AN – Ok, ok. I know, I fail. I fail harder than the Blues seem to have failed playing the Maroons. But most of my readers aren't from Australia, so they won't understand that analogy. Suffice it to say that my favourite football team has sucked lately and made me sad. I too, have sucked, and made me sad. This update took ages, and I am so sorry. I am bombarding all my readers with hugs and chocolate.
People have been asking if I plan on writing a sequel. In all honesty, no. I have another 5 stories already in progress on this site, and others with the first few chapters written. So... yeah. Sorry!
VERY IMPORTANT - I am writing an entry for the Age of Edward contest. I'm super excited, so add me to your author alerts if you want to read it when it's up!
Edward's POV
"Bella, you need to help me with this! I don't want you to be disappointed on your wedding day!" Alice's voice rang around the room as I sat on the couch watching Alice and Bella sort through different wedding plans and bridal magazines. Bella was looking on with disinterest, and Alice, obviously, was getting frustrated. I knew Bella was excited about the wedding; it was just that Alice had taken every night of the past week from her. I had lost interest two nights ago. I knew Bella wouldn't be far behind me. We will get married, but it doesn't have to be a lavish ceremony. As long as Bella is standing before me as my bride-to-be, that's enough for me. Plus, the wedding is still months away.
I've been back at school for a week and a bit now, and every minute I was away, I missed my baby girl and fiancé. It hurt to know that I was missing little things. I wanted to spend every day at home with them, but Bella all but threw me out the door each morning. Most likely because she knew if she didn't there's no way in hell that I was going to leave.
"Alice, can we please just leave this for tonight? I'm tired, I'm cranky, and Charlotte is finally asleep. I just want to go to bed." Bella rubbed her face and yawned as she spoke.
Alice huffed. "Fine. But I get to keep you on Sunday. Plus, we need to set aside a weekend to go into Seattle. Dress shopping, Bella."
"Yes, ok. Sunday. I'll figure out Seattle later." Bella stood and looked at Alice. "But now, I am going to bed." She looked at me, and then down at Charlotte who was sleeping soundly in her carrier. "Do you think you can carry her upstairs without waking her?" Bella asked tiredly.
I picked up the carrier and started walking. "Let's see, shall we?" I took Bella's hand in mine and we made our way upstairs, all the while I made sure to keep a hand on Bella's back. She was even clumsier when she was tired.
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"Bella..." I said softly. "Bella, wake up love..."
Charlotte was crying and nothing I was doing was calming her. Bella was in a deep sleep, and I felt bad for waking her, but there was no more breast milk stored, and it was obvious Charlotte needed a feed.
Bella started to rouse, and her eyes opened slowly. She quickly became more alert as she saw Charlotte crying in my arms, her tiny face scrunched up and red.
"Oh, sweetie, come here..." Bella held her hands out to take Charlotte from my arms. I watched as Bella tried to feed Charlotte. I could feel her frustration as Charlotte refused to latch on, and I could see Bella starting to get more and more distressed.
"Edward, why won't she feed?! What am I doing wrong this time?!"
"Bella..." I said softly. "You're not doing anything wrong." I swept a strand of hair off her face, kissing her temple gently. "Relax, love," I whispered as I stroked her back softly. Slowly Bella started to relax and Charlotte stopped squirming, gently latching on and starting to suckle. Bella breathed a sigh of relief and I smiled against her hair.
"See? You're perfect..." I whispered against her hair. She was truly the most perfect thing I'd ever encountered; the only thing that equalled her was our beautiful daughter.
I was so proud of the progress Bella had been making. Little things that I hadn't even noticed before started to improve. Bella was laughing more; she was smiling and coming out of the house with me more often. The process was slow, but I was more than happy to help her through it. I was determined to help her.
Bella yawned as Charlotte stopped feeding. "You're so high maintenance, you know that right?" Bella said to Charlotte with a sigh. She kissed Charlotte's forehead. "Good thing I love you."
I smiled to myself as Bella lifted Charlotte up and started to pat her back gently. Charlotte gurgled and squirmed. "Oh boy, I think she's gonna vomit," Bella said quickly, and I grabbed a towel off the night stand and moved behind Bella just in time to place it on her shoulder.
"You're so charming," I said to Charlotte as her eyes started to droop closed. I carefully took the towel to the bathroom and rinsed it out. I could hear Bella stand up and place Charlotte back down in her crib. She whispered something to her that I didn't hear. Bella's soft footsteps came closer to the bathroom, and I turned to see her standing in the doorway looking at me intently. I smiled nervously at her.
"Hey," I said. She giggled a little.
"Hey yourself." Bella took two steps toward me. "I can't wait for the end of this week."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Why? Are you actually looking forward to dress shopping with Alice?
"Guess again," she teased with a grin. I thought for a moment. What could possibly be happening at the end of this week? Charlotte was one month a week, so it wasn't that she would be two months yet. We were going up to see Renee and Phil some time soon, but not yet...
Oh... OH! It clicked. I pulled Bella closer to me, pressing my body against hers as I kissed her neck gently.
"Six weeks?" I whispered as I nibbled gently. Bella moaned softly, making me want to ravish her.
"Mmhmm..." She pushed on my shoulders gently. "And if I'm going to wait until then, you're going to have to stop that."
I pouted at her playfully and she smacked my shoulder. She turned to walk away, but as she did I could've sworn I heard her mutter, "Idiot..." with a small laugh.
Bella's POV
Five and a half weeks. I couldn't believe that after the weeks flew, the last few days were dragging. I missed Edward. I see him every day, and hold him every night, but I missed making love to him, and I'm positive he felt the same way. My suspicions were confirmed as he pulled me against his body and nibbled at my neck. I could feel his erection pressing into my stomach. I knew that if he didn't stop that we weren't going to make it to the end of the week, so I pushed against his shoulders, breaking his contact with my body. My entire being cried at the loss of contact.
Edward pouted at me. I turned to walk away, muttering "idiot" under my breath playfully. He was so damned adorable sometimes. I slid into bed, and waited for Edward. The moment I felt his body next to mine, I slipped into a deep sleep.
Waking the next morning, I groaned and rolled over to have a look at the alarm clock. It was just 6a.m., and Charlotte was fed at 4a.m. I had about half an hour, maybe an hour if I was lucky before she needed feeding again. I decided to take this opportunity to have a shower and relax a little. I was going to see Elizabeth again today, and Edward was going to spend the two hours I would be gone with Charlotte. I knew it was going to be hard on me, to be away from her, but at the same time it was almost a test for me.
I walked to bathroom, discarding my clothing; I grabbed my razor and shaving foam, and turned on the shower. I stepped under the cascading water, tipping my head back and relishing in the feel of the water on my body. I slowly massaged the shampoo through my hair, the sweet coconut smell filling the air. I leaned back so that my hair was under the stream again and rinsed it out. I sighed in contentment as I grabbed the sponge and placed body wash on it. I took my time rubbing it over my body. Just as I leant down to rub the wash over my legs I heard a constricted cough coming from the doorway. Smirking to myself, I slid the shower door open and peaked out to see Edward looking uncomfortable but trapped in his current position leaning against the doorframe, his erection straining against his pyjama pants.
"Good morning," I said as I grinned at him. He simply nodded at me, swallowing roughly. I shook my head at him and closed the door again. The need to shave my legs was overpowering my urge to have him in the shower with me. Besides, this was my time. Just as I finished shaving my legs I heard Charlotte's cry emanate from the bedroom. I quickly rinsed my body one more time before stepping out of the shower and drying myself. Wrapping a towel around me, I walked into the bedroom to see Edward desperately trying to calm her.
"She needs to be fed..." I said as I walked over to Edward.
"I know... I just wanted to let you have more time to yourself."
I grinned to myself at his gesture. "Thank you, but I'd pretty much finished anyway." I smiled gently as I took Charlotte from Edward.
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"How are you today, Bella?" Elizabeth asked as I took a seat on the couch I'd come to know so well. Over the past month more things had been added to her office, even a drawing that I'd done. It was juvenile, but I was having a bad day once, and during an appointment with Elizabeth I sat there and drew for the hour. In the end I came up with a bad drawing of a girl sitting in the corner of the room with her legs hugged to her chest and a massive elephant in the middle of the room. Symbolic much? I ended up giving that picture to Elizabeth, and she put it up on a corkboard.
"I'm going really well actually," I answered with a smile. "I was nervous about leaving Charlotte today, but I think I'm going to be ok."
"That's fantastic." Elizabeth smiled at me. "And how is everything going at home?"
"Things seem to be getting better... I've found myself talking to Edward more, about everything. Looking after Charlotte is getting easier. I only started to freak out once this week, and Edward helped me through it quickly and easily. I didn't cry or get angry. I was frustrated, but that was all." I smiled as I recounted my achievements. I really was starting to feel better about everything. Opening up to Edward was getting easier, and he was more understanding than I thought was possible.
"It sounds like you're getting a lot better. Is there anything in particular you wanted to walk about this week?" Elizabeth asked when she finished jotting down scribbled notes. I was starting to get more used to her writing during our sessions, and it didn't bother me anywhere near as much anymore.
"Well..." I started. "I was actually wondering something..."
Elizabeth nodded, indicating for me to go on. I took a deep breath. "It's coming up to six weeks since I had Charlotte, which means I'll be able to have sex again. And I think I'm ready. But..." I thought about how to phrase this. "What if I'm not ready, and what if it hinders my recovery in some way?"
Elizabeth placed the pen on her pad of paper and put them off to the side. "I think that's really only something you can judge, but I can help you if you'd like..." She looked at me intently.
I nodded. "How do I judge something like that though?"
"Think about how you feel when Edward touches you. Does it still scare you?"
I thought about it for a moment. I shook my head. It doesn't scare me anymore. It makes me crave him.
"And what about yourself? How do you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror? I know you said you felt very self-conscious, that was when we started these sessions. What about now? Has that gotten easier?"
"Sometimes... sometimes it still upsets me, but for the most part I'm okay with it."
"Well, I think that if you feel ready for Edward to touch you like that, then you are ready. You've come a long way in the past month, Bella."
AN – Review for your teaser. Reviews will make me update faster this week :) and you know what, while I'm bribing, if any lurkers (people who read but don't normally review) review, I'll give you a lemon next chapter. ;)