Chapter 36: The Truth Comes Out

"You are right to be concerned about things being hidden from you. This was one of them. But I'd rather not mention it, as it might change your opinion of the captains you serve with."

Yukiko felt her stomach drop at his statement but she couldn't ignore it. So, despite her sword telling her she didn't need to know, she clenched her fists and took a deep breath. "Aizen, please tell me."

"I suppose that as long as you promise not to let our captain know I told you, it should be fine," he agreed after a few moments.

"I won't..." she promised feeling her anxiety over the issue spike. "Just please tell me what it is."

"Very well," he conceded. The lieutenant gestured for her to sit down and she did so waiting for his explanation. "You see, the first year you were hear was more of a trial period as far as Central 46 was concerned."

"Why would Central 46 care about me being a soul reaper?" Yukiko asked feeling her stomach tighten.

"Because, from the time you were in the academy until you began training with Captain Shihoin, you were under scrutiny thanks to your uncontrollable power," Aizen explained.

Yukiko felt her gut drop completely. They were worried about her lack of control, from all the way back then? "O-okay...I guess it's not surprising they'd know about my accidents," she tried to reason, hoping it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

"There was talk for a long time about you possibly becoming a threat to Soul Society," Aizen continued. "You came very close to being sent to the Hive."

Yukiko recoiled at this and a new explanation for why her time with squad 9 began in such an odd fashion. The trips to the different captains, the strange tests, the stringent training, the scolding when she failed. She was going to be taken away...sent to a prison for those deemed a danger to soul society. All because she'd had accidents in the academy and no one had been willing to show her how to fix her skills.

She tried again and again to reassure herself that it wasn't as close as he made it sound, but a part of her realized he wouldn't have said it if it wasn't. Considering she was unable to speak, Aizen took that moment to continue and explained about the meetings that took place concerning her, the steps that Kensei took to ensure they wouldn't imprison her, and finally what led to the final verdict.

When he finally finished she slowly got to her feet and bowed respectfully to him. "Thank you, for telling me, Aizen," she murmured, her eyes revealing the near broken state of mind she was in. "I have to go now...excuse me."

With that she turned and made her way back to her room where she collapsed onto her bed and stared off into space. She felt her heart breaking under the weight of everything she learned and her brain was replaying the information she'd received over and over without stopping. She had something that huge hidden from her from the day she entered the Gotei 13. She felt like she'd been lied to by everyone she knew.

Kensei, Youruichi, Mashiro, Eishima, Toudo, Captain Hirako, Rose, Love, Kisuke...everyone. Even though she knew in her heart they hadn't lied to her, she couldn't help the slight feeling of betrayal. They'd kept something that important from her and even after almost four years of her being there it took Aizen mentioning by accident for her to even find out.

It hurt, more than anything she'd experienced so far...and she had no idea what she was going to do about it. The feelings of betrayal and confusion became so overwhelming that she burst into silent sobs that led to her passing out.

She slept fitfully, as thoughts of her favorite captains holding back information from her flitted through her mind. She could see them agreeing to keep her in the dark about the dumbest things and then laughing about it. It was so frustrating to deal with that tears leaked out of her eyes.

When she woke the next morning, she had to brush the tears off her cheeks before doing anything else. The last thing she wanted was to alert anyone to the doubt and pain she was experiencing. Still, she knew she was going to have to perform her duties regardless of what her mental state was. So before heading out to speak with her captain she thought over her options.

One, she could ignore it and try to go about her business like nothing happened. That wouldn't work, she was having enough troubles just trying to sleep knowing this happened. Two, she could confront her captain or Kensei about it and hope they'd explain the situation to her. That wouldn't be good either. It nothing else, she'd probably come off as accusing them of trying to get rid of her. She couldn't do that to them after everything they did for her.

A few other ideas ran through her mind but none of them really made her feel confident they'd work. So she decided to go with whatever felt like it'd be the easiest to accomplish. She wouldn't confront any of them, for fear of appearing as if she was accusing them of agreeing with the terrified idiots. No, instead she'd wait. If and when the subject happened to come up, she'd ask them as casually as possible. But until then, she'd keep the fact that she knew to herself. She could do it as long as she thought it in the realms of possible for someone else to bring it up. With her decision firmly in place, she headed out to start her day with her squad.

A year and a half later, Yukiko found herself relaxing next to the stream that ran through squad 5 once again. She'd needed to take moments like this much more over the year or so as it became harder and harder to keep her frustration hidden. Luckily, she was able to vent every so often to Aizen or Gin, which made it more bearable. Sometimes she was even lucky enough to talk to Tousen, though she never explained her situation to him. She was afraid he'd alert Kensei to her problem.

So she suffered in silence day in and day out, waiting for the time when one of them would tell her of the incident; if they ever told her.

As she sat next to the stream gazing at the running water, she tried to decide a better way to settle the problem. Simply waiting was draining and she could feel the uncertainty and frustration slowly eating away at her. She knew that she wouldn't be able to act like nothing was wrong for much longer, not like she was doing such a good job anyway. She'd been asked who knew how many times to explain what was wrong to dozens of people since Aizen had told her the secret they'd been keeping from her.

She felt the weight on her shoulders weighing her down more and more until she heard a sound behind her that made her jump several feet in the air. Once she'd calmed herself down, she looked at who had approached her and wasn't to surprised to see her captain standing there with his more amused looking frown.

"Someone's wound tighter than Hiyori around her captain," Shinji grumbled. "What's the matter with you?"

"Uh...nothing," Yukiko answered averting her gaze. She'd been doing that a lot more lately and knew it was probably bothering him. She wouldn't blame him if it was.

"Uh-huh...well at any rate, aren't you supposed to be somewhere soon?" he asked crossing his arms in front of him.

She looked up at him in confusion for a few minutes. Then all at once it hit her where she was supposed to be and her face went white. "Shit...sorry. What time is it?" she asked panicked.

"Almost 11," he answered with a chuckle. It always amused him when she swore. It almost never happened, but when it did she always apologized right afterward, almost as if she was afraid he'd be angry at her for it. It didn't matter to him if she swore or not, he was her captain not her dad.

"Crap, I'm gonna be late," she moaned, grabbing her sword off the ground and rushing toward squad 2. "Youruichi's gonna kill me."

Shinji laughed silently to himself as he watched her scrambling as quickly as she could across the building. She'd been acting strange for a long time now and refused to say anything to him or Kensei which had him worried. Still, it was moments like that that showed she was still the same Yukiko he knew. He just hoped that whatever it was that was distracting her would be over soon.

Yukiko dashed from squad to squad moving as fast as she could without exhausting herself. She was supposed to be going through her secret training with Youruichi that morning and knew she wouldn't reach the right area until well into the afternoon. She was going to be in so much trouble.

As she ran, Soyokaze reminded her of the problem she was facing and that she needed to get it off her chest soon or she'd end up exploding in anger at one of them. Something she really didn't want to do.

By the time she reached the hidden training area in the side of a nearby cliff, she'd come up with a plan. She wouldn't say anything so long as Youruichi didn't ask her if she was alright. The question usually came up so she was counting on that to happen in order to find the courage to voice the question burning her insides. This time...she would say something. She had to...

When Yukiko entered the hidden training ground, she was slightly surprised to not see the spry captain anywhere. She took several wary steps inside looking every which way in case a punishment kick was coming her way.

She wasn't paying close enough attention as a kick suddenly landed on the back of her head knocking her several yards away and crashing into one of the boulders. By the time she came to a halt her head was spinning and the figure before her was coming in and out of focus.

"You're late," Youruichi scolded. "You're rarely late, did something happen?"

"No, I just lost track of time," Yukiko answered as she sat up and shook the fuzzies out of her head. It was only then that she realized the tone her addled brain had gone with and mentally face-palmed. She wasn't really that upset so why did she allow herself to sound that way. Youruichi was obviously blown away by it too, based on the startle expression she was showing.

The captain sighed and slowly took a seat in front of Yukiko and gave the most commanding glare she'd ever seen her give. "Alright, I know something's been bugging you for a while," she began. "Your training has been suffering, you aren't focused on your missions, you've been close to fighting the other captains on numerous occasions, and from what I heard you almost yelled at Mashiro. What's wrong?"

Yukiko swallowed hard. She hadn't anticipated the question to come so soon and wanted to retreat...maybe put off answering for another time. However, her sword kept pushing her to answer so after several moments of strained silence she groaned and put her head in her hands.

"I'm really sorry, Youruichi," she murmured in depression. "I tried to pretend it didn't affect me at all, but I can't keep going like that...I have to know why."

"Why what?"

"Why didn't any of you tell me that I was almost sent to the Hive?"

Whatever Youruichi was expecting, it was clear this wasn't it. She took a few moments to assess the young 5th seat before responding. "Where'd you hear that?"

"I promised I wouldn't say anything," Yukiko explained. "But suffice it to say they let it slip believing that I'd already been told. After hearing...all of that...why wasn't I? Did you think I couldn't handle it, or that I'd turn on you when I found out that none of you believed in me?"

Youruichi held up her hand to get the emotional soul reaper to calm down. Then she went on to explain the pains that she, Kensei, and Shinji went through to not only prove she could handle herself but that even if she didn't currently have the qualities they were looking for her fast growth would soon correct that.

"As for why you weren't told, we decided to let that be left to Kensei's discretion," she explained calmly. "Honestly I saw no reason why you shouldn't be aware of the circumstances, once they'd been rectified anyway."

"Right...it makes sense you wouldn't tell me anything while it was going on," Yukiko agreed. "I'm the type of person who would have freaked out and probably made far more mistakes getting me into even more trouble."

Youruichi laughed at that and nodded. "I don't know why he opted not to tell you, but I am sure he had his reasons," she continued. "Besides, considering how long it's been since the incident...does it really matter what happened?"

"Of course it does!" Yukiko exclaimed, jumping to her feet; her fists tightening at her sides. "It would have had a huge impact on my life, probably the largest impact I'd ever experienced. And yet, he didn't think I needed to know? I had a right to know, didn't I?"

Youruichi raised a hand to silence the upset 5th seat, stood up as well, and shook her head. "Yukiko, take a moment and look at how upset you are," she ordered. The younger soul reaper did so and was surprised to know just how angry she really was. "Now look back on how you've been treating everyone this last year. Yes, I have noticed...and I'm not the only one."

Yukiko shrank back at the thought. She'd been trying not to show anything, but she knew she'd been rather standoffish to almost everyone...everyone except for Aizen anyway.

"Now. If you'd heard what happened all those years ago, can you honestly tell me you wouldn't be this upset over it?" Youruichi asked, smiling to herself as she saw the realization dawning on the girl before her. "Can you tell me that you wouldn't be angry at, or fearful of the others like you have been?"

After a few moments of contemplation, Yukiko hung her head in defeat. "No, I'd probably still be upset," she admitted leaning against the remains of the boulder she'd crashed into for support. "It really hurts...knowing they were all going to just send me off...all because I had a hard time controlling myself during my academy days. How could they do that so easily?"

"Believe me, it wasn't an easy choice...for anyone," the captain murmured placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "But even so, I can tell you that it won't be a question coming up any time soon. You've proven to everyone time and time again that you can handle yourself now. It would take something rather drastic to change their minds now."

Yukiko had to smile somewhat at this and she nodded. She was starting to understand why it wouldn't have been a good idea to know, and maybe Kensei had been thinking about this all along. Maybe she had been better off in the dark. At least she wouldn't be upset at anyone. She glanced up at the captain before her, and felt the irritation and anger slip away as she stared into those kind and gentle eyes.

"You see, you were worrying yourself sick over nothing," Soyokaze whispered in Yukiko's mind.

"Yeah, I know," she mentally replied. "I've really been an idiot over this past year. I even let myself fall behind in my training...the training I asked for!"

"Then fix it."

Yukiko nodded despite knowing the captain hadn't heard the short conversation in her head. "You're right, Youruichi," she murmured, and the old flare of determination shown in her eyes once more. "And I even let all this pointless worry keep me from progressing. I'm sorry I've wasted your time until now. I won't let it happen any longer." With that she brandished her sword and braced herself. "I promise, from now until this is finished. You'll see a different me."

"Good to know," Youruichi laughed. Then she sank into a fighting stance. "We have a lot of ground to cover to make up for it. Begin!"

Shippoman: Wow, stupid Aizen. Dropping that bomb shell on her. At least she had Youruichi to talk to to get it all cleared up. Too bad it took over a year to get there, but as long as the path is reached it doesn't really matter. I've only got two or three more chapters left so please remember to R&R. Let me know what you think so I can make the end that much more awesome.