For Ellie, thank you for reminding me just how badass Erin is!
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Erin Purser
It of-course hadn't been my intention to run away from the party, but instinct took a hold and I ran from the danger I foresaw.
It had begun with the strange stares and uncomfortable touches as I was slowly introduced to the wider circle of Jacob's friends and family. But a lewd comment from a man named Paul had me bursting through the front door, barefoot and into the woodland.
I couldn't release Jacob's reaction from my mind, his hands tearing desperately at my clothes as he tried to catch me. But my screams had stopped him and he'd fallen back, pulling Quil away from me.
The beach was bitterly cold, and the wind was howling viciously as it followed the tide forwards into land. We were in for a storm, one that would rock us before Christmas struck. I knew that much. But everything else I decided was uncertain. I pushed my hands deeper into the coat pockets and looked out onto the skyline which blurred with the horizon.
I had been sat here for hours. I felt if I moved I may crumble into grains and lose myself in the sand. I felt so fragile that a simple touch could have sent me over the edge. Despair, loss and hurt. The feelings twisted around inside me, making my body ache as I thought against my own mind.
I felt his heat before I heard him come to sit beside me. I leant towards the body heat he was emitting unable to hold myself back from it's warmth.
We didn't talk at all first. I couldn't force the words out, not without crying and Jacob allowed the audible silence to fill the small void between us.
Instead I breathed in his presence allowing his warmth to embrace my shaking body, ensuring I kept a slight distance between us, aware of the danger his touch presented. But he was so close. Every movement had his legs brushing against my own bare ones and it sent a buzz through my numb body. I looked over at him occasionally, peeping sneaky looks whenever I thought he may not be watching. But he always met my gaze with his dark stare his eyes as intense as ever.
Jacob's breath was coming out in calming waves and I used it to focus my own as I tried to copy his pattern of breaths, but I still shifted around uneasy beside him. It made me flush with every stolen glance I took at his body.
He seemed even darker skinned beside me as my pale limbs rested beside his own. He'd changed from his jeans and shirt into a pair of canvas shorts that sat at his knees and were damp from the sand. He seemed unable to process that a storm was about to hit, but still he looked perfect through the rain that melted against his skin.
I on the other hand felt grimy beside him. My velvet dress was clinging to me in ways I didn't want to consider. The dipped back had forced me to go braless and the cold weather had my nipples forcing their was through the sodden fabric. The skirt had ridden by to sit above by hips as I rested my hands on my knees focusing my eyes on the horizon, on anything but him.
"Why'd you run away Erin? All you ever do is run away from me" he demanded his answers with a stern tone that made me uncertain of what he really wanted in reply.
"I haven't run away!" I scoffed. It was of course not usual for my unexplained periods of absence, but Jacob seemed to take particular displeasure to them.
Running away meant I had no desire to return, and I sure as hell wasn't planning to sit this out until the thunder rolled in.
Jacob was muttering in Quiluete under his breath and I wanted to clamp my hand over his mouth to stop the hot words that were flooding from his angered body. He only ever seemed to curse me out in his native tongue, it was when I knew he was particularly angry.
"I just didn't want to be around people, there's a difference Jacob" I stressed.
"You ran away" he repeated ignoring my protests. "To the beach?" He added questioningly.
"I like the beach" I lied my voice a mere whisper.
"You hate the beach!" He laughed his voice deep, and his chest vibrating with contagious laughter. I giggled to, it was only light and short but it made me feel alive.
"You went to the beach because you knew no one would coming looking for you here" he decided smugly.
"You did" I corrected crossing my arms and matching his dark stare with a sudden wave of confidence.
"Yeah, well I'm different. I get you, what you think, how you feel" he defended
"You don't know anything about me!" I lied my voice tight.
"I'm the only person who gets you Erin, whether you like it or not!" He disagreed his body tense with frustration.
"No you don't Jacob! You don't get it at all. I have a list of things I should avoid and your on the top of it. Your dangerous, you scare me, you terrify me with the feelings you cause. I'm constantly paranoid about you. About what you might do, or worse what I might do to you" I seethed my voice climbing over the howling wind.
"Princess we've been through this. Screw the fucking list!" He growled and lunged towards me.
On instinct I fell back into the sand which would take forever to try and wash from my hair. But Jacob didn't stop and his body moved slowly over mine.
I couldn't meet his stare, but worse than that I couldn't find the voice in me to tell him to stop.
I didn't want him to stop.
My heart hammered against my chest so hard I thought it might just burst right through as Jacob's hands planted either side of my body, sheltering me under him. I flinched as a bolt of lightning struck above us, pressing my body up against his.
I whimpered, my hands coming up to cover my face as I heard the storm front rolling in to sit above us. But my hands were being pulled away and pushed above my head, being held firmly into the sand.
Jacob's face neared mine and his free hand slid up the dress, brushing my ribs and stroking the outline of one of my bare breasts. I rose up to him clashing my hips against his own with a desperate hiss for more.
His nose brushed against mine and I nuzzled against his face sighing as the thunder rumbled. His mouth touched my own and I groaned as the rain began to fall harder, like bullets showering us.
I pushed my body harder against his, arching to further ignite the delicious friction between us. I groaned into the kisses, each becoming more demanding. I felt his crotch jam into my hip and I tensed until his body rolled off mine and he sagged his head back into the sand.
I lay still as I watched the dark storm clouds circle above us, which now seemed strangely beautiful. I no longer viewed the danger in them, instead they represented the desire that was rolling over my body.
"Sometimes all I want to do is go up to someone and tell them. Tell them that I'm not okay, tell them how I feel, how anxious I am, how the terror is ripping through my body. But I cant so I lie. I put up this wall and I pretend I'm fine" I explained uncertain of why I was suddenly trying to justify my life to Jacob Black.
He seemed lost for words and his failure to communicate left my ego bruised. I pulled the dress down and pulled my knees up to my chest defensively.
"We should leave. You need to walk me home" I demanded feeling my skin sticky with sweat and worry.
"Just. Um. Give me a minute" Jacob grunted and shifted his body away from me, but not before I could see the reason for his discomfort.
"What is that!" I squealed horrified at his reaction.
"What?" Can't I be attracted to you Erin? Is it so hard to believe that someone might think that way about you. Just because you walk around with a stick up your arse doesn't mean everyone else is so uptight" he slammed pulling at the waistband of his shorts to readjust them.
My words failed me and I looked down at my feet, anywhere but at that.
Authors Note: Wow I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for all the amazing support some of you have given me! I am so thankful, it's amazing how much to see people connect with Erin.
This story has always been written for you the readers, to try and help you guys (as well as myself) feel that we aren't quite as crazy as we may think! So despite the stick Erin has taken, and how much that has upset me, I am so, so overwhelmed by the support from the people on this site. You guys are so kind, and I am so proud and feel so humbled to hear about your own experiences with invisible conditions and illness. Keep going guys you all badasses just like Erin!
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, it was a great one to be able to write! Watch this space, as the next chapter will be up and we will see what happens when Noah gets wind of Erin's and Jake's relationship.
BasicMarie thank you for the favourite on the story, and especially for following and favouriting my profile that's amazing!
Mrs. VampDiva Belikov thank you for the follow on the fiction. Look forward to finding some time to reading your Bella/Edward story.
Jacobslover2014 thank you so much for leaving that review, it was such a positive boost for me! I'm so glad to here how much you like the story, people like you make it worth while for me posting on here. Exactly, I comepletly agree with you, anxiety is such a broad sample just like autism. Thank you so much! You have helped remind me that Erin is perfectly imperfect just the way she is :) thank you again for taking the time to leave me your thoughts.