Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.
37. And then I got kissed by a camel... |Dave's POV|
7:34 am, The Biscuit's Bedroom
Argh... The Biscuit's head feels like it's going to explode.
Flipping Vati and his vino tinto.
1 minute later
Wonder if Gee stayed the night?
1 minute later
The end of the party last night is a blur.
The journey home isn't in the Biscuit's memory jar.
Hmmm...
1 minute later
Zzzzzz...
1 minute later
How did I get back at the party?
Why am I dancing on the flipping table? In my nuddy pants?
Why does Gee have kittykat ears? And a tail?
She's so gorgey.
3 minutes later
Cheeky minx has joined the Biscuit on the table.
'Do I give you the horn?'
What? When did Gee get into her nuddy pants?
1 minute later
Core... She gives me the horn.
She led me away, out the room.
'Where we going?'
'Arr... That be the surprise.' She laughed.
1 minute later
Following Kittykat outside.
Not holding her hand, but holding onto her tail.
She's so gorgey.
Right now the Biscuit would follow her off el cliff.
2 minutes later
How did we get on a beach?
1 minute later
Kittykat ran off into the sea.
'Come get me, Hornmeister.'
3 minutes later
And then I got kissed by a camel...
Damn it. This is a dream.
10:05 am
'DAVID! DAVID! WAKE UP!'
Bugger... Rollo is here.
'JA! JA! BISCUIT BOY!' And Sven.
1 minute later
Hanging up-side-down.
Rollo has a smug grin on his face.
'And Gee find this attractive?'
'Sven mate, put him down. He looks a little green.'
Why are they all here so early?
1 minute later, Right-Side-Up
Hunky got the Biscuit aspirin.
'You Cats ruined a vair naice dream.' They all laughed.
10:28 am
The Barmy Army need a bloke's day out.
We spend too much time with the ladeez.
We've even started to sound like them.
Rollo keeps adding 'tres tres' into his sentences.
And Dec is starting to dither.
'Have... err... like... well... you seen... I mean...'
Ed hit Dec over the back. 'Spit Ellen out, mate.'
2 minutes later
Hunky says the Ace Gang are having a sleepover-type-shindig next week.
'Coolio. We should like spy on them... Whose house is it at?'
We all looked at Rollo. Is he utterly mad?
'We can't spy on them.'
'Sure we can. We can hide a camera in the room.'
'Arr... But Rolland if we spy on the girlies and they find out, they'll get the mega hump.'
Rollo shook his head.
'They don't have to find out.'
Hunky sighed. 'It's at Gee's place.'
Fab... That means the Biscuit has to place the camera.
Poxy Radio Tom.
2 minutes later
I bet Angus eats the camera.
... Or Libs will nick it.
11:32 am, Walking to the Park
Footie time. Nothing like footie to get the vino tinto out the Biscuit's system.
1 minute later
Woopies... We just kicked the ball into Mr. and Mrs. Across the Street's allotment.
Mr. Across the Street is there. It hit him on the head.
1 minute later
Being chased down the street. Rollo had grabbed the ball.
'YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING KID! YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME!'
2 minutes later
Hiding behind a garden wall.
Mr. Across the Street ran straight pass.
1 minute later
Peaking over the top of the walls.
Bet we look like utter loons.
'Is... err... is he... like... I mean gone?'
1 minute later
Put Dec in the next dustbin we came across.
He has to stop dithering. It's vair annoying.
2 minutes later, The Park
Ekk... The Ace Gang are sunbathing in the park.
It's flipping November and my horn partner is sunbathing.
What a loon?
3 minutes later
Walked up behind Gee. 'KITTYKAT!'
Hehe... Made Kittykat jump.
1 minute later
Snogging Gee.
12:02 pm
'OI! DAVID! ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY?'
'YEAH!' I looked at Gee. 'S'later Sex Kitten. The Hornmeister is needed.'
Gee laughed. 'Yes he is.' She's so very gorgey.
10 minutes later, Playing Footie
We're all distracted, watching the ladeez.
The Biscuit just hit Ed in the face with the ball.
Oops... I've giving him a nose bleed.
Mabs is going to have the Biscuit's head.
3 minutes later
Mabs is fussing over Ed. 'Mabs, I'm fine.'
'... But it's still bleeding. We need to take you to the hospital.'
'I'm alright.' She kissed him on the forehead.
Can't tell the Vati that Ed doesn't lobe the fuss?
'MABS! He says he's fine.'
1 minute later
Mabs insisted that Ed went home.
Hunky took Jas off to look for newt's poo.
Sven pulled Rosie onto his shoulders and ran off.
Dec and Ellen are dithering.
And Rollo is already snogging Jools.
Kittykat smiled at me. 'Hey Hornmeister.'
I laughed. 'Hey Kittykat.'
4 minutes later
Walking around the park with Kittykat.
Cheeky minx's nicked the Biscuits jacket, because it's very parky today.
'What time is the Biscuit picking Kittykat up?'
Argh... Forgot that poxy Christmas Ball is tonight.
'Erm... Is six coolio?' Gee nodded.
1 minute later
'Did the Biscuit make a fule himself last night?'
Kittykat laughed. 'No... The Biscuit fell to sleep.'
'Good. Good.'
'What had the Hornmeister thought he'd done?'
1 minute later
Snogging Kittykat with tongues.
The Hornmeister didn't want Kittykat to know about his dreams.
... Same goes for the Georgia with kittykat ears and tail, who lives in the Biscuit's dreamland.
Wonder if Kittykat has a Hornmeister living in her dreamland?
What would that Hornmeister look like?
12:49 pm, Luigi's for Lunch
The Biscuit pulled out Kittykat's chair.
'Dave, you're such a gentleman.'
We both laughed. 'What would Mrs. Laugh like?'
18 minutes later
Kittykat is such a laugh. She's got cream all over her conk.
'Err... Kittykat.' I tapped my conk.
Gee raised her eyebrows. 'What?'
'Kittykat has... err... cream on her humongous conk.'
1 minute later
Gee's cheeks turned red. I laughed.
'Kittykat is so vair cute.'
Gee hit me... Violent much.
12:14 pm
Gee dropping hints about Christmas prezzies.
She's making the Biscuit drop hints too.
Bless her... She's having a nervy b. about the Biscuit's prezzie.
The Biscuit hadn't even thought about Christmas.
1:23 pm
Walking Gee home. She wants to start getting ready for tonight.
The Biscuit doesn't understand why Kittykat needs five hours to get ready for the Christmas Ball.
It'll only take the Biscuit half an hour.
... And Kittykat is beautiful just the way she is.
5 minutes later, Kittykat's House
The Biscuit sat Kittykat on the wall.
Kittykat's lips puckered. 'You're such a minx.'
Gee frowned... And then she snogged me.
9 minutes later
'S'later Kittykat.' Gee smiled.
'S'later Davey. I love you.'
'Love you too.'
1 minute later
I kissed Kittykat on the forehead before leaving.
Gee sat on the wall, watching me walk down the street.
10 minutes later, The Biscuit's House
Let myself in. 'THE VATI IS HOME!'
'HEY SWEETIE PIE...'
'MOM'S OUT!'
The Biscuit's Darlin Clone Sisters are in the living room.
Looking at wedding stuff.
4:46 pm
Got stuck looking at wedding stuff all arvie with Mill and B.
The Biscuit did not enjoy himself. It was tres tres boring.
1 minute later
Getting ready for the Christmas Ball.
Why is it in November? Christmas is weeks away.
Hmmm... Should start to decide what to buy Kittykat.
5 minutes later
The Biscuit is never going to be able to grow a beard.
His facial hair is pants. I blame Vati for the lack of beardiness.
5:10 pm
Putting on the Biscuit's poncey suit.
Ewww... I look like Charles.
4 minutes later
Ready to face the family.
5:30 pm
Feel so vair poncey in the Biscuit's tres horrific suit.
'Awww Pookie, you look so handsome.'
'I fell like el prat.' Mills and B laughed.
Mills took a picture.
'Smile, Sweetie Pie. You...
'Look like really good.'
'Shut up, Maria.' Vati laughed.
'Son... Remember you're going to make Gee happy.'
1 minute later, In Millie's Crappy Little Car
Vati was right. I was going to make Kittykat happy.
She'd look gorgey and that's all the Biscuit really cared about.
2 minutes later
Hmmm... Wonder if Gee will be ready?
A.N. Short Chapter... Sorry. Promise the Last Chapter is going to be longer. Dave apologises too for being a Biscuit of so little words. I decided that Dave should have a Georgia that lives in his dream world and that she should feature kittykat ears and a tail. Gives a reason for Gee's pet name. I enjoyed writing Dave's dream sequence. I hope you all enjoy it. I may do another Davey dream sequence in the sequel if I get positive reviews about it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I again apologise for its shortiness, but right now my head is swimming with ideas for the squeal and the final chapter of Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it. I'll start the final chapter tonight and it will be publish tomorrow if I get it finished. Love RoxannetheLaugh...