many apologies for the delay in posting.. We were hit by a feak October snowstorm leaving us without electricity, heat, water and worst of all NO internet for a few days. Thanks for your patience.
Chapter 36
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"Hey, John," Amy greeted as John walked in from his morning appointment. "How was PT today?"
John looked at her teasing, sadistic smile and grumbled, "Hell."
"But you get the next two days off, right?"
John nodded and stopped to take a deep breath. He'd love to sleep in the whole weekend but he knew he'd probably spend it at the hospital. He had spent most of the night there so Dave and Amy could still celebrate Kristy's birthday. Amy had come by in the morning while Teyla watched the kids and John had gone to rehab and Dave had gone into work. But after Dave had gone in and settled a few problems and calmed everyone the best he could regarding Dad's condition, he had gone back and relieved Amy. Teyla was the only one who hadn't done a shift but since she had just met Patrick a week ago and she was still tied to Torren for food, it wasn't feasible.
John hadn't really wanted to leave this morning but Dr. Bellrieve had come in and told him his father looked much better and the test results looked promising that the damage wasn't too severe. And he knew it was just for a few hours.
He had gone for his run first then to PT and he wanted to head back to the hospital but he knew he should talk to Teyla first. He had only seen her and Torren for a very brief time this morning as he changed to go for his run. And he wasn't sure how awake he'd been since he had only cat napped during the night near his father's bedside.
But he also thought his Dad's color and breathing looked better this morning so he decided to take a few extra minutes. He needed to tell Teyla what he had promised his father last night. He knew it was in the heat of the moment when he was trying to keep his father from slipping away but it didn't mean he shouldn't keep that promise and he wanted to see what Teyla thought of it. Would she be pissed that he had made that decision without talking to her? God, he hoped not but would she want to stay on Earth or go back to her people? And would she take Torren with her? He couldn't handle being away from his child or Teyla? He was a mess.
He jumped in the shower quick and came out just as Teyla was putting TJ in for his nap. John gave him a quick kiss and then went back to the kitchen where Amy was feeding the kids lunch.
"Do you think you could listen for TJ while Teyla and I take a few minutes to talk?" he asked his sister-in-law as she poured a few glasses of milk and set them on the table.
"Of course, John," she assured him looking concerned. "Take all the time you need."
He loved that she didn't ask what the talk was about. Amy had never been the busybody type and he knew some of her Country Club friends hated that she wouldn't dish out gossip like they wanted. But it moved her up a notch in his book. And he knew it was one of the reasons Dave had fallen in love with her. He hated gossip just as much.
"Thanks," he threw back at her and intercepted Teyla on her way to the kitchen and steered her out to the back yard and past the pool. She looked at him strangely as they walked toward the corral.
"John, is everything all right? Your father is not worse is he?"
"No, he actually seemed a little stronger this morning. But I need to tell you something." He turned and leaned his forearms against the fence and took a deep breath. He rotated and leaned back against the railing.
"Last night he was very weak and kept insisting I stay with him and not leave. I told him I wouldn't and that I'd stay all night if he needed me. He kept repeating that over and over until I realized … he didn't want me going back to Atlantis."
John tried for a crooked grin but the pain slipped through. "Obviously he didn't say Atlantis but he meant back to where I was stationed. I didn't know what to do, Teyla. He was getting so agitated and all I kept remembering were all the good times we'd had when I was little and all the great things we actually had done together. I never realized there were so many good memories stored inside, not since most of them in the last twenty years have been pretty crappy. But then this past week, … we started to connect again, almost like when I was younger. I didn't actually think it was possible after everything that's happened in the past."
John stopped to take a deep breath and noticed Teyla was just standing still listening intently. Her expression was neutral and he wished he could get some sort of indication of what she was thinking. Of course he hadn't really divulged what he had done yet.
"He seemed like he was getting weaker and more upset," John continued, "and so I promised him … that I'd ask to be … transferred back to the States."
John trained his eyes on Teyla but she showed nothing more than a raised eyebrow at his revelation. He rushed to finish. "I know it was something I should have talked to you about first … but I couldn't stand seeing him so upset and weak and I really did want to stay with him back here. Now I don't know. I feel like I'm being ripped in two. But I made a promise to him and I need to keep it."
John took one more deep breath and looked into Teyla's eyes. "Now I need to know what you want. Because you and Torren are the most important people in my life but I love my Dad, Teyla, and I made him a promise and I don't want to break it but I also know I can't live without you and our son, either."
Teyla remained silent for a few moments then she moved forward and lifted her hand to touch John's face. She could see the pain John was in and did not wish to cause him more. The thought of not going back to be with her people was painful for her as well but she was unsure exactly what Patrick had asked or if he would expect John to keep a promise made in that type of heated situation. For now she would give John the support that she sensed he needed. They still had two more weeks here and much could happen in that time. And she also knew that they had survived on Dimitta away from all they knew for a year and even though it had been difficult, they had been there for each other; and they would be again, no matter what.
"It was a difficult choice for you, John, and I am sorry that it caused you pain in making it but my decision is very easy. I am your wife and Torren is your son and our place is with you whether it be on New Athos, Dimitta, Atlantis or here on Earth. We shall be by your side whatever you choose to be your home. For with you, we are home."
John thought he would collapse with relief when he heard her words. He reached for her and pulled her close, his face buried deep in her hair. Teyla could hear his breath moving in and out in deep shuddering sighs of relief. She held him tight and allowed him to gain strength from her embrace. She knew this had not been easy on John and she wished to ease some of his burden.
He inched back and touched her face lovingly, his eyes filled with affection and adoration. "You are so incredible, Teyla. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you. Whatever it was, it must have pretty damned good. I wish I could remember it."
He lowered his head and touched her lips sweetly and whispered. "God, I love you!"
An impish smile touched Teyla's lips. "I love you more."
John pulled her in for an even more passionate kiss. "But I love you the most."
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John peeked in the door to his father's hospital room and saw that his eyes were closed. He just stood there for a few minutes watching him, feeling completely useless. In his job he could make a plan, give orders and take action but here, he was at the mercy of something much higher. He had spoken with Dave a short while ago and his brother had reassured him that their father was feeling much stronger today.
Dave had needed to leave to go back to work for a while but had told John that their Dad hadn't expected anyone to babysit him all day. John had felt obligated to go anyway; he had wanted to convince himself that his Dad would be okay. He had managed a few hours with Teyla and TJ once his son had woken up from his nap and came a little after.
"Don't just stand there, John, come in," Patrick ordered and John smiled when he heard the voice of his father. It was much stronger than yesterday.
"I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not and I didn't want to disturb you."
"What else do I have to do here?" Patrick complained and John knew his father was definitely getting better if he could start bellyaching over being bored.
"I didn't want to get in the way if you were trying to hit on any of the nurses," John quipped and he saw his father grimace when he laughed.
John moved swiftly to the bed and sat on the edge. "Are you all right, Dad? Where's the pain?"
"I'm fine, John," Patrick insisted and John realized how annoying those words could be when someone else was saying them and you knew they weren't true. Maybe he'd have to rethink using them so often.
"Just a little twinge when I laugh, nothing serious. And I've got some minor burns from when they zapped me with that machine."
John grimaced then smirked. "Yeah, I know that feeling."
Patrick narrowed his eyes and asked, "When did you ever need your heart restarted? You're much too young for that? What happened?"
John scrunched up his eyes at his mistake and lied. "Nothing you need to worry about, Dad. I obviously survived. We need to worry about you now."
John knew the last thing he could do was tell him that he'd had a funky alien bug attached to his neck that had been sucking the life out of him. Or the fact that they had used the defibrillator to stop his heart and then had needed to use it five or six times before it would start up again. Yeah, not what you told a man who had just had a heart attack.
"I'm feeling a lot better today," Patrick claimed even though John thought he still looked very weak and tired. "I keep trying to tell them they can let me go home but it's not working."
"They just want to make sure everything's okay, Dad. You had a heart attack and that's not something to just brush off lightly. You very nearly gave me a heart attack in the process."
John glanced away for a second then reached down and patted his father's hand. "You really scared me, Dad. I thought I was gonna lose you. And we were just getting along so well." John gave a crooked smile at these last words.
Patrick grasped John's hand that was touching his and squeezed lightly. "I'm sorry about that, John. I really am."
John shook his head and chuckled, "I didn't think you did it on purpose. I figure you would have chosen a much more comfortable spot then the concrete parking lot."
"Probably," Patrick chuckled back and then closed his eyes for a second. "Not sure if your brother told you but they want to do a procedure called an angiogram tomorrow. I tried to talk them out of it since it's a Saturday but the Doc said it's important to see if there's any blockage in my arteries."
John nodded. "Dave mentioned it briefly. Are you nervous about it?" John had a hard time picturing his father nervous about anything.
"Not really," Patrick answered but John could see that perhaps he was a little. "Although I'm not crazy about where they plan on sticking this catheter thing that's supposed to go all the way to my heart to see what's going on there. They inject some dye, I guess and can see if there's any blockage."
John patted his father's hand again and tried for a comforting smile. "It'll be okay, Dad, you'll see."
Patrick seemed uneasy although he tried to remain gruff. But when he saw his youngest son's concerned face he admitted a bit of what he was feeling. "But what if there is a blockage, John?" his voice was a bit unsteady. "That could mean open heart surgery and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."
John took a deep breath in at that thought and let it out slow and shaky. He didn't like the idea of someone cutting into his father's chest and playing around with his heart either. And he so wasn't used to this new side of his Dad that actually admitted to fear. He hoped he could help a bit.
"You know I'm not going anywhere, Dad, regardless of what happens," John swallowed deeply and reminded him. "I told you I'd stick around and I meant it."
Patrick scrutinized his son's face and could tell John was telling him the truth. John never was a very good liar. "You know I thought I remembered you making the promise to leave the Air Force and come back here but I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined it."
John's eyes grew intense. "I never said I'd leave the Air Force, Dad, but I did say I'd ask for a transfer back to the States. I'm not sure where they'll place me. But I do have a good number of years under my belt and I've done some pretty good stuff the last few years so maybe I'll have a few choices."
John saw his father immediately relax and his whole demeanor perked up. He supposed that was worth every little sacrifice he was making. But he had to think positive and remember the good things about this.
"I talked to Teyla at lunchtime today," John informed his father. "I told her what I'd promised you." John's mouth twisted at the fear he'd felt that she would insist on going back. He swallowed the huge lump he felt in his throat when he thought of Teyla leaving and taking Torren.
Patrick saw the indecision on John's face and hoped this hadn't put a strain on their relationship. That he couldn't live with.
"You know, Dad, she is the most amazing woman ever. I know I said that before but it still astounds me every time I think of her."
"What did she say?" Patrick asked but by John's words he figured it was something good.
"She said that wherever I chose would be fine because with me, she is home."
Patrick smiled at Teyla's words. John was right; she was an amazing woman. But he also smiled and tried not to feel too smug because he had finally gotten his son to give in and see things his way. It had just taken him almost dying to do it. He had wanted him to come back home for so long and he had finally won.
Well, maybe he hadn't won since John wasn't planning on leaving the Air Force but at least he would be so much closer. And maybe in a few years he might very well decide to leave the military and come work for the company. But Patrick didn't really care about that now. It would be nice but he really just wanted his son close enough to talk to and see regularly. Being in the States would make that happen. He had enough money and a private plane and a slew of houses scattered around this country that they should be able to get together fairly often. And that thought was a huge relief.
Patrick wanted to make some suggestions to John of all the places he could bring Teyla and show her but decided to leave the subject alone for now. John had made a promise and Patrick was pretty sure he would keep it but he didn't want to push his luck. It wasn't all that great right now.
He pointed to the table by the bed and suggested, "Why don't you grab the deck of cards the nurse put in there earlier and we can play Gin Rummy. I seem to remember you were pretty good at the game when you were a kid."
John got the cards and pulled the rolling table across his father's lap. He looked carefully to try and gauge his father's condition better and knew he looked tired. "Are you sure, Dad? You're still kind of pale."
"I've been sleeping the last few hours while your brother read the paper. If my brain doesn't get some sort of stimulation I'll probably lapse into a coma. Now deal the cards."
John chuckled and grabbed a chair to sit next to the bed then started passing out the cards. Patrick scooped them up and John noticed his hands weren't completely steady. But he'd be damned if he'd say anything. He knew his father would deny any weakness and he suddenly remembered Teyla saying that he was just like that. Man, he was like his father more than he ever wanted to admit.
They drew cards and placed them down and Patrick began telling John about some of his other relatives and what they had been up to. They didn't have anyone else immediate but there were some cousins scattered about and John found it interesting to hear what they had been doing. It had been a long time since he had thought of any of these people.
Several nurses came and went quite frequently and John worried that something was wrong but after the young redhead had checked his blood pressure three times in an hour and adjusted the leads to his monitor a few times, Patrick couldn't help but chuckle.
"You know, John, you really should think about getting a wedding band. Maybe I could actually get a little privacy in here."
John looked confused. "What are you talking about, Dad?"
"The little redhead, Vanessa, she must not realize you're married. I think she wants an introduction. She is awfully cute."
"Then maybe you should ask her out, Dad," John kidded. "It would probably get that ol' heart ticking quite rapidly again."
"Oh, no," Patrick said and held up his hands. "Someone that young would probably kill me. I'll leave the romancing to you young ones." Patrick chuckled and a smirk grew on his face. "David told me about your leaving the hot tub intercom on by accident."
John's head dropped into his hands and he groaned. "He did not tell you that. God, that was just too embarrassing."
"John, don't ever be embarrassed about having a desire for your wife. That's part of a strong marriage. Besides David was very thankful and he told me it had gotten Amy all hot and bothered and he ended up reaping the rewards that night."
John cracked up at that and shook his head. "Well, I'm glad we could help. I'll tell you, between Teyla just having a baby and then my getting injured and us still having a new infant, that hot tub scene hasn't happened as much as I'd like. But with Teyla, I'm just so thankful to have her in my life, I don't even care."
"It'll get better, John," Patrick assured him. "Once you get the little guy sleeping a little more it will free some more time for you to be together. You'll both probably still be tired from raising a child but it's worth it. And I can already tell you're a great parent, John. I'm proud of you. I hope you know that."
"Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate it," John said as he drew another card. He shuffled the cards in his hand and pulled one out. "But maybe you won't be after this." And he laid his cards down on the table and said, "Gin."
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"How was Dad feeling when you left?" Dave asked John as he moved through the kitchen getting a small snack before he went to bed. It was well past eleven but Dave was still up, waiting for John to come back most likely. John poured himself a glass of milk, threw some cheese and crackers on a plate, and moved to sit at the kitchen table. Dave joined him.
"He fell asleep about an hour ago. I'm hoping he'll sleep through the night." John laughed. "I sound like I'm talking about TJ."
He put a slice of cheese on a cracker and took a bite. "He seemed okay most of the night but then you know Dad, he isn't one for making people feel bad for him or complaining about not feeling well. But honestly Dave, I think he's more than a little nervous about this procedure tomorrow."
Dave nodded. "I talked to Dr. Bellrieve quite extensively about it this afternoon when I was there and he assures me it's quite safe. Dad'll have a little discomfort afterwards but complications are rare."
"I don't think it's the procedure itself Dad is nervous about," John reported. "I think he's worried about the results. He's afraid they'll find a whole bunch of clogged arteries and he'll end up having bypass surgery."
"Oh," Dave said and John could tell he was thinking about something specific. "His friend Artie had a triple bypass a few months ago and had some complications and ended up dying the day after surgery. I suppose that could make Dad a little anxious."
"Yeah," John breathed out. "I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better."
Dave lifted his head and stared at his brother. "Are you kidding me, John? You told Dad you'd transfer back to the States. He was ready to flip some cartwheels when he told me about that. I actually thought he had imagined it but he assured me you did."
John hung his head and closed his eyes. He was still having a hard time dealing with that. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to get put together again after being ripped apart by the decision. Having Teyla be okay with it had made it a little easier but when he thought of the promises he'd made to the people of Dimitta to come back and visit, he felt terrible. Maybe the SGC would allow him to go back to pack up his things and he could take a quick run out there before he came back to Earth for good.
Dave saw John's reaction and sighed. "You don't really want to do that though, do you?"
John threw the last cracker in his mouth and washed it down with the last few sips of milk. "It doesn't really matter, Dave, I promised Dad I would and I'm not about to go back on my word."
"John," Dave called out to him as he rose from the table and deposited his plate and glass in the sink. John turned to look at him.
"No, Dave, I've been a thorn in Dad's side for my whole life. There is no way I'm gonna be the one who causes him to die. I could never live with myself if that happened."
Dave started to call out to his brother again but could see the determined set of John's eyes and jaw, so like their father's and knew maybe now wasn't the time. John would be here for at least another two weeks. There was plenty of time for soul searching and discussions later. For now they both needed their rest because Dad would need both his sons with him tomorrow for moral support.
John walked down the hall and spent a few minutes cleaning up in the bathroom before quietly letting himself into the guest room. Teyla and TJ were already asleep and he moved around getting ready by the light of the moon slanting through the sliding glass door. Once he had stripped to his boxers, he took a few minutes to stand near the open slider and inhale the sweet summer breeze. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad living here on Earth. At least he wouldn't have to worry about the Wraith dropping by to have a late night snack; unless of course the people on Atlantis screwed up and somehow gave up the location of Earth.
He felt the weight begin to drag on his shoulders again but was distracted by the sound of Torren making little noises in his crib. John tiptoed over to watch as his son squirmed around trying to get comfortable. He knew TJ wiggled a lot in his sleep and he would eventually settle down but John suddenly felt the need to hold his son in his arms.
He leaned down and gently slid his hands under TJ's body and lifted smoothly. He cradled him in the crook of his arm and walked over to recline against the pillows next to Teyla's dozing form. He looked down and saw TJ's eyes open a bit and he whispered softly to him, nothing in particular, just words of assurance and love.
As his son's eyes closed again, John placed the child on his chest, his hands resting lightly on his back. TJ's hand clenched and unclenched and John winced as he caught a handful of chest hair but soon the baby was clearly asleep again and his hands relaxed. But John didn't want to let him go, not just yet.
He kept thinking about his relationship with his Dad and how much better it had been this week. And then he thought about Torren and the type of relationship he wanted to have with him. Could he continue to have the more comfortable relationship with his father if he stayed in this country? Would he eventually resent that he had given up being on Atlantis to appease his Dad? Or would he be so thrilled with having Teyla and TJ with him and enjoy all the amenities this place had to offer?
He was so involved in his thoughts he didn't notice Teyla stir and prop herself on her elbow to gaze at him, her eyes still fatigued.
"I am sorry, John," she said as she noticed the baby resting on him. "I did not hear him fuss. Do you need me to take him?"
John lifted his left arm and looped it around Teyla's shoulder and pulled her in close to him. "No, sweetie, he didn't fuss. He was just squirming around and I thought I'd hold him for a while. I haven't had a chance to see him much the past two days. I miss holding him. And you."
Teyla snuggled up next to his body and laid her hand on their son's back also. "I have missed having you to hold as well. But Amy has been quite welcoming and I have very much enjoyed Scotty and Kristy. They have kept my mind occupied and have taken to Torren quite nicely. They wish to hold and play with him often and it has been a very pleasant treat to have the children keep him busy while I do other things. And I do love the infant seat that we purchased. I know I should not be so materialistic but it has been extremely useful in so many ways."
John leaned his head down and planted a kiss in her hair. "I'm glad, Teyla. I want to make things as easy for you as possible. And you know living here on Earth will have even more advantages; too many to go into right now. And I'm sure my Dad plans on spoiling his new grandson something terrible as soon as he gets out of the hospital."
"Have they indicated when that will be?"
John shrugged. "It'll depend on what they find tomorrow with the angiogram. I know he's a little freaked out that they'll find something bad and need to do some major surgery. I hope it doesn't come to that."
"Whatever it comes to, John, you will be here for him, to give him your support and love. And I know that will help him to heal in many ways. He does love you, John. I could see that in the way he looks at you and speaks to you. I know you have had your differences in the past but in time you will both hopefully move past that to a much better understanding of your feelings for the other."
"Thanks, Teyla, how'd you get so wise?"
Teyla smiled and revealed, "There were times I did not get along with my mother or father, stubborn as I was, however I knew if I wanted to have the wisdom I saw in them, I must also listen to their advice. I learned much that way. I hope our son will gain wisdom from his parents. And he will have the benefit of having other relatives such as your brother and father to also help him grow in knowledge. He will be many times blessed. As we are to have each other."
John thought about how blessed they were. They'd gone through so much in the past year but they had managed to survive fairly unharmed. They had also gained so much, like their love and commitment to each other and of course the miracle of their son.
John kissed her upturned lips and whispered, "You can say that again Teyla."
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