Dear journal
The worse thing about being in prison is, like… how do I put this? Ok, you know the Shawshank Redemption? That movie. (It has no hot chicks in it. NONE! How fucked up is that?) but yeah you know what else is fucked up? You know the shower scenes… OK, well, the showers here are really BLOODY COLD. Freezing. I mean, you'd think us criminals would at least get hot showers! And soap. The soap here is really slippery. Random.
So anyway I am like way. Way more smarter than all the other people here. They are such criminals I tell you. They finally moved me and Aragorn into separate cells, because he was starving to death offensively in my direction, (what a wuss, I told him he should be grateful cos he could pretend to be a political martyr, only he isn't political, and then amnesty international could bust our asses outta here. I was imagining them as hot chicks in black leather, like Charlie's Angels, with guns blazing, using snazzy gadgets to rescue us from the ceiling but apparently not, they don't do stuff like that Aragorn says. Apparently they're a human rights group Humans have rights? Who knew?)
The people here love me and do stuff to make me happy. And I kept laughing insanely so they'd put me in the isolation unit. Yay the isolation unit is all dark so I stalk around it being Goth. But then it got boring and I couldn't see to write my journal so I set it on fire . They say I am a special case cos they have never seen anyone setting something on fire with just a mattress and no flame. I win!
I always knew I was special. They're withholding visitors. Yay I get to bite the prison psychiatrist tomorrow. Wonder what they taste like.
I sing all night cos I don't have to sleep but apparently everyone else does. I really pissed everyone off yesterday cos I escaped. That pretty much annoyed them. I went into the kitchen and made everyone else vegetarian like me by picking off the salami out of the prison food and eating it. that annoyed everyone. the prison officers looked pretty annoyed too and had big guns and I was gonna do the whole bullet-dodging thing but slipped and landed on my ass, which they then kicked and sent back into its cell, rest of me attached. Probably quite lucky cos now I remember can't actually dodge bullets.
But what is their fucking problem with taking a little walk? Just cos I'm in prison shouldn't mean I shouldn't have my freedom!
I really like prison cos I learn all these awesome new tricks from my happy friends here. As you can tell I'm in a really happy happy mood. Happy. Not often happy. The guy in the cell next door dug through my wall and got a bit upset. I told him the outside was behind the other wall.
They stuck this guy in my cell with me. I don't know if it's supposed to be a punishment or reward? He is six foot six and covered in awesome tattoos. I told him some of them were spelt wrong. He's in for murder or tagging or something. He has someone's ear on a string around his neck and the teeth of the prison warden from his last prison in his pocket. He put the officers who tried to take the ear off him in intensive care. Now he has their teeth too. I call him Bob.
Tomorrow I am gonna tell him that I slept with his mother. I love making new friends but I like new enemies too. So much to look forward.
ouch Bob just tried to push my face into a brick wall but really, after fighting Aragorn he is a breeze. He doesn't have Destiny on his side. Fucking Destiny. Fucking Aragorn. Normal kids didn't have the Water Pistol of Isildur which it is impossible to beat, even if you cheat and use the Hose of the Back garden. It doesn't break even if you jump up and down on it. Not that I did.
yay supper I am going to steal Bob's but not eat it just look at it. It is raw steak a special diet I think I will lecture him on animal rights
LATERSZ