I Remember You

Flashback: I Wish I Was the Moon

Chapter 38

This chapter is going to go back and forth between Eric and Sookie. The song playing is 'I Wish I Was the Moon Tonight''. Each verse is going to be what the character is feeling at the moment. The chapter will start off with Eric and then Sookie. It's not going to be very long but I hope that you enjoy it just the same. This chapter will not be told in either character's PoV.

This will be the last sad chapter before the lovers are reunited. Hopefully by the time you reach the end of this chapter, you all will see a little light at the end of the tunnel. You guys are just so fantastic. Your reviews and your patience are more than I could ever expect. Thank you all so much. You're the absolute best. You make the journey to the end of this story so much easier. Thank you.

As stated in previous chapters, if I have forgotten to include the disclaimer, Ms. Charlaine Harris owns the characters. This goes for all previous and future chapters. I take no claim to any character that belongs to her. The brilliant and beautiful song used in this chapter belongs to Neko Case.

The vampires had just left his office. Bill and Pam were more help than they realized. They've helped him through some tough times. It's been two years since she was taken from him and it feels like yesterday. Pam still remembers her but Bill seems to have forgotten all about her. It is more than obvious that he meant it when he said that in time he would forget.

Once they were gone, Eric opened the door to his office and stood in the doorway and looked out into the crowded bar. The human faces were milling about; laughing and talking without a care in the world. He heard the voice of Lady McDeath come on the KDED radio station and the song that she played drowned out the mindless chatter of the humans. The singing lady's lyrics took him to a place he didn't want to go. He vowed to never go back there because he felt that he wouldn't be able to return. He tried to ignore the words of the singing lady but they tugged at his heart. They ate away at his non-existent soul.

ooo

Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired, I wish I was the moon tonight

ooo

He hung his head as her name echoed throughout his mind.

Sookie

She made him feel human again. She made him feel love. She gave him love. He didn't believe it was possible for a vampire to feel the feelings that she so willingly gave to him. She made him feel as if he was the young Viking; the young human Viking from his past life. She gave him what he never expected to receive; love, companionship, and admiration. He knew love and companionship. He knew what it was like to be needed. He wanted to be needed …but only by Sookie. She gave him purpose and strength, life and love. She gave him everything and now he has nothing. Now she's gone. She'd taken the gifts she'd given him with her.

Not long ago, he'd dreamt that he'd forgotten who she was. She cried for him, begged for him to remember her. She tried telling him her name but she didn't know it. No matter how she tried, she couldn't speak her name. It was as if she couldn't remember who she was. She touched him and he removed her hands from his face. She begged him to remember who she was but instead he walked away from her …leaving her behind to cry. He awakened from his daytime rest with the image of her screaming for him. It scared him to think that he could have an existence without her in it. To him, it wasn't an option.

Sookie

He feels nothing anymore if he's not in Bon Temps. He's colder than he's ever been and not just physically. He didn't know that he was tired of being alone and lonely until he was. He didn't realize that his existence was bleak before she came into his life. This isn't the way his life is supposed to be.

He thought that he was living the life that all vampires and humans should aspire to live; should want to live. He was free to be. He was free to do whatever he wanted to do, fuck whomever he wanted to and feed from whomever he wanted to feed from. He wasn't supposed to be a husband …at least not to a human. He was supposed to be a carefree and happy vampire. He was supposed to be THE Eric Northman but he wasn't anymore. He's what he used to be … a shell, a walking and talking shell.

He didn't realize that he was a shell before Sookie. He didn't want to be a shell again. He didn't want to spend another night, another season or another year alone. The walking dreams are not enough anymore. She comes to him. She talks to him. She touches him. She loves him. She leaves him. In the beginning, they kept him going. He would tell Pam about them but she didn't believe him. She said that they are just dreams …but vampires don't dream.

He listened to the words of the sad song. The lady had the right idea. He wanted to be the moon. He wouldn't be so tired from waiting for something that was never going to happen. Not realizing that he was outside looking up at the moon, Eric wished that he was the moon. Just for tonight.

Sookie

ooo

Last night I dreamt I've forgotten my name
'Cause I sold my soul
But I woke just the same
I'm so lonely, I wish I was the moon tonight

ooo

The blond man from her dreams

She was sitting by the Cliffs as a song began to play in her mind. A song she'd never heard but it suited her, what she was feeling. The waterfall was playing along with the song.

As she let her feet dangle in the water below, she thought of her dreams and the man that she wanted so desperately to know. She wanted to know why she was in love with him. She wanted to know how it was possible for her to be in love with a stranger. She wanted to know why she could feel him inside of her. It was as if he was made just for her. She knew that it couldn't have been possible. She didn't know him. She only knew him in her dreams.

In those dreams, they shared many memories. They shared their lives in her dreams but when she woke up, his name and their life together no longer existed. No matter how she tried, she couldn't hold onto those memories when she woke up. The only thing she remembered was his pain. He was always so sad and lonely. She wanted to ask her grandfather but she was afraid that he would think that she'd gone mad.

He'd wonder how she knew of the blond man. He would think that she'd been out past the royal gates. He'd have every reason to believe it too. The blond man doesn't live in Faery. This is the only realm he would be able to exist in. She's never ventured outside of Faery so how could she know him? How could she love a man that she's never met …she's never talked to or seen? He's occupied her every waking and sleeping moment. They were usually loving and happy moments but not the last one. It was scary.

She cried all of the next day. It caused her so much heartache. More pain than she could bear. Her bed was her only source of comfort.

She dreamt of him and he didn't know her. He's always known her. In every dream, he's known her. He was always begging her to come home but not that time. When he saw her, he looked at her as if she were no more than a stranger; a complete stranger. He turned his back to her when he saw her. No smile. No piercing stare. No feelings of love came from him. She could always feel that he loved her but not that time.

'Come back!' she yelled.

But he didn't come back. He continued to walk away. She ran to him and told him that she was back and that she was never going to leave him again. She apologized for leaving him. She begged his forgiveness and nothing. She got nothing from him. He only stared her and asked her if she was alright.

She put her hands on his face and said, "It's me, baby. It's …." She stopped midsentence. She couldn't remember who she was. She couldn't remember who he was but she knew that she'd do anything to be with him. She knew that she'd already done anything to be with him. She hadn't sacrificed their happiness just to lose him again. This couldn't be happening! It shouldn't be happening.

He gently took her hand from his face and kissed the palms. "I'm not what you're looking for," he said. He released them and he then faded away.

She cried day after day after day. Peace did not find her.

Sookie lied back on the ground and looked up at the moon. She thought of her family and the time that she spent at the Cliffs. She thought of the picnics and the parties. She thought of the faery dances and the weddings. She thought of her animals and how much she loved her home. She thought of how her fae kin always had smiles on their faces and love in their hearts. On the good days, the battles and wars were ignored. Those were the days that love was shared by all. There were no enemies on those days; only friends and family. She loved her family and her friends but she was lonely; lonely for the man in her dreams. Tears streamed over her face as she looked into sky and stared at the moon.

The eyes that held what no one else's could were dancing in her mind.

"The moon never gets lonely," she said to the little white bird that was perched upon her shoulder.

The bird nestled into her arm and chirped. She looked into his eyes and used her finger to stroke his head.

"I'm lonely, Eric," she said to the bird. "I can't stay here anymore. I want to be the moon. She gets to see so much and she hangs over everything. I wish that I was the moon; just for tonight."

She covered her face and cried, "Eric."

The bird nestled closer to her and continued to sing his song.

ooo

God bless me I'm a free man
with no place free to go
Paralyzed and collared tight
No pills for what I fear
this is crazy, I wish I was the moon tonight

Ooo

My wife

Eric went into the clearing of the woods and looked into the sky. He thought that he would be able to escape the lyrics of the song but the song seemed to be playing louder than before. Though it was nighttime, he could hear the birds singing along with the lonely lady. Her pain and sorrow were coming through each word that she sang.

With each word, his feelings were more than he could handle; more than he wanted to handle. It's been two years but the pain hasn't lessened. He thought of the many times when he was bound to no one but his child. Those were the times when he felt that he had no need for feelings, obligations, and ties. He was lucky to be carefree. He used to enjoy the fucking and feeding from whomever he wanted and whenever he wanted. That was what being a vampire was about; breaking the rules, doing what was never allowed as a human. Now ...he didn't want to go back to those days. He never imagined that he would ever have to go back to that. He knew that he couldn't go back.

My lover

It paralyzed him with fear to know that he may have to go through the rest of existence and possibly return to being the vampire that he used to be. Until he found her and brought her back home, there was nothing in this world that would make him feel better about what was happening to him. Finding her would be worth the pain. She was worth it all. He wouldn't let go of the pain that falling in love with her had set up for him. He was terrified that he would be stuck in this hell eternally; to never have love in his life again. He didn't want just any love; he wanted hers. He wanted to walk into his house and feel like he's home as he did when she was there.

My friend

He roared into the night air. He roared at the moon. He could feel her and it pained him. It didn't make sense that he feels as she did when she was with him on her dream visits as Pam calls them. She had to be alive. He could not feel her if she were gone. He wasn't supposed to have such intense feelings. He's not supposed to feel such longing, such need. He wasn't supposed to feel love. He was supposed to go back to his nature. Vampires are not supposed be like this. Tears feel from his eyes as looked up at the moon.

"Sookie," he cried into the night air.

The wind kissed his face and her scent was in the air.

"Eric," the wind called his name and wrapped him in her comfort.

ooo

Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired, I wish I was the moon tonight

Ooo

Eric.

As Eric sang his nightly lullaby to her, she thought about the 'love' that she felt she'd lost. Was the love so intense that it had to end? Where was this man that she loves so much? Does he even exist? Maybe he doesn't. Maybe it was all in her mind. Loneliness is cruel.

If they were really in love then where is he? Why is he not with her? Why does it feel as if a part of her is missing? Why is it that he is the only one for her?

She thought of her many fae suitors. Many were extremely powerful, wealthy, and very handsome. They offered her more than she could have ever imagined. They offered her a life of comfort and happiness. She would have to worry for nothing. Whatever she wanted, they would provide …everything but love.

They never offered a life of love. They only call upon her because she is the granddaughter of the prince; the last prince of the fae. She knew deep down that the man in her dreams loved her for her. He wasn't like the others. He didn't have dreams of becoming a member of the royal family. He didn't care about who her grandfather was or what position he held; the man of her dreams. Sadly, he was no more than that; a dream.

"He's just a dream, isn't he?" she asked the blue eyed bird.

He chirped.

She smiled at the bird. "I don't feel alive at all. I feel nothing until I'm with him," she said to the moon.

Eric.

As she rolled over onto her side, Eric perched himself upon her shoulder. He continued to sing for her. Something inside of her filled with love. She looked up at the moon and he was there. She could see the man of her dreams. He could see her and at that very moment, she knew that he was meant for her. He reached for her. She only smiled at him. She let her hand glide gently over the warm water of the Cliffs. Her imagination was playing tricks on her but she didn't care. She got to see him. The rushing water from the Cliffs and Eric chirping a lullaby in her ear, almost make the numbness go away.

She stared at the man in the moon and she knew that he was the only one that could warm her freezing hands and lifeless soul. Her entire life's happiness was wrapped up in him. She knew that he knew every story, every wound and be it good or bad, he loved her. She knew that he would love her forever. She knows that when she meets the man of her dreams, she will no longer be as tired as she has been. She will no longer wish to be the moon. She will no longer be alone. She will walk his world eternally by his side.

Eric

The waterfall mist surrounded her and she heard the man in the moon whisper to her, "I'll wait for you."

With those four words, she knew that she'd always want to be his.

"I love you," she whispered to the man in the moon.

ooo

How will you know if you found me at last?
'Cause I'll be the one
be the one,
be the one
with my heart in my lap

ooo

The moon that he has longed to trade places with suddenly held her face. Love was flowing freely through his body. It was her. She was lying on the ground with a white bird perched upon her shoulder. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown. Her hair was lying beautifully against the grass. Her delicate fingers danced over the waters. She could see him. She was smiling at him. When he sees her staring down at him, he reaches for her.

"I'll wait for you," he whispered to her.

She gave him the simplest of smiles. Her eyes studied his face. He knew that she was his and he would find her. It's always been with him. He's the key to her coming home and when he figured it out, she would be there. She would come to him. She would know where to find him and he would be waiting. She was coming home.

"My lover is coming home."

Suddenly, the wind began to blow around him and whispered, "I love you." A golden aura was surrounding her and she was waiting for him. She'd wait for him.

For the first time ever, he clutched his hand to his unbeating heart. He knew that they would find each other. He knew that they were fated and they would spend eternity as one. He would spend the rest of his nights waiting for her return. No matter how long it took, he was going to wait for her. When she comes home, he is going to welcome her with open arms. She'll know it when she finds him. As the lady said the song, he'll be the one with his heart in his lap.

She looked into the moon at the man that was meant for her. When she meets him for the first time, she'll know that he's the one for her. She'll feel it just as she feels it now. He'll know that she's the one for him because she'll come to him with open arms. When they hold each other, they'll know that's where they belong. As Eric chirped to her, she'll be the one with her heart in her lap. She'll give it to him willingly. Everything that she is belongs to him.

"You're mine," he said Sookie.

"I'm yours," she said to the man in the moon. "Forever, I'm yours."

Until then, the lovers let the weariness and the pain keep hold. They'd wish to be the moon until they were where they should be; together.

I'm so tired
I'm so tired
and I wish I was the moon...

I'm so tired
I'm so tired
and I wish I was the moon tonight

As his granddaughter relaxed by the Cliffs and looked at her husband in the moon, Niall had never felt such sadness. He'd enjoyed the days of her being in her true home but her sadness and loneliness were more than he could stand. He knew that she loved him and her kin but she loved the vampire more. He could feel her longing. He could feel her need for him. He wanted to tell her what she had to do to go to the one that she belongs with but he could not. The spell has to broken by the lovers. He never knew the intensity of their love for one another until the night she came to Faery.

Her dreams were restless. Her tears were endless. Her heart was shattered. She cried out over and over again. She screamed when she felt his pain. She didn't sleep because of fear. Only she didn't know why; she didn't know the true reasons why. She had 'learned' of the death of her Gran and her cousin and their deaths were more than she could bear. She only knew that her tears were for her family. She didn't know that the tears were for the vampire that she loves so much. He did all that he could to ease her pain.

That's why he sent her to him in her 'dreams'; to the porch swing in Bon Temps. That's why they could see each other in the moon. The dreams kept her from feeling lonely and sad. The dreams, the swing eased her loneliness and pain. He watched them time and time again and it never ceased to amaze him that a fae and a vampire would or could ever fall in love. Tears began to fall from his eyes. The old prince laughed at himself.

It has been a joy for him to have her with him. She made him laugh. She was the only one allowed to call him grandpa. He knew that he couldn't keep her there but that didn't mean that he didn't want to. Her stay there has done more for her people than she'll ever know. Forever, she'll live on in Faery long after she's gone. Being in Faery has made her more than she'd ever imagined she'd be. Forever she'll be young. Forever she'll be beautiful. He smiled as he watched her lift her face to the beautiful moon of Breena.

He watched her strip her body of her royal gown and dive into the water of the Cliffs. The water always made her happier and it washed away her pain. Niall cloaked himself as he moved closer to where she swam. His pain became almost unbearable as he watched her. He knew that when she returned to the earthly realm that he would be in her life for a very short time. He would then have to let her go. As he thought of letting her go, he heard her calling his name.

She looked around and says, "Grandpa." She looked around as she covered herself in her gown. "I know you're here. I can feel you."

Niall appeared with a grin on his face. "I wanted to be sure that you were safe. Why are you here alone? You're not supposed to wander off alone. You're my princess. You are to be guarded at all times." He knew that he needed to be sterner with her but she always brought the kindness out of him.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I'm not alone, grandpa. They're always around."

She pointed to the trees and into the enchanted forest and there they were. The silhouettes of her guards were hidden by the trees. She didn't mention the mind of the one that wasn't supposed to be there.

"They'll never let anything happen to me. They are of good character." Speaking to the unseen guards, Sookie said, "You can go away now. The prince is with me." The silhouettes vanished when Sookie dismissed them; all of them but one. When they were gone, she ran her fingers through her hair and it dried instantly. The thick blonde curls were as they were before she dove into the water.

"You've come into your powers rather quickly," Niall said to her. He was extremely proud of her. She'd been in Faery just three Breena moons shy of a month and she has learned her gifts quickly. Her telepathy is stronger. Her powers of one are magnificent. Her gift of life is extraordinary. "You are the most unique of our kind. You make me proud, my child."

She wasn't like the others. She has traits that were never known to be combined; her daemon trait is her telepathy, which makes her powers of the fae even stronger. When she was a part of the human world, she couldn't read the minds of the fae but here, she's extraordinary. The telepathic gift that Desmond bestowed upon her, interlaced with her fae genes and has made her stronger than anyone of their kind. The stronger she is, the more powerful her magic. She can cause great damage to her enemies. Another trait that has been exposed since she's been here is one of great power. She has the power of the elements; a trait only known to appear in daemons.

"Thank you." She looked around before she spoke again. "Walk with me, grandpa," she said. "We must talk."

She offered him her hand and away they went into the enchanted forest. He knew that she loved walking through the enchanted forest. The feel of the grass between her toes made her feel as if she were part of the earth. The animals that flocked around her were her pets and she loved them as such. They followed her whenever she would come into the forest. They watched her as she picked flowers and danced in the rain but tonight was different. Tonight she didn't stop and smell the flowers or pet the fawn that walked beside her. Niall knew what was on her mind; the vampire. The time was upon them.

"Tell me, what are you thinking," he said.

When they reached the clearing of the palace grounds, she said, "The dreams, grandpa. The man in my dreams; is he real or is he just a dream?"

"Does he feel real to you?"

She nodded. "He does. I can feel him inside of me. I can feel his pain, his sadness, grandpa. I can feel that he misses me …he needs me and I don't understand how that is possible. It's like he's a part of me. I ...I don't know why, grandpa but I feel like I know him. Is he of our world?"

Niall gave a hearty laugh when he answered. "No, my darling; he is not." No vampire shall ever be a part of their world.

"Has ever been here?"

"He has not."

Sookie began to walk again before she spoke. "I want him to come to me. I want him to come to the palace. I want to meet him." She walked faster; thinking that if she sped up, she wouldn't have to hear her grandfather deny her request. When she looked behind her, Niall was still standing there; watching her. When she turned back around, he was in front of her.

"He can't come here. He will never come here." Niall said that with great certainty and conviction.

Her eyes had lost their earlier glow; their happiness. "Why can't he come here? Desmond comes here all of the time and he's not fae. He's daemon. They are our natural enemies but he is my friend. He is a friend of our family. If Desmond can come here, I want the man of my dreams to come here. Please. I don't know why but I feel that if I don't meet him, I'll die, as will my love. I think he's meant for me."

"He can't come here. Our people will be in danger. He wouldn't be able to control himself. I am sorry but that will not happen."

"You've never denied me, grandpa. Why now?"

"I am sorry but no. He will not be allowed in our home."

Sookie's brow furrowed as she thought of what her grandpa said. She was suddenly angry. "He's an enemy of my people? How can I love someone that has set out to destroy us? How can I love someone who hates what I am?"

"It's not his fault and dearest, if you dream of him as you say you do, he doesn't hate you. He can't help what he will do if he comes here. It's because of what he is."

"What is he?" she whispered.

"He's a vampire," Niall said.

Her eyes widened with fear. She knew the stories of the fae and the vampires. She remembers the stories that the fae children were told about them. They were told to never venture from their homeland without protection. Her powers of the element would provide her protection but the others would not be so lucky. She's never been out of Faery but she knew how to protect herself against the vampires. Her grandpa had always told her that it's safer for her in Fae and Fae is where she's always been.

When her great-uncle Dillon would go into the other realm, she would be jealous. She had plenty of chances to sneak out but she was always too afraid. The stories of the dangers that awaited her kept her close to home. She didn't understand how she could love a vampire; a creature that would drain her dry with one scent of her delicate blood.

"He's a vampire?"

"He is."

She thought about his eyes and his touch. She thought of them sitting on the porch swing. She thought about them being in love. Vampires and faeries can't fall in love with each other. Grandpa has always told her that the vampires would drain the fae. But not him; not her vampire; he would never try to drain her. In her dreams, he never tried tasting her blood. He was sweet and he liked to talk to her and he liked being with her.

"No," she said.

He can't be like other vampires. She could 'feel' that he was different. She didn't fear him. She didn't feel as if he would destroy her. No, he's not like that.

"He's different. He wouldn't hurt me." She shook her head no and repeated, "He wouldn't hurt me."

Niall stared lovingly at her. "You want to meet him?"

He eyes widened. "Really … I can meet him?" Though she felt that she knew him, it didn't mean that she did. "You will be with me? I won't have to do this alone."

Niall's heart was breaking. He gripped her shoulders and kissed her forehead. He hugged her and said, "I'll see what I can do and my dearest, I've never left you alone. I will keep you forever protected."

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as she could. "Thank you, grandpa! Thank you so much." Her joy and loved pierced in him. His pain of losing her was stronger than before. He would soon lose her.

She stepped away from him and asked, "Why are you sad, grandpa?"

"I'm not, dearest one."

She hugged him again. "Don't fear for me. He will keep me safe. Thank you so much, grandpa. Thank you."

Niall stroked her head. "Anything for you, Sookie," he said. Glittery and sweet tears fell from the old prince's eyes. He kissed her head once more and said, "Now go and do your lessons and I will be along shortly."

She kissed Niall before she let him go. She took a step away from him and smiled. "I love you, grandpa." Blowing a kiss to her grandpa, she winked at him and as easily as the stars twinkle, she was gone.

"Dillon, Dermot," Niall said. His sons were soon with him. When they saw his face, they knew what it was. "Have you seen the witch?" he asked Dillon.

"Yes. She has been made ready."

"Bon Temps and the others; have they been taken care of?" Niall asked Dermot.

Since Dermot lived there, that was his territory. "Yes. As far as they know, they've never heard of her. The ones that mean her harm or had plans to use her, no longer know of her. Some only know of the name. It has become a common southern name only to those unaware of her. The supes will know that the Viking has lost his wife. This new 'human' will take her place. Jason is as oblivious as ever. As far as he knows, she's with her husband." Dermot's was just as sad as Niall. "She wants to return?"

"She wants to meet her husband."

Dillon looked at Niall and said, "Does she know what will happen when she is gone?"

"She does not." Sadness made Niall look older than his true age.

"Does she know what will happen if she goes back to Bon Temps?"

Niall shook his head. He couldn't change that. No one could change that. If she goes back, then it is meant to be. One can't escape their past. It is a part of her no matter what she does. If he had the mind to, he would keep her in Faery forever. Niall didn't want her to go back to the earthly realm. He wanted her to stay with him and her kin. He didn't want to lose another loved one.

His sons pitied him. Dermot placed his hand on Niall's shoulder. "You've done a wonderful thing, father. You saved her and in turn she's saved our people."

Niall knew that for her sake, he'd made the right choice but his heart was telling him something different. "I must take my leave. Keep watch over her." He looked in the direction of her room and closed his eyes. He could hear her humming the songs of summer. He could see her dancing around in her room. When he looked at his sons, he nodded and faded out of view.

It was time to go and see the vampire.