Ever After: Caged Epilogue
"Momma" Asks the eight year old boy at my side. His eyes are blue like his fathers and he shares the same blonde hair.
"Yes Calvin?" I reply.
"Where are we going?"
"To see your father."
I hold out my hand for him to grab, but he runs ahead and leaves me far behind. The sun is shining brightly and I let out a sigh. It feels nice, I suppose, to live in a world where you don't have to worry about your child being reaped.
When we arrive at the gravesite, I hear the noise of children laughing. Calvin is chasing a little brown haired girl while a dark haired boy just stands and watches. The girl and boy are three years younger than him, but full of energy and life. I walk to the grave of my lover, two people at my side.
"How's Calvin?" Jaden says with a smile.
"Fine," I smile, "And Bailee?"
Jaden gives a chuckle as he stares lovingly at his rambunctious little daughter.
"She's just like my sister," he whispers.
"In case you're wondering, Troy is doing splendidly, if not a little anti-social." Says Monica, Jaden's wife, "Sometimes I think that his and Calvin's personalities should be switched."
I take a long deep breath. "No, our boys are fine the way they are. Calvin and Troy and Bailee are who they are, and Caleb and Tristan and Blaze were who they were. They are all unique in their own way."
"Analease," Jaden says cautiously, "how are you doing?"
"I'm managing," I say truthfully and like always, my mind finds it's way back to that single day.
When the chopper came to pick me, eight years ago, I felt nothing. When I was announced with winner of the games, I felt nothing. When I saw the three bodies laying in a pile, my heart stopped beating. And from that moment on, I'm not sure it worked quite right.
For the first week, I was confined to a hospital bed, chained down and handcuffed. They tried to make me come to reason, but no one could break the walls of sorrow that trapped me in my own mind. I refused to eat and they had to hook me up to an IV just to keep me alive. In the night, and during the day when I could no longer keep my eyes open, my mind conjured up demons to spite me. I was so afraid, so ashamed, so... lost.
When I was finally sent home, my parents actually cared for me. My mom spent days, crying over my shoulder and hugging me and trying to convince me that everything would be okay. I cried until my eyes couldn't produce tears and listened to the pounding noise in my ears of someone screaming 'murderer.'
A month after the games, when they wanted to interview me, I was a zombie. The feeling of hurt and sorrow had dulled and I felt nothing. I was an empty shell, with a little skin and bones to cover it up. But when they showed me, when they publicly showed the recap of the games, I broke down all over again. Because even if I willed myself to forget, the screen reminded me of the love I felt for everyone and how they were brutally taken from me. The worst part was seeing Blaze and Tristan's final exchange because it reminded me that I had no final conversation with Caleb.
Another month later, my sobbing mother dragged me from my room, put me in the car, and brought me to the hospital. The nurse's eyes when she saw me were filled with horror. She told my mother to wait outside and hurried me off to the emergency room. Just before the doors closed, my mother reached for my hand. She asked me why I wanted to cause her the pain of losing her child. I told her that I didn't want to cause pain, I just wanted my own pain to go away.
"Analease," the doctor said gently. When I gave no reply he continued, "Analease, you're pregnant."
The word shocked me out of my silence, "What?"
"However, the way things are going, you won't be able to carry the baby to birth. Your body is barely healthy enough to support your life, let alone that of a child. Luckily, you aren't that far through your pregnancy and an abortion will be quite an easy process."
"No!" I blurted out.
My mind was spinning. I had a baby growing inside me. More importantly, I had Caleb's baby growing inside me. I was determine to keep the child no matter what. It was a selfish reason. It wasn't because I wanted to be a mother or was even qualified for the task. I simply wanted a piece of Caleb to hold onto. In my mind, If I lost that baby, I would forever lose Caleb.
After that, I started taking care of myself more. I pushed away my grief and thought only of how to keep myself stable. I ate a balanced diet and went to the doctor regularly. As my belly grew, I started reading books on parenting and the larger I became, my joy and interest started to come back slowly.
"Analese, are you really ready for this?" My mom asked nervously on my eighth month, as we were looking at cribs. She looked so distressed and I felt guilt sweep over me.
"Mom, I'm sorry I decided this without asking you. I'm sorry that you have such a foolish daughter."
My mom embraced me and started crying, "I don't care if my daughter's a fool. All that matters is that she's alive and well."
At the end of the next month, my water broke as I was having lunch with my mother. She rushed me to the hospital as I was screaming 'bloody murder.' The labor seemed to drag on forever. It was the second most painful thing that had ever happened in my life; the first being Caleb and Blaze's deaths. As the pain made me scream and almost black out, I swear I saw my friends.
"So you got her pregnant huh?" I heard Tristan say to Caleb who blushed.
Blaze laughed, "Don't act like such a jerk. You're just jealous I never let you bang me up."
"Damn straight," Came the foreword reply.
"Analese, you're going to be great mother," Caleb said, reaching out to touch me.
"And you would have been the best father in the world," I cried.
"Nope," Tristan said, ending the emotional moment, "I would have been the best father."
Caleb made a gagging sound, "Like hell. Your child would have been so screwed up."
"At least he'd be a sexy devil," Tristan retorted.
"Who ever said it'd be a boy?" Blaze demanded, "I couldn't deal with two of you."
They continued arguing and I kept on laughing through my tears.
"Analease, we have to go." Caleb said softly.
"No, stay!" I begged.
"Analease, your baby's almost here," Blaze said with a smile and they started to fade as the hospital lights became brighter.
"Wait," I called out, "What should we name our child?"
Caleb gave a knowing smile, "Calvin."
And then they all disappeared and I thought I'd be all alone. Instead, the sound of crying filled my ears and my heart fluttered at the sound. A nurse put my child in my arms and I began to cry with relief and joy.
"Calvin," I whispered, "You look just like your father."
"Analese?" Jaden asks again, a questioning look in his eyes. I give him a smile, a pure smile and let him know I'm okay.
"Momma?" Calvin asks running over to me, "Can you tell me who killed Daddy?"
My chest tightens, "The person who killed your father isn't the one to blame."
He frowns, "What do your mean?"
"Sometimes good people are forced to do bad things. You can't blame them if it isn't in their power to change it. The one who's at fault are the people who create the Hunger Games."
Calvin balls his little fists, "Then I hate the Hunger Games makers! I hate them for taking my daddy and making my momma cry."
Tears pour down my face and I quickly wipe them up and hold his hands, "Listen okay? You don't hate anyone, not even the Hunger Games makers. Hate makes more hate and more hate make the Hunger Games. If you want to feel anything, feel sorry for the Hunger games makers because they didn't know how to love. If you show love, not hate, the world will be a better place." Calvin nods and runs off to play with his friends.
"Words of wisdom," Jaden chuckles. I ignore him.
They say as time passes, pain lessens. In my experience, it's not time, but people, who fill the void. If not for my son, I don't know where I'd be. However, I don't try to think about the sorrow that could have been, I look toward the future and the brightness it had to offer. Of course, I still have a pit in my heart that may never heal. But as my son grows and I meet new people, it's slowly starting to fill. I went from a bratty girl, to an in love girl, to a broken girl, to a growing mother.
At night, I cry because I miss Caleb and Blaze and even Tristan so much. I cry because even though I know it's wrong, I still hate the Rebels. I cry because I'm so ashamed of some of the things I've done. And then, my son comes into the room and I remember that right now, everything is okay. I remember that all my friends want to see me smiling, not in tears and that I have to stay strong. So I get up every morning, with a smile, knowing it will make Blaze and Caleb and everyone else happy. And as the days go on, I keep growing and moving towards the future.
Hatred and sorrow are power, they are yours to control. All you have to do is turn them into strength, and use the strength to move forward.
AN: Well, this is the end. I personally like this chapter better than the rest. The final line is a quote from the anime 'Black Butler.' I know this fanfic has it's fair share of issues, but I really feel complete and think that everything turned out perfectly.
Incase you were wondering, Caleb got Analease pregnant on their last night together (I hinted to it in the 'Until then' chapter). I leave it up to you to decide if Analease really did see her friends while giving birth or is she was just delusional.
EVERYONE, THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING THIS! I hope with all my heart you enjoyed it.- Risha