Chapter Thirty-Eight: Promises He Could Never Keep

The Volturi were coming.

Cold, raw fear guillotined through me. There's a marked difference between planning for the worst case scenario and having someone confirm that it's actually going to happen. I'd thought I was prepared to hear this news, that it would almost be a welcome relief to know the details of when and where the Volturi were coming.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Jake's hand reached out for me, but I pulled away as I started toward Alice. "When?" I demanded. "When are they coming?"

If Alice had been capable of crying, her face would have been awash in streams of salt water. As it was, she was a waxen, forlorn shadow of herself, her petite body limply propped against Jasper. This news had certainly taken a toll on her. I knew I should be sensitive to that, take it easy on her, but I couldn't. I had to know.

"When, Aunt Alice?" I yelled.

She wouldn't look at me, but she still answered. "A few months. By the middle of May is my best guess. The snow is mostly off the ground, and flowers are blooming in the field."

"The same field where Constantine attacked? That's where we'll meet them?"

"No hope," Alice moaned. "There's no hope." It all proved too much as her knees buckled.

Jasper instantly swept her up into his arms. He glanced at me. "No more," he curtly ordered before turning back to Alice."Don't worry, sweetheart. It won't happen. There's still time to change it," he crooned as he swept them both upstairs.

There was clearly much more to her vision than just the impending arrival of Volturi. I turned to confront my remaining family members. "What else?" I was surrounded by a sea of tormented expressions. The only one who wouldn't look at me was Mom, who was motionless and seemed dazed. "What are you all keeping from me?"

I glanced at Dad. Edward Cullen's eyes were flaming pools of burnished gold. He reached forward to touch my cheek, as if to assure himself that I was still standing in front of him or maybe it was his way of trying to comfort me. I jerked away, needing answers more than solace.

"Tell me," I insisted. Jacob came up behind me. Through our bond, I could feel his anxiety rising along with mine.

Surprisingly enough, it was Mom who finally spoke. "Alice saw you die. You were trying to fight, but you weren't strong enough. Felix—" Her voice broke as she pushed herself to finish. "He killed you."

Dad darted to Mom's side and wrapped her in his arms. She fell against him, burying her face in his chest. Nahuel muttered something angrily that I didn't catch right away. But, all too soon, the shock of Mom's statement receded and Nahuel's managed to filter through.

"Just like Jennifer," he'd said.

Just like Jennifer.

Instinct told me there was yet more I didn't know. My stomach clenched in response as I suddenly realized what else they were keeping from me. "What more? Who else dies?" I heard myself ask in a voice so cold that I almost didn't recognize it as my own.

"Nessie," my father pleaded, reaching out a hand to entreat me to come to him. He wanted me at his side, but couldn't let go of Mom at the same time.

I ignored his plea. "Just tell me."

Not Jacob, my brain chanted over and over again. Not my Jacob. Not him.

Out of nowhere, Esme embraced me. I tensed, frozen and unable to hug her back. Her voice vibrated against my ear. "Alice saw Jasper take up the fight against Felix after you fell to the ground. It didn't look like he was winning, but she couldn't be sure what happened next because everything went blank. We think it's because of Jacob being there. We're not sure how she was able to see as much as she did, but she's positive you and Jasper will die on that field." She pulled back to look at me, holding my shoulders. "But, Nessie, it doesn't have to be that way. We can—"

I disengaged from her grasp and backed up, unable to hear anymore. My brain was stuck on a loop. You and Jasper will die on that field. You and Jasper will die on that field. You and Jasper will die on that field.

I wanted to run away from everything. It's what I always did when I was on the verge of freaking out. I go somewhere I can be completely alone, have the nervous breakdown I deserve, chill out, and then think of a way to solve my problem. Unfortunately, I knew there was no way my family was going to allow me to leave the compound tonight alone. And, being alone was what I needed more than anything. I continued moving away from them, shrugging off Jacob's touch. I was close to crumbling under the weight of this, but knew I could keep it together if they would only stop trying to touch me. I needed to be strong. I needed them to stop looking at me like a helpless, scared child in need of soothing. I continued until I felt the barrier of the front door against my back.

And, just like that, the full weight of everything hit me. I was going to die and so was Jasper. I wanted to proclaim my family as liars. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hide where no one could find me. I wanted it all to go away. But, most of all, I wanted to tear the head off of every Volturi member in existence and howl my victory to the moon.

But, I didn't do any of that.

No, in the end, I just slumped to my knees and cried.

—D—

"I've got her."

The next thing I was aware of was the sensation of being carried. Jacob had scooped me up in much the same manner as Jasper had Alice and was taking me upstairs to my room. Pushing open my door, he laid me carefully across the bed. I didn't move from where he'd placed me. My tears were spent and so was I. I stared uselessly above me, my brain unable to process anything but the sight of the white, textured ceiling. Every nerve I had was flayed, and I was more exhausted than I'd ever been in my life.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jacob turn on the bedside lamp, casting the room in a soft, white glow. Then, without a word, he headed for the door. Panic rose within me.

"Don't leave," I croaked. As much as I'd wanted to be alone before, the mere idea of it now left me terrified.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He walked over to my door, shut it, and came back. I heard the muffled thuds of his shoes hitting the floor. The bed dipped as he stretched out next to me. I rolled closer to him. Nuzzling into the crook of his corded neck, I inhaled his natural, earthy smell. My arms slipped around his waist as I burrowed deeper into him, shivering slightly from all I'd heard and experienced downstairs. Jacob's heated body was a balm I couldn't seem to get enough of. He enveloped me in a fierce hug and caressed my back in slow, meticulous strokes.

I looked up at him. The light from the lamp cast shadows over half his face, but he was still so beautiful to me. I could see the worry in his expression, could feel it through our bond. His hand came up from behind me to hover slightly over my face. Jacob paused only a moment before he cradled my jaw, swiping the tears on one cheek away with his thumb.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Nessie."

Just like Jennifer.

Nahuel's voice ghosted through my mind, but I pushed it back. I didn't want to process any of that. I didn't want to think about the Volturi, my death, Jasper, or any of it. I wanted only to escape. I closed my eyes. He placed feathering kisses on my forehead, eyelids, and cheeks. When he was done, I opened my eyes to find him smiling down at me reassuringly. Love for him welled hard inside of me. There was no escaping my fate. It was decided. I was going to die. Jasper was too. Alice had seen it. She wasn't wrong about things like this. I knew that, even if Jacob couldn't or wouldn't acknowledge it. Knowing my days were numbered suddenly made me not want to waste another second of the time I had left. My hands looped around his neck as I reached up to cover his mouth with my own.

He mumbled something, but it was lost against the force of my kiss. My lips undulated furiously over his in a passion-induced frenzy that probably would have scared me if I hadn't been so emotionally overloaded already. My fingers wove themselves in his thick hair, pulling his head closer to mine as I strengthened the kiss. I sucked his bottom lip in between my own, gently nibbling around the edges. I released it, and, after kissing him deeply, I started the process all over again.

Jacob moaned into my mouth, kissing me back as vehemently as I kissed him. As our mouths fused, all else melted away. I was powered by pure instinct, concentrating only on the feel of him and the intense need he was arousing within me. His hands wandered down my back, fondling first my hip and then my butt. It was completely natural for me curl a leg intimately around him. Jake rolled us slightly until I was flat on my back and he was firmly settled between my thighs. I tightened my grip around his neck and angled my head to deepen our kiss. I hooked my other leg over his hip, pulling him further into my intimate embrace. My breasts were crushed against his chest, and his pelvis was pressed deliciously against mine. As he grinded against me, I gasped at the onslaught of pleasure. The sensation felt so good that I mimicked his movement, eliciting a guttural groan from him for my efforts.

Jacob's mouth left mine. His head fell to rest in the hollow in my shoulder. "Nessie," he whispered, his voice graveled and thick, "we can't do this now. Not like this. Not after tonight's news."

Ignoring him, I slid my hands intently down his chest, under his shirt, and pulled the garment up towards his shoulders. Nothing else mattered right now. I inched the shirt up further and further, peppering little kisses along his collarbone until the fabric was bunched across his neck. He shuddered, letting me know just how much he enjoyed that. I glanced up to find him staring down at me. I was not willing to be denied. "I need you, Jake. Make love to me. Tonight. Now. Right this second."

I could feel the emotions warring within him. He wanted this. He knew I wanted it, needed it. He wanted to give me what I needed. But, all of this fought against logic and reason. But, in the end, the temptation appeared to be too strong. With a growl, he swooped down, capturing my mouth with his. His kiss seared me until my breathing became labored and heavy. Panting, I broke away, pushing and tugging at his shirt until I had it over his head. Jake leaned up, slipped himself loose of it, and tossed it across the room. Finally, he settled back on top of me.

I could see threads of sanity and sense returning in his expression, so I trailed hot kisses down his chest, taking his nipple into my mouth and sucking slightly.

"Your parents," he hissed, closing his eyes and arching against me.

"I don't care. Take me. Make me forget everything," I said before grazing his nipple with my teeth. Instinctively, I bit down, ever so slightly.

The second I did that, his hips rocked against me. Oh, how divine it all is. This felt good, wild, and liberating all at the same time. He fisted a hand in my hair, tipped my head back, and barbarically claimed my lips. I welcomed his tongue inside to play with mine. Moaning, I reached down to knead his hard, muscled butt, grinding him further against me. He had one hand planted on the bed, balancing his weight. The other hurried down my shirt, ripping buttons from their holes until he pushed the garment aside. Through my bra, he cupped one breast and then the other, dotting moist, heated kisses along the tops of them. I arched against him, inflamed by what he was doing. I wanted more. I wanted skin on skin. I needed more. I needed everything he could give me and so much more. I jerked, trying to free my arms from my shirt. Something in my movements seemed to galvanize him because he suddenly extricated himself and settled next to me on the bed, his breaths coming out in rocky, uneven heaves.

Automatically, I reached for him, but he held me off. "I love you, Nessie. I want you—oh, God, how I want you. But, not like this, not as a way of escape from the Volturi," he said, keeping his gaze firmly directed on the ceiling. "You were right when you refused my proposal. Developments in our relationship should be about us, not as a reaction to what's going on around us."

I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. A wave of raw hurt sliced through me as I rolled to the opposite side of the bed. Without the distraction of him around me, I was flooded with all my fears, trepidation, and now the pain of rejection. Turning my back on him, I pulled my knees up against my chest.

"Get out," I said, feeling the tears choking my throat. I couldn't handle this on top of everything else. I didn't care about right and wrong. I only knew I had sought solace and Jacob had refused me. I was going to die, and I wasn't even going to get to enjoy this night. Tears flowed. I didn't even try to stop them. My body bucked and shuddered as I wept bitterly against the pillow.

He didn't leave. Instead, he wrapped me in his arms from behind, pulling my back against his warm chest until I felt baptized in his heat. Numbly, my body stilled against him. He pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

"We'll work this out, Nessie. I swear. No harm will come to you. I'll die first."

His words didn't fulfill their intended purpose. Even though I'd quieted, tears continued to stream silently down my face. I was not comforted. How could I be? There was nothing he or I could do to stop the horror of what was coming. My grief at my imminent death was stark and raw. And Jasper . . . Jasper's going to die because of me. I swallowed the knowledge of it all, feeling it settle in my stomach like a hot lava. I was going to die. There was no more escape from my fate. Even if Jacob couldn't seem to face that truth of that, I could.

And, as he lay there rocking me and making promises he could never keep, I did.