A/N: Merry Christmas everyone!
I hope you all get everything you deserved... plus more! And hopefully this chapter will be that little extra something to brighten your Christmas ;)
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But Stephanie Meyer does.
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BellaPOV
Every part of me was aching – but it wasn't the same pain.
I could feel everyone one of my injuries, but my whole body felt numbed. Did that even make any sense? Nothing was making any sense, now. From the moment I met Lucas, nothing really made me understand.
I could feel tubes and wires and... (I cringed) needles. They were sticking into me, peeking out from every hole or crevice. Whenever I tried to move, a loud beeping sounded from beside me, but I never opened my eyes.
There was a part of me that was so confused – how the hell did I end up like this? Strapped to a hospital bed with a thousand tubes like some sort of cripple? The other part of me screamed: You made it! You did it! There will be no more pain!
The second part was insane. Because, yes, there was more pain, every time I took a breath, or moved my littlest finger. I assumed there was something rushing through my veins that was holding off most of the pain, and I was grateful for it.
A few times, I tried to open my eyes; maybe catch a glimpse of my surroundings. Maybe my family was near me. Maybe there was someone I could finally talk to...
But whenever I tried, I felt like I was opening them, but I never was.
So really, I was lying here talking to myself. Most of my thoughts were pretty random (due to the pain killers, probably), but I kept myself entertained with distant memories. At least, I would do this until I was finally ready to open my eyes.
But I just couldn't, not yet.
I felt like I was in a dream – yes, my mind was technically working freely, but I felt like I was awake. I fell into slumbers, and then woke up again; when really, I had never really gone to sleep to begin with. I was always asleep – and there was no waking up.
Am I dead? My mind asked. Am I still breathing? Did I survive?
There was a moment when my mind reconnected with my body, and joined the dots – that yes, I was alive, but barely. Only barely...
I couldn't remember much. I didn't know what had happened to make me end up here in the first place, or what had happened after. I could remember voices, but they were so faint and not very reliable...
"Get her, Alice!"
"I'm sorry, Bella. So, so sorry..."
"I will never let anything like this happen again. I promise..."
But I had no idea what they were apologizing for, or why they were promising. Did they make a mistake? Did they do something wrong?
What did I do?
In the back of my mind, I heard a slow, rhythmic beep... beep... beep... But I never understood what it was until I felt it.
It was my heart.
I'd feel it speed up to go so fast I thought I'd have some sort of attack. Or I'd feel it going so slow I thought it was going to stop. I was expecting it to just collapse one day, just so I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore. But... it never did.
Some of the reason I guessed could have been... him. The boy who was somewhere, waiting for me. I could see his beautiful bronze hair, his emerald green eyes, his delicate, long fingers...
And the beeping became faster and faster until eventually I calmed myself down enough to think is name...
Edward.
I felt like I was just beginning to wake up from a very, very long nap. I remembered most things (except well, how I ended up here, or what happed before and after...) like my friends, or my dad or my brother. I remembered my dead mother.
The last thought caused my heart to race, but not in the good way.
I had seen her. She was right in front of me, as if in front of a black screen. There nothing behind her, and nothing beside her. Just black.
She never spoke to me; only occasionally nodded, or shook her head. She had winked, once – but I had no idea why. Whenever I tried to speak to her, I couldn't get my mouth to move or my tongue to loosen in my throat.
It had been a terrifying experience; nothing like no other. And yet... I never wanted to have it again.
One day, while I was trying to force my eyes open, I felt something touch me. Or... someone. I could tell it was a hand; a very soft hand, brushing against mine. In the background, was the usual: beep... beep... beep... but I couldn't focus on that. I could only on the hand.
I recognised it, definitely – I was almost positive it was Edward's. I couldn't quite get a grip on it... not even close. Whenever I thought my fingers were moving, it was my hand playing tricks on me.
"Bella," Edward whispered, his voice strained and thick. It sounded like he had a lump in his throat, or perhaps he was about to cry. "If you can hear me... squeeze my hand."
I wanted to, so, so badly. I hadn't heard his voice in such a long time, and I longed in the feeling for a moment.
I could hear his breathing, obviously waiting; I wished I could make him happy. But... I just couldn't squeeze his hand.
"Please," He pleaded, his voice so filled with pain and sorrow I almost hunched over with my own pain. "Please, Bella..."
I wish I could... I'm sorry, I can't. Please, know, I'm trying...
It was silent, with nothing but my beep... beep... beep-s. I could hear him holding his breath, and then letting it go again. I hoped he would say something else, just so I could hear his voice again. Just before I was about to give up hope, he heaved a sigh, and pressed my own hand into what I guessed was his forehead. Just barely, I could feel the crevice of his nose, his soft, smooth skin...
For once, the loud beeping didn't go off. Though there was all sorts of needles stuck into my hand, it didn't seem to both Edward. Before I could attempt a second try and squeezing his hand, he began singing, low and quiet...
Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
Oh, please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
and please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
And when I touch you i feel happy, inside
It's such a feeling
That my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah you, got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
And when I touch you I feel happy, inside
It's such a feeling
That my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah you, got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand.
He finished, his voice trailing off when his throat got too thick to sing any longer. My ears rung from hearing his beautiful voice, and I hoped and prayed he would continue. But he never did. I felt his head shaking from under my hand, and felt the urge to sit up and comfort him.
Was I really doing that bad? I asked myself. Was I really in that much trouble... that Edward was singing to me? Was I... was I on my death bed?
No. I silence myself. If I was, I wouldn't feel like this. I wouldn't be feeling so lucky and happy to have heard his voice...
"Please get better, Bella," He seemed to be begging me now, holding onto my hand with a little too much force. I fought off the searing pain in my hand and dealt with it while he had his grieving moment. "I promise, I won't leave you. I won't even sleep until you open your eyes..."
Was he doing this on purpose? Now I really, really wanted to open my eyes. To spare him discomfort and pain. But I just... couldn't force myself to do it...
I promise, Edward, I said, in my head. I will open my eyes. I will... just give me time to heal from whatever has injured me...
I could hear him breathing again; in silent wait. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I just couldn't open my eyes. Not now. Even I couldn't open my eyes, I would love to be able to squeeze his hand... or touch his face...
But I just couldn't do it.
EdwardPOV
I thought... just maybe, if I begged her, she would wake up. Maybe she would hear me and know I miss her, know I'm here with her, and I will never move.
But as many times as I begged, she never opened her eyes. She didn't even twitch. Was she awake, but she just didn't want to answer me? Was she angry that I failed to protect her against Lucas? Was that the reason her body refused to even make the slightest movement, to show me she was ok?
I sung to her – a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little – and for a second, I thought she was listening. I thought she listened to the words, and understood. But she didn't.
And it's all my fault.
If I had of protected her, if I had of watched her and took care of her like I was supposed to – she never would have gotten hurt. She never would have been kidnapped and beaten in the worst possible ways. We would likely be at my house with the others, laughing and pretending to study just like we always did.
And now, we may never do that again.
It was my fault... all my fault.
I put my head in my hands, trying to ignore the sounds of Bella's heart beating slowly on the monitor. I felt like shutting myself off from the world; I felt like curling up in a ball and letting myself fade away to nothing. I was so disgusted in myself.
Can't I do anything right?
"Bella..." I mumbled against my hands. I couldn't bear to look at her knowing I was the one who let this happen. "Bella, I need your help."
No answer. Just like I expected. "Bella... I've done something terrible. I've done terrible, terrible things. It's all my fault you're in hospital, with the needles you hate so much." I laughed darkly. "If you hate me when you wake up, I'll understand. I'll understand if you break up with me and even move schools. I'll do anything you tell me to make you feel better..."
I trailed off, afraid I wasn't going to be able to go on. I had a huge lump in my throat, it was almost painful. I swallowed and tried to continue, "I know I apologize, but it will never be enough. I just want you to know I'm sorry..."
I took a hesitant look at her. She looked so innocent, so fragile, lying in this hospital bed covered in bandages and tubes. I should have been there – I was such an idiot. I should have taken care of Lucas myself at school. It would have saved Bella all this pain, my family all this sadness, and all my guilt.
I heard a shallow whimper, and I instantly turned around – but no one was behind me. I looked around the room, searching for the person who had made this noise. But no one was in here besides Bella and I.
It hit me. "Bella!" I saw her mouth move again, but this time nothing came out. "Bella, can you hear me, sweetheart?"
She shook her head, only slightly. As soon as she did, she winced – I held onto her hand, careful not to squeeze too hard in case I hurt her.
"Bella, I'm here. I'm here for you, love, and I'm not moving." I felt so relieved I almost had tears in my eyes; for a reason of my own, I was so afraid she was never going to wake up. "Baby, squeeze my hand."
She did squeeze my hand, ever so slightly; I barely felt it, but it was something. I lightly squeezed back, a grin spreading across my face as her eyes slowly opened.
"Bella," I breathed, staring into her beautiful chocolate eyes. I felt like I had spent a lifetime without them – though it had been only a month. "Oh, Bella, you're ok."
"Edward," She whispered, seemingly putting a lot of effort into speaking.
"Shh, sweetheart, you don't need to speak."
I considered going and getting the others to let them know she was awake – but I refrained. I needed this time alone with her more than anything.
"Bella, I'm so sorry," I whispered, leaning as close to her as was safe with her condition. She shook her head. Her bandage around her forehead slipped down into her eyes, but I pushed it up again. "I should never have let this happen to you."
Her brow furrowed, and she stared at me with confusion. She began shaking her head frantically, causing a series of quiet beeping to sound from next to me. I looked over – it was her heart.
"Don't strain yourself," I calmed her, rubbing circles on the top of her hand with my thumb. "It's all ok now. You have nothing to fear – I'll never let him near you again."
That just seemed to make her more confused – she tried to sit up, but winced in pain when she did.
"Time for more painkillers?" I said, pressing a button above her head. She began shaking her head even more frantically than before – was she unable to speak? "You need them, Bella."
The nurse came in, and injected more morphine into Bella's blood stream. She calmed immediately, laying back into her bed and sighing.
"Now let me say something," I told her, taking both her hands in mine. "I'm sorry I let this happen. I should've stayed with you while you were alone in your house, but I wasn't thinking. I should've been there for you, Bells—" My throat felt like it was being strangled, or that I couldn't breathe. I took a deep breath. "Whether or not you blame me for what happened, I will never stop blaming myself. Because it is my fault."
She stared at me with soft eyes; her mouth moved, but nothing came out.
"What are you trying to say, Bella?"
"I..." She mustered all her oxygen and whispered, "Whatever happened, it... isn't your... fault."
"You... you don't remember?" I asked, a little in relief. It was better that she didn't remember, because what happened to her was life changing.
She shook her head.
"I won't explain it now," I told her, kissing her hand lightly. "But I should have been there for you. I'll understand if you don't want to see me anymore."
She raised her eye brows. "What... why... ?"
"Shh," I smoothed my hand over her hair, feeling the softness. "I understand. We'll have to talk about this when you're feeling better, ok?"
She frowned and nodded, laying her head back into the pillow. She cleared her throat, and winced when she did. "I'm not sure what happened... or... why you're blaming yourself, but I'm never going to leave you. Ever."
I was stunned by the sound of her voice, so clear – she sounded even more beautiful than before. "You... you're not?"
She shook her head. She leaned forward slightly and held onto my arms. "You... can't... leave me," She croaked, squeezing as tight as she could.
"I won't," I leaned into her, resting my head on her shoulder. "I promise you, I won't, as long as you want me."
She smiled and lay back again, closing her eyes.
"I'll go and get your father," I told her, standing up. When she put a hand on mine, I chuckled. "It's ok. I'll come straight back."
I left the room to go to the waiting room. I had a feeling most of this room was being crowded with my family and friends – there was Charlie, mom, dad, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and now, Jacob and Billy. I looked at Jacob with a little distaste – but reined myself in when I realised he was just here for Bella.
"She's awake," I smiled at all of them, and immediately, Charlie and Jasper jumped up, huge grins on their faces. Everyone around us broke into happy smiles, and even cheers. Alice started bouncing in her seat, and Emmett hugged Rosalie tenderly.
Jacob walked up to me, his fists clenched and his face like stone. I could tell he was trying his best not to be rude to me. I respected him for trying. "How is she?"
"She's stable, I think." I found it hard to keep my voice friendly. I don't think I succeeded. I had to stare up at him to see him directly. "She can't speak well, yet, but she's just been nodding and shaking her head."
Jacob nodded. His face changed suddenly, and he looked up at me with gratitude. "Though you should have been there to help her in the first place, it was cool of you to go after her."
"Thanks," I nodded. "But it wasn't just me. It was Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper as well."
"Yeah, but I knew you would be the one who came up with it," His gratitude seemed to be disappearing as he lost control of his voice. "You're lucky you came out uninjured. It's too bad."
"Not quite," I muttered, trying to ignore his snappy comment and touching my lip. "But not as bad as Bella."
Jacob nodded and backed away from me. He took a seat next to his dad, and I sat with Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie.
"How's she going?" Alice asked, full of concern.
"She's not bad," I couldn't keep the smile off my face., despite the situation. It wasn't to say I wasn't worried about her – I was. "She seemed tired. But... she doesn't remember anything of what happened."
"Nothing?" Rosalie asked, clearly shocked.
I shook my head. "I know. I guess it's better that way, though."
"You realise you'll have to tell her eventually, right?" Alice said, looking around at Emmett and Rosalie for confirmation. "She has to wonder how she got here in the first place."
I sighed. "I know. Maybe Jasper and Charlie will tell her."
"We'll go in next," Emmett said, with a nod. He grinned. "Can't wait to see little Bellsy."
I waited in the waiting room for the rest of the day, as I watched Emmett, Rosalie and Alice visit her, and I sat with Jasper and Charlie. My parents visited her next. Then, Jacob went in, on his own. Billy told Jacob to give his best wishes for Bella, and that it would be a lot easier if he didn't have to wheel himself all around the hospital. We all agreed. I had a feeling part of the feeling was the fact that Billy didn't actually want to be here – he was still scarred from his accident. But that's just my theory.
As midnight approached, Billy and Jacob headed on home. My parents left as well, telling us they will be back first thing in the morning. They hugged Rosalie and I and said goodbye to Charlie, Jasper, Emmett, and Alice.
Then, I charmed one of the nurses into letting me see Bella. It was the middle of the night, sure – but I couldn't bear not to be with her. Watching my friends and family going in and coming out some with happy faces and some with sullen made me slightly jealous.
I could hear the beeping of her heart before I even entered the room – the sound made me smile, though I knew it shouldn't have. It was a sign of life; a sign of Bella.
I stopped myself from running to her bedside, and clasping onto her hand. Her small, slim fingers were cold in mine, but I instantly held them to my mouth and kissed them.
"You came back." She mumbled, obviously surprised. I noticed she could speak a lot easier, now – a sign of quick recovery.
"Of course I did, sweetheart." I brushed her hair away from her face, feeling the delicious softness. The bandage was no longer fastened around her head – I could only see stitches. The thought broke my heart, that someone had to stitch her together, like some broken doll. "I promised I would."
"H-how... did you even get in here?" She stuttered, in a low whisper. I leaned closer to her as an excuse to hear her better, but I knew I just wanted to be closer to her.
I shrugged. "I talked to one of the nurses. She didn't seem to mind." I looked over her fragile body, seeing the cast below the blanket that hid her leg. I could see the bruises on her arms, though some were covered with bandages. I didn't even want to imagine what was underneath her bruised skin – punctured lungs, internal bleeding. The drip that sat beside her spoke a million words. I had to recover myself before I spoke. "But I can stay here for awhile. Maybe I can even sleep here."
"I would like that." Bella tried to smile, but it turned into more a lopsided smirk. I kissed her right hand, and then ran my lips over her wrists. I heard the heart monitor speed up, and when I looked up at her, she was blushing.
"I've just missed you so much," She confessed, tears coming to her eyes and spilling over. "Towards the end, I was worried I was going to forget. I started to forget what your skin felt like, what you're lips felt like – I was so scared, but not because I could die, but because I was so afraid our last moments together were wasted."
I reached over her, and ran my fingers over her inflamed and wet cheeks. I rested my hand against her right cheek, watching as she leaned into my hand and inhaled deeply. I could have lived in this moment forever. Everything seemed almost perfect, right at this moment. The relief I felt was the best feeling in the world – I couldn't control my mouth as I smiled softly. "It's over, now, love. I'm here."
"I've been starting to remember," She whispered, her voice dropping until I couldn't hear. I leaned my ear right to her mouth, shuddering when her breath touched my skin. "I remember the pain, and the moment when we were in the hotel. I know it was a long time. But... I don't know who did it. I remember a face, but I can't put a name to him."
"Your mind is just protecting you from a horrible memory," I told her, resting my cheek against the top of her head. "It's for the better, Bella, I promise you that."
Before I could worry about her safety, she had lifted her arms and was cradling my head in her hands. I watched in awe as she kissed my nose, my forehead, between my eyes, my chin, but never my lips. I was so afraid any sudden movement would hurt her, but this... this was like heaven.
"Bella," I breathed, resting my forehead against hers, ever so slightly. "I love you."
"I love you," She repeated, her voice becoming choked with more tears. I pressed my lips to her forehead, lightly again – I couldn't keep myself from frowning when I felt a small bump where she had obviously been hit. I tilted my forehead against hers again, balancing my weight on either side of her but being careful not to jostle her or lean on her.
"Please don't leave me again," I whispered, slowly leaning away from her when her heart rate began to speed up rapidly. She watched me cross the room and sit on the make-shift bed that had been set up there. I leaned against the wall, forcing myself to watch her until she fell asleep. As soon as her heart slowed, I tilted my head to lean on my shoulder and fell into a dreamless sleep.
JacobPOV
For the past few weeks, I had never thought I could feel so much loss.
I found out Bella had been kidnapped late Thursday night. Charlie had called Billy, as soon as he heard the news. I couldn't control myself – the shaking started, and I let all my anger out on the wall closest to me.
The whole pack and I had dropped everything and helped with the search. There was only so much we could do – we ran patrols, searching the forests and obvious places where that son-of-a-bitch named Lucas Green could have taken her.
But there was only so much we could do, like I said.
Charlie had told us they had searched Forks one hundred times over, but never found a thing. The scene of the crime (Jasper's bedroom) where it was suspected was the last place Bella was from where she was attacked, was left covered in blood. Both Bella's and Jasper's. I found out Jasper had made it out with injuries, which didn't really worry me – because number one, Jasper hated me, and number two, I didn't really like him.
But every night, the thoughts of Bella kept me awake. I saw her as a tiny ten year old, all smiles and brains. I saw her as a young fifteen year old, all awkward and confused. Then, I saw her last time I had seen her – when she left me to go back to Forks with Emmett McCarty. I had been too angry to see her between then and until she was taken. But now, I felt like an idiot.
I decided to go see Bella on my own. Billy stayed outside and promise to try and keep Charlie occupied. When I saw her, I could feel the sadness on my face – and I didn't get sad much, trust me.
"Bella," I crossed the room quickly, and knelt at her bedside. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry, honey."
"It's not your fault," She had croaked, her voice raspy and no louder than a whisper. I leaned closer to her, holding onto her hands and pressed them to my cheek. She sighed when she felt my hot skin against her clammy skin. "I'm so glad to see you here, Jake. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," There weren't words that could explain how much I had missed her. This just seemed like the simplest way. "You never told me what happened when you went back to Forks. But I'm guessing you two made up."
She suddenly looked embarrassed – she looked away from me, her cheeks slowly becoming red. I had missed her blush. "Yeah, we have." She turned back, her eyes suddenly concerned. "You weren't mean to him, were you?"
"No," I shook my head, actually a little surprised by the fact that I wasn't. How I wanted to be, though. "I was talking to him before." I saw the surprise on her face and backtracked. "Well, sort of. I told him I respected him for saving you."
"You did?" She tried to smile, but it looked kinda whacked. "That means a lot, Jake. He's beaten himself up a lot about this, and I wanted someone else to tell him it wasn't his fault."
"It kinda is," I looked away, frowning. I couldn't help but put the blame of him for most of it – why wasn't he with her? Why hadn't he taken care of Lucas? There were so many questions. "He didn't even—"
"Jacob," Bella stopped me, closing her eyes. She looked so tired, so broken; I felt so bad for ever speaking badly of her boyfriend. "Please, don't. Not now."
"Sorry, I know," I sighed, annoyed with myself. "I was just... I guess I was hoping, that maybe you wouldn't be able to..."
She closed her eyes again, obviously fighting tears. Once again, I felt like such a jackass for using my big mouth. She was supposed to be recovering, not fighting the urge to yell at me or cry.
"I'm sorry," I squeezed onto her hands, and looked into her now open eyes. She stared back with nothing but tiredness and forgiveness. "I didn't mean it. I shouldn't be putting this pressure on you, not now."
"Not ever," She teased, and I knew if she wasn't so worn out she would have slapped me.
"You haven't been down to La Push for awhile," I said, trying to take her mind off my last comment and onto lighter topics. "Everyone's really missed you."
"When I get out of here," She said, and then decided against it. "And when I can comfortably drive again, I'll have to come down."
"For sure!" I chuckled, already pumped by the idea. "But on top of all this... you have to be careful. When I heard you had been kidnapped, I had a terrible thought..."
"What was it?" She frowned.
"I... I thought..." I leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, one word. "Vampires."
She looked back at me with shock and confusion. "There... there are vampires around? In Forks?"
"Actually, it's a coven in Seattle," I explained, with a shrug. "But they're always visiting Forks. We can't figure out why, but it's really bugging us."
She scowled, but once again, it looked painful. I reached out my hand and ran a hand over her forehead, erasing all worry lines. She looked at me like I might be crossing the boundaries, but I ignored her. I pulled back at grinned at her.
"Jake..." She sighed, her eyes beginning to become heavy. I already knew what she was going to say – she was going to caution me, in case I tried to take our relationship too far. It's happened a hundred times, and it always ends the same way.
"I know, honey," I said, squeezing her hands again. "I'm going to let you sleep."
She yawned. "Ok. Promise you'll come back?"
"I promise."
I stood up and headed for the door, feeling like I had left a part of me behind.
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Right. That might have been a little boring, but I really wanted to get the reactions of all the family and friends out of the way. Hoped you liked it, all the same!
Please review!