Gemma
May 20, 1901
Spence Academy
Situated in the present alive in the
moment of now separated from attachment
- gone but not forgotten what is meant
to be inevitably will be, destiny a force
rather than an outcome of events
my point of change is on the horizon,
what brought it together now took it away
chapters open, chapters close,
opportunities rise and fall like an everlasting circle
Closed Chapter, Alchemist
Today I feel like I have been run over by a stampede of horses. I can tell that my friends are worse off without the magic to restore them though. Adalae still has the magic. I can tell by the way she carries herself. Polly seems to be tired, which means she hides it well. Ann is almost back to normal. I am jealous of her acting skills.
It is almost time to begin getting ready for the ball. I decide that I should pull Polly aside now, before it is too late. I interrupt her in her group of friends and ask if she will join me in the kitchen for some tea. She agrees eagerly.
"That was so awesome!" she exclaims as soon as we sit down. I look around hesitantly in case one of the maids is here. "I'm glad you liked it," I assure. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired. And a little sore. It is like my mind hurts. Is that normal?"
"Yes. The magic sometimes takes a toll on your body."
"Why are you giving the magic back?" Polly wonders.
"I have to. I know it sounds appealing to have all the power, but it is not. The magic is a burden."
"Felicity told me that you can use the magic here if you want to."
"I can, but I am not going to. I will give the magic back tonight. I do not want to hold this power anymore. But that is not why I am here. I wanted to ask you if you are handling all of this ok?"
"I think this is the most astonishing thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for allowing me."
Polly seems to be sweeter than Fee. Then again, I didn't know Felicity at 13. I hope Polly does not grow to be just as bitter as Felicity is. "It was no problem. I am glad to have you. Do you have any questions?"
"Why did Fee leave?" The question catches me off guard. I thought Polly was going to ask about the realms or the magic. I still don't know how to explain Fee's flee.
"Honestly Polly, Felicity can be very complicated. We argue sometimes. This last time, she left in a fit of anger."
"Do you think she is coming back?"
I have asked myself this question many times. I can't stand to lie to Polly. "I doubt it. When Felicity runs, she usually doesn't stop. I'm sorry," I add genuinely.
"It isn't your fault. I just wish I could experience this with her."
"Me too." I reach out and grab Polly's hand. She shutters away from the touch. I know now that she is like Felicity when it comes to trust. "I'm sorry for what he did." I say to make her feel better.
"Don't be. There is nothing you can do to change that either. I don't want your sympathy." With that Polly gets up and leaves. It seems that I am incapable of doing anything right with the Worthington girls.
The ball is going exactly as planned. Many of the families of the older girls have come to visit. We chat with anyone who wants to chat. We will meet outside the school at eight to leave. I am in a conversation with the mother of a young girl named Elizabeth Reed when I feel a slight pat on my shoulder.
I turn around and stop dead in my tracks. In front of me stands a man a head taller than me with blonde hair and emerald eyes. "I heard there was a ball and I couldn't miss it," Mr. Carter beams.
"Mr. Carter! You're here!" I exclaim. The shock has me shaking as I hug him tight. "What-why are you here?"
"I wanted to see you. As soon as I got your letter, I wrote you back. But then I decided I should just come see you. Are you upset with me?" His smile falters.
"Absolutely not. I am just surprised. It is so nice to see you!" And it is. I have missed him more than I realized. Somehow Mr. Carter manages to make me feel happy, even when I know I should not be. Like now for instance. I should be sad because Kartik is gone, and I am, but I don't feel that throbbing pain in my heart.
"Will you dance with me, Miss. Doyle?" Mr. Carter asks like a perfect gentleman. I turn around and notice that Mrs. Reed has left.
"Of course," I grin. Mr. Carter twirls me around the dance floor awkwardly. Americans dance very different from the British. We are laughing loudly as we stumble over each other. Soon I realize that others are watching us with eagerness and curiosity. I am not the type of Spence girl anyone wants their daughter to grow into.
"They are watching," Mr. Carter muses. "It must be my effortless dancing."
"Or maybe it is my ability to step on your feet on beat," I giggle.
"That is quite possible. Do you want to give them something to really talk about?"
"You know I love being talked about," I mock eagerness. Simon's head dips down and he kisses my lips gently. The kiss begins soft and slow but evolves into a passionate kiss. The world seems to have stopped around me. I feel the magic beneath my skin itching to be released. I pull out of the kiss slowly, to savor the feeling.
"I'm sorry," Mr. Carter expresses, misreading my response.
"Don't be. I'm just not really ready for that," I admit honestly. I look around and see scolding faces everywhere. My body is shaking as it tries to hold back the magic. "I have to go for a minute. I will be back. I promise." Before he can respond I run outside. The cool air helps a little, but not enough.
Adalae sits alone on the stairs. "Adalae, why aren't you inside? It is early if you're waiting to leave." She wipes at her face and then looks up at me. Her eyes are puffy and red. "What's wrong?" I ask concerned.
"It's nothing. Why aren't you at the ball?" she asks to change the subject.
"I need to release some of the magic. It is trying to control me."
"I still can feel it. It is not as strong, but I still have some."
"You can probably keep it longer than the others because you have some of your own powers. It will fade soon."
"I told her that I love her," Adalae says after an awkward silence.
I have no response to this. I understand that Felicity rejected her because of that small four letter word. "Mr. Carter kissed me in front of everyone," I confess. Adalae looks me in the eye and then starts laughing. I am glad that my embarrassment is humorous to her.
Fowlson approaches from the woods. At the same time, Polly exits the main doors with Ann close behind. "We ready?" I ask my group. They all nod an affirmative. "Alright. Let's get this done and over with."
We make our way to the newly built castle with a lot of chatter and laughing. Everyone seems to be confident and happy. Peace is near. I know it too. We reach the walls and I am stuck again. I am not completely sure how to seal this place.
"What do I do?" I ask my friends in hope of some advice.
"Maybe you should just place your hands on it and then say something," Philon announces.
Doubt fills my mind. I am not sure that I can do this. Slowly, I slip my hand onto the cold stone. I call on the magic, allowing it to vibrate through me as it festers. My mind searches eagerly for the right words.
Finally I say, "Anything or anyone who enters these walls loses all access to magic until they exit. The magic has no power inside these barriers." I feel the magic expand in me and burst forth into the castle. It does not take as much out of me this time. I am still tired, but not exhausted.
"Let's go back to the Tree," I announce after catching my breath.
"Did it work?" Polly asks.
"We will find out as soon as the magic is returned to the realms," Ann answers.
"This is why we should go now. I do not want this extra power any longer." I lead the pack on the way to the Winterlands. Since yesterday, the ground has gotten more cracked and barren. The Tree looks like it is dying. I can only hope that Kartik made it out alive.
For the second and hopefully last time in my life, I put my hands to the soil below me. "I give the magic back to the realms and the Winterlands, too, it may be shared equally among the tribes!"
The magic drains my body slowly allowing me a moment to savor the feeling of complete power. And then I am left as before. Grass sprouts up immediately. The Tree bursts back to life. Everything around here seems to be growing again. I smile. The magic is something truly beautiful. It is the only thing that can bring those who are dead back. We all take a moment to marvel at the beauty of it all before saying our goodbyes and leaving.
It dawns on me that another phase of my life is over. This is where I have to go back to normal. Everything is restored to its former glory and I am free to leave. If only Felicity could share this moment with me.