A Random Life

Hi! I didn't finish Lester and Ranger's trip to mardi gras, sorry! But here's a Lester oneshot to tide you over. R & S are a couple here, not a feature of this chapter tho...

I am pretty sure film prompts are involved here,lol.

enjoy.

37 . A Misdemeanor

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[Ranger]

Prospective-client call. Downtown Trenton, April 2011

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I feel like Steph, yelling it isn't my fault, but in this case my line would be It isn't my job. If Lester wasn't family I'd be ready to strangle him. Or slit his throat. Or worse.

He glances at me, question in his eyes.

I've always wanted to slit your throat, and now I get a chance to do it.

Lester's ESP isn't great but my accompanying death glare cuts through his mental static and says it all.

He thinks, Yo, boss. Chill.

I maintain my hostile yet polite silence. Rangeman doesn't supply security guards to banks, especially not to cut-rate commercial bank branches in downtown Trenton. Unfortunately for me my cousin Lester is dating a bank employee and she has begged for his help.

The branch bank is in a renovated late 1800s cast-iron dry goods store that some misguided architect has turned into a chic mini mall and food court. I say misguided because it is after all Trenton; we aren't talking about SoHo here. Anyway, this bank is located in the mall and always hopeful, the crappy little bank has placed ATM machines out in the marble lobby that also houses the foodcourt. Those machines are getting robbed regularly and the woman, her name is June Ellis, is the bank manager so the lost bucks stop at her. Ellis is kinda hot...maybe thirty, tight skirt suit, stylish black framed nerd glasses. Long sweet blond hair, big...uh...

I sit in her office, listen to her sad tale and watch her and Les make goo-goo eyes at each other. Eeeeew.

She finishes her explanation. "Oddly the amounts removed are very small, less than twenty dollars each time."

"Kids playing pranks?" I suggest.

"Would children have the computer knowledge to get money from our ATMs without a card?"

I figure most ten year olds could take over the entire cyber world, but then I have experience with "kids" like that.

I tell June, "We have no way of knowing but the amounts are not felony thefts, they barely count as a misdemeanor."

"But next time they could take thousands!" Her voice rose a little.

I ask, "There's no cameras?"

"There are cameras but they seem to find just the right angle to avoid them."

"Uh uh."

"Lester thought you might be able to help?"

He did? I stare at Lester who ignores me.

I tell the woman, "We can run live surveillance for a few nights."

"What does that mean?"

Lester says, "We sit in a dark corner and wait."

"And wait," I add.

She makes a little face and Les heaves a huge lovelorn sigh. I'd like to see his mother's face when he brings a blonde woman named June Ellis home for Sunday dinner. And the naughty secretary look would be gasoline on the fire of my Tia Angelina's rage.

June asks us both, "Is that what you call a stake out?"

We nod.

"What in the world do you think about when you sit for hours and hours?"

I stare and convey none of your fucking business, but Lester gently takes her hand and says, "I pray. I meditate. I eat chocolate. I dance. If only in my own mind."

Barf City, as Julie would say.

June Ellis does a coy "Oooh..." because I think Lester has rendered her speechless.

He coughs a little, realizes he's over the top.

June's forehead pleats into a tiny frown and she reaches into a hard-candy filled bowl on her desk. "Butterscotch?" she purrs.

"Thanks," says Les in a strangled voice. He puts the candy in his mouth, shoves it to one cheek and to break the creeping silence he says to June, "Interesting candy bowl. I like the size."

The candy bowl is approximately the size of a small salad prep bowl but deeper. It is cream colored china, painted with old faded roses, and it has a handle on one side.

Lester adds, "Looks like a giant coffee cup. Is it a family heirloom?"

June seems delighted with this evidence that overtly masculine Lester Santos has an antiques loving metrosexual soul. She tells him, "Yes! It is my great grandpa Swanson's chamber pot!"

Lester spits the candy across her office.

She is saying, "The Swanson were pioneers, there was no indoor plumbing back then," as the little missile sails by. ''...wha..?"

To distract her as the yellow blob oozes down her white wall I ask, "Is there any evidence at all, Ms Ellis?"

Her eyes return to me. "June, please call me June," and she opens her desk drawer. She hands me a small white pharmacy bag. "This was found near the ATMs after the third robbery."

"Why didn't you give it to the police?'' I open the bag and peer inside. I pull out the brown bottle full of little blue pills, look back at Ms Ellis.

She is blushing. "Well, I ..."

I look at the label: Viagra. Prescribed for L. Santos.

Huh?

"Yours?" I ask Lester, "Something you need to share, primo? Problemas de echar un polvo?" I add in Spanish. [cousin; problems getting laid?"]

He grabs the bottle, reads it, says, "No! They are...they...Look, I don't need to rob an ATM, I have money! I have an ATM card! Look!" He digs out his wallet, waves a red and white card towards me then shoves it across June's desk. "Check it out! I have a good balance!"

June looks down. Pauses, then with both index fingers gently slides the card back towards Lester. She says, "This is not a Trenton Nickel and Dime Bank card. This is a Victoria's Secret gift card."

Go figure.

"And the Viagra?" I ask him.

"Not mine! Well it is, I got it from Dr Blumfield, the Rangeman company doctor, but it's for my uncle Pablo, you know my dad's cousin, he can't get it up lately and my mom asked me to help."

"Your mom?" June and I echo.

Lester stuffs the Victoria's Secret card back into his wallet, sinks his head down into his hands. "This looks bad, doesn't it." Les moans dolefully.

"Do you need a lawyer?'' I ask.

''No! Yes! I don't know. Man, I just wanted June-Bug to notice me. She's so cute." He waves a hand at poor now-silent June.

We all thought the situation over for awhile. Mostly I was pleased that I didn't have to run a stake out here at the Trenton Galleria Lite. And I was carefully ignoring the "June-Bug" part.

I look at June."Do you want to press charges?'

"No, no. I think...I'm flattered. You should have just said hello and asked me out, Lester."

"I needed an in."

"Okay," says June decisively. "Repay the amounts removed. Fix the glitch that allowed the thefts. I'll tell my superiors that your company was running a securities check for me."

"That's it?"

"Let's add dinner and dancing and you deposit all your personal money in my bank."

"And then you'll forgive me?" asks Lester.

"Yes." She reaches over and takes his hand. "Deal?"

"Deal."

I'd love to have a camera going when she sees the Santos family wealth pour into her tiny coffers.

the end/ series tbc

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