Oh God I left this so long without updating, I apologise! I've just been swept away with writing some of my original stuff that I got distracted :( Hopefully this chapter isn't too disappointing since I think it's quite an important one.

I got so many reviews last chapter holy shit - thanks so much everyone! I love you guys :D This story is just so fun to write and getting reviews makes it even better :D

I'm still writing 'Shake Me Down' which is a ChristianxRose story if people are wanting some of the partnership to read in between updates ;)

Hope this chapter lives up to people's expectations! Would love to hear how it turned out, I'm all ears for constructive criticism!

Chapter Thirty-Five

I'd been doing a surprisingly good job of not crying yet today. I'd decided I couldn't bring myself to stay with Liss and had made an effort to spend time with Dimitri, Christian and Eddie. We'd managed to train and chat and go for coffee and I still hadn't shown just how upset I was, though I was sure both Christian and Dimitri realised. Lissa thankfully understood, even if she wasn't happy about it. She'd been moping about with Adrian all day, dreading the moment when we'd have to say goodbye.

Which was now.

The car they'd be driving to the airport in was completely loaded with suitcases and Adrian, Lissa and I stood in a line waiting to say goodbye to everyone. Only Adrian looked comfortable, but that was just his natural demeanour. Plus he'd probably drank. It was obvious everyone was sad about the whole situation.

We were all going to share some hugs and then I'd never see Christian again. I just about managed to blink back tears as Christian gave Liss and awkward hug and she also tried her best to collapse into a fit of sobs. I could tell, despite not being able to read his thoughts like with Liss, that saying goodbye to her was hard for him. It was the same situation as Dimitri and I, only they hadn't gotten to the friendship stage - and probably never would.

Christian shook hands with Adrian whilst I shuffled on the spot, wringing my hands together. Dimitri, Eddie and Tasha all followed him down the line and I concentrated on the sad and disappointed hug Tasha gave Liss. Tasha was probably devastated about the break-up, Liss was perfect for Christian. I wondered if she'd hate me if she knew about Christian and I. That would surely only add insult to injury after Dimitri.

Christian was suddenly in front of me and I stared up into his icy blue eyes. There was only slight hesitation before he wrapped his arms around me in a goodbye hug - the cold I'd been feeling all day dissipated momentarily as his heat embraced me. It was far too short lived, though. "Find some excuse to come and meet me behind that house over there after you guys have gone." He whispered into my ear whilst I barely restrained tears. As long as I was going to get to see Christian alone one last time I had to keep my emotions in check just a bit longer.

We parted before I was ready and shared a weak smile. Eddie was almost instantly filling my vision instead and engulfing me in a bear hug. "Going to miss you Rose." He didn't need to lower his voice like Christian had and I was surprised at how much hugging Eddie stung. I was losing so many people who I cared about right now. I'd been so swept away by my feelings towards Christian that I'd barely even considered what I was losing in Eddie's departure.

"I'll miss you too." I agreed, my voice faltering only slightly as we pulled away and Dimitri was the one in front of me.

He looked more than troubled and I knew it was because he was going to worry about my mental state after they'd left. I decided I couldn't deal with that pity right now and chose to wrap my arms around him instead. "I'll be fine." I muttered against his chest in a voice low enough that no one would overhear.

"I know you will Roza." He murmured in response. "Make sure you keep in touch. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too Comrade." I agreed. "A lot."

When we separated, Dimitri wiped a stray tear from my cheek and gave me the biggest smile anyone could manage right now before allowing me to say goodbye to Tasha, who was the last person I'd be speaking to before we left. She surprised me only slightly by embracing me in a tight hug. "It was really nice to spend so much time around here with you all." She told me, apparently the only one happy about this move. I suppose she was just going home, really.

I found myself genuinely smiling, though. "Yeah, me too." I agreed. "Thanks so much for taking us to Europe."

"No problem! It was so much fun."

I chuckled. "And congrats on the baby. I'm really happy for you." I felt like I needed to say it before she left. I wanted her to know I was genuine. I'd kept my voice low so that anyone who didn't know, which was only Adrian, didn't hear.

"Dimitri told you?" She inquired, slightly surprised.

"No, Christian did." I corrected as we broke apart.

Tasha gave a tinkly laugh. "I should have known he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut."

Now that everyone had said their individual goodbyes, it was time to leave. My eyes drifted to Christian's immediately, only to see that they were already on me. I almost sighed, but held it in. Just a few more minutes before I'd be alone with him.

"I guess we should get going, then." Lissa murmured, almost sounding like she was speaking to herself.

Adrian nodded and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Come on, cousin."

"Bye, Christian." Liss couldn't bring herself to smile and tears cascaded freely down her cheeks as Adrian led her away. I gave a small wave to everyone and followed behind them. How long was I supposed to wait before going back? What was my excuse even supposed to be?

After walking in silence, apart from Lissa's occasional sniffles, for a couple of moments I paused. "I'm just going to go and say bye to Dimitri one more time." It almost sounded like an apology the way I said it. "I'm just a bit scared I'll never see him again."

Liss nodded and I could feel through the bond that she understood. She wanted to go running back to Christian but knew it wasn't the same, unfortunately they'd never reach the stage Dimitri and I had.

When I reached the spot that Christian had instructed me to, he was already there, leaning against the wall and staring at the floor. He jumped when I approached and in any other scenario I would have laughed. As it was, I chose to simply stride towards Christian and throw my arms around him in a tight hug, burying my face as deep into his chest as I could.

Christian's response was much more desperate than our hug earlier. I almost couldn't breath through the combination of how tight his arms were and the sobs that were building in my throat. There was no point in holding them back any longer, though, and I really couldn't care less how wet I was making Christian's shirt.

It made me feel better when I felt the same wetness in my hair and Christian's chest shaking slightly.

We stood like this for as long as we could, which in reality was only a few minutes. Christian pulled back and placed his hands on either side of my face, staring at me with now puffy eyes. "I'm so sorry Rose, I really am." I opened my mouth to tell him not to bother, but he shook his head to silence me. "No, just let me finish. I've been a complete dick to you, Rose. To everyone, but especially you. I should have just left Lissa, at the Academy, when I knew that I was going to end up loving you and not her. I should have left her before we even went to Europe, but I just couldn't. At first I really thought Liss and I could work it out, but in the end I just ended up staying because I knew if we broke up I'd leave and I wanted to put off having to leave you for as long as possible."

Tears spilled down my face and occasionally, though not as rapidly, down Christian's as well. "I love you." I told him bluntly.

"I love you too, Rose." He replied immediately, leaning forwards and capturing my mouth in a kiss.

We were as close as we possibly could be as our lips moulded together. Hands tangled in hair and fabric and my tears only fell harder at the realisation this would be our last kiss. I only pulled away when I couldn't contain my sobs any longer and buried my face back into Christian's shirt. "I'm so sorry." He kept murmuring, over and over.

"It's not your fault." I insisted, as coherently as I could, trying to compose myself to reason with him properly. My fingers weaved into Christian's hair as I made myself look into his blue eyes. "Promise me you won't feel too bad about this. At least don't feel guilty about me. It's not your fault and I'm glad we got this much time together, okay?"

Christian hesitated before nodding. "I'll try."

"Good."

A shadow was cast over us as Dimitri appeared in the opening to the gap between the houses. "We really have to go now, I'm sorry." And he really was, I could see it all over his face as he took in our red eyes.

Christian looked back down at me with a devastated expression. "I love you." He told me as genuinely as I'd ever heard the words spoken. "And I'll miss you so much."

"I love you too." I replied instantly. It was like we were making up for the many times we probably could have said it before, but neither of us had wanted to admit that much sentiment between us when it was inevitably going to come to an end. I wasn't sure I'd even admitted it to myself that I loved him until now. "And I'll miss you too."

Our lips met in a final kiss that was over far too quickly, though it still managed to send a shiver down my spine in a way even Dimitri had never achieved.

I felt like I somehow should have the last word with Christian, so I chose only to give Dimitri a dejected wave and watched them go whilst leaning my back against the wall. I couldn't bring myself to move anywhere and chose to simply slide to the ground and bury my head in my knees whilst sobs racked through me after their figures had completely disappeared. I'd move eventually, I tried to tell myself.

"What the fuck, Rose?" Wasn't something I was expecting to hear as I cried freely on the ground. Forcing myself to look up, I scrubbed at my eyes to stop them stinging quite so much. Adrian looked furious and I immediately knew what he must have heard. "Explain everything. Right now."

"There's nothing to tell." My voice was devoid of emotion. It no longer held the passion I'd had when speaking to Christian. "I love Christian, he loves me and now he's gone. What more do you want?"

My answer clearly hadn't done anything for Adrian's anger. "Lissa is your best friend. I think I deserve something more than that."

I put a hand to my forehead as the beginnings of a headache began to set in. "I don't know what you want me to say, Adrian. We fucked and we spent time together and we ended up feeling these shitty emotions that nobody wanted. It was a mistake."

"Christian cheated on Lissa with you?" He felt the need to clarify. "How can you be such a bitch?"

I blinked. I almost hadn't expected that reaction, though it was of course the reaction everyone should have had when they found out. "I don't know." I replied honestly. I wasn't even sure how I could live with everything I'd done to Lissa at this point. "I really don't know."

"You have to tell her."

"I can't." I murmured, almost to myself at this point. "I tried, but I can't do it." She'd be so devastated. Everything would be completely ruined for her, and, selfishly, me too. Maybe I was just using this Lissa story as a cover for more of my own selfishness and I hadn't even realised it myself yet.

"I'll tell her." Adrian all but hissed.

"Okay." The word was flat as it fell out of my mouth. I didn't want to deal with this right now. I didn't want to do anything but cry and possibly drink a lot. Part of me really didn't care if he told Lissa. We both knew I deserved all of the consequences - it was only Liss that didn't.

Adrian began to pace with agitation. "I can't believe you Rose." He began to rant. I knew it was serious when he was using my name so often. He probably just couldn't bare to remember how closely he associated with me after finding out how shit I really was. "I mean, the cradle robber was one thing, but this is just too far. You lied to your best friend. How long? How long has this been going on for?" He demanded, stopping in front of me whilst I stared straight ahead.

"Since the field experience." I admitted bluntly.

"You disgust me." He blurted it without really meaning to, I was sure, but all I could do was make a non-committal noise in response. I disgusted me too. "I'm leaving. I can't watch you being so pathetic any longer."

I finally moved my eyes from where I'd been staring to watch his departing figure, footsteps hard with obvious rage.

Maybe I'd be losing absolutely all the people I cared about, as opposed to just half of them.