Chapter Thirty Six
It's Unescapable

It's too late, there is no way around it
You will see for yourself many times
In the end you will give up the fight
It's unescapable

'Cause you're losing your mind and you sleep
In the heart of the lies

Where is the edge
Of your darkest emotions?
Why does it all survive?
~Where Is The Edge?, Within Temptation

"Robyn, I swear to God if you don't calm down I am going to smack you nine ways to Sunday!" I yelled.

It was our first proper Saturday in the new apartment, and I was trying to actually sort a few things out. I still had some unpacking to do and my ankle still hurt like a bitch. Robyn, being the little horror that she was, was playing up because we couldn't go out to the park like she wanted

"No, no, no!" she yelled back, having discovered her new favourite word.

I scowled, but didn't bother arguing with her.

There was a loud crash, followed by Robyn's hysterical giggle. Letting out a heavy sigh, I dropped the pile of clothes I was holding and stormed into the kitchen.

"Robyn! What the hell?"

Robyn had somehow ripped the cardboard box that held the pots and pans, meaning they were now scattered on the floor.

"Why would you do that?" I demanded furiously, snatching two up and slamming them down on the counter. Still giggling, Robyn grabbed one and ran away with it on her head.

I rolled my eyes.

"Robyn, come back."

"No!"

I'd barely slept that night, so I was in no mood for playing games. I walked around the counter, which divided the kitchen and living room, to take the pan from Robyn. She ran away, hiding behind the sofa.

Scowling, I walked around the sofa. She ran around it.

I sighed heavily, straightening up and giving Robyn the best unimpressed look I could muster, which wasn't hard.

"Robyn," I said slowly. "This is your warning. Give me the pan or I will put you in the naughty corner."

"No, Mummy, no!" she yelled, still grinning widely.

When I took a step towards her, Robyn took off and ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I tried to open it, but she must've been sitting in front of it. She started bashing the pan against the floor.

"Robyn Johanna Todd," I yelled over the noise. "You open this door right now!"

Robyn started shouting 'no' over and over again in time to her hitting the pan, like a mad war chant. I let out an angry noise, my head hitting the door.

I really didn't have the patience for this.

There was a knock at the front door.

"You hear that?" I asked Robyn, walking away. "That's the police, coming to take away naughty little girls that don't listen to their mums!"

"No!" Robyn wailed, yanking the door open and charging after me. She clung to my legs, wailing and crying hysterically as she begged me not to let the police take her away.

Whoever was at the door knocked again, louder this time.

"Coming," I called, picking Robyn up off the floor. I tried to put her down on her feet, but she made such a fuss that I had no choice other than to pick her up and balance her on my hip.

I opened the door and almost cried with relief.

"Surprise," Nellie said cheerily. "'Ello, love."

Seeing it was only Nellie, Robyn calmed down immediately. In fact, she started making a fuss, kicking me and reaching out to Nellie.

"Oh, 'ello, Robyn," Nellie said, taking Robyn from me. "Is everything alright?" she asked me.

"She is driving me nuts."

"Sounds like I should come in."

"Please, do."

I moved to the side so Nellie could come in. Still holding Robyn, who was calm and looked like the perfect picture of innocence, she looked around.

"You 'aven't unpacked properly, then."

"I haven't had the chance. I sprained my ankle and I can't go back to the studio until next week because of it and she - " I glared at Robyn, who giggled and hid her face in Nellie's shoulder. " - is being a pain in the arse today."

"No, this little angel," Nellie said fondly, brushing Robyn's hair behind her ear. "I don't believe it."

"You don't know her like I do."

Nellie laughed, sitting down on the sofa. Robyn clambered on her lap, chatting happily while playing with Nellie's hair.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked.

"Yes, ta."

I made Nellie and I coffee, glaring at Robyn while she cuddled up to Nellie. She was a little monster when she was with me, but the moment we had company . . .

I scowled, shaking my head.

"Are you alright, love?"

"I had hardly any sleep," I moaned, giving Nellie her mug and sitting on the armchair opposite her. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Nellie."

"Do what?"

"This." I made a wild hand gesture. "Be a mum and a performer. I can't do them both."

"So . . . what? You planning on giving up the performing."

I looked away.

"Niamh!" Nellie gasped, gently pushing Robyn off her lap and onto the sofa as she leaned forwards. "Do not tell me you're thinking what I think you're thinking."

"She's better off with Sweeney," I mumbled, bringing my legs up to my knees and curling up.

"You don't mean that." Nellie frowned. "You're just 'aving a bad day. Everyone 'as them."

"How do you know?" I snapped. "You're not a mum. You never were, not really."

Nellie sighed softly and looked down at her mug. I immediately felt guilty.

"I'm sorry . . . "

"No, it's alright, love. You're stressed."

"Please don't make excuses for me," I pleaded, running a hand through my hair. "I'm a bitch."

"Well, I ain't gonna disagree," Nellie said. I smiled weakly as she grinned at me. "But isn't every woman at one point in their life?"

"It just feels like I've been one more than ever."

"What do you mean?"

At first, I didn't answer. I could feel Nellie's eyes on me, waiting patiently.

"Before I left . . . " I hesitated slightly. "Sweeney and I slept together."

"What's wrong with that? You're married, ain't you?"

"He asked me to stay."

"Oh, love," Nellie said softly.

"I just think . . . Robyn would be better off with her dad. It's her home, Nellie. She'll be with people she knows."

"She needs to be with you, Niamh. You're 'er mum."

"I threatened to slap her earlier," I said, close to tears. Nellie snorted.

"My mum threatened to 'it me at least three times a day," she retorted. "And most of the time she actually did. Believe me, love, it ain't that bad."

"I can't do this, Nellie," I said desperately, a few tears escaping and rolling down my cheeks. "I can't look after her. I'm just going to end up hurting her."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do!"

Nellie stared at me.

Taking in a heavy, shaky breath, I ran a hand through my hair and put my mug down on the coffee table in front of me. I stared at it.

"Everything I touch I break," I said slowly. "Everyone I love just ends up getting hurt. I love Sweeney, but I hit him, Nellie. I slapped Sweeney like Jared used to hit me. What if I do that to Robyn?"

"You won't."

"How do you know?" I looked up at her. "I've hit Sweeney. I've hit you. What happens when I loose control and Robyn is there? Am I going to slap her just because she's there?"

"You love 'er, Niamh. You wouldn't 'urt 'er."

I sighed. "Sometimes love isn't enough, Nellie."

"So what are you going to do?"

I shut my eyes, clasping my hands together as I ducked my head.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at her.

"I'm going to call Sweeney," I said. "And I'm going to tell him that Robyn is going to live with him from now on."

Thank you Sylverfire-Lilithe-Todd, xXFivexMinutesxToxMidnightXx and CadyD for reviewing!

I'm thinking of starting a Loki/OC fic for the Avengers fandom . . . my new obsession. Thoughts/opinions, please? Would anyone be interested?