Chapter 37

There was so much to do. So many people to meet. So many enemies to conquer and so many friends to save. Playing the hero or the villain. Training in order to be prepared for the next super-villian who declared themselves king of the world. Or sought to conquer or destroy it. Perhaps even both for some imagined wrong.

Gambit did not participate in any of this. He wished his friends well when they went out on the missions. Watched over them when they returned exhausted and injured. Yet he no longer felt worthy of the name even though every X-Men, the old and the new, gave him the respect they thought due to the veteran thief. Remy did not feel worthy to be among them yet at times he wanted to do nothing more than to go out into battle with them.

Professor Xavier had told the Cajun there was no need for him to go out on the missions. That Remy was welcome to stay at the institute for as long as he chose. He thanked the old man for his kindness and most of the time sought to be alone. Occasionally he would go to help Hank or Storm with the students. Even Scott seemed easier to get along with; always asking Remy how he was or if he ever needed anything. Remy wondered if the death of Jean had not made the other man painfully aware how much Logan loved the Cajun.

It was Logan Remy relied on the most. The feral man dealt with most of the other X-Men who knew next to nothing of what had happened to the Cajun. It was Logan who made sure the headstone with Remy's name on it was taken out and destroyed. It was Logan who convinced the others Remy had been out on a secret mission since the younger man did not wish to share with the other's what had happened with him. No doubt the rest of teammates already knew the truth, but they went along with it regardless.

For a month Remy found he had no energy to be around others. His first month of being back at the only place he had ever felt was a real home to him. Logan his only constant companion who took the brunt of the Cajun's emotional stress. Often weathering Remy's mood swings when the younger man found himself becoming angry for no reason. Yelling abuse at the feral and even resulting in trying to start a fight with him. Not once did Logan growl at him or return the harsh words. Only talked to him in a gentle voice until Remy calmed. Coming back to himself to realize what he had done, he would apologize to the man he loved profusely for striking out at him. Each time Logan forgave him.

The second month Remy began to venture out from his room. To greet his old friends and to meet the new faces. Scott had been there to make the introductions to their new teammates. Kitty Pryde, a girl Remy remembered who could pass through walls at will. A young man who called himself Collusus who could become a living statue and acted as the team bruiser in Logan's absence. There were many others, of course, but Remy could not always remember them all.

In the third month Scott began to ask Remy if he would help out in the missions. When he shied away from them, Logan volunteered to start going out on them. At first the Cajun had been upset the older man would be leaving him alone at the mansion. But Logan had gently insisted he would only be gone for a few hours. He would come straight back to the Cajun. Remy watched him go on the mission. The first time had been the hardest. Yet, as promised, the feral came back exhausted and his yellow uniform in rags. Yet he was grinning like a fool as he presented Remy with the head of a robot he had slain. Next time brought back a new Bo staff for the Cajun made out of adamantium. Which Logan swore was from a mission but Remy suspected the man had it made through his contacts.

It was in the fourth month Remy began to feel odd. He would often pace the mansion at night going back and forth in the halls. Even though he knew Logan had to go out on the missions he still felt anxious every time the older man left him. It was in the middle of the night when the older man came back. This time his suit whole unlike other times as he came in cursing. His mask still on as he turned his head to look at his mate.

"You're back early." Remy said in surprise. He had wandered into the common room which was empty. All the students were in their beds asleep or else doing homework. Logan sighed, coming over to him as he took the cigarette from Remy's fingers to take a puff. Wrinkling his nose at the taste, Logan blew the smoke in Remy's face. Laughing, Remy waved the smoke away and flicked a piece of dust off of the corner of Logan's mask.

"Yeah, well, I knew you were waitin' for me. Motivated me to kick some ass and come hurryin' back." Logan said, the corner of his mouth quirking as he took another drag on the cigarette. Remy sighed, shaking his head as he allowed the older man to claim the smoke. He had a whole other pack in the bedroom after all.

"Why are you still in uniform? Did anything interesting happen, mon glutton?" Remy asked the feral. Logan frowned at the question as he continued to smoke, blowing it outside the open window.

"Nothin' happened is the problem. We showed up and waited for like, hell, three hours. Scott, Warren, and Storm are still out there with the others. They sent a couple of us back to get some shut-eye." Logan explained. Remy watched him, finding it amusing the man he loved smoked while in his uniform. Logan had always told him not to distract him when he was dressed in the yellow spandex. At the same time though, being ordered not to just made it all the more tempting.

"Poor cher, if Remy had some bad guys fo' you t' beat up he would give dem to you." Remy said, stroking a corner of Logan's mouth. The feral's nostrils flared as he tilted his head up, handing the Cajun back his cigarette.

"Still don't know how you smoke this shit."

"It's an acquired taste, cher."

"Hey, can you do something for me?" Logan asked. Remy raised an eyebrow at the man, curious as to what he wanted him to do.

"Sure, cher. Depends on what it is though."

"Will you laugh like that again?" Logan asked him. At first Remy wondered if the other man was teasing him. Yet it the way his lover said it sounded sincere. Remy blinked at him as he smoked, wondering how to explain he could not laugh on demand.

"Like how?" Remy asked. He felt stupid for saying the question but Logan only frowned. After a moment he seemed to have thought of something as he gave the Cajun a mischievous grin.

"Wait here a minute." Logan said to him quickly walking away and disappearing down the hall. Curious, Remy waited as instructed. He did not have long as Logan came back still fully dressed in his uniform as he brought in Remy's laptop. The machine was on as the older man set it on the table clicking on something as he set it on the table. Then he all but ran back to the younger man grabbing him under the arm and dragging him to the couch.

"What are you doing?" Remy asked as Logan had him sit down. Logan grabbed the coffee table and shoved it back behind him so the Cajun couldn't see what was on the screen.

"Okay, Rims, I'm only doing this once. You hear me? Once. So enjoy it while you can." Logan said as he pressed another button on the computer before going to stand in the middle of the room.

"You going to give me a lap dance?" Remy asked. Then when the music started he could not help but stare speechless at the older man.

Oppam Ghangam Style!

Remy watched his eyes growing wider and wider as Logan began the dance. Doing the lasso move perfectly to the music as he mouthed the words to the Korean song. He even forgot about his cigarette as it slipped from his fingers, going out on the carpet. When the song got to the part where Psy saw the woman on the train Logan mimicked it perfectly pretending to be captivated by Remy. At that Remy began to laugh so hard he was unable to breathe. What made it worse was that Logan did not stop. Continuing the ridiculous dance despite the fact the students might hear him. Might come in any minute to see one of the toughest of the team, perhaps even the scariest of the X-Men, dancing to the song.

By the time the song was over Remy had fallen off the couch. In complete tears as he laughed, gasping for breath only to continue guffawing. Logan came over to him having taken his mask off to stand over the Cajun. He tried to hide his own grin at seeing the younger man laugh so hard. He squatted down over Remy's head shaking his shoulder to make sure he didn't die from laughter.

"Keep going on like that, Rims, and you're gonna kill yourself." Logan warned him. Remy returned the older man's grin as he reached up to stroke his lover's cheek, still chuckling as he talked.

"Where did you come up with that? Remy didn't even know you could dance." Remy said wiping his face from the tears. Logan sighed shaking his head and leaning into the touch. He always found it soothing when the younger man stroked his cheek.

"Kitty kept showing me the damn video. All the students are talking about it. I figured you might like it. Closest thing I can do to a lap dance." Logan admitted. Remy chuckled leaning up to kiss his lover on the lips before letting his head fall back onto the carpet.

"So you were trying to seduce me?" Remy asked amused at the older man's antics. Logan only grunted in response as he caught Remy's hand, kissing the inside of the palm as he talked.

"Not really. I ain't exactly the sexiest man alive if you haven't noticed."

"Remy finds you sexy, cher. You just need a bath every once in a while."

"Gee, thanks captain obvious, I'm glad to hear it from you too." Logan snapped but there was no heat behind his words. He only held Remy's hand against his cheek, turning his head to inhale the younger man's scent. It had returned to the smell of tobacco and cinnamon mixed with his own scent. Remy's eyes flickered the mirth still in his eyes as he let out a heavy sigh, relaxing as the older man above him gazed down at him.

"You is so stupid. Remy doesn't know how you survived without him all this time." Remy protested. Logan rolled his eyes as he shook his head chuckling.

"Dumb luck, I guess. Just wanted to do something to make you happy, Cajun. I don't think I do that enough for you." Logan said seriously. Remy frowned as he reached up with his other hand to gently turn his lover's head to gaze to his eyes.

"You being here makes Remy happy, cher. He doesn't need anyt'ing else." Remy protested. Logan closed his eyes, disagreeing with the other man as he sighed. Lending a hand to the younger man, he helped him up as he stood.

Logan pushed the table back into the middle of the room returning the borrowed laptop to his lover. They went together to their shared bedroom. Once the door was closed and locked behind them, Logan began to remove his suit; peeling it off with a tired sigh as he shrugged out of it.

"I hate wearin' this damn thing. It always gets so damn hot and clings to ya when you start to work up a sweat." Logan growled. Remy watched Logan undress from the bed, having set his laptop on the desk.

"Logan?" Remy said, drawing the older man's attention. Logan grunted to let his Cajun know he was listening.

"Yeah, Rims?"

"Do you think I'm pathetic?" Remy asked bluntly. Logan turned around at that, down to his boxers. A look of surprise on his face at the question.

"Why do ya ask me that? Of course you ain't." Logan scowled as he came over to the younger man. Remy sighed, pushing back a lock of his auburn hair that had been in his face.

"Do you mean that, cher? Or are you just sayin' that so you don't hurt Remy's feelings?" Remy shot at him. Logan frowned, wondering where the line of questioning had come from.

"Rims, I never thought you were pathetic. Ever. Why would you even think that?" Logan asked quietly. Remy closed his eyes, reaching up to massage his temples as he answered, unable to look at the other man.

"Cause I'm so scared all de time, cher. I'm terrified if I leave de mansion Sabretooth will be out dere waitin' fo' me." When Logan said nothing, he continued, unable to stop as he talked. Wanting it all to get out of his head before he drove himself insane.

"In my dreams he keeps comin' fo' me, cher. He'll demand to know where I've been and just grab me. Dragging me off to dat godforsaken place again to… To…" Remy said, beginning to shake. He felt the bed sink as Logan sat down next him. The older man began to massage the small of the other's back as he talked, not interrupting as Remy continued with his voice shaking as he spoke.

"It's awful, Logan! Sometimes I swear he's standing right behind me or around de corner. Today I even tried to train in de danger room while you were gone. I brought up de hologram of Sabretooth and I just… I froze up, cher. I couldn't face him. Professor Xavier had to come and turn it off when he heard me screaming." Remy confessed, still refusing to look at the older man. Beside him he felt Logan bristle as the older man growled.

"What the hell were you thinking?! I told you not to push yourself! Take it slow, Rims. There's no rush. No one is expecting you to suddenly jump up and declare you're better." Logan snapped, his tone sharper than he meant it to be. Remy opened his eyes to stare at him, still shaking his head.

"That's just it, cher, I'm so sick of it! I'm tired of being scared all de time. You're the one who has to go out and do all de fighting now. I know you're doing it just so I can hide here all day. Don't deny it." Remy shot back at him. Logan opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again without saying anything.

"What of it?" Logan asked sheepishly. To his relief Remy seemed to calm down at that shrugging his shoulders as he continued.

"It just makes me feel bad, cher. You doing all dis work because Remy is too much of a coward to face his own fears."

"Rims, if you were a coward you can be sure as hell I'd be the first person to tell it to you straight to your face. By then I would also be packing your stuff and setting you outside in the woods to tell you to man up." Logan told him. He meant it too. He hated people who shrank away from their fears and did everything they could to never acknowledge them. With Remy, though, it was a different story.

"Rims, you gotta live with what happened to you every day. Every morning I see you wake up and look down at your body. You face your fear every day even though you shouldn't. I won't lie, I don't know how to relate to what happened to you. Most of the time I don't even know what to say. All I do is see that you're in pain and hope there's some way I can ease it for you. So, no, of course I'm not going to expect you to just 'get over it' or something like that. And if anyone tells you otherwise let me know so I can give 'em a taste of my claws." Logan explained to the younger man, unsheathing his claws for emphasis.

Remy studied the set of three adamantium blades almost casually. Even reaching up with one finger to draw it down the back of one of the claws. Logan let him, having said his bit as the younger man continued to stroke them. He never let anyone near his claws nor let them touch them so freely. Remy was the only exception to this rule. For Logan his claws were the bridge between the man he was and the beast he could so easily become. They were a part of him he had always had and what people had tried to make him forget he had.

"Did it hurt? When you got dese?" Remy asked quietly. Logan watched as Remy touched the sharp side of the claws. He held still praying the Cajun didn't cut himself on the adamantium as he talked.

"I was born with the claws. The metal being injected into my bones, though, that hurt." Logan answered. Yet at the same time he was glad to have the metal. It made him unstoppable since he had it. Remy took Logan's hand, setting down in his lap as he continued to stroke the back of the claws as if they were a pet. He had always been fascinated with them even before he had first started a romantic relationship with the other man.

"Sometimes Remy dreams about having your claws. How easy it would be to tear down all his enemies."

"You don't want to be me, Rims. Trust me. I'd give anything to be a bit more like you." Logan said honestly. The corner of Remy's mouth quirked as he glanced at the older man, shaking his head.

"You want t' have red eyes, mon glutton?"

"And be a smooth talking Cajun women swoon over? Sure, why the hell not. I can think of a few fights I can win doing that." Logan teased. Remy chuckled, watching as Logan's claws slowly slid back into the older man's forearm. Even then he rested his hand on Logan's calloused ones, running his fingers lightly over the scars between the knuckles. Wondering why he had never noticed them before on his feral lover.

"Loki didn't want to come back." Remy said. Logan's head snapped up at the name as he looked at his Cajun. Remy raised his head to meet the older man's gaze. His eyes shimmered as he spoke.

"Why?" Logan asked. He could think of no reason why the trickster would not want to return. After all, the reason was sitting right beside him holding his hand.

"He said he finally understood what he did wrong. He did nothing but wish to be king and now he had it. Loki said he had to pay de price for his crimes even if he didn't want to. Even if… Even if it meant he could not be wit' Remy." Remy answered quietly.

He remembered how Loki had knelt before him on the marble. As the trickster took his hands in his and explained to him why he could not go to Midgard. How grateful the demi-god was to Remy for allowing him to spend time in his presence. Showing him what true happiness meant and to know what true love felt like. Remy had cried, demanding Loki come back with him. He was upset the trickster would give up so easily. Yet Loki had only given him that sad smile.

"You're the only person who ever thought me beautiful, peu diable. I deserve so much less than that. The least I could do was make you smile." Loki had said to him. Remy had been sitting on the bed when Loki told him this. Shocked to hear it he had protested, insisting the demi-god come with him.

"I have to stay here. I'm not worthy of you." Loki chided him gently. There had been tears in Loki's eyes as well, shimmering at the corners like diamonds.

"No one has to know! You can just go into hiding again like last time. Even Morgan said he could help you. Fenris too!" Remy argued weakly. Loki only shook his head, rubbing Remy's hand between his own to keep them warm as he spoke.

"I've dragged my children into this farther than they should be. No, Remy, I am to remain here. They would make any sacrifice for me, break any law to see me free. All out of love. Just as I would do for you." Loki had told him, reaching up to touch Remy's cheek. The tears beginning to fall as he finished.

"You love Logan, peu diable. I can see it not only in your eyes but your heart as well. I was wrong to try and use a spell to make you choose me. Go home, Remy, and be happy." Loki had whispered. The tips of his fingers shimmered as he let the spell wash over the Cajun to take him away from him back to the feral.

"Who knows? Maybe one day Odin will deem me worthy to leave Jotunheim for a time. You may see me sooner than you think." Loki said as the spell swept Remy away. That was the last thing the Cajun had heard before he had been transported to Logan.

Logan did not know what to say as Remy recounted his last moment's with the trickster. He felt jealous yet he understood what the demi-god had meant. For a moment he wondered if they were not one and the same. They both loved the same man so fiercely they were willing to lay everything on the line for him. Both had come to know peace after living for so long in loving Remy. Logan's greatest fear was for the Cajun to die. Being so lost when he thought the younger man was gone had torn him apart. He imagined he would have continued on like that forever. A mere shadow of his former self as he wandered the Earth his mind trapped in the past.

"It kinda easy to tell why Loki likes you so much." Logan said. He swallowed dryly, not wanting to say the word love. It felt to painful to know he had almost lost the Cajun to the trickster.

"Yes, cher, I know." Remy said leaning against the older man with a sad sigh.

"You know, Heimdall told Remy each of you had yo' good merits and yo' bad merits. How he can see more dan what's on de surface." Remy explained, putting his hand over Logan's heart. He felt it beating slow and steady beneath his palm as he spoke. Raising his eyes to gaze at the other man.

"What did he tell you about me?" Logan asked his interest piqued.

"Heimdall said dere was another side of you Remy has faced before, but never met. Isn't dat strange?" Remy answered gazing into Logan's eyes.

Wolverine only shrugged his shoulders feigning indifference as he bent his head down to his mate's neck. Cupping his cheek as he inhaled the younger man's scent drinking it in as it acted like an aphrodisiac to his senses. Awakening every part of him as he chuckled against the warm skin.

"When I figure it out I'll let you know, Rims. I'll let you know."