Thanks to Emberphoenixx for reviewing! It was such a nice surprise! So, I'm going to torture Kaz a little in this chapter. Well, I say a little...
Kaz- Thanks, Dark. Thanks so much.
Me- Easy on the sarcasm, buddy.
Kaz- We're not buddies. *narrows eyes*
Me- Whatever you say. Buddy.
Kaz- Just start the damn story.
Me- You got it.
Kaz
Kaz pulled his Komedie Brute mask lower over his face, glancing back to make sure Wylan was following. Why am I doing this? Because if he didn't, they would all die at the hands of the Dime Lions. Kidnapping Alby wasn't a solution, but it would by them time they desperately needed. Wylan had followed him from the room, onto a boat, and into the city with the same trusting look on his face. Like a lamb to slaughter. Kaz knew he had to teach him well, or the kid was toast.
He had led them to the Staves. It was packed, even in the morning, and it was fairly easy to pick the pockets of the people pushing past. Kaz silently reached out and nabbed the wallet of an elderly gentleman. He led Wylan into a quieter alley. "How do I do this?" Wylan asked nervously. The merchling had a right to be nervous. If he screwed up and got caught here, the Dime Lions would have him in their claws within the day. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I was wrong, he can't do this.
He shook the thoughts off. This was his course of action. He was committed to following it. "Be quick, don't start running after you've got it. Wait and watch. Remember when I told you that people show you where they keep their scrub, if you look closely?" Wylan nodded. "I'll make it easy the first few times, I'll tell you where they're hiding it. Then, you wait until they're reasonably distracted. Be quick. Do not screw this up, merchling." He quickly ran through things people had said to him when he had learned to pickpocket. Tips, advice, anything he could give him. Wylan nodded again, looking unsure. There wasn't much more he could tell him. He would learn best by doing.
Kaz peered around, looking for an easy target. A man, obvious wallet in the side pocket of his trousers. Strolling along, looking distractedly at window displays. Perfect. He nudged Wylan, pointed. "Wallet, right hand pocket." Wylan visibly gulped, and stepped out into the crowd.
Kaz watched him make his way over to the man. He stepped out of the alley, and almost fell, steadying himself against the wall. He didn't know why it was hitting him so hard all of a sudden, but he suddenly became aware of people flowing past him, crushed together like sardines in a can. He managed to avoid throwing up until he had reached the alley and almost ran into a lonely corner. He whipped off his mask and threw up, his stomach heaving. He sat back and curled into a tight ball, shaking uncontrollably. What the hell was wrong with him? He got up, pulling his mask back over his face, shivering, pain exploding in his abdomen. he limped back to the head of the alley. Wylan was trailing the man, looking unsure. Way to make it obvious, merchling. He sank to the ground, just inside the alley. What is wrong with me? It had been bad before, a lot worse than this, but it had never hit him so hard so quickly. He vaguely registered Wylan finally making a pass, coming close to hitting the man. He set off in Kaz's direction, his expression victorious.
Wylan frowned and stopped in front of Kaz. "Are you okay?" Everything was slightly blurry, and Wylan's voice sounded like it was coming from a long way away. 'Kaz, what is it?" He reached out and rested his hand on Kaz's shoulder. No no nononono. Kaz had to fight with every fibre of his being not to lash out at the merchling. "Are you...shaking?" Wylan asked, his puzzlement and fear evident in his voice. "Kaz. Please. What's wrong?"
Kaz closed his eyes. He had to get up, had to keep going. He stirred, climbing to his feet, bracing himself against the wall. He was glad he was wearing a mask. That way Wylan couldn't see the fear and pain on his face. You can do this. "You got it?" He asked, doing his best to sound unconcerned. Wylan wordlessly handed over a leather wallet, looking at him with concern clear in his eyes. Kaz surveyed the street, refusing to meet Wylan's eyes beneath the mask. "Lady, left hand pocket, bundle of kruge." He pointed.
"Kaz-" Wylan attempted.
"Go." He growled. He couldn't handle how close the boy was.
Wylan turned on his heels and left without another words. Kaz leaned against the wall, catching his breath. He dimly felt himself sliding down until he was sitting again. There was something seriously wrong. Why did he feel like this? His breath was coming quick and shallow. Memories were overwhelming him, memories of his family, Marli, what had happened to him and Jordie. Wylan was in front of him again, holding a stack of kruge. He knelt in front of him. "Kaz, I think you're having a panic attack." No, really? He knew that. But what exactly was he supposed to do about it? There was too much, he couldn't stop.
To his surprise, Wylan took hold of his shoulder and pushed his head between his knees. "Just breathe. Breathe slowly." Wylan's voice was soft and calm. Kaz found himself timing his breaths to it. He needed the merchlings help.
"Talk." He managed to rasp.
"What?"
"Just talk. Please. It helps."
Wylan started talking about random things, business deals he had made, how Jesper was trying to convince him to try to learn to read again. He felt Wylan's voice keeping him here, keeping him in some semblance of sanity. He was no Inej, but it helped just the same. He continued to take deep breaths, and felt a giant knot of panic begin to loosen. The merchling had already seen enough to completely ruin Kaz's reputation. He didn't think Wylan would tell anyone, though. Why he thought that, he wasn't sure.
Wylan was still talking. Kaz sat up and focused on his face. He had removed his mask and was watching Kaz with concern. Kaz took a deep breath and stood up. Wylan followed. He wearily surveyed the street. "Man, breast pocket, wallet." He pointed.
Wylan looked anxious. "Are you sure you're alright?"
No. "Yes."
Wylan went, throwing a worried look over his shoulder before pulling on his mask. Kaz supported himself against the wall. The merchling was going to have questions. A lot of them. None of which Kaz could deal with now. He watched Wylan bump into the man, then apologize profusely while the man yelled. Wylan walked towards him, a wallet in his hands. Wylan was getting better.
When Wylan returned, Kaz looked away from him underneath the mask. "We're going to a different street, before someone notices their pockets have been picked." Wylan nodded.
Kaz took one step and almost collapsed. His leg and bullet wound were on fire. Wylan caught him, putting an arm around him and under his shoulders. The merchling took most of his weight, Kaz leaning on his shoulder. Kaz was too busy trying not to scream at at the pain in his midsection and leg to feel discomfort at the touch. "You need a medik." Wylan said worriedly. Kaz shook his head soundlessly. He couldn't be recognized. Wylan seemed to understand, and they stood there, Kaz supported by Wylan. His panicked breathing seemed to be the final straw for his wound. His leg had been aching all day. He closed his eyes, resting on Wylan. He hated that the merchling was seeing him this way, was seeing his weakness, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. If Wylan let go, he would fall.
Eventually, the pain lessened to a more manageable level. He slowly disengaged himself from Wylan and limped down the alley, leading them to fifth harbour. Easy pickings there. Wylan followed, keeping a close eye on Kaz. To Kaz's surprise, no questions were forthcoming. Kaz hadn't allowed himself a cane on this trip. He was severely regretting that decision now. He stumbled, and Wylan caught his arm. They reached fifth harbour. Kaz sat on a crate in a corner, away from the activity. Sailors were unloading crates from a ship. Wylan sat next to him. "What is it?" Wylan asked quietly.
"Leg. Bullet wound. Obviously." Kaz said.
Wylan bit his lip. "Not that. Panic attack. What's wrong?" Kaz closed his eyes and sighed. "I used to have them, too." He looked at Wylan, startled. Wylan had removed his mask, and was sitting, staring at the ground. "When I was trying to read or write, and my father was breathing down my neck, or yelling at me...I'd feel so helpless...I'd go back to my room and throw up, or sit in the corner and cry. It happened often enough that I learned tricks for dealing with it. To time my breath on something, putting my head between my knees. You're not alone, Kaz."
Kaz's first instinct was to snap at him, tell him they were nothing like each other, it wasn't the same. But that wasn't quite true. They were like each other, all of them. Marli with her father, Inej with her experiences at the Menagerie, Jesper with his gambling problems, hiding his pain, Wylan with his father and his inability to read, Nina, having been taken from her family to become a soldier, even Anika, with the years spent in the Dregs, killing and stealing. Even Matthias, having lost his family to Grisha Inferni. They were a group united by their suffering, and Kaz was the leader.
Kaz sighed again. "It's nothing." They may be alike, but he still couldn't talk about it.
Wylan nodded. Kaz suddenly had the irrational urge to hug him. Thank you. "So what do I do here?" He asked, looking unsure.
Kaz remembered the reason they were there in the first place. "Pick someone. Steal what's in their pockets. Don't get caught."
"What if I get caught? The crowds aren't as thick here."
"Then I'll come bail you out. Go."
Wylan went, leaving his mask, looking uncertain. The kid had a gift for this, Kaz had seen it a long time ago. His mind worked like a thief's. Wylan noticed detail. That was why he was teaching him and not Nina, Jesper or Marli. Inej and Anika already knew a little, but Rollins had seen their faces too many times. He watched Wylan closely, seeing him survey the group of sailors and apparently choose a pigeon. Wylan made a close pass, reaching in and quickly nabbing the mans wallet. It wasn't exactly pretty, but it would do. Kaz was surprised at how well the merchling was taking this. He hadn't protested once a stealing innocent people's money. This practice had another pro too, they needed money to purchase equipment for the jobs and food for the Dregs. Wylan started back toward him. Kaz almost laughed at the startled but triumphant look on his face. "I think I can do this." Wyla said, sounding flabbergasted.
"I know you can do this." Kaz answered. Wylan looked proud. "Why do you care what I think?" Kaz asked curiously.
Wylan blinked. "You have high standards. And I don't live up to them very often."
"Yes, but why do you care about meeting my standards?"
"I-I don't know."
"You're a mercher now, you shouldn't even be associating with me, much less giving a damn about my opinion. Honestly, how do you know I'm not teaching you this so you can get caught, thrown in jail, and killed by the Dime Lions?"
"I trust you, Kaz."
That caught Kaz by surprise. "What?"
"I don't think you'd hurt me, or let the Dime Lions hurt me. I trust you."
"And you're insane." Wylan was right, he wouldn't let him get hurt. But he had a reputation to keep. "Go on. Try again." He gestured to a group of people clustered together reading a sign. Wylan walked off. The pain in his stomach was beginning to fade, the ache in his leg as strong as ever. He attempted to stretch his leg out, stopped when he almost screamed. Wylan melted into the crowd, reappearing a moment later and striding towards him. He handed Kaz a wallet. "Good." Wylan did this twice more, before they left. Kaz walked down the streets, deeper into the Barrel. He needed to see for himself.
"Where are we going?" Wylan asked. He stopped dead. Kaz looked forward. They had reached the Slat. What had been a tall building was now a pile of ashes and debris. Wylan gasped. Kaz felt empty. His home, the one place where he had felt reasonably safe. There were a few members of the stadwatch standing in front, deep in discussion.
Ignoring the pain in his leg, he walked around to where the back of the Slat had been. Wylan followed, looking stunned. Kaz crept through the wreckage, finding his metal safe half buried in ashes. Kaz slowly knelt, making sure the officers couldn't see him, and opened the safe. He took out the contents, some kruge, and a few letters and paper, and put them in his pocket. He navigated his way out again, meeting Wylan. They started making their way back to first harbour. They stopped briefly to get supplies. By the time they reached their boat, Kaz's leg was agony, but he refused to show it. Wylan cast him a sidelong glance as he winced, but thankfully didn't say anything.
They both rowed, reaching Hellgate. They hid the boat, and strode into the old tower. Inej was waiting. Wylan walked past them, presumably to to see Jesper. Inej crept out of the shadows where she had been lurking. He pulled off his mask, and her smile faltered. "You look terrible."
"Thank you."
She touched his arm lightly. "Did something happen?"
He shook his head. "I'm fine. Wylan's fine.'
She didn't look convinced. "Can Wylan do it?"
"He can do it."
Inej nodded. Slowly, she walked closer. She cautiously reached out and put a hand on his arm. He found himself relaxing, even though the water rose. He forced it down. He moved closer, feeling embarrassed. First with Wylan, now with her. "You're not okay." She murmured.
"No." He said. "Bad day." He closed his eyes. He put his arms loosely around her, letting her pull away if she needed to, breathing in the faint smell of cinnamon. She did have a scent, it was just undetectable unless you were very close.
"We go tomorrow." He said. She nodded.
"You'll be alright." She said quietly.
He took a shaky breath. "Sometimes I wonder."
She forced him to meet her eyes. "Kaz, you're not as broken as you think. You will heal." When? It had taken him eight years to actually start talking about it. "What happened?"
Kaz took a deep breathe. "I...panic attack." Inej rested her chin on his shoulder.
"Wylan can keep a secret.
"I know. The kid's actually got talent as a thief."
Inej snorted. "Don't say that to Jesper. He spent the day inventing new and creative ways to kill you if Wylan got caught."
"Really."
"Yes. Some of them were quite good. I think the sledgehammer one has merit."
"Please tell me you're joking."
Inej met his eyes, her dark eyes sparkling. "Not at all." He slowly pulled away, fighting the rising water. She smiled and took his hand instead. It was strange, his mind seemed to have split. One half found the contact painful, the other half found it comforting. They walked slowly, deeper into the prison tower. "Your leg is really bothering you, isn't it." She remarked after he winced for the fifth time in as many steps. He nodded silently, focusing on not stumbling and falling. They reached the group, letting go of each other. Wylan had handed out the food they had brought. They walked past, into the adjacent room. Jesper and Wylan were sitting together, Jesper's good arm around Wylan's shoulders. Marli, Nina, and Anika were chatting in a corner.
Kaz sat down, extending his leg. Inej sat down next to him. "We go tomorrow." The attitude in the stone room became serious. "Wylan gets in, starts the fire, steals the keys to the office from Rollins. He goes through the office, gets in, and opens the window. Inej and Marli enter through there. You find what we need, and then leave through the window. Clear?" They all nodded. "Everyone get some sleep."
Marli reached over and and turned the lantern off. Jesper and Wylan curled up together, Nina and Marli sleeping back to back, Anika leaving to join the other Dregs. A small amount of light crept in from the doorway. He wasn't expecting what came next. Inej moved and laid in front of him, not touching. He had expected her to go sleep with Nina and Marli. He could see the glimmer of her dark eyes. "Are you okay with this?" She whispered. He took a deep breath and nodded. She came a little closer and stopped. She handed him a blanket, and he wrapped himself in it. He saw that she had her won blanket. He shifted his leg, and couldn't contain a hiss of pain. He felt more than saw her reach out, fingers brushing his leg. "Here?" He nodded again. She began to gently rub it, and he felt the stiffened muscles in his leg begin to relax. She was quietly humming something. Before he knew it, he was asleep. For the first time in months, he had no nightmares at all.
I just love Wylan and Kaz's relationship! The most honest, baby of the group, and the Bastard of the Barrel is such an interesting platonic relationship!