Hello and good evening my loves! I hope everyone's weekend went well and your Monday flew by (I know mine did!) I figured that I would get this posted tonight as I still have to finish packing for the Walker Stalker Cruise and will have absolutely no time beyond tonight to get his posted. If anyone else is cruising, feel free to PM and maybe we could meet up somewhere for drinks. Just a brief reminder that we're getting down to the final chapters so if you would like to see a continuation let me know. I have something in the works but have not decided 100% on whether or not to do anything with it. As always, comments & reviews are welcome and feel free to PM me with any suggestions you may have.
Chapter 36
As the morning sun broke through the blinds of my bedroom windows, I felt a body stirring behind me but the weight of the arm around my middle was not Connor's. I rolled over onto my other side as gently as I could without waking the sleeping person next to me to find Murphy with his head tucked down. I guess this would explain the lump on my neck and why I woke up in the first place. He looked genuinely peaceful but his face looked more haggard than it had previously; his brow was furrowed like he was in deep concentration and he was grunting a little bit as his hand tightened its grip around my waist.
"Must be one hell of a dream he's having." I whispered to myself, leaning in to gently kiss his forehead before I made an attempt to escape the warmth of his embrace and the bed. After a half dozen beers last night and Connor's massage I really needed to go to the bathroom.
As I was swinging my legs over the side of the bed, my eyes sprung open as that all too familiar feeling of the floodgates opening hit me. This shit wasn't supposed to start until tomorrow but I guess I deserved this as my punishment for putting them through everything that I did earlier this week. I carefully, quickly, and quietly got out of the bed and grabbed a clean pair of underwear from the dresser, going straight into the bathroom, completely ignoring Connor as he greeted me from the kitchen. Neither of them had ever seen me on the first day of this time of the month but they were going to be in for a wake-up call when they saw bitch-zilla. The worst part is that there's nothing anyone could do about it until Sunday when I could start taking the pill again.
As I stood at the sink splashing a bit of water onto my face I started wondering where in the hell my clothes from the night before went. I remember my bra going into the sink on top of Connor's shirt, neither of which were there when I came in. The hand towel that Connor had used that fell short of the basket was now in the basket to be washed. Connor was wearing the jeans from yesterday when I passed him on my here. As silly as it may have seemed, I scratched my head for a bit before giving up my search and retreated back to the bedroom through the walk-in closet.
Rummaging through the drawers again, I pulled out a loose fitting t-shirt and my favorite pair of yoga pants. I had them since high school and even though they were literally falling apart no one but the twins would ever see me in them. Connor had taken the opportunity to learn my habits a bit while Murphy was in the hospital and learned just last month that I only wear this particular pair of pants during that time of the month. He questioned my choice of clothing one night and the best answer I could offer him in between whiskey shots was that my body couldn't make up its mind of whether or not it wanted to be hot or cold so rather than fuck with the heating pad or a fan I chose to wear something falling apart. Connor concluded my drunken reasoning to be nothing more than sincoherent babble. There are just some things that are better left alone and my choice in clothing while on my period was just one of those things.
Glancing up in the mirror, I saw Murphy still lying in bed right where I left him. Looking over my shoulder, my alarm clock read 7:02 am. It was still way too early to be up and functioning, plus the bed looked so inviting. Maybe laying back down for a little longer wouldn't be such a bad idea. Besides that, the fan was still running and Murphy did look a bit lonely sleeping in bed by himself. Smiling to myself, I walked back to bed and climbed back in, throwing the blankets around until I got comfortable again. It was not my intention but I thought I might've woken Murphy up a little bit in my venture to get situated; he picked his head up off of the pillow, cracking his eyes open a smidgen, and allowed his head to hit the pillow once more. I quickly fell back asleep with Murphy pulling me close, his hand flexing and relaxing on my hip as I assumed he was having another dream though this one seems to have been more intense than the last judging by the way he was digging his fingers into me.
I woke up a short time later, the cramps were starting to take hold and I knew that sleep was no longer a viable option if I didn't want to wake Murphy up again. Carefully extracting myself from the bed for the second time this morning, I looked over at the alarm clock as it read 7:34 am; only an extra half hour of sleep. Groaning a bit, I got up and trudged over to the dresser and shut the fan off before leaving the room and letting Murphy get some sleep.
"Connor, before you start I'm warning you now that I just started my period this morning; from today through Monday you will see a side of me you've never seen before. I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood for anyone's bullshit today."
Shutting the bedroom door behind me, I found Connor glancing over his shoulder at the sound of the door creaking on its hinges. He had been sitting on the couch with a coffee cup in hand and the news turned on when I spotted him.
"Um, okay…I was just going ta tell ya good morning, but okay."
Connor followed me into the kitchen as I started going through the pantries and cupboards in search of the emergency stash that I kept for this time of the month. Usually the stash consisted of chocolate, a 24-pack of bottled water, a heating pad, muscle relaxers, and a ton of whiskey; if I could afford it I would have it brought up by the barrel straight from Tennessee. My doctor had prescribed the muscle relaxers pills for me specifically for this purpose since ibuprofen and other over the counter pain meds didn't do squat. For this morning though a bottle of water and the heating pad were what I needed. I could take one of my muscle relaxers after Connor and I got back from the diner. Today was going to be a long fucking day.
Connor had come up behind me while I was searching for what I needed, setting things on the counter for me as I pulled them out. He currently had his arms wrapped around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder as I opened another cabinet to look for my heating pad. The heat coming off his chest was seeping into my back, helping to relax the muscles a bit as they started to tighten up.
"Could you answer the door please?" I asked when a prominent knock sounded while I was stretched up on the tips of my toes, trying desperately to reach the cord of the heating pad that got shoved on to the shelves above the stove.
"Charlie's here." Connor announced, coming back into the kitchen to find me still struggling to get the heating pad down. Coming up from behind me, he reached an arm out and grabbed it, taking it down with ease. "Ya look really cute in da morning when yer all frustrated, ya know dat?" He laughed, seeing the irritated look on my face, the corners of his eyes crinkling the wider his smile grew.
"Fuck off, it's too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit. Here's the badge back, Charlie." I told him, grabbing the item off of the kitchen counter, making an attempt to be as nice as possible but he only looked at me like I was a vile being who was unworthy of even being acknowledged.
He set the box of my personal belongings down on the floor at his feet but made no attempt to reach out for the security badge that I was offering him. He was acting as if my hand were diseased and flinched when I let out an annoyed huff. Glancing over at Connor, I handed it to him hoping that if a third-party was touching it he may take it and just leave.
"How is it that you're still walking freely among the general public? You're a dangerous criminal and those Saints should put you down like the savage animal that you are."
My back was turned when he said it as I went back to the cupboard to pull out a mini-Hersey bar (the last one). I was going to regret it later when the cramps started putting in for overtime but right now I felt like it would be worth it in the end.
"Connor, get him out of here before he can see just how savage I can become." My voice shaking as I did my best to keep my anger in check.
I heard Connor's voice drop half an octave as he walked Charlie to the front door; it had taken on a more serious, threatening tone. I would have to ask him over breakfast what he told him since Murphy had just gotten up and started closing the bedroom door behind him, rubbing a bit of the sleep from his eyes and shuffling his feet towards the bathroom. I loved watching Murphy wake up in the morning; he looked absolutely adorable with that patch of hair at the back of his head sticking up.
Both the bathroom door and the front door closed at the same time and I walked out of the kitchen carrying my heating pad, water bottle, and mini piece of chocolate into the living room. In order to plug the heating pad in I had to move the couch away from the wall to reach the outlet and lean over. When my task was accomplished I started to get the feeling that I was being watched; glancing over my shoulder I found both Connor and Murphy standing side by side in the doorway of the kitchen with their heads cocked in the same direction watching my ass as it moved.
"See something you like?" I smirked, pushing myself off the couch and bending over to push the couch back into place.
"Several t'ings actually." Murphy started, taking a step towards the couch.
Connor stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder and whispering something in his ear before having one their silent twin conversations. I hate it when they do this shit first thing in the morning; I know they're talking about me and even though it wasn't anything bad knowing that my name is spoken in another language or silently is irritating.
"Since you two are in the mood for secrets and silence I guess I'll just sit here and wait until you're ready to go to breakfast this morning, Connor."
"Go get dressed and we'll leave. Just didn't wanna go until after Charlie came by with yer t'ings and da exchange was done. Now dat it's done I was just informing me dear, sweet baby brudder about da condition yer gonna be in fer da next few days."
"It happens every fucking month, how is that a condition? You know what, I will give you both one warning and one warning only: do not push my buttons for the next five days otherwise I will bring the wrath of hell down upon you both. I will make your mother look like an angel in comparison to what I can do."
"Duly noted; when ya get back from breakfast I'll be here waiting fer ya. Go on and get dressed." Murphy added, his hand landing on my right ass cheek with a resounding crack in an attempt to motivate me.
I emerged from the bedroom a couple of minutes later with my hair pulled back and dressed in something that was certainly not appropriate for the weather we were having. It was pure laziness on my part but for the next five days I'm allowed to be lazy. I had changed into a tank-top and a (nicer) pair of pants; although I don't think a pair of hole-free sweatpants is all that much of an upgrade. They both looked at me like I was insane upon seeing the top I was wearing and tried to convince me to change into something warmer.
"I don't care how cold it is outside, I am sweating my ass off right now and the less clothing I have on the better I'll feel as all hell breaks loose in the middle of Southie."
"Okay, okay, we'll drop it but next time dress a little more appropriately for da weather. I don't wanna see ya get sick." Connor resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to budge and grabbed my heavy sweater off the back of the door, holding it open for me to slip on.
"You worry too much, you know that?"
We walked to the diner in a comfortable silence, listening to the remnants of the melting snow crunch beneath our feet. It was about 35 degrees outside, enough to start thawing the city out but still cold enough to bundle up in warmer clothing if my body wasn't already a furnace. We sat down and placed our orders shortly after we got there. It was still really in the morning so the place was practically empty with the exception of two other tables.
Since we were frequent customers of this place we pretty much had the menu memorized and most of the staff knew who we were and how we liked our food prepared. Connor got a stack of pancakes, a side of hash browns, and a side of sausage with gravy. He also got a biscuit and gravy to go for Murphy. I on the other hand, opted for just a piping hot cup of coffee and a glass of ice. Anything that I attempted to eat today was going to be coming back up anyway so I may as well try avoiding solid foods until tomorrow.
"Is dat all yer going ta have? I'm paying so ya don't have ta feel like being a cheap date." Connor started before shoving a fork-full of pancakes slathered in syrup and butter into his mouth. Pretty much an early morning type of food porn, seeing all of that really made me hungry.
"I can't eat anything during the first 24 hours otherwise it comes right back up. It happens every month for the first day or so and there's nothing I can do about it. There's no magic pill the doctor can give me, just nothing. It's been like this since my first one back in the sixth grade when I was 11. Coffee, water, and tea are just about the only thing I can handle without getting sick. Even then I will probably end up on my knees praying to the porcelain God" I explained, spooning a couple of pieces of ice from the glass into the coffee cup.
"Damn, dat really does suck. I'm so glad I was not brought inta dis world as a lass; ya get so much shit fer being a woman and da world looks down its nose at ya when ya try ta break da lines dat it has assigned ta ya."
"Being a woman has its advantages; at least we all know I'm not pregnant." I laughed as Connor glanced up at me with half a piece of sausage hanging out of his mouth, a little bit of the gravy dripping down off of his chin.
"Dis is true, neither of us are ready ta be dads yet and ya made it quite clear dat ya don't want kids running around calling ya mommy."
We sat in silence again for a few minutes, listening to the cook in the kitchen scraping the flat top grill clean of all the drippings from the meals that have been cooking on it since before we walked in. This place was open 24 hours a day so we were part of the early morning crowd; the morning rush would start around 9:00 and die down around 10:30 – 11:00. They really did have some good food and the smell of the hash browns sitting on the small plate in front of me was wafting through my nostrils, calling my name and beckoning me to just take one bite.
"What did you say to Charlie on the way out when I was trying to get the rest of my stuff out of the cabinet?"
"Pretty much not ta show his face in Southie ever again if he wanted ta leave with all of his limbs intact. Yer a savage animal but not in da context dat he meant it. Today is a new day and a new start; ya don't need people like him around if all dey're gonna do is judge ya because of yer past. Murph and I can both see dat yer trying ta fix yerself and we'll stand behind ya ta pick ya up when ya fall."
"I hate to ask, but is there anything else you want to know about Utah that you didn't ask me about last night? Or Chicago? I'll be honest with you right now that the shit in Chicago is something I really don't want to talk about but I will if you want me too."
"Nah, I put ya t'rough enough last night. Seeing ya break down like dat over da scar on yer chest and stomach, I don't want ya ta re-live dose nightmares when ya already have enough of dose."
"Thank you."
I sat staring at my coffee, chewing at the inside of my bottom lip as the questions I wanted to ask about their work as The Saints started flooding my head. But given where we were they would not be appropriate to ask, especially if someone overheard him say something and turned them in on suspicion of murder. I guess Connor was picking up the burning questions because he said he'd tell me a bit more about it later after he had a chance to let Murphy know that I know who they were. He didn't want there to be any surprises and wanted as calm a discussion as was possible.
"You think he's gonna be pissed that I know?"
"He ain't gonna happy dat's fer sure, but he'll get over it. Like ya said last night, if ya want a relationship ta work ya have ta be able ta handle da person's past issues. But I'm gonna add ta dat, anot'er part of wanting a relationship ta work is being able ta handle current issues and being able ta t'ink with a clear mind and not letting yer emotions get da best of ya. I'll only ask ya dis one time because I need ta hear it fer meself. Can you handle everyt'ing I told ya last night? Can you take care of us when we need ya to? Can you listen ta what we tell you with no questions asked? Ya don't have ta answer right away, but da sooner ya have an answer da better."
It was definitely going to be something I would need to stew over. In my heart I already knew the answer, but I didn't want to give an answer right away just in case my mind tried talking me out of my decision.
Our server this morning was Louise; she was an older woman who had been working at the diner pretty much her entire life. She started working here when the place first opened shortly after her sixteenth birthday and has seen it change hands at least 4 times that she could remember. The menu was exactly the same as it had been when it opened; the only real change to it had been the prices. One of my favorite things about coming here was getting to listen to all of the stories she had to offer when it was pretty much empty, much like right now. The first time I came here with the twins she managed to dig out a couple of the menus from opening day. The price for a cup of coffee then had been 10 cents and before taxes Connor's meal would've cost him $3.50. Louise reminded us that in 1950 $3.50 for that much food was a lot of money for one person to spend if he was by himself. I also liked the fact that she knew our names and greeted us as soon as we walked through the door. Honestly, she really was my favorite person here.
"Alright kids, here's the biscuits and gravy for Murphy and here's the check. Connor, you and your brother behave yourselves, understand me? Red, sweetie, I saw the news the other day; if you need another job you can always come here. If you haven't guessed by now us old time Southies take care of our own no matter what."
"Thank you Louise, but I think I'm going take it easy for a little bit and wait for the heat to die down before I start job hunting again. Who knew taking care of one MacManus would turn into a full-time job?"
"Does it pay well?"
"Depends on how you look at it. I get paid in massages and sex, so I guess it does." I joked watching Connor's jaw hit the table at my bluntness.
Louise laughed a bit too before picking up the check and the cash Connor laid out on the table. She returned a short time later with the change and a fresh pot of coffee, refilling both our cups. Since Connor didn't have to be at work until almost noon and had already gone to confession at the ass crack of dawn, we could just sit, relax, and talk about virtually anything.
"I can't believe ya told her we pay ya in massages and sex fer taking care of Murph. Have ya no discretion when yer out in public?"
"Connor, it was a joke, lighten up a little bit. I think I was exercising discretion; at least she wasn't asking for the details although if you get up and leave for the bathroom I will almost guarantee that she will come over while you're gone to start asking questions. If it comes down to that then mums the word. I won't say anything about what we do behind closed doors because that's our business, not hers."
At the moment it felt like my head was swimming and at any time I could lose consciousness and pass out. Maybe coming here was a bad idea afterall. Maybe I should've just talked him into staying home and I could've made everything he just ate. The smell of Murphy's biscuits and gravy now had me feeling nauseated. Excusing myself from the table, I made my way to the bathroom as the all too familiar feeling of a watery mouth started taking hold as the bile tried to work its way up and out.
I wasn't sure how long it was that I stood in front of the mirror grasping the sink with my head hung low before a knock on the door broke the concentration I had on my breathing. Glancing up in the mirror as the door slowly cracked open I watched as Louise made her way in, carefully closing the door behind her.
"Honey, are you alright? You look like you've seen death."
Pushing off of the sink, scrubbing my hands over my face I briefly explained that it was just that time of the month. Louise nodded in understanding, patting my shoulder saying wait until I hit menopause. Oh great, another piece of hell on earth to look forward to in my old age; if I live to see my senior years.
"You know, Connor's getting a bit worried about ya out there. I had to stop him myself from coming in here to check on you. Are you sure that you're alright? You look pretty pale-"
"I promise, I'm alright. When we get back I'm gonna take something and go straight back to bed. I just need a few more minutes before I go back out there."
I forced a smile but I knew that Louise could see that I was anything but alright. Pulling the door open, I could see Connor standing at the door trying to see past Louise as she pushed him away from the door telling him to go sit back down.
Taking a deep breath, I pulled a few paper towels out of the caddy, wetting them a bit and swiped them over my face to cool my heated skin down as well as wipe away a bit of the sweat that had started dripping down my neck. Tossing the towels into the trash can, I squared my shoulders back and made my way out of the bathroom and back to where Connor was seated. His back was to me but I could tell by the way his shoulders were set that he was in deep thought over something.
"Hey, you okay?" I returned to my seat across from him, seeing his face he appeared to be a bit lost in thought.
"You were in dere fer awhile, getting a bit worried about ya."
"I'd be lying if I said was alright. I don't mean to make you worry, but I promise I'll be okay in a couple of days."
We sat in silence for a little longer, each of us occasionally picking up our respective coffee cups and sipping at them as the cook scraped the flat top grill once more and Louise called out for another order of pancakes. The cramps were starting to get stronger and the urge to throw up was starting to come back. I needed to get back home soon if I wanted a fighting chance of staying conscious and on my own two feet.
"Would it be alright if we left now? I'm not feeling very well."
He nodded his head and finished off the remainder of the coffee that sat in his cup before getting up to pull his pea coat back on. He got out of the side of the booth that he was seated at first then extended his hand out to help me get back on my feet again. I started feeling a little dizzy upon standing and held onto his hand just a fraction of a second longer than I normally would.
"Ya don't look so good, are ya gonna be okay ta walk home or would ya prefer-"
"Let's see if we can get a cab or something, I don't think I can make it back home without passing out."
"You sit back down, put yer head down if ya have to. I'll see what Louise can do in a pinch."
Connor helped me back down into my seat, resting my head in my arms as he had suggested. It wasn't long before Connor's voice was in my ear and his hands were on my shoulders trying to wake me up.
"C'mon, Peg's gonna give us a ride home. I got Murph's food so don't even t'ink about getting it. C'mon let's get yer sweater on, dis arm first…now dis one. Can ya get up on yer own or do ya need a hand?"
Taking Connor's hand I stood for a second, wobbling as the world around me spun like a top. Peggy was another server who was still on her break and from Connor's explanation had offered to take us home after he told her and Louise the situation. The closer we got to home, the worst I got; the car ride was extremely rough and bumpy. Not to mention the pothole that we hit caused my stomach to lurch just enough that I bolted out of the car while it was still in motion so I didn't puke inside. Peg was nice enough to take it slow and easy the rest of the way home after that; she even turned on her emergency lights until she pulled up to the curb.
The ride on the lift was just as bad as being in the car, except instead of sitting I was leaning heavily against a filthy wall with sweat dripping down the sides of my face, fighting to keep my breathing even and my eyes open. Somewhere between the second and third floors though my stomach started turning once more and the cramps were bad enough that I had fallen to the ground to try and curl up in the fetal position.
"Murph! Get out here now!" Connor's voice bellowed out in my ear as he struggled to keep me upright while juggling the food and trying to get the door shut.
By the time Murphy came through the hallway to find out what was going on, I had fallen to my knees and started crawling towards the bathroom to try and reach out so I can offer up my prayers to the porcelain God.
"Ya look like ya've seen Death." Murphy commented, kneeling behind me and hold my hair back.
I always did hate when people around me made that comment. I had seen my reflection in the mirror too many times after an event such as this and knew that any color I had in my face earlier this morning was completely drained, my eyes appeared to have sunken in, the circles around my eyes looking darker and more prominent. I could feel the sweat pouring off the top of my head, running down my face and the back of neck into the recesses of the shirt I was wearing. It felt like at any given moment I'd be nothing short of a zombie with a heartbeat.
"Help me get to the couch, please?" I asked my voice was strained and weak. I needed to get that heating pad on and I really needed one of my muscle relaxers. At least I left the heating pad turned on low before I left.
They each hooked a hand under my armpits and helped me to my feet, taking slow steps so as not to jostle me around too much should I end up getting sick to my stomach all over again. When we finally reached the couch, I leaned forward to grab onto the arm and pull myself along until I got to the seat cushion my heating pad was laying on, turning it on to 'high' as I took a few deep breathes to slow my increasing heartbeat.
"Anyt'ing we can do fer ya, lass?" Murphy's voice was laced with concern as he knelt in front of me, pushing the loose strands of hair back from my face.
"Could you get me one of my pain pills out of the bathroom? They're in the medicine cabinet and it's called Tramadol. It's a little 10 mg pill; I just need one though. That's some pretty strong stuff so it'll knock me out for at least the next three or four hours."
"Do ya wanna go lay down in yer bed before or after ya take it? I don't mind carrying ya in dere meself; head injury be damned."
"I'll wait until after I take it and it kicks in. If you guys want to go back up to your place, I understand. I've been dealing with these for the past 16 years and the worst is yet to come. Even my dad and my ex were both smart enough to get the hell out of Dodge so they didn't have to see what's about to happen next," they both looked at me in confusion so I pressed on, "without the muscle relaxer, the cramps are bad enough that in the past I have broken the legs off of a solid wood table and ended up in the hospital because my mom thought my appendix had ruptured. My temper flairs at the smallest things; think of it as the old Godzilla movies where he's rampaging through the city, destroying shit, and that annoying screech comes out of his mouth. That is pretty much what you'll be dealing with for the next five days in a nutshell if you choose to stay here."
"What happens when ya do take yer pills? Does it make it a little more tolerable at least?" Connor asked, returning from the bathroom holding the pill bottle out for me.
"When I do take this, it pretty much knocks me on my ass for half the day. I chose not to take it before we left this morning because I knew I would've fallen asleep before we got even half way to the diner and I didn't want you to have to carry me all the way back. Technically, I'm supposed to eat something before I take it but as you've both seen I can't really hold anything down at the moment. It does not make this time of the month more tolerable, it just temporarily numbs the pain long enough that I can get some decent sleep." I took the bottle from his outstretched hand and pushed the cap down to open it then pulled out one of the tiny 10 mg pills before replacing the cap and handing it back to him.
While Connor was in the bathroom putting the meds back in the cabinet, Murphy got up from the floor and pulled me forward so he could sit behind me. Little did he know that he just signed off on being my human pillow for the next couple of days and that if he was within arm's reach that he could add a whole new meaning to the word 'pain' to his dictionary. After the first year of living with my ex he finally had the courage to ask me what it was like having cramps that bad. I offered to show him out in the caves but my explanation was enough to even make his stomach turn in revulsion.
Connor came back and sat at the other end of the couch, picking my feet up and laying them across his lap. The three of us laid there watching one of my favorite Gene Kelly movies that came on t.v. while I was slowly drifting in and out of consciousness until I finally fell asleep wrapped up in Murphy's arms. The last thing I remembered before my eyes shut was my hair being taken down and Murphy's stubble-lined cheek gently scratching against my neck. Oh, how I love that feeling; I swear there was nothing else like it on the planet. After that I could only remember the nightmares as they plagued me in my sleep. There were several times when it seemed to be too great to endure, that I would feel something reassuring wrap around me and a gentle voice in my ear telling me that everything's alright.
When I finally woke up, my bed was empty and the sunlight had faded away from the bedroom. Without looking at the clock my best guess was that it was sometime in the late afternoon or early evening hours. I still felt like complete and utter shit but being able to sleep the day away felt great. A thunderous sound followed by a torrent of curses broke the quiet of the apartment and I quickly ran out to see what the commotion was all about. I stood in the doorframe of the bedroom to find both Connor and Murphy in the kitchen with my pots and pans lying all over the floor, food be-speckling my ceiling and walls, smoke pouring out of the oven door and the sink over-flowing with dishes. My only thought was how the fuck did all of this happen?
"Quit fucking hitting me and help me get dis cleaned up before…" Murphy shouted as Connor fell silent and began slapping the back of his hand against his brother's side.
I could feel my bottom lip quivering and my eyes well up with unshed tears as I took a careful step forward towards what used to be my kitchen. Curse these fucking hormones! Now they get to see me go from one end of the spectrum to the other quicker than Steve McQueen's mustang fastback in Bullitt. It was another one of Connor's favorite movies and I'm sure he'd appreciate the reference under different circumstances.
"Don't cry, it was an accident I swear! We were trying ta make dinner for ya and Connor was trying ta help me get it out of da oven and den da stuff in da pot exploded…"
"Get out of my fucking kitchen, NOW! Just leave the fucking shit where it is and get out."
"But-" Connor started before I held my hand up to silence them, pointing towards the couch in the living room.
They slid past me silently as they made their way into the living room with their tails tucked firmly between their legs. If I had to hazard a guess, I would image this is what they would've looked like when they got into a heap of trouble when they were little and their Ma would punish them. I could hear them in the living room speaking to each other in German but they fell into one of their silent twin conversations after I started shooting them dirty looks. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and stepped forward into the kitchen to find out what the damage was.
Every pot and pan I owned was filled with food of some sort; one had a red sauce in it, one had an Alfredo sauce, a small plate had what used to be fried eggplant on it, and a medium-sized pan had hot oil sitting in it. The oven continued to pour out smoke even though it was turned off and the vent fan was turned on high. The ceiling was splattered with the red sauce and was dripping off in globs back onto the stove top and the floor. The square pan I would use to bake chicken in was sitting on the floor, blackened to a crisp. The food was beyond salvageable and I was almost certain the pan had also gone the way of the Dodo.
"Murphy, what the fuck happened in here? And don't you dare lie to me."
"I wanted ta make ya dinner since ya haven't eaten anyt'ing all day and da smoke alarm started going off when Connor came in. I tried ta get da chicken out of da oven but I turned me back fer one second and da sauces started exploding out of dere pots and den da eggplant started burning. I'm really sorry." He had gotten up from where he was seated on the couch and stood behind me; I could see him out of the corner of my eye chewing on his thumb as he carefully raked his brain for the right words.
"I don't mean ta be tooting my own horn but da smoke alarm was going off because I'm just dat hot."
"Connor, shut up otherwise you'll be the one in here cleaning this up on your own. Murphy, I appreciate the effort but next time you want to make me a meal, stick with frozen pizza or microwave dinners. Use of the kitchen appliances requires adult supervision, okay? Neither of you hurt yourselves, did you?"
"I burnt me hands trying ta get da pan out of da oven. I wasn't t'inking and just grabbed da towel off da counter. I promise I'll get dis cleaned up and looking like new again in no time."
I took ahold of his hands at the word 'burn' and saw the blisters forming. He just saw Rocco burn his hands on hot metal last night pulling a pan full of pizza out, how in the hell could he have not been taking mental notes? Much like last night, I ran his hands under the faucet of cold water until the sting of the burn dissipated then let him go about getting the kitchen cleaned up and put back in order. Even though Connor had nothing to do with what happened, he got up from the couch to help his brother.
"I will need to borrow your lighter when you're done in there."
"Yer not gonna light us on fire are ya?"
"That's a pretty tempting idea, but no. I need something to sterilize one of my sewing needles with so I can pop those blisters on your hands. They'll get infected otherwise."
"Will it hurt?"
"Murphy, you work at a meat packing plant, your hands are rough and calloused; unless you are an overgrown child like Rocco is, it is not going to hurt. Now if you flinch and pull your hand away and I stab you with it, then yes it is going to hurt."
"Yer not pissed at us, are ya?" Connor asked scrapping what was left of the eggplant into the garbage can.
"I'm not happy but I'm not pissed. As long as neither of you are seriously injured and can still do your respective jobs both legal and illegal then I guess all is forgiven. Just please don't try to cook meals in my kitchen again without me. By all means you can explode your own kitchen but no more cooking in mine."
"She knows what we do?" I heard Murphy hiss under his breath, using the pots and pans to try and cover up the anger in his voice.
"If by 'what we do' you mean I know you're the Saints, than yes I know what you do. Don't worry though I'm not going to say anything. I actually support what you do; I was actually telling Connor last night that I don't mind fixing you guys up as long as you stop cauterizing yourselves with irons."
"Den I guess it's safe ta tell ya dat Roc's got a job fer us ta do tonight. It's anot'er one of Papa Joe's guys and he's been doing surveillance on him fer da past couple of weeks." Murphy sighed, turning the water on to fill the sink and dishes.
"Normally if you guys were going out I'd tell you to have fun and be careful but I'm going to have to change that to just be careful. If you're going to be staying at Roc's just call me and let me know you're alright. I'm not trying to sound like your mother or anything but I do worry and I do care about you. By the way, if you see Roc let him know I need to have a word with him."
I got up from the couch and quietly went to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I was in need of another bath and needed some time to myself to wrap my head around the fact that I was about to watch them walk out of my front door each with a pair of guns strapped to their sides not knowing whether or not they would make it back in one piece or alive at all. Part of this felt like I was living in Utah all over again when my ex would tell me he was going out and would stay gone for days at a time.
"Why'd ya fucking tell her who we are? What da fuck were ya t'inking?"
"If ya wanna be pissed at anyone, ya can be pissed at Roc; he told her first and den I confirmed it fer her after he left. She needed ta know da truth about what it is we do when we're not hanging out with her or at da bar with da rest of da guys. She knew we were hiding somet'ing from her, I could see it in her eyes, and it was only a matter of time before she found out on her own. She told me last night dat when she was living in Utah she killed someone -"
"Smecker said she was innocent and that all the charges were dropped."
"Dis was before all of dat. She went inta some pretty gruesome detail about da guy she killed and quite honestly it scared me ta even t'ink of her dat way."
"Do I even wanna know what she did?"
"It makes what we do seem humane. Da guy went inta da bedroom while she was sleeping; she shot him point blank in da pitch dark. When she turned da light on, he had a bullet in his head and bleeding out all over da floor. She called her ex and told him what happened; by da time he got home she already had him rolled up in a tarp ready ta go. But dat's not da worse part; she pulled his teeth out, cut his fingers off, carved out his tattoos, and even ripped his eyes out of his skull."
"Ya t'ink she's a danger ta us?"
"Honestly, I don't know but we'll have ta keep an eye on her. She seems pretty docile right now, granted she's prone ta outbursts fer da next five days but all of da ot'er times we've seen her she seems okay by me. I t'ink dat if somet'ing provokes her den we may have cause fer concern. Da only reason I'm saying somet'ing ta ya now is because I want ya ta be on yer guard at all times but be discreet about it. I t'ink she could be a great asset ta us as long as she can keep herself in check. She murdered dat guy because he tried ta rape her; she stood up fer herself and did what she felt was necessary ta make sure she was never a victim again and dat dey could never hurt anot'er innocent person."
"Are ya telling me dat she's voluntarily putting herself in harm's way ta make sure we stay in one piece?"
"Dat's what she told me last night. T'ink about it, if she's studying forensics she knows how we can improve our clean-up techniques so we're not leaving as much evidence behind; she knows anatomy and can put us back together; she's got a medicine cabinet filled with prescription pain killers dat could take da edge off after she's done patching us up. We can't keep using an iron ta fix ourselves and if she's volunteering her services den I say we take her up on da offer but we have ta keep an eye on her ta make sure she doesn't do anyt'ing stupid ta either get herself caught or us dead. It was yer idea ta bring Roc in; it's my idea ta bring her in."
"Ya better be right about dis one ot'erwise if she gets hurt because of us, I will never forgive ya fer as long as I live. Help me get dis fucking mess cleaned up."
The two worked silently scraping different foods into the garbage and placing the dishes into the sink that Murphy had filled with soapy water. As the pair worked silently they could hear the faint sound of the lift making its way along the track, glancing at the clock on her stove Murphy saw that it was their usual dinner time and remembering that she had invited Roc over the night before he was hopeful that it was in fact Roc. He had a bone to pick with him and he was more than certain that if he chose to do it in her apartment he'd make an even bigger mess inside of the place; with her emotions running high and her temper unpredictable it was best to try and stay on her good side for the next few days.
However, that didn't mean that Roc was off the hook; he was far from it. Murphy had made it very clear to both his brother and Rocco that he wanted to keep her out of what they did. He remembered the skepticism she had displayed at the bar a few nights after Rocco had lost his finger in the gun fight they had with an old man. How could anyone make up a story about how they lost their finger? Had it been himself or Connor, it could've been labelled as work-related but Roc had tried saying he cut it off with a knife. The look she had on her face all but said she wasn't buying it; she had dropped the subject after a bit, still not buying into what they had been trying to tell her.
Murphy had the door pulled open, rushing out before Rocco was even aware of what was happening. He had him pinned against the wall across the hallway, his hands grasping the sides of his coat using it as leverage to keep him where he was.
"Da fuck were ya t'inking telling her who we are and what we do? Ya fucking retard, I told ya I didn't want her involved in any of dis. Don't ya dare stand dere and tell me dat it just slipped."
Connor watched his brother push Rocco further against the wall, thumping his head against the plaster a few times as he punctuated certain words. He'd seen his brother get angry over things Roc had done in the past but this was even surpassing the day after they took out the Russians in the Copley when they had been trying to get him to understand that his boss had sold him out. Ensuring that the door was shut behind him, he stood in the door frame ready to break their fight up if things started getting out of hand.
"Hey man, just calm the fuck down, alright? I know you wanted to keep her out of this Saints business but it was something she needed-"
"She didn't need ta know anyt'ing! Ya could've made up somet'ing up real fucking quick if ya were gonna tell her anyt'ing about why we act da way we do. What da fuck did ya tell her, Roc? How much does she know? Swear ta fucking Christ if ya say one untrue word I'll shoot yer ot'er fucking pinky off meself."
"Do you want me to advertise what it is we do out here or would you rather go back inside?"
Momentarily confused, Murphy looked around a bit before coming to the realization that they were still out in the hallway. Shoving Roc against the wall for a final time, he released the lapels of his coat and huffed his way back into her apartment with Connor and Rocco in tow, slamming her front door shut when everyone was inside.
"Hey! Don't slam my fucking doors!"
Opening the bathroom door, Murphy muttered a quick apology before gently shutting the door again and refocusing his attention on Rocco who sat at her kitchen table with a beer in hand, leaning back in his chair and preparing for the onslaught he was about to receive.
"The fuck is her problem? Wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?"
"Shut yer fucking mouth! Ya don't get ta say a fucking word about her or against her, understand? How much does she know about what we do?"
"With da exception of a few hits, I pretty much told her everyt'ing. Before ya go and start wailing on me next ya should know dat she's okay with what it is we do; supports it actually and if we'd let her she'd pull da trigger herself." Connor had interjected, watching as Murphy's wild eyes turned on him.
"Look Murph, the only reason I even said anything to her about last night was because Connor was acting like a dick; hey man, you were. I call it as I see it. I told her that you start acting like a dick when you get real worked up over something or someone you're trying to protect. You both are trying to protect her from my boss and she told me as much last night that she appreciates it but she's more than capable of taking care of herself. She even said that if it came down to it and she wound up getting taken when we weren't looking that she could take a beating. I didn't say much beyond that, wasn't really my place to say; we mostly just drank and shot the shit for a few hours before Connor came over. Told her about how Donna's cat died and she looked mortified when I told her it looked like someone threw a jar of marinara against the wall and how we tried to cover it with a fucking picture taped to the wall."
Rocco's answer seemed to satisfy him for the moment, returning his attention to his brother though Murphy silently screamed at Connor for even confirming what Roc had said about them. An angry snort escaped through his nostrils as he stormed out of the kitchen, making a beeline for the fire escape. Murphy needed to get out of there before he did something he'd regret later or incur her wrath even further. She was already pretty high strung and gave him a pretty firm warning when he apologized for slamming her door shut.
Fishing the cigarette from behind his ear and the lighter from the pocket of his jeans, he sat on the stairs trying to calm himself down. Inside the apartment he could hear Connor and Rocco going at it, her windows were single-paned and over their voices he could pick hers out telling them all to shut the hell up. He knew she was already stressed out with whatever she was dealing with and the bath was supposed to be helping her to relax; the three of them arguing was counteracting all of that.
After a few minutes he found that his cigarette was down to the filter and realizing he had left his pack at their place, Murphy chose to go back inside hoping that cooler heads would prevail. The shouting between the others had died down enough that she wasn't screaming at anyone any more. In fact, he heard the bathroom door hit the wall and watched from the window as she stormed out in nothing but a robe and physically separate the two of them. He laughed to himself watching her put them in the corner at opposite ends of the room like they were children. Much to her credit, they were acting like kids and it was probably the only thing she could do before she completely lost her shit and started ripping body parts off.
"Can ya ask her if we can come out of da corner now? I really need ta take a piss."
Murphy watched as Connor turned his head slightly, his nose pressed into the wall and his face full of regret. However his body was betraying him as he bounced on his feet trying to keep the urge at bay.
"Connor needs ta piss, can he come in?"
"Yeah, I guess. Tell Roc he can come out of the corner too; I swear if any of you so much as raise your voices above a normal indoor voice all three of you are going in the corner. You did good though by walking away, I know it must've been a hard thing for you to do."
He nodded, backing out of the door before she stopped him one last time.
"Murphy, I get why you don't want me involved but this is my choice. You can't protect everyone from the evils of this world; none of you can. All of you are bound to get hurt, I mean shit the three of you have already been shot at least once and you used a fucking iron to cauterize yourselves. My involvement in this is strictly for the purpose of putting the three of you back together to the best of my abilities. At the very least let me do that for you, I don't like to see any of you getting hurt and if there's anything I can do then I will. Look at this way, if you let me do this you won't be marring yourselves anymore and causing yourselves more pain than you're already in."
"Still don't like it, but it's yer choice and I can't stop ya from doing somet'ing ya wanna do."
"Let Connor know he's okay to come in, I think the longer he's in that corner the more he's gonna start dancing trying to hold it. Let me know when you get ready to leave, alright?"
Murphy nodded at her request before closing the door slightly to allow a bit of privacy before letting his brother and Rocco know that their punishment has ended. Connor flew by in a flash without so much as an afterthought, but Rocco turned slowly from his corner of the room waiting nervously to see if she would make another appearance. Once he came to the conclusion that the coast was clear, he stepped away from the wall, walking into the kitchen to pull another beer from her fridge.
"Look Murph, I never intended for her to be brought in on this shit storm. It's just that it seemed to me that she was searching for a reason why Connor was so fucking pissed last night. You know how he gets when he's scared and I told her that when he found out my boss wanted her brought in that Connor just flipped the fuck out. Papa Joe knows that her charges were dropped and he's got virtually everyone out looking for her to take us out. She's involved now because of my boss and I thought it was best to let her know who she'd be assigned to wipe out if it came down to her getting captured. I thought it was best she knew that we were the good guys in all of this."
Murphy nodded but said nothing, he was still fuming but knowing that Roc's intentions were in the right place lessened his anger but only by a few degrees. However Roc did have a valid point: she was involved whether it was by design or choice and there was no stopping a mob boss who was hell-bent on exterminating them.