "I'm sorry," I finally mumbled.
Charlie's hand moved to my knee and his sweaty hands seeped through the material of my jeans. "Hey, hey. No. Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. Nothing at all." He caressed the material and I felt a streak of hotness across my skin. "Hayden told us what he saw—her grabbing you and pulling you into the bathroom. I'm sorry this has happened."
Fucking Hayden. Fucking piece of shit and waste of human breath Hayden. I swear to God. He must have seen us during my gym period. Literal human garbage. I hate him. God, I hate him so much.
A strangled sob burst out of my throat and my hands jerked up to try to cover the sound. I slammed my eyes shut, crushing so hard that they started to burn in the darkness. My ears heavily pulsed in the silence.
Please, let me wake up. I want to wake up.
Charlie's hand caressed my knee and his other hand began to stroke my forearm in concern. He had never been this affectionate before and although I know he meant for it to be comforting, it just added to my towering guilt.
I have to say this. I can't escape this nightmare.
I took a deep breath with my eyes still shut in order to try and calm my crying. I somehow managed to get a semblance of control, opened my eyes and lowered my hands to my lap. Arnold was leaning against his desk now, his legs crossed at the ankle and a notepad in hand. Charlie was kneeling directly in front of me and his tears had spilled over as well.
I took a deep, heavy breath to prepare myself and once I expelled all the air from my lungs, I let it out.
"It was consensual." Although I whispered the words, they felt like drops of explosions within these four walls.
Immediately, the feeling in the room completely changed. Charlie's gaze began searching my face and Arnold's lips parted in quiet surprise. He began writing in the notepad and the pen furiously scratching against the paper was the only sound in the room.
"What?" Charlie removed his hand and began to stand. I looked up at him, my vision slightly blurry from my crying. His features were muddled together in an arrangement of disappointment and shame. He turned away from me to look at the wall holding the counselor's degrees and didn't say another word. I watched his hands move to sit on his hips as his neck began to lower to the ground.
"Bella," Arnold began and my gaze moved over to him. "I need to know absolutely everything that happened."
I began to rub my hands together and continued to dart over to Charlie to see how he was reacting while I gathered my thoughts. "I, uh…" I sniffed and wiped away a few tears from my face. "Will she be okay?"
Charlie scoffed from the other side of the room and then began rubbing his mustache in thought. It was clear that he was a mixture of muddled emotions-none of them good-and with a heavy sigh, he shook his head, turned and left the room.
With the gentle click of the door, I began to weep harder.
I was released from the rest of the day as soon as I left the office. On the drive home, every song felt like nails on my skin, only making every horrible second that much worse. It felt like hard lead had been dropped onto my chest and I couldn't remove it. My thoughts were swimming around in a dense fog with no ground to stand on. My hands couldn't stop shaking and the drive felt like a fast blur.
It honestly felt like a nightmare that had slithered its way over to find me that refused to remove its hard, tight grasp.
Pulling up to the house, Charlie's car was stationed haphazardly in the driveway. He was sitting on the porch, rocking gently back and forth with a beer already in hand. The graying hair that was usually somewhat kept was disheveled and his mustache seemed to be in a permanent frown. His eyelids were heavy, giving him a pensive stare that bore into my body as I slowly got out of my truck. Slinging my bookbag over my shoulder, I stalked to the front door with my eyes analyzing the small specks of dirt on my converse instead of his disappointed glare. The woods chirped quietly around us and my dense footsteps on the wooden porch disturbed the picturesque serenity. I set my bag down against a pillar and then took a seat in the rocker next to Charlie-a good distance away because I could tell he was still a mixture of negative emotions. The phone in my back pocket vibrated and I assumed it was Angela texting me about everything—surely a piece of gossip like this would've spread like wildfire throughout the school.
Admittedly, it hurt to see him so upset with me. I should have known this would be how he would react if this ever came out. Without a doubt, I know my father wanted only happiness for me but from his viewpoint, this arrangement probably did not look like the best choice. He didn't know Alice as I did. His eyes read over the back of the beer bottle lazily, his boot tapping silently against the wood, and his mustache only showing a slight twitch whenever his lips curled. He looked tired.
We sat next to one another in silence. I rocked back and forth, looking out over the dense treetops and hearing the insects chirp in the breeze. Charlie continued to drink his beer slowly while refusing to make eye contact with me. Although he had read the beer label several times over by the point, it still seemed to be far more fascinating than his daughter. The air between us was heavy and it resembled those tense, rigid moments depicted in war, where both sides are staring at their opponents before charging. Charlie chugged the rest of his beer and with a final clink on the wood next to him, it signified the beginning of battle.
"What she did as your mentor and teacher is disgusting," he said. His tone was laced with revulsion. Still, he refused to look at me and the back of his hair quivered while he shook his head back and forth. I needed to give him a haircut, the thought suddenly popped into my brain as though this was not one of the most important conversations in my life. Everything felt a little numb-blatant indifference was grasping onto every thought I had simply because my mind and emotions were sapped of all of their strength. "She should not have twisted her position to delude you into some sick fantasy she had."
Each word was a sharp, painful stab and I felt my stomach twist with nausea. Not only were his words hurtful but his nonverbal cues were barbed wire: lips curled into permanent contempt, head continued to swivel back and forth in disapproval, and fingers on his right hand fidgeted erratically into a tense fist.
"This isn't some sick fantasy," I shot back, my voice betraying me and coming across with too much aggravation. Clearing my throat, my voice ventured forth again with trepidation. "I am fully aware of what I want. This is my choice."
That same scoff from the office bore up between us. Such a simple sound depicted an arrogant, condescending sentence without any words: You are too young and stupid to make this choice.
"How long has this been going on?"
Instinctively, several different lies cascaded down, hoping to be picked. With a realization, I knew that I had gotten way too used to lying constantly and felt another stab of guilt. Since the truth was out, I decided to give as much candor as possible and shooed away the all-too-eager lies.
"It's been going on for a while. I'd say several months."
His head fall back against the chair so that his gaze was to the ceiling of our porch. A long sigh left his lips as his eyes closed.
"For several months...you lied to me daily. You lied to my face every single day for months."
I grit my teeth and looked away from him, to the driveway. I pictured the many times that Alice drove up and smiled brightly at me. Memories showered upon me: quick pecks, her allowing me to keep her sweatshirt as we parted, stolen kisses in the kitchen and heated moments in my bed. Flimsy lies sat abundantly next to these brief flashes of happiness.
"Yes," I whispered.
Abruptly, he got to his feet and began pacing the porch, while still adamantly avoiding my gaze. His hair ruffled in an untidy fashion due to his nervous hands raking through multiple times and his body vibrated with tense judgment. After what felt like several minutes of this, he paused at the railing and looked on to the empty stretch of road before us. His fingers tapped against the wood and slowly, he bent forward to lean on the railing. I watched his shoulders and back expand against his tight shirt, looking over each ripple in the fabric breathe with him.
"You're so young, Bella," he muttered. "In my line of work, I see this sick, control of their power all the time. It's usually men with younger women but just because you are two women doesn't change the horrible power dynamic. You have no idea how she really manipulated you into this and-"
"-I wasn't manipulated, Dad. I completely-"
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU WANT, BELLA," he suddenly yelled and turned to face me. He quickly took a step closer to me, his hand outstretched to point a finger at me. The skin on his face was blotchy and red, eyes glazed over and eyebrows scrunched together in a mixture of betrayed anger. Instinctually, I had jumped and gripped the sides of the rocking chair at the roar in his voice. Gazing into his eyes, I began to feel hot pricks against mine and looked away shamefully.
A deep breath overtook him and he turned away again, putting his hands on his hips. "You're young. Your mind can easily be twisted and manipulated, Bella. It hurts to see a woman who is supposed to be your temporary guardian and mentor—as all are your teachers—take = your trust and turn it into this. This is going to affect you for years to come and you have no idea the gravity of this decision." He paused and then quietly added: "Also, you have no idea how much it hurts me that you lied to my face for months, Bella."
I didn't know how to respond. How do you respond to something like this? For a brief second, I felt like I was someone looking into this turbulent scene and I wasn't actually experiencing it. Or maybe that was just an intense wish and desire.
"I'm sorry," I finally managed. I didn't know how to move forward from that. We stayed in our positions—just breathing next to one another in the tense silence and felt the gravity of the situation push us further into the ground with its heavy weight.
I assumed it was futile to continue trying to explain to him that it was consensual, she was not this horrible person, and that I actually was in love. He was too angry and hurt. Also, even though he had always told me how mature I was, how much I could take care of myself and make my own choices, I felt like I had suddenly reverted back into a 12-year-old that had no true merit in any of my decisions. Similarly, I felt like a small child that had just been told she needed to go to her room and I felt this dignified, spiteful exasperation.
"Your mother will be here tomorrow," he muttered.
"I figured you called her."
"There isn't exactly a rulebook on how to deal with this, Bella."
My phone vibrated again in my back pocket and I removed it, putting it on the table.
No tears had fallen from my eyes yet so that burning sensation in my vision continued to stay, adding to my discomfort. Frustrated, I closed my eyes and pressed the palms of my hands into them to push out the tears and simultaneously block out my existence from this moment. Charlie's boots made small scuffing noises as he turned towards me and a heavy sigh tumbled from his mouth.
"You're grounded, obviously."
I removed my hands and blinked up at him as my vision returned.. "I also figured."
He nodded, kicked away something on the porch with his boot and then looked at me again. A small pause beat between us before he insecurely cleared his throat and spoke. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."
A small nod was the only recognition of this apology he was going to get right now.
"Can I speak now?" I gazed up at him with my hands clasped together and hot tears sliding down my cheeks. "Or are you going to tell me I'm childish again?"
His gaze darted to me and I saw a flash of that same superior and presumptuous thinking most adults had when their children had made a mistake they deemed irresponsible. His lips parted and I hardened my glare. Rolling my eyes at his ego, I put my hands through my hair to cradle my scalp and took heavy breaths between my knees. Nature chirped loudly around us and for a moment, I focused solely on my chest expanding, the air filling my lungs, and the sounds of the insects' symphony.
Realistically, I knew that this conversation with Charlie would had to have happened at some point. I obviously had hoped that it would be after high school when the suffocating taboo had dissipated. He had reacted many different ways in my various fantasies due to the relationship itself, my age, and his position in his career. However, I had never predicted Charlie standing on the porch of our house and yelling at me with a blotchy, red face and a tone soaked in disgust.
I had no playbook.
A searing longing surged through my body for Alice to take me into her arms and just alleviate the heaviness of the situation. Instead of backing away from the now impossible feeling, I dived into the old memories of us together and let the calmness abolish every present overwhelmed, anxious thought. Another surge of anxiety burst through the calmness when a small voice inside my head cruelly said: She will never hold you again. I burst out a sob, still hunched over when I realized that it was correct: Alice was most likely going to jail and I would not feel her arms, her kisses, her touch, anything anymore. Charlie's boot skid against the wood as he automatically moved forward to hold me and then hesitated.
"I love her. I love her," I said through the hiccupping howls and hunched further to try and disappear between my knees.
"Bella-"
"You don't understand. You just don't."
His boots came into view, meaning he had finally moved closer to me and I smelled his aftershave enter my nostrils. I lifted my head slightly just to see his face close to mine and judging by the haphazard way his eyes darted over my face, my tears were perhaps more intense than I initially assumed.
"Look," I heaved out into a sigh and then wiped away the snot and tears on my face with my sleeve. "I know you think I'm just being stupid and young—" At this, he opened his mouth and I reached forward and grabbed the back of his head and then covered his mouth with the other. His eyes widened and his brows furrowed. "Charlie, you spoke. You fucking yelled at me, as a matter of fact. Which you have never done to me before." A sheepish look danced across his features and I felt his face relax against my hand. "So, can I have my turn?"
My sniff was the only sound for a second. He nodded slowly and I sighed happily, letting go of his face.
"She and I moved back and forth quite a bit in the beginning. She struggled a lot with the exact shit you're bringing up. She still feels guilty about 'abusing' her position, as you both put it, as though I'm incapable of making my own decisions." I leaned back in the chair and gazed hard at him. "As I said, it's consensual. That's a fact-no matter how you want to try to spin it. We were going to wait until after graduation but then everything happened with Edward and I don't know, we just didn't want to wait any longer."
He stared at me. I took that as an invitation to continue speaking. "I'm happy with her, Dad. I never wanted her to get in trouble. I want to be with her after I graduate. I'm sorry I lied to you. I hated myself for it," the words tumbled out quickly as though they were bursting to get through for so long. "I know you think it's some stupid relationship that's just based on hormones or something trivial like that but it definitely isn't."
He blinked at me and then seemed to be digesting that large amount of information. With a shake of his head, he muttered: "As I said, you're grounded. Your Mom will be here tomorrow and we'll have a family meeting about it. Until then, I want you in your room. Give me your phone."
Blind rage coursed through my veins and I wanted to scream. His dismissal of everything was so absolutely infuriating. I didn't move and just stared at him. With clenched teeth, I finally spoke.
"What's going to happen to her?"
His features depicted discernible exasperation. "Bella," he sighed. "What do you think is going to happen? She's going to jail. She deserves to go to jail."
"No, no. I was eighteen when we slept together."
His lips curled at that confession and his face turned away from me. He groaned quietly, running his hands over his face. "Of course she slept with you," he whispered distastefully. "Jesus Christ." Distance became greater between us as he moved back towards the railing. "She's going to jail because of her position over you. This shouldn't have happened. That's final."
The sound of tires on the road grew louder as it got closer. Charlie and I both looked towards the source of the noise as the silence strained between us like a foreboding, dark cloud. I recognized the car as soon as it pulled up and I felt jubilation erupt.
"Are you okay?" Angela asked as soon as she was out of the car and almost running to the porch. "Hey Charlie," she said quickly to him before she knelt down next to me. "Hey, you okay?" She reached up and wiped away a strangling tear off my chin.
"Angela, did you know about this?" Charlie interrogated. He leaned against the railing and stared down at us both.
"Of course I did," she replied matter-of-factly and turned on him. She stood up, staring hard in return. "In fact, Charlie," she started with a distinguished tone. "I helped her sometimes."
He shook his head. "You both are so young and careless."
She took a step forward, blocking me from him. "Sure, we're both young. But Bella's been through so much that I think mentally, she's far above the rest. For fuck's sake, Charlie, she was almost raped twice." Her voice was rising with each comeback and Charlie's face twitched into a second of responsible discomfort at the mention of Edward's transgressions. Instinctually, I flinched at the memories. "She finally found someone that really cares about her, loves her and is willing to risk everything for her. What's wrong with that?" She paused to look over Charlie and the several beers next to his chair. "I...I honestly wasn't expecting you to react this way. After everything she's been through, I assumed you'd be thrilled that your daughter has such a good judge of character and fell in love with such an amazing person."
Bless Angela. God bless Angela. She deserves absolutely fucking everything.
Charlie's mouth had been open, ready to retort and snap back but now slammed shut and he glowered at her. "I'm the Chief of Police and you thought I would be in favor of a teacher sleeping with my daughter?" His hands were thrown out at his sides to showcase how enraged he was with this entire conversation.
Angela blinked at him. "Your job comes before your daughter's happiness?"
"Angela," I muttered.
"No, Bella. Charlie, I get that you have a job to do but-"
"Angela, I have worked for so many years to get to this position and you two are teenagers. You didn't even think to consider the implications of this on my career? I'm officially under review."
I raised my head and stared at him. No, surely not. This couldn't jeopardize his career, could it?
As if reading my mind, he looked at me and nodded. "Yes, Bella. I'm under review. If I can't see my own daughter doing something like this under my roof, that greatly undermines my investigative skills as a police officer."
"Oh, but…" Angela tried to speak up again.
"Bella's grounded, Angela," he snapped back. "Say goodbye to her and leave."
Police officers entered Alice's classroom
"What's goin' on?"
"Ooh, someone's in trouble."
"I wonder what happened?"
I wasn't in my normal seat; instead, I was sitting all the way in the back. They moved closer to her, extending their hands and she blinked quickly, looking between the two. The marker fell from her hand to loudly clatter on the floor.
"Ma'am, please we need—"
"I wonder who's getting in trouble," a student in the front snickered to their friend behind them.
No, no. I tried to get to my feet but felt glued to the desk. I tried to lift my hands and my skin refused to budge, just stretching. I groaned in pain, trying to stand but the desk refused to release me. Alice nodded solemnly and gathered the materials off her desk.
"No!" I shouted and leaned forward since I was still a captor in my desk. "No, don't take her!" I was yelling with all my might and felt my veins threatening to burst in my neck.
None of the students acknowledged me and continued staring at the event in front of the classroom. I began just screaming, racking my body back and forth against the desk in another attempt to release myself. My voice sounded hoarse, desperate, and cracked under the constant, strenuous exertion. With another deep inhale, I expelled all of the energy into another sharp bellow that filled the whole room, despite no one recognizing the truly awful sound.
The door opened to showcase only blinding white light, making Alice and her captors' dark silhouettes. I shrieked her name once more. This time, the sound registered.
But only to Alice.
Instead of continuing to leave the classroom, she suddenly turned around and her terrified eyes met mine. Her mouth opened but no sound came out. She darted below the officer's outstretched arm and began running towards me. With the desk fighting to hold my limbs down, I could only reach up to about a foot to stretch forward and grasp her hand. Her arm stretched out, her fingertips grazed mine and then she was lurched backward by the officer. He wrapped his arms around her waist and yanked her back, lifting her off the ground to the exit.
She was screeching, her features showing only a deep fear of her worst nightmare coming true and her eyes were brimming with tears. The room was silent to my ears, even as her flailing feet knocked over desks and students got to their feet to survey the event.
Only my shrill scream pierced the deafening silence. And then the door slammed shut and I was surrounded by complete darkness.
I lurched upward, panting and feeling my sweat stick to my face and body. My legs were wrapped in the blankets, preventing me from moving and my hands had been gripping the sheets. Instinctively, I reached to my nightstand to text Alice about the horrible nightmare but paused in the middle of my movement. This was no longer an option. I couldn't even talk to Angela except at school.
Dread filled my lungs and seemed to sink me further into my drenched mattress. I moved some pieces of hair that had gotten stuck to my forehead and tried to calm my breathing.
I was alone in this. I couldn't reach out to anyone about it. I couldn't do anything.
A small noise joined my shallow breathing and my head jerked towards the sound. It seemed to be originating from my window. Confused and oddly elated and hopeful, I detangled the sheets that had taken my legs captive and staggered to the window.
Was I still dreaming? Would I look down and see Alice standing there, admitting that all of this is simply a sick trick?
A rock slammed into the glass once more when I had gotten closer and I reflexively jumped back from the intruder. Through the darkness, I made out a singular individual with a slender, womanly frame and a bag attached to her. Opening the window, I was better able to see who this individual was and felt jubilation tossing aside the dread that had paralyzed me moments before.
Angela was standing below with her duffel bag around her and her arms outstretched. "Hey, loser. Let me in the back door."
"What're you doing here?" I whispered loudly.
"All this shit happens and you think I'm going to leave you hanging? Are you kidding me?"
My heart soared at Angela's loyalty and devotion to our friendship. I truly was completely blessed by her presence in my life. She was standing below, donning several layers of clothes in this chilly weather and shuffling around her heavy duffel bag just to throw rocks at my window until I woke up. Who else could boast that they had a friend like this?
"Give me a second," I retorted and closed the window. Slowly, I opened the door and then headed downstairs to the back door. The house was eerily quiet but I could make out Charlie's snores through his bedroom door. Once I had confirmation that my prison warden was passed out, I moved faster to the back entrance near the kitchen. Angela was already there and I could see the tops of her eyes through the window, much like she had been in the hospital after Edward. She started doing an odd eyebrow wiggle as I moved closer and grasped the lock. I shook my head with soft laughter and opened the door, feeling the brisk cold shuffle into the house and awaken my senses abruptly.
Without a moment's hesitation, she lurched forward to wrap me in a hug. Her cheek pressed against mine without a complaint about the sweat, her arms encircled my waist and she pressed her body flush against mine. Her hold tightened as she nuzzled closer into my neck.
"How are you? Are you okay?" She asked quietly into my skin, her hot air producing small goosebumps that traveled across my neck.
My arms slowly encased her and I dropped my forehead onto her shoulder, breathing slowly.
"I feel numb."
"Come here," she responded and tried to pull me closer to her even though that was not physically possible.
It felt good to be wrapped up. Even though it was not Alice's arms protecting me from everything in this moment, Angela still awakened that sense of calm and I reveled in the temporary surrender from the madness. She had begun rubbing my back and I relaxed my body, enjoying every second of physical reassurance.
She finally detached herself from the crook of my neck and leaned back. "Come on, let's go to your room."
"You're spending the night?"
"Do you think I just carry this bag around for fun?"
"No, I just meant what if Charlie—"
"I'll leave before he wakes up," she quickly interrupted and then reached up to cradle my face. "Look, Bella, I know you're a wreck right now. You need someone. I know I'm not Alice—even though let's face it, I'm just as hot—"
I rolled my eyes and let out a laugh.
"But, I'm your best friend and I care about you. I'm not leaving you, Bella."
I blinked at her, feeling tears threaten to spill over once again today and then nodded silently. She released me from her grasp and we trudged upstairs quietly to my room. Once we were safely inside and I had locked the door, I turned to find her already removing her layers of clothes to put on pajamas.
"It traveled like crazy at school, Bella," she informed me as she slipped her shirt on and then reached back to unclasp her bra and remove it. "No one could understand why Alice had been taken away and I heard some truly stupid ideas—honestly, I'm surprised that anyone in our level is going to college at this point." As I sat on the side of the bed, she took off her pants and grabbed some blue, plaid boxers to slip on. "The real truth stayed quiet cuz you know, high school students are dumb until a reporter posted the story on Twitter and Facebook. Jesus, it spread so quickly."
"When did that happen?"
"A little after you left, I think. I had gotten a text about Alice from several people and then, I asked to use the restroom and walked around the school to see if I could find you and—"
"Did you see her?"
She sat next to me on the bed and gave me a solemn, defeated expression. Within that gaze, I saw pity swirling abundantly. "No, Bella. I didn't. I'm sorry. I was trying to see if I could find both of you but I couldn't." Her teeth started biting into her bottom lip nervously and then she reached forward to sandwich my hand between both of hers. Her skin felt sweaty and clammy.
"I wonder how she's doing," I muttered.
"I don't know."
"I didn't think this would actually happen."
"I know, babe." Her thumb started caressing my skin. "Why don't we go to sleep? I'll set an alarm early—before Charlie wakes up and I'll leave. I parked right down the road so it shouldn't be an issue."
"You're a really good friend, you know that, right?"
"If only you'd recognize how great I am in every single area," she said with a wink as we crawled underneath the covers. I laughed in response and rolled onto my side. She wrapped her arms around me only seconds later, grumbling about how my hair was tickling her nose and then settled in quietly.