A/N: I really appreciate all of your reviews and feedback (both positive and constructive). This chapter is about forgiveness in all its forms.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Flashpoint...but I don't :(

Knowing Where You Need To Be

Chapter 38

BANG...BANG...BANG...came the knocking on Anisa's door, jarring her awake. Ripping herself from Spike's grasp, she pulled on her pants, as her feet hit the floor. Grabbing her sweatshirt she raced into her living room looking for her gun. Finding it near the door, she grabbed it and asked, "Who's there?"

"'Nis, it's me," came Ryan's voice. She exhaled and lowered her gun, as she opened the door.

"Ryan, you scared the crap out of me!" she muttered letting him in. "What are you doing here?"

"I have been calling you for hours. Why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" said Ryan, finally letting the worry be heard in his voice.

Anisa glanced around the apartment searching for her phone. "I don't know where it is...must be in the bedroom."

"I was worried about you after our conversation last night I just wanted to make sure you were OK."

As if on cue, Spike emerged from the bedroom, dressed in jeans and pulling on his shirt.

Ryan's eyes widened at Spike's appearance, then a slight smile crept onto his lips as he said, "And I see you are OK. Hi, Spike."

"Hi, Ryan," smiled Spike, a little embarrassed.

Feeling a bit like a third wheel, Ryan wanted to make a quick exit. He looked at Anisa and said, "Go find your phone." Pulling her into a brief hug, he said, "Glad you are OK, Red."

"Thanks, Ry. I'll call you later," she said giving him a squeeze, as he walked out the door.

Spike came over to where she was standing by the door and placed his hand on her lower back just because he wanted to touch her. Looking into her eyes, he raised an eyebrow questioningly, wondering what that was all about.

"He knew I was distraught last night and wanted to make sure I was OK. Said he tried to call a few times but I didn't answer. I wonder where my phone is," pondered Anisa.

"I'm glad he's got your back," said Spike with an earnest grin. He gently touched her face and slowly brought his lips to hers. She responded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Mmmm," muttered Spike, as he pulled away and smiled down at her.

"So, what did you mean earlier when you said you wanted to kiss me the first time you were here?" she asked.

Broadening his smile, Spike explained, "Remember when I came over to help you and Ryan with that bomb case?" She nodded. "When I was leaving, we were standing in the doorway and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss you."

"Haha... why didn't you?"

Spike blushed slightly, "I was scared...I didn't know how you felt about me and I was afraid that you only thought of me as a colleague. I had almost worked up the nerve to give it a shot ...when your phone rang and the moment was over."

Anisa chuckled again and kissed his chin, then said, "I remember that day like it was yesterday. Inside, I was begging you to kiss me... and then my phone rang." She kissed him full on the lips, as he brought his arms tightly around her. "Damn that Sam Braddock," she joked.

"Yeah, damn that Braddock," Spike chuckled into her lips.

While Anisa was showering, Spike sent Greg a text telling him that all was good. He then went into her bedroom and found himself gazing at his reflection in the mirror above her dresser. He felt a hundred times better than he did when he arrived hours before, but there was a wrinkle of worry in his brow. He gently rubbed the space between his eyebrows trying to get the lines to dissipate and contemplated the source of the worry.

When Anisa emerged from her bathroom, she saw Spike sitting on the edge of her neatly made bed deep in thought. She knew he was still beating himself up about the incident with Gina, but decided to just give him some time. She walked over to him and placed a light kiss between his eyebrows.

"What do you want to do today?" she asked.

He stood up and smiled and said, "Whatever you want to do..it's up to you."

She looked at him quizzically because she wasn't sure why it was up to her. She glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly 2:00 in the afternoon and realized that she hadn't eaten at all that day.

"I'm hungry, but I haven't been grocery shopping since...I can't remember when."

"OK, let's go get something to eat," he said wrapping his arms around her waist. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't care, but I'm starved," she said kissing his chin and looking up into his face.

"It is completely up to you," he said kissing the tip of her nose.

She pulled back slightly, "Why is it up to me? You always have an opinion on food, Mike."

He shoved his hands into his pants pocket and looked at the ground. Raising his eyes to meet hers, he said, "I just want you to be happy, so whatever makes you happy makes me happy."

Understanding the sentiment, but finding it's logic flawed she countered, "Mike, look...I am happy. You're here with me, I know you love me, you made a mistake and all is forgiven. You cannot keep atoning for this Gina thing forever."

Looking confused, he said, "What? I don't know what you are talking about."

Testing him, she said, "OK, let's get Thai."

"Sure," said Spike.

"Mike!" she muttered with exasperation. "You HATE Thai. Why did you agree to it?"

"Because you wanted it," he explained plainly. "And I will spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make you happy."

"That's my point, Mike. I can't live like that." Anisa gently guided him down to a seated position then walked over and leaned against the dresser while she tried to figure out what to say. Finally, she approached him and knelt in front of him. "Babe, I love that you want to make me happy, but not like this. I have forgiven you, but you are still guilt ridden. We cannot go forward with our relationship until you forgive yourself. I love you and I want to be with you, but not like this. We have to be on even footing to give this relationship a fair shot." She took his hands in hers and kissed them, stood up and walked out of the bedroom.

Spike leaned back on the bed and covered his eyes with his hands. He knew she was right, but he didn't know how to forgive himself. He had hurt her so badly and jeopardized what they had. He always wore his guilt heavily and this was one more thing to add to the pile which included, Lou's death, Mac's death and his father's death. He also knew that he was walking on eggshells with Anisa, afraid that a single misstep might give her reason to walk away. He paused and thought...

He had given her plenty of reasons to walk away over the last couple of days and she hadn't. She was here with him... waiting for him to figure this out. Maybe he just needed to slow down a little...take it easy. Perhaps Anisa was right and he needed to trust her that it was going to be OK. He rolled onto his side and off the side of the bed glancing at the floor as he did. He noticed something poking out from under the bed skirt. It was Anisa's phone...he smiled, as he bent to pick it up.

He walked into the family room but didn't see her, so he continued into the kitchen where he found her leaning against the counter drinking a glass of water. He felt a little like a school boy because he thought that she was cute just drinking a glass of water. The corner of his mouth tilted up as he extended his hand containing her phone.

"Peace offering?" he said lightly.

She chuckled and took her phone from him. "Thanks, but where was it?"

"It had fallen under your bed," he explained.

She nodded with a smile and then, looking a it, announced, "It is dead as a door nail."

Spike tucked his hands into his pocket and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," she said, placing the phone and the water on the counter.

"You said you went to the park. What happened that helped you decide to come back?" he asked.

Anisa glanced at the floor deciding how to tell him about her encounter. Then she smiled, as she lifted her eyes to his, she said, "I met an elderly couple who have been married for 48 years. We got to chatting and I told the woman a little about what had happened. And that I was worried that, although I can forgive, I might not be able to forget you and Gina. I also told her I was worried that you might go back to Gina one day. Betty, that was her name, explained to me about faith... having faith that your partner loves you and will be true. And proving that you are worthy of your partner's faith. That is what faith and being faithful is all about. Then she asked me if you were worth taking a chance on and I didn't even have to think about the answer, because I know you are. That's why I came back, well, that and it is my apartment," she joked.

Spike nodded with a slight smile and then said, not taking his eyes from hers, "I love you and you will never have to worry about Gina or anyone else again, I promise. You wont' be sorry you gave me another chance."

Anisa took his face in her hands and kissed his lips, then said softly, "I know."

Spike again looked her in the eyes as he said, "You were right. I was overcompensating and I'm sorry. I just didn't know what else to do." He paused a moment before continuing, "I am going to try to take a cue from you and have faith in … us." Having more confidence in himself and in their relationship he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Anisa's legs felt a little weak, as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support. He slid his hand down her back and over bottom, caressing it gently.

"What do you say to a guacamole burger?" he suggested as his lips left hers.

"I say yummmm," she murmured, as she nibbled his lower lip. "I'm starving."

Chuckling, Spike said, "We better go now before you eat my lips. I have plans for them later, you know."

Sliding her arms from his neck she said, "Oh, I hope so." The two left the apartment hand-in-hand, not noticing a smiling Mrs. Cleary peeking out from the neighboring door.

After a satisfying burger from Jackson's, Anisa sat back in her seat rubbing her belly with a smile on her face. She looked at Spike, as his dimples began to show themselves... "God how she loved those dimples."

"So, what do you want to do, now?" he asked. Anisa raised her eyebrows a him. "Seriously, I'm just looking for an idea. I will veto anything I don't want to do...like deep woods hiking."

She grinned at him. "We should go see how your mom is doing...Maybe rent a movie, something low key," she offered.

"Good idea," said Spike. "I get veto rights on the movie, though, right?"

"Sure," said Anisa with a smile. They were settling back into their normal, jovial ways...

At the video store they both decided that they didn't want to watch anything action/drama/crime related because it hit too close to home and they agreed on a comedy. Spike grinned and held up "The Hangover," which was met with a frown and a shake of the head from Anisa. She in turn, held up "Bridesmaids", to which Spike shook his head furiously. Then Anisa handed him "Guilt Trip" and raised her eyebrows in a question.

He shrugged and said, "Mom will like this."

They arrived at Spike's house hand-in-hand and found his mother in the kitchen, as usual. She had the pantry door open and was standing looking at something on the door jamb.

"Hi, Ma," said Spike walking over and kissing top of her head.

She turned to face him and said with a melancholy smile, "Ah, Mikey. Where is Anisette?"

"I'm right here, Mrs. Scarlatti."

Mrs. Scarlatti turned further and walked over to Anisa, hugged her and said, "Didn't I tell you to call me Mamma?" She then patted Anisa's shoulder and went over to cupboard.

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mamma," said Anisa.

Mamma Scarlatti chuckled and took out some dishes, then went to set the table in the dining room. Anisa walked over to Spike who was still standing in the pantry looking at where his mother had been staring. On the door jamb were pencil-drawn lines with names and dates going most of the way up the jamb.

"This is where, Mom and Pop used to measure us as we grew," said Spike with a reminiscent smile. Anisa reached out and touched the markings, as if she were touching a piece of Spike's childhood.

Spike pointed to a spot approximately five feet up the floor and said, "This was a big year. I was finally taller than Ria." Spike chuckled as he said, "She was pissed and stomped through the house for the entire day."

Anisa smiled at his memory, then kissed his cheek bringing his attention back to her. He gently placed her back against the wall and placed his hand flat upon her head touching the wall. She stepped away from the wall and turned to see where his hand was. They both chuckled when they saw the date on which Spike was taller than Anisa.

"Haha... I was thirteen when I surpassed your extraordinary height," teased Spike.

Anisa giggled and said, "Uh oh, I hope I am not diluting your gene pool."

Taking her in his arms he said, "Maybe I am diluting your gene pool."

"Haha, Oh yeah, the world needs a whole race of short people... a mini-race" joked Anisa.

Kissing her cheek, he teased, "Mmmm a race of mini-mes...sounds interesting."

After a comfortable yet quiet, dinner the trio settled in to watch the movie. Spike sat with his mother on one side and Anisa snuggled against his other other. By the end of the movie, Anisa was fast asleep with her head against his chest and legs curled up beside her on the couch.

Mrs. Scarlatti rose and turned to her son and whispered, "Don't wait too long to give her the ring. Life is short, we should spend every moment possible with those we love." She then kissed his cheek.

"OK, Ma. But it has to be the right time," said Spike softly. His mother nodded her head and patted his shoulder in understanding before heading for her bedroom.

Spike turned slightly and stretched his legs out on the couch trying not to disturb the sleeping Anisa. He got comfortable with a pillow under his head and his arms wrapped around Anisa, holding her close. He fell asleep planning the perfect proposal.

Anisa found it a little difficult to breathe, so she inhaled deeply. As her nose picked up his scent, she couldn't help but smile as she realized that she was wedged between Spike and the back of the sofa. She inhaled again ...oh God, how she loved the way he smelled. Unable to move, she decided to make the best of the situation and wrapped her arms more tightly around him. She felt him stir slightly and slide his hand up her back. She felt a shiver run up her spine, as she realized that his hand was underneath her shirt and was touching her bare skin. He then wrapped his arm more tightly around her so it came across nearly to her front, brushing the side of her breast. She couldn't help herself, she let out a soft moan at the sensation. The sound made him move his legs slightly, pinning her to him. Her body was tingling, as she gave his neck a long sensual kiss. This elicited a groan and Spike slowly opened his eyes and looked down at her. He brought his lips to hers, as she greedily accepted them.

Before they could get too far, Spike remembered his mother's words and pulled back slowly, saying, "Babe, we gotta stop. These walls are thin."

Feeling a little out of breath, Anisa said, "Yeah, your right. Sorry, I got carried away." She buried her face in his chest, as she slowed her breathing.

Grinning, Spike, said, "I'm not. I'll take a rain check."

"Maybe I should go home," she said remembering that she had not planned to spend the night and had no clothes.

He kissed her tenderly and held her close and whispered, "No way. It's the middle of the night...and I need you."

He repositioned her so that she was more comfortable and able to breathe more easily. She rested her head on the muscles of his chest and closed her eyes contentedly. He fell asleep gently stroking his thumb along her spine.

A/N: Awwww...I hope you like the way Anisa and Spike worked through this issue. How do you think Spike will propose?