The Secret Hidden Inside

Chapter XXXVIII

"The Funeral"

…

Nothing. There was nothing there. Nothing to peer into and see even the slightest sign of life peering back. No longer would that piercing gaze glance in his direction or peer into his very soul. No longer would that deadly look make him smirk ironically. It was now empty and completely dead of emotion. Because he was dead. Dead, and never coming back.

Draco stared down at his father's grave. He traced the name subconsciously with his forefinger, his mind far from the present. Inside the manor, there were many guests who had received an invitation to the funeral. They consisted of ministry officials and death-eaters alike, neither aware of the others' occupation. Draco did not care to have to listen any of them give their stupid condolences and false sympathies. He wanted to stay with his father until he was told it was unhealthy and forced inside by his mother.

Once inside, he found it quite empty, as those fools had finally left to either give a false account of Lucius' death in the Daily Prophet, or to await the Dark Lord's next order. Draco fell onto the couch in the lounge unceremoniously, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. From the corner of his eye, he saw his mother take a seat on the other couch. They did not utter a single word to each other.

"Narcissa…Draco," they heard a familiar voice from the doorway. Draco sat up to see Severus Snape standing there awkwardly, staring at the ground rather than meeting their gazes. "I do not…know what there is left to say…other than…no one understands your loss as well as I."

Rising to her feet, Narcissa said, "Yes…I know, Severus." She embraced him gently, before saying, "If either of you should need me…I'll be in my bedroom." She walked out of the lounge shakily, and her footsteps echoed as she ascended the staircase, dying away with distance.

"Snape…what should I have done?" Draco asked, and they both finally met the other's gaze. "Should I…have disobeyed my father…and followed Voldemort?"

Snape shook his head slowly. "No…I believe you did the right thing. Your father's entire life…everything he did would have been in vain had you accepted the Dark Lord's offer. Lucius must have known what was to come…he must have known for some time before it happened…."

"He did," Draco replied with a heavy sigh. "He knew since the very moment he gave me his mirror. He was trying to tell me all week while mom was away in France with Aunt Trixy, but I was too stupid to see what he was hinting at!"

Snape said nothing for a long moment, before he finally decided to ask Draco, "Did he apologize? The last time I saw him, he was telling your aunt that Narcissa said she wished she had never married him…I had been meaning to ask about that…."

"Oh…that," Draco said grudgingly. "Mom was planning on leaving him for some time, since the beginning of the summer. I told dad about me and Hermione, and you can pretty much imagine his reaction. I had to literally beg mom not to leave him after that, but she still got into this huge argument with him. Certain words were exchanged, she was trying to get him to apologize for what he did, he was being his usual stubborn-ass self, and she got so fed up with him that she reached the conclusion that she wished they had never married. After she said that, he gave me an empty apology and left to another stupid meeting."

Snape, who was now sitting on the couch opposite Draco, dropped his head, shaking it back and forth. "That does sound like a typical argument between the two of them," he sighed. "He was actually headed to a muggle-raid."

"That explains why he was being so irritable," Draco nodded. "So…what was he telling Aunt Trixy, exactly?"

"…Just…that he had been acting like a real bastard to the two of you, and he didn't think Narcissa would forgive him even if he did apologize," Snape replied. "I am assuming that, once he got home, he and your mother got into another argument?"

"Yes…and she ended up punching him in the nose, and he broke his fist by punching his study doors," Draco answered dryly. "I caused a lot of unnecessary problems by telling him how I felt about Hermione."

"Does that mean…that Lucius just left it at that before he died?!" Snape exclaimed, quite startled.

"No!" Draco shook his head hurriedly. "The very next morning, before mom left to France, he apologized to her, and then to me, and said he loved us both! And before he died…I got mom, so that…she could be there with him…at the end."

"How did he die?" Snape inquired, but instantly regretting having asked the question, as Draco's face had twisted into an anguished expression within a split second. "Nevermind, no need to answer!"

"No…it's okay," Draco said, forcing a broken smile. "Voldemort…tortured him. Then…at the end…he wouldn't even give him a painless finish with Avada Kedavra! He stabbed him…with that knife he uses to carve the Dark Mark."

"…Seriously?" Snape asked, furrowing his brow, and Draco nodded. "It's said…that when the Dark Lord is destroyed…any mark he has made with that knife will vanish with him. Every Dark Mark in his death-eaters' arms," at this, Snape rolled up his left sleeve to show Draco his own mark, "will die with him. Because of this, the Dark Lord has never used that knife for anything other than the Dark Mark…afraid that it will vanish once he is dead."

"Wait…what are you saying?" Draco asked, an eyebrow arched.

"Well…since he stabbed Lucius with that knife…he must be truly convinced that he is now invincible," Snape explained. "With Lucius out of the way, he has no doubt that he will succeed and live forever."

"Because…he killed dad with the knife?" Draco cleared up. "So…if Voldemort is killed…then the mark he made in dad could vanish…and he would be alive again?"

"Perhaps," Snape nodded in agreement. "But the Dark Lord is so certain that he won't be killed now that Lucius is out of the way…that the thought hasn't even crossed his mind."

"Snape, we need to kill Voldemort!" Draco shrieked, jumping to his feet and heading for the door immediately.

"Hold on a minute, Draco!" Snape ordered, grabbing him by the shoulder. "That might not even be true!"

"But if there's a chance to get dad back-"

"I know, but we have to wait!" Snape told him. "You can't go barging into the Dark Lord's lair, risking your life so foolishly! After all that your father's done, that's a pretty stupid way to repay him!"

Draco sighed, sitting back down on the couch. "You're right," he nodded. "And it might not even be true! Look at me, getting my hopes up like that! You'd think that by now I'd realize not to expect the best! God, I'll never learn, will I?!"

"You may, Draco…you may," Snape said with a slight smirk, and Draco chuckled vaguely. "There is…something that I have been wanting to tell you."

"What is it?" Draco asked, sitting up attentively.

"Before you father…became a death-eater…the Dark Lord was trying to find his weakness. He hadn't been able to find anything he could use against him, so he came to me and asked if I knew anything he could use," Snape told Draco, not meeting his gaze. "I told him…that he cares for you and Narcissa…more than I had ever seen any father care for his family. He used the weakness that I gave him…after I had just told Lucius that his family was safe since the Dark Lord didn't understand his attachment…."

"You…did that, Snape?" Draco asked, his eyes wide. "Did dad know?"

"Oh yes…he knew," Snape sighed, dropping his head again. "And yet…he never blamed me for what happened…he never blamed me for ruining his life and putting his family in jeopardy! He…took everything upon himself! Every time he hurt you, I always felt guilty since I'm the one who gave his weakness away! Every life he took, I burdened upon myself because it's my fault he was even in that situation!"

"You…had unnecessary guilt, then," Draco said with a half-smile. "Dad already felt guilty enough for what he did, so there was no reason for you to feel guilty, too. If he knew how guilty you felt, it just would have made him feel worse, knowing he was always harming yet another person every time he messed up!"

"Yes…I know," Snape nodded. "I do realize that. It was very stupid of me to think that…."

"Yes, it was," Draco agreed. "Well, I'm sure Voldemort would have found the weakness as it was, so I don't really blame you either."

"I didn't think you would," Snape shrugged, turning to stare up at the ceiling. "Well, I have heard what I wanted to know, and I have told you what I wanted you to know. Do tell your mother that I am sorry for your loss." He rose to his feet and exited the study, Draco following him.

"Goodbye, Snape," Draco said, opening the recently replaced front doors. "I'll see you at school soon."

"Very well, goodbye," Snape said, patting him atop the head, before exiting the manor.

Draco closed the doors behind him and slid to a sitting position. "Oh, dad…I hope I made the right choice in letting you…get killed by that monster!" He buried his face in his hands and banged the back of his head against the manor doors angrily. "I wish I had disobeyed you! He was going to release you from his service! He was going to let you live…going to let you be free! You just had to influence my decision! You just had to make me promise to never join him! You couldn't let me decide for myself, even at the very last moment, could you?! You stubborn old fool!"

Draco let his hands fall to his side, and he stopped banging his head against the doors. As he stared ahead blankly, he muttered, "You did it…because you loved me. You wanted me to live…and be happy. The only way to do that…was if you died. Of course you were right…you're always right, dad. I trust you…you forced me into this decision for a reason…and I trust that you left me some way to find out what that is."

As he regained his vision and brought his mind back to the present, he realized that his mother was kneeling in front of him worriedly. "Draco…you don't have to worry about that right now," Narcissa told him. "Right now, you need to go up to your room and try to get some rest."

Draco watched his mother with a curious expression. "Mom…you have to do the same thing," he replied. "If you tell me to try and get some rest, but then you yourself stay up for weeks un-end crying your eyes out…I would be obliged to accuse you of hypocrisy."

Narcissa smiled vaguely, nodding her head once. "That is correct, Draco. We both need to try and get past this…as healthily as we can manage. So, get to your room, and I will do the same, because we both know that neither of us have slept since that night."

"Alright, mom," Draco sighed, and Narcissa helped him to his feet. They walked up the staircase and parted ways to their bedrooms in silence, and when Draco entered his room he found his owl waiting for him with a letter in its beak. "Is this from Granger, sending me her bogus condolences, seeing as the Daily Prophet has already been printed?"

He snatched the letter from his owl's beak, shoving him into his cage angrily. Draco tore at the envelope, and was surprised at the handwriting within.

Draco,

My father told me what happened. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral, but my mom wouldn't let me leave the house. I'm really sorry. It took me a while to get over the shock. I didn't think the Dark Lord would be stupid enough to kill someone so important to his cause. I'm hoping you'll tell me the reasoning behind it, as my father was rather vague. Of course, I can understand if you don't want to. I should be seeing you some time soon, as your mom has invited my family, the Parkinsons, the Bulstrodes, and the Notts over for dinner. I think your mom is trying a little too hard to put this past her. Anyways, I have to go.

Always your best friend,

Gregory Goyle

Draco sighed, tossing the letter on his nightstand and falling onto his bed ungracefully, his hands behind his head. "It will be good to see them…it will help, probably," he told himself in a quiet voice. He turned over, burying his face in his pillow and screaming loudly. He continued until he wore himself out and fell into an unpleasant slumber.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. After writing that last one, I kind of lost heart. It took me a while to get over writing without Lucius in the story. But, just so you know, my story is not over. So, I will update as soon as I can, thank you for reading, and please review.