The Showdown Chapter 38
Sorry for the delay, I work 2 jobs and with the holidays I have not had any time to do anything. Hope you are still reading. Made it all up.
Santana moved home over 3 weeks ago and yet each night Brittany stretches her arm out to wrap around her girlfriend only to find any empty bed. She is happy that the brunette's parents want to be a part of their daughter's life and have even allowed Brittany to come by and see her. But things have changed. They see each other at school and spend time together afterwards but it's not the same as going home together each night and being able to show affection towards each other whenever they want. When Brittany goes over to Santana's she is afraid to sit within reach of the brunette scared her father will throw her out or make things hard for Santana again. Santana insists that he is trying and she knows he is but it's not the same.
"Hey San?" Brittany asks quietly as she stands next to her locker waiting for her girlfriend.
"Yeah," Santana answers closing the door.
Brittany smiles shyly, "do you think you can stay over tonight? I mean we planned on spending all day tomorrow together anyway and I really miss you."
"Sure Britt Britt, I miss you too. I know this is hard but at least my parents are facing the reality that I am gay, they may not be happy about it but I still get to see you," Santana responds taking the blonde's hand.
"I know, I understand. I….I just liked living with you. I like falling asleep next to you and waking up with you. I love the noises you make in your sleep and the way you smile sometimes when you're dreaming, I love feeling you beside me," the blonde replies dropping her head.
Santana reaches up lifting the blonde's chin, "I love you too," she says smiling at her girlfriend.
"I love you so much," Brittany whispers.
"So girls what are your plans for this evening," Mr. Pierce asks before taking the last bite of his pasta.
"I don't know actually," Brittany answers. "Maybe a movie but I don't care as long as I get to spend time with San."
Santana smiles, "whatever you want to do is fine with me."
"Well," Mr. Pierce starts, "your mother and I are going to head out for our own little date so you two will have the house to yourself."
Brittany smiles shyly and she mouths a thank you to her Dad. The blonde has always been close to her father and had mentioned a few times how much she missed Santana. So she knew that it was his idea to leave so that Brittany could have some time with the brunette.
After putting the dishes in the dishwasher Brittany takes her girlfriends hand and leads her up to her bedroom. "Do you wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure," Santana responds taking a seat on her side of the bed.
"Um…San?" Brittany speaks softly. Santana turns her head to face her girlfriend. "Can we maybe talk for a little bit first?"
"Yeah, sure Britt, is something wrong?" the brunette questions reaching out her hand.
Brittany grasps it as she walks over sitting on the bed facing her, "no nothing's wrong…..I don't think. I mean no, I…..I don't know."
"Okay," Santana replies inching closer to the blonde to place her other hand on her thigh, "did I do something?"
"No, you didn't do anything. I don't know how to even say it," Brittany starts to say.
"Baby, you are kind of scaring me," Santana whispers.
Brittany squeezes her hand, "I want to tell you something." Santana nods as she focuses on the blue eyes that seem to be looking everywhere but at her. "I miss you. I miss having you beside me at night and waking up to that beautiful smile every morning. I know it sounds stupid since we see each other all the time, but it just never seems like enough. I want to be with you all the time. I know it's not possible right now but we are almost done with school and I was hoping after we graduate you would move in with me."
"Move in here?" Santana inquires cocking her head.
"No, not here, unless you want to, but I was thinking of maybe NY or wherever you want to go to college," Brittany responds. "I just want to be with you and I will go wherever you want."
"Britt, I am not going to make you put your dreams on hold to follow me," Santana replies.
"You're not making me do anything. If you go to NY then I am sure I can find some classes or a job involving dance and if you decide to go somewhere else maybe I can take a few classes too or find a job," Brittany responds her voice hopeful.
Santana gently rubs her hand over the blonde's thigh, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I would not be able to live with myself if you did that. Britt you deserve to follow your dreams and there is nothing I want more than to see you happy. I don't think you would be happy working some stupid part time job while I went to school."
"As long as I was with you I would be happy San," Brittany says quietly.
Santana leans forward kissing the blonde's forehead, "I don't deserve you."
Brittany smiles, "you deserve so much more."
"Why don't we start looking at schools we both might like then?" Santana suggests.
Brittany's smile widens, "really? So you would want to live with me?"
"Yes, Brittany I want to live with you. I want to share my life with you for always," Santana says placing her hand on her girlfriend's cheek. "Do you think you could stand to live with me and my mood swings?" The blonde nods her head enthusiastically leaning closer to kiss her lips. "Britt, you know I am still taking my meds. I can't guarantee…."
Brittany quickly cuts her off, "I know and we will get through whatever we have to in order to be together."
"Okay, well we better get started then. We don't have a lot of time to decide and get our applications out," Santana responds.
Santana and Brittany have been spending every afternoon they could together looking at colleges and what they have to offer both of them. Santana didn't tell the blonde but she had tricked her into filling out an application to the University of Northwestern Ohio which was the local college, just in case. Once the brunette saw how serious her girlfriend was about being together she thought it would be a good back up plan.
After two hours of looking at colleges online Brittany sighs, "I can't look at any more."
"What?" Santana asks turning her head from the computer screen.
"No more, just pick a place and I will follow. This is not fun anymore. I'm tired and I feel like we have not had a conversation in weeks that didn't include colleges," Brittany states as she lies back on the bed.
"I'm not going to make that decision for you, I told you that. But we can stop and do something else for a while," Santana suggests as she lies down on her side next to her. She reaches over rubbing her hand gently up and down the blonde's thigh.
"San, if you keep doing that I am going to want to touch you," Brittany responds with a smirk.
"And? That's bad because?" Santana asks seductively.
Brittany quickly sits up pushing the brunette on her back, "I can't wait until we have our own place."
Brittany stands outside Ms. Pillsbury's office waiting for Santana to finish her "meeting" with the counselor. Santana agreed to meet with her weekly, as long as they could call it a meeting and not therapy or counseling. Whatever the brunette wanted to call it, it has been working and Brittany can see that. Santana comes out quickly and starts to walk away.
"Santana!" Brittany calls following her down the hall. "Wait up." Santana keeps walking but slows her pace a little so the blonde can catch up. "Hey everything alright?" Brittany asks taking her hand and pulling her around to face her. She sees the tears pooling in her girlfriends eyes. "San, what happened?"
"Can we just go? I promised my mom I would be home right after school today and I still have to drop you off," Santana states pulling her hand away and walking towards her locker.
Brittany walks up behind her placing her hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, "baby, what's wrong?"
"Please Britt, not now. I just want to go," Santana pleads as a tear escapes and runs down her cheek. Brittany quickly reaches up wiping it away as she nods her head.
The car ride back to the Pierce's was quiet. Brittany knew not to ask again and that when Santana wanted to talk, she would. So she just sat there holding her hand and watching her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye. Brittany leans over giving Santana a kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car. "Please call or come over if you want to talk," the blonde says as she opens her door.
"I will," Santana answers quietly.
"I love you Santana," Brittany replies before stepping out of the car.
Santana backs out of the driveway heading home. She hasn't told Brittany that things at home were not going that well. Her father's idea of accepting that his daughter was gay was to work as much as possible and never bring it up. So instead of arguing she hasn't brought it up either, until today with Ms. Pillsbury. It hurts, but she doesn't talk about it with him. She figures as long as she is allowed to see Brittany when she wants she will deal with whatever she has to at home. But talking to Ms. Pillsbury today about her and Brittany going away to school together and having the counselor ask her how her parents felt about it, made her think. Santana just answered with a shrug and said she hasn't told them yet. That's when she had to tell the counselor about how things are going at home. She isn't happy living there and she is trying so hard to be happy for Brittany but lately it is getting harder and harder.
Santana after parking her car in the driveway walks through the front door and into the kitchen. Mrs. Lopez was starting dinner. "Hi, sweetie how was school?"
"Okay," Santana responds nonchalantly before sitting down at the table. "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure," Mrs. Lopez states, setting down the knife she was using, before walking over to her daughter. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah," Santana replies shyly dropping her head. "Um…Brittany and I want to go to college together."
Mrs. Lopez smiles, "okay."
"We want to live together," Santana quickly says.
"Room together?" Mrs. Lopez inquires.
"No….live together, not like roommates, but like a couple," Santana clarifies.
Mrs. Lopez shakes her head slowly, "your father won't like that idea."
Santana furrows her brows, "I don't care."
"Santana!" Mrs. Lopez speaks.
"Mom, I know he won't ever accept me. But I can't be miserable for the rest of my life to make him happy. I love Brittany and I want to be with her. We know we can live together and it would be easier for both of us. She can help me if I start feeling bad and I can help her with her classes," Santana states matter-of-factly.
"Look Santana, I understand. I would be grateful to know someone was taking care of you but you know your father, I just don't think he will be okay with this," Mrs. Lopez replies.
"Then don't tell him," Santana says looking at her mother. "We both know once I leave he will not want anything to do with me, so he doesn't have to know."
"That's not true, he loves you," her mother responds.
Santana laughs, "he used to love his little girl, he doesn't love his gay daughter."
Mrs. Lopez stands as she wraps her arms around the brunette, "he loves you. He is just having trouble showing it right now."
"Yeah I noticed," Santana replies bitterly. "So can we please keep this between us, for now?"
Her mother nods hugging her tighter, "for now."
Santana release her mother walking upstairs. She takes out her phone and texts Brittany. I love you too.
Not even 10 seconds later she receives a text from the blonde. Hope you feel better.
She quickly types out a response. Thinking about you always makes me feel better
Awww.. San you are so sweet but seeing you upset hurts my heart - Britt
Santana smiles at her phone, I'm okay, talk later?
Yes please – Britt
Santana has finished yet another college application and is getting ready for bed when her phone beeps, she picks it reading the message. Hey baby, about to go to bed and I haven't heard from you….you okay? - Britt
The brunette types a response. Was just getting ready to call you. Before she can hit the number 1 on her speed dial her phone rings. "Hi, I swear I was just calling you."
Brittany laughs, "I couldn't wait any longer to hear your voice. Besides I was worried about you, I don't like to see you upset."
"I'm fine Britt, I promise, just something Ms. Pillsbury said made me sad," Santana answers honestly.
"What did she say?" Brittany asks.
Santana takes a deep breath, "it's nothing, just some stuff about my Dad."
"Your Dad? I thought things were better," Brittany responds sadly. "San, if he is not being nice you can come and stay here again."
"I know. It's not that he isn't being nice, he just never wants to be home or talk to me really," Santana admits. "And he won't be happy about us going to college together."
Brittany frowns, "you are sad again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"It's okay Britt, I just wish he would love me like he did a few months ago. I'm still the same person," Santana speaks softly as a tear runs down her face.
"You're a better person Santana. You have been through a lot and you are stronger and if possible more beautiful, for letting people see you for who you truly are," Brittany responds trying to cheer her girlfriend up.
"Thank you, I love you Brittany," Santana replies wiping her eyes.
"I love you too San, try and get some sleep and I will see you tomorrow morning," Brittany states. "And if you need anything or just want to talk, call me, or if you want to cuddle you can come over."
Santana smiles, "I will call if I need anything and thank you for loving me."
"It's easy," Brittany replies with a smile. "Night."
"Night Britt Britt," Santana responds clicking the end button on her phone. She lies down clutching her pillow to her chest as she closes her eyes. Before she is able to fall into a deep sleep she thinks she hears a soft knock on her bedroom door and then nothing. After a couple seconds she hears what sounds like the door open. Santana feels the bed dip behind her and an arm wrap around her. Then the most gently kiss she has ever felt is placed on her cheek. She opens her eyes and turns her head, "what are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you and make sure you were okay, you sounded so sad earlier and I wanted you to know how much I love you," Brittany whispers snuggling closer.
"Britt, how did you get in?" Santana questions.
"Your Mom let me in," Brittany responds nonchalantly.
Santana rolls over to face the blonde, "I am happy to see you, but you have to go. My Dad should be home anytime now."
"San, you told me he avoids you. He won't even know I am here and besides he allows me in the house now," Brittany replies pulling the brunette closer.
"In the house is one thing, in my bed is another. He will flip if he finds you in here," Santana states backing away.
Brittany shakes her head as she rolls off the bed, "fine I will go."
"Britt, don't be mad. I'm sorry I just don't want to do anything to ruin things," Santana answers truthfully.
The blonde turns to face her girlfriend, "ruin things? We can't even sit next to each other when I am here. How much worse could it get?"
Santana drops her head, "they could throw me out again."
"That won't happen," Brittany responds quickly.
"Really Britt? I told you my Dad wants nothing to do with me and my Mom tries but things are different now. I feel like I am walking on egg shells every time I step foot in my own house. I feel like I can't do anything right and if my Dad decides to come home, I just go and sit in my room. I am trying to be happy, I am. But I feel like any second he could just tell me to leave and when I turn 18 I know he will."
Brittany walks back over to the bed taking her girlfriend in her arms, "it will be okay. If that happens you can move back in with me and we will be leaving once we graduate anyways. San if you're this unhappy you need to leave before you…."
"Before what Brittany? Before I try and kill myself again? I told you I will not do that," Santana responds angrily pushing the blonde away. "I have done everything everyone has asked of me. I am taking the pills, I am seeing a shrink and I am even talking to Ms. Pillsbury. What else do I need to do?"
"Nothing Santana," Brittany responds kissing the side of her head before standing. "Get some sleep. I am sorry I upset you," she says as she walks to the door.
"Britt I am sorry. Thank you for coming over to check on me," Santana calls out. Brittany nods her head before opening the door and walking out. The brunette sighs as she falls back onto her bed.