1Sorry about the wait. It's kind of long. I had a lot of ground to cover so I hope it doesn't seem messed up. As always I you like it.

"There must be a hell of a lot of crazies." Trevor said as we pulled up to the center. The place was pretty big.

"Yeah well, Jason's not one of them." I said. "He's just in here because his mom is this heinous bitch and she shipped him off like he was some kind of..."

"What's wrong with you?" Trev said. "You're all nervous."

"Me?" I said and (in retrospect) over dramatically pointed to myself.

"Yes you." He mockingly pointed at me.

"I'm not nervous. I look nervous? I'm just... excited is what I am. I'm excited to see my boyfriend. Not nervous... well I mean I have butterflies, but good ones." Trevor was starring at me like my hair was on fire, but he didn't say anything. He just pulled into to a parking spot and came around to open my door. "Thanks." I smiled getting out.

Getting into that place was like trying to break out of prison. There were about ten bulky security gaurds all named "Frankie" or "Vinnie" or some other mafia name. They had to pat you down, and check I.D.'s and put you through metal detectors. But the thing is I expected that. What I didn't expect was what we saw once we got past the first four layers of security. The place was beautiful. I thought it would be dark and cold. Light flowed in. I mean yeah, there were titanium steel bars on the windows, but damned if they weren't big and beautiful. The kids were all in uniforms, but they kinda looked like pajama pants and sweatshirts. I wasn't expecting them to be zombie look-a-likes in straight jackets or anything but... okay maybe I was expecting them to be zombie look-a-likes in straight jackets . I was in such shock of the lack of "scariness" that I didn't see Jason behind me until he picked me up and swung me around. "BECCA!"

"Hi." I giggled awkwardly. He kissed me and put me back down. "Um Jase, this is Trevor. Trevor Jason."

"Hi." Jason said quickly linking his hand with mine.

"Hey." Trevor said. "I've heard a lot about you." I guiltily realized that that was a lie. I hardly talked about Jason. All Trevor knew was that he was in the center.

Jason just shrugged. I thought he was being kinda rude, but Trevor didn't seem to mind.

"So, I'm sure you guys want some time alone. I'm just gonna go hang in the car."

"Cool." Jason said.

"Wait Trevor." I stopped him. "We can't let you do that."

"Why not?" Trev asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Jason repeated.

"Jase, its like a million degrees out and he can't sit in the car for a long time. It's not safe." I gave him puppy dog eyes.

"I guess he could hang out in the library if he doesn't mind being mind numbingly bored." Jason sighed.

"HE wouldn't mind at all." Trevor said. We walked him over to the library and set him up with an old copy of "The Little Mermaid" (he said she was the sexiest of all the Disney characters), and Jason said he wanted to show me around.

There were a lot of restricted areas. He just showed me some of the rooms and stuff. It was kind of awkward. I couldn't figure out anything to say. And he wasn't starting any conversations worth while. In fact the only thing he would talk about was random comments about how much he'd grown and how well he was doing at the center. I wanted to remind him that he didnt want to go in the first place, but I figured if I didn't have anything nice to say I should just bite my tongue. But that meant more silence. I didn't get it. Even when we used to fight all the time, we'd always had something to say to each other, but now... the silence was deafening.

He showed me the "zen garden" (Basically it was just a bunch of rocks and some sand) where they had to do mandatory meditation five hours a week. Jason went to get me a bottle of water. I was gonna go with him but he said he wanted to give me "time to appreciate the garden." I was going to write my name in the sand when I felt a tap on my shoulder. "You're not supposed to do that." A girl said.

"Oh" I smiled weakly "I'm sorry I didn't know."

"Um It's a zen garden." She chuckled and I sensed some condescension that was just mild enough that I didn't kick her ass. Suddenly her eyes flickered up to something behind me and she smiled. "Hey there Legs."

"Hey." Was that Jason? I turned to face him. "Whats up?"

"This kid was about to deface the garden." Who the hell was she calling a kid?

I was sure Jason would defend me. Instead he looked hurt. "Becca what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." I said. "I was just gonna write my..."

"You know her?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, this is Becca." Jason said. "Becca this is Bianca."

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Bianca DeLaughter." She answered for him. "I'm Legs' partner."

"EXCUSE ME?"

Jason could see my reaction and started on damage control. "When you first get here, they give you a partner. Somebody your age to talk to who isn't a doctor or a psychiatrist. Bianca's my partner."

"Mmm-hmm." I said.

Jason took my hand again. "Becca's my girlfriend, remember?" Finally, he said it. I was beginning to think even he didn't remember.

"Huh." she said simply. "Well, you know what Legs, I've got to get my meds. I'll see you later."

My eyes trailed her until she was out of earshot. "What the hell was that?"

"What do you mean?" Jason asked.

"What do I mean? I mean... How could you let that bitch Bianca talk to me like that?"

"She's not a bitch Becca." I gave him a look that clearly expressed my disproval for his wrong answer. Jason sighed. "How did she talk to you?"

"Like...some kind of a...Bitch! Why didn't you stand up for me."

"I'm sorry baby. I wasn't aware of the whole 'bitch-factor' you were getting. Bianca's alright once you get to know her. I'm sure she didn't mean it." He put his arm around my shoulder. "Are we okay?"

Part of me wanted to say yes and move on. I mean it wasn't his fault that he had a bitch for a partner. But I couldn't let it go. "Why does she call you 'Legs'?"

"It's just a nickname. Don't worry about it."

"Some girl is checking out my boyfriends legs and I'm not supposed to worry about it?" Jason laughed. He laughed! "What's so funny?"

"It's not about my legs Becca. It's- okay the first time me and Bianca hung out I was really missing you, so I went to the library and started watching Lord of the Rings, like we did Iat my house. Remember?"

"Yeah." I said smiling a little involuntarily.

"So Bianca walked over and was standing behind me. I had head phones on so she couldn't here the sound. So then she said she'd only been watching for Orlando Bloom because he was 'so hot'. So I told her she was missing out on the whole thing. So I started the movie over and she got really into it, even though she couldn't remember all of the characters names. She called Pippin 'Pip' and she called Legolas 'Legs'. See?"

Once again I was torn. But this time I was hurt too. I mean not to be all mushy, but Lord of the Rings was OUR movie. We watched the first night WE hung out. I decided I was thinking like one of those obsessive, controlling, crazy girlfriends when I had no right to. I mean we didn't have much time together and it was only a few hours before that I had a sex dream about somebody else. Jason didn't deserve to be in the doghouse. I did. So I put on my best 'I don't care' face and said "Okay."

"Good." he said buying it. "Look we should get some lunch." We went over to the cafeteria and I instantly spotted Trevor. Jason rolled his eyes when I said we should go sit with him, but followed me to the table anyway.

"Becca after this I want to show you the wing for the younger kids for a sec." Jason said. "There's one boy who reminds me so much of Bobby."

I smiled thinking about Jason's cute little brother. "Really?"

"Yeah." he said. "Plus its their parents day so the center has this whole theme kinda thing. Its nothing big, just some balloons and a clown. It should be kinda cute and I bet we could swipe some of their cotton candy."

"Wait um..." I shifted in my seat. "Maybe we shouldn't go."

"I didn't really mean steal. I'm sure they'd give us some."

"Jason I really don't..." I said.

Jason cut me off. "It'll only take a second and..."

"Dude she says she doesn't want to." Trevor said.

Jason looked really mad. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my girlfriend."

Trevor didn't back down under Jason's stare. "Well maybe if you were listening to your girlfriend instead of talking so much you would now she's terrified of clowns man."

"Is some stupid clown that big of a deal Becca." I didn't want to be so afraid, but just the word gave me chills. Jason sighed. "Fine." He said and continued eating his salad. "I just wanted to have a little fun." After lunch Trevor decided he could set himself up with another movie and left.

"Come on I want to show you around some more." Jason said when I finished my fries.

He showed me a couple of places before we ended up in this tiny indoor basket ball court area. "I've been looking forward to this for a while." he said.

"Hey Jase, um no offense, but I didn't really come here to play you one on one."

"Come on." he smiled. He pulled me under the bleachers where there was a blanket waiting for us. "It's not candles or rose petals, but it's the best I can do while I'm here." We sat down and started kissing.

"Making out under the bleachers." I smiled. "How very Dawson's Creek."

"So does that make me Dawson or Pasiley?" He asked.

"It's Pacey... you watched Dawson's Creek?"

He blushed. "No...Not often...Aw come on. It was Katie Holmes in her prime." I giggled. "Great, go ahead and laugh."

"I'm not laughing at you." I said holding my stomach.

"Yeah Becca, cuz you really look like you're laughing with me right now." He said.

"No it's just that's the Sam reason my brother Dean said he watched it. He was convinced that they showed her in her bra at least four times a season."

Now Jason was laughing too. "Well let me just say, you're much prettier than she'll ever be."

"Are you just trying to get into my pants?" I asked.

"No...but that would be a bonus." He said. We started kissing again. And then it happened. I couldn't help it, I wish it didn't, but it did. I saw Trevor's face again. It was just like my dreams, only now I was laying there with my boyfriend right on top of me and I still had to try hard to see him. This was wrong.

"Jase, stop." I whispered.

"What's wrong?" He sat up quickly. "Did I hurt you?" the worry in his eyes only made me feel more like a jerk.

"This... I can't do this." I said. "We're not..."

"It's not the same is it?" he said reading my mind. I shook my head. "It's just cuz we've been apart for a little while. It'll probably get better."

"Will it?" I asked. I felt tears stinging my eyes. "When? I just feel like... I don't know. Maybe, I feel like we should break up. I just think...there's a lot going on in my head, and I'm so confused, but my heart is telling me this isn't working"

"Becca..." he said. "Becca I-Is there somebody else?"

"It's not that..." I said letting a few tears fall.

"It's Trevor isn't it." He whispered.

"It's not just about him. We've both changed." I said. "I mean, can't you tell we're different than before?" He was silent for a little and finally nodded. "So I just think..."

"We should break up." he finished my sentence. We came out of the bleachers and awkwardly walked over to the library.

"Hey." I waved at Trevor.

" Hey Be-" He saw my eyes. "What happened."

"Nothing." I said.

"What the hell did you do?" he stepped up to Jase. "Why was she crying, huh? What did you do?"

"What did I- you need to ask yourself what YOU did." Jason said meeting Trevor.

I moved in between them. "Guys! Stop it. This is stupid. Trev, I'm fine and Jason YOU cannot get in a fight here. Not with all of the security."

"Whatever Becca." he said and walked away. I thought he'd at least say bye.

"Becca..." Trevor started.

"Can we just go?" I practically begged.

"Uh, yeah I mean sure."

I laid in the backseat of Trevor's car and forced myself not to make any sounds while I cried. What was I even crying for. I broke up with Jason. So why did it hurt so bad? Why did I feel so awful? Why did I cry until I found myself asleep?

I was nudged awake a little later. "Hey."

"Is it my turn to drive?" I felt so groggy.

"No. We're at the 'Worlds Oldest Pig.' I thought you might want to check it out."

"Damnit Trevor I don't want to see the world's oldest pig." I mumbled.

"I thought it might cheer you up."

"Why would that cheer me up?"

He shrugged. "They have a bar and aren't carding."

I thought about it. "Fine." I crawled out of the backseat and tried to get the tingly feeling out of my legs.

"We'll take two." He said when the bartender walked up to us. She nodded and walked away. When she came back she gave us our beers. We each drank through two when she placed a shot glass in front of me. "She didn't order that." Trevor told her. The woman pointed to a couple of college aged guys over at a table. One tipped his hat at me.

"I'm really starting to like this place." I said to Trev.

"Maybe you shouldn't." He said cautiously.

"You're right." I said already feeling a bit buzzed. I mean we were only half an hour from home and all I'd eaten that whole day was some crappy french fries."Maybe I shouldn't." I downed the fire tasting liquid and smiled at him. "Ooops." Within a minute I felt pretty tipsy.

"Okay Becca I think you've had enough" Trev asked.

"Trevor," I said with a burp "The worst move you could ever make is to under(burp)estimate me."

"I don't. You know that it's just..." I didn't let him finish. I lunged in and kissed him. He started kissing me back, but then stopped. "Becca. Stop it. This isn't you. You're drunk. Now I know you got in a fight with Jason or whatever, but in the morning you're gonna feel terrible if you cheat on your boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend." I said sloppily.

"What?"

"Yep. We broke up. So that means now I wont feel territably...is that a word? Whatever." I went to kiss him again but he pulled away.

"Becca I can't..."

I laughed. "Oh this is just great. Me and Jase break up cuz of you and now you don't even want me. Fine. Just take me home."

"Maybe we should sober you up a bit before..."

"I want to go home!" I demanded. "I kicked your ass when we little and I'll do it again."

"Okay, yeah sure, because you're in the position to kick my ass right now." He sighed.

"I'll scream. If you don't take me home I will scream Trevor."

"Alright, alright. Lets go." He said helping me up.

It didn't feel like it took us that long to get home. Trevor tried to sneak me in by leading me through the house.

"Oh NOW you want to touch me?" I said a bit louder than I should have.

Dad came out of the kitchen. "Hey I didn't know you two were back."

"Hiya Daddy-o." I laughed. For some reason I thought everything was REALLY funny. Joshua and Sam followed Dad.

"Becca are you- is she drunk?" Dad asked.

"Um, yes sir." Trevor said.

"You got her DRUNK!" Joshua said.

"Nope!" I giggled. "The college boys got me drunk. Trevor just got me tipsy."

Dean came in from the living room. "What's going on?"

"Why were you drinking in the first place?" Dad asked.

The question was aimed at Trevor, but I stepped in. "Because Jason and I broke up. But who didn't see that coming? Dean saw it. Yes you did, didn'tcha. I thought Sam was the one with the preminitions, but Dean saw that one a mile away. And besides, if we didn't break up, we might have had sex again. It seems like I only get one time per boyfriend."

"Wait what?" Dad choked.

"Oh God, you weren't supposed to know that." I said seriously and then relapsed into a laughing fit. "I really need to learn how to hold my liquor, huh Dean?"

Dad put his hands over his face. "How long have you been having sex? And for that matter, how long have you been drinking?"

"How long have I been drinking?" I repeated. "Dad I mean come on. It's one thing for you to think I'm all virginal or whatever. But to think I never drank is just... okay when did I first have alcohol. Oh yes I remember. When I was six and I got into one of the, I don't know, dozen bottles YOU had lying around! You remember that Dean? I mean you're acting like... why am I different? Why am I different from you and Sam and Dean. Don't drink, or swear or have sex or even like guys. It's like you want me to be perfect. You should be careful Dad. You did that to Sam and pffft he was gone."

"Rebecca..." My father said.

"Nope sorry, not done yet. I wont be quiet. That's what we did. Me and Dean. We said nothing. We listened to you tell him to stay gone and WE SAID NOTHING! And then you moped around all depressed like it wasn't your fault he left. He wasn't what you wanted him to be so you fucking kicked him out. Is that what's gonna happen to me? I'm a drinking, swearing sexhaver. I'm SO not perfect. You gonna kick me out Dad. You're gonna do what I've thought you would for the past ten years. Because let's just be honest, I'm just some orphan. I'm not even your real kid."

"Becca..." He said with an undeniable hurt. "You've always been my daughter."

"Really? Then how come you could leave so easily!" I was crying by this point. "How could you just take off like that? I mean Dean was a grown man and Sam wasn't around. I needed you to be there and you just took off. And even when you come back you always leave again. Always. In fact why are you even here now. Because I died. Because I was stupid and got myself killed?"

"Enough!" Dad screamed. The room was still (and for some reason simultaneously spinning). "Trevor, help Rebecca get to her room."

"Yes sir."

"And after that," Joshua said "You and me need to have a little talk."

"Yes sir." Trev repeated.

He guided me to the room and into bed. "Why?" I said.

"What?" he asked.

"Why didn't you want to kiss me Trevor? We broke up because of you and you couldn't even kiss me?"

"I'm sorry you broke up cuz of me." he pulled the covers over my legs and placed the garbage next to the bed. "I really am." When the door to the room closed, I cried myself to sleep for the second time that day.