My heart was pounding violently against my chest as I stumbled from the bathroom, pulling up a pair of Niall's track pants. My breathing was ragged as I softly used my hands to push against Niall's arm, attempting to wake him up. I shook him a few more times, but he only stirred.
"Baby, wake up, I need you," I pleaded, shoving him one last time before his eyes slowly opened, focusing themselves on me. He must have taken in my frantic expression because he shot up, swinging his legs over the bed. He cupped my cheeks in his hands, looking over me.
"What's wrong, babe? Are you okay?" He whispered urgently.
I shook my head as I nodded to my side of the bed, Niall's gaze leaving mine as he turned on his bedside lamp before looking down at the bed, at the red stained fabric. His hands stroked my arms softly, and without meeting my gaze, his lips parted as he whispered a low, "get your shoes on, okay," before slipping past me and grabbing his hoodie, pulling it over his head before he slipped on his Supras and grabbed his keys and wallet. His fluidity as he moved made me nervous. Just like me, he knew that something was wrong. He noticed my frozen stance and came over to me, grabbing my hands gently.
"Come on baby, get ready, I'm going to wake up the boys," his voice pleaded before he squeezed my hands.
Painfully, I stepped away from him and grabbed my jacket and slid it on, watching as Niall left the room. I heard his footsteps as he quietly raced down the stairs, waking up the boys. I heard their hushed conversation, their sleepy groans and Niall's frantic pace from where I stood. I grabbed my wallet and slipped on my shoes. Despite the pain that was shooting through my whole body, I managed to make it down the stairs. I heard the car start up from outside. As I was about to look out the window, Niall raced back through the door, his stance showing how scared he was. I pressed my hands against my stomach as he smiled lightly at me, most likely trying to keep my calm.
"The car's started so we can go now, just to make sure you're okay," he said quickly as he reached his hands out for me to take.
Louis appeared from the kitchen, his fringe sweeping above his tired eyes. His sweatpants loosely covered his lower half as he pulled a jacket over his striped t-shirt from earlier.
"Where do you think you're going?" Niall asked as Lou slipped his feet into his TOM's.
"With you two," he replied, his tone merely suggesting the obvious.
"I was only telling you in case you woke up and we weren't here, you don't need to come."
"I'm driving. You need to keep her relaxed and you can't do that while driving like a madman to the hospital. Get in the car."
"Lou-" Niall began, but Louis snapped back at him.
"Get in the god damn car, Niall."
With his last words being said, Louis stalked out of the doorway. Liam and Zayn were nervously looking at the two of us, obviously without a clue of what to do.
"We'll be back soon," Niall merely whispered to them. With a nod of their heads and with a sad smile from Liam, Niall led me out of the house.
Niall and I sat in the back of the car as Louis practically raced to the hospital. The urgency in everyone's actions made me shake with nerves. I was too naive to think that nothing was wrong, but I clung to the last shred of hope in myself that it wasn't too serious. One of Niall's arms was around my shoulders, pulling me against him as his other was gripping the living hell out of my hand. I understand that he was scared as well, but he couldn't have been as nervous as me. After all, this was my body it was happening to.
"I love you," he whispered into my ear, "everything will be fine. I'll make sure you're alright."
I smiled lightly at his words, my happiness not reaching my own action. I looked up into the rear-view mirror to see Louis' eyes staring back at me. I shifted away from his gaze as I tried to bury myself into Niall's frame.
Once we arrived and parked at the hospital, Niall gently guided me out of the backseat as he took my hand and quickly lead us into the building, Louis right next to me. The automatic doors slid open, the anesthetic aroma instantly filing into my nostrils. My nerves clung to me harder as Niall let go of my hand as he walked up to the nurse behind the plate glass cubicle. He was speaking in urgent, rushed tones with her as I held my pained stomach. Her gaze flicked to mine every couple of seconds as Niall continued on.
Louis' fingertips were on my arm, sliding down until he reached one of my hands on my stomach. He pulled one away and intertwined his hand with my own before squeezing it.
Niall finally turned around and stood in front of me, kissing my forehead multiple times.
"What'd she say?" I asked in my involuntarily pained voice.
"She's getting the Doctor right now. You're going to be okay."
I knew that I was going to be okay. The question was; is the baby going to be okay?
Sliding doors under a bright read "Emergency" sign opened, revealing a tall man and a small woman nurse next to him.
"Miss. Horan?" They questioned, staring at me with gentle smiles on their faces. My emotions fluttered happily for all too brief a moment as Niall had told the Doctors to list me under his name. Louis' hand dropped from mine as Niall and I walked through the doors, following the Doctor. I felt Lou's eyes on my back until the large doors slid closed behind us.
*Niall's POV*
I paced back and forth in front of the Emergency desk, biting on my fingernails as the Doctors checked on my girlfriend. She'd be in with them for only twenty minutes, though each minute felt like an hour to me.
The door to her room opened and my head shot up, eyes staring at the Doctor who had previously called us in.
"How is she? Is she okay? How's the baby?" I kept firing questions at him until he held up his hands. I walked around him and into the room, seeing Lezile sitting up on a bed, blankets covering her legs. She wasn't in a hospital gown. She was still in my sweatpants and her jacket. I pulled up the chair next to her bed and sat down, grabbing her small hand and linking my fingers through hers. She stared off in front of her, her face straight as an arrow.
"Hun, are you okay? Did they hurt you? Are you hurt? Please tell me you're alright," I rambled, stroking her hand.
I felt the Doctor's presence as he came back in the room. I felt his stare on us. He cleared his throat as I made my eyes meet his. Why wasn't Lezile looking at me? Worry ran through me as I took in her stone-like appearance.
"Mr. Horan," he cleared his throat once more, edging closer to the bed, "We took a small blood sample from her and did a quick Ultrasound test."
I nodded, urging for him to continue, "and?"
"Mr. Horan, I'm so-"
Lezile's voice cut past his, "we lost the baby, Niall."
The silence after her words cut through me like a thousand knives. My eyes slowly met up with the Doctor's, who only nodded in agreement with what Lezile had told me. The heavy feeling settled around my eyes as I took in a desperate, shaky breath, making myself calm down. I couldn't break down in front of her. She was carrying our baby, and to have a connection like that just be broken, I could only imagine it was killing her.
"I don't understand though. How did this happen?" I croaked before clearing my throat.
The Doctor sighed, "Any number of reasons; Drinking, dietary habits, st-"
"Dietary habits? She's been eating healthy! She hadn't had a single drink of anything alcoholic, so I don't understand!"
"It could have been something else. Stress is usually a big factor. Often, certain stressful moments have a big impact on the body and it just... happens. There's nothing we could have done, sometimes there's no control."
My mouth was parted as I took in all of the information. I look back to Lezile, he eyes were staring down at her stomach, her hand lying limp in my own. She stayed quiet throughout everything.
"Thank you, Doctor," I mumbled, pushing Lezile's hair away from her face, behind her ear.
Soon, there was a click as the door closed, leaving us alone. I leaned up from my seat to sit on the edge of the bed. I ran my hands over her hair gently before I leaned in and kissed her forehead, leaving my lips there as I spoke.
"I'm so sorry, baby."
Nothing. She remained frozen as I attempted to comfort her.
"I love you so much, we'll get through this."
I kissed her cheek before pulling her face up by her chin, making her eyes meet mine, "What do you need? What do you want, love?"
She swallowed hard before she spoke, "I'm tired."
I nodded and kissed her forehead one more time before standing up and helping her slowly maneuver herself out of the bed. I opened the door and ushered her out, my arms never leaving from her small body. I checked out with the Doctor before gently guiding Lezile out of the Emergency room, and into the main foyer, where Louis was sat with his legs nervously tapping together. He noticed us and stood up, his eyes shining with hope, but once I shook my head, his expression stiffened as he looked at Lezile and her Zombie-esque appearance. Louis walked over to us as I reached into my pocket for my keys.
"I'm going to get the car," I mumbled as Lou slipped his arms around her, pulling her against him.
I left the building, walking down to the parking lot. I weaved through cars before I finally reached ours. I stood behind it for a few seconds, letting everything sink in as I breathed the cool early morning air in. Suddenly, everything hit me hard; Lezile, Harry, the baby, everything. I clenched my fist, and before thinking, I slammed it against the boot of the car, my knuckles burning from the hard contact.
A string of curses left my mouth as I shook out my knuckles, clenching and unclenching my fingers. They were already becoming swollen, a purple bruise already spread across two knuckles. I got into the car and started it up before pulling out of the space and up to the front door, where Louis stood with Lezile by his side.
The car ride was quiet as I drove us back to my house. Louis kept glancing at me, or rather my swollen knuckles. He often turned around to look at Lezile in the back seat, but she only stared out of the window. Her silence was worrying me. I would have thought that she would have said or done something; Cried, cursed, anything, but all I got was a numbing quiet atmosphere and distant gazes.
As I pulled up into our driveway, I saw that the living room lights were on. I sighed as I parked and Louis and I got out. Once I shut my door, I noticed that Lezile hadn't moved at all. I opened her door slowly before reaching over and unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Come on, baby," I whispered against her hair as I kissed the top of her head. She slipped from the seat, and I closed the door as I began guiding her towards the house. Louis stepped inside first, the chatter from the living room dying down completely. Lezile and I walked in afterwards, my arm wrapped around her as the others closed the door behind us.
I glanced over at Liam and Zayn, who were looking back at me. I shook my head a couple of times and shrugged, which was all I had to do to get the message across. Zayn looked down at his feet awkwardly, but Liam held his head in his hands, turning away from us completely before sitting back down on the couch. Mum and Dad were up. I was thankful that Jon wasn't down here. He didn't need to know about this. Dad was holding onto Mum, as she looked like she was about to burst into tears at Lezile's appearance; she wasn't meeting anyone's gaze.
"Lezile? Honey?" My Mum was taking timid steps toward her, unsure of how to approach her.
Lezile stepped out of my grip as she grimly began to walk towards the stairs.
"She's tired, Mum," I told her, keeping my eyes on her as she walked up the stairs.
Mum nodded, "I um-The boys told me about your bed, so I stripped your sheets," she took a rough breath, "I re-made it for you both."
My lip twitched as I felt the re-occurring pressure build against my eyes. I wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm sorry, sweetie," she cooed, running her hands up and down my back, trying to soothe me. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"Thanks," I mumbled, breaking free from her hold. I gave a weak smile to everyone before I went into the kitchen to grab an ice pack for my hand. The cold stung against my knuckles as I left the kitchen and began walking up the stairs. I didn't dare look back to see everyone's gaze on me. As my feet reached the top step, my eyes rose to the shadow in front of me. I looked up fully to see Lezile's small frame in the middle of her bedroom door, facing me. My throat became dry as I took in her frail posture, one of her arms limply hanging by her side. Her body shifted before her hand grabbed the door handle.
"Lezile," I spoke, my voice was more of a plead. A plead for her not to close the door on me.
Her eyes met mine for a brief second before she tilted her head and continued closing the door. All too quickly, she was out of my sight. I took a steady breath before retreating back to my own room and closing the door behind myself. The smell of fresh sheets lingered in the air as I took a deep breath, the constricting tightness in my chest almost suffocating.
I didn't bother changing my clothes. Instead, I laid myself on my bed, listening to the silence. I wanted to rewind. Back to a few hours ago when my Family wasn't broken, when I was able to hold Lezile in my arms and she would happily cuddle closer to me. I wanted the past hours to roll back and relive themselves on a different route; one where I still had my Girlfriend, and my child.
I curled my legs against my chest, clasping my hands together, imagining one of them as Lezile's. I wanted us to help each other get through this, but with the hard walls separating us into our un-matching emotions, we were left to comfort ourselves. I began choking on my own breath as the relentless tightening in my head became over-powering, and warm tears began rolling down from my eyes and down the bridge of my nose. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering from a non-existent cold wind that had brushed over me.
With no warm body to comfort me, that's how I fell asleep.
*One Week Later* Still Niall's POV*
The boys and I had several meetings with our music team and Simon in the past week. Despite everyone's state, we'd even recorded quite a few songs for the record. Simon wanted it pushed as quickly as we could get it done, with at the rate we were going, would be done within another week.
Lezile had held herself hostage in her room for a week now. Each second that passed by without hearing a sound from upstairs added another stab into my already poached heart. Against my better judgement, I had looked up common emotional symptoms that may occur after a miscarriage. What I had read was disheartening. Some women bounced back fine, others had a few days of disconnect from their usual daily lives, like Lezile. Some women had even slipped into a depression, with some cases ending in a suicide. I routinely leaned against her door, and once I'd heard her moving around, I could breathe easier for at least a half an hour before my usual panic would settle itself back in.
She'd hardly eaten much, as Mum had said. She'd been the only one that Lezile wanted to go up and see her. My heart nearly shattered when Mum had told me that she didn't want to see me, or anyone else for that matter. I tried desperately to accept and respect her wish, but when she avoided us all like that, it became harder to stay away.
The lads had been by a few times, all except for Harry, and they all routinely apologized the moment they stepped inside the house. It's a shame that this was now the standard greeting for us all. The boys had each had their own attempt to get Lezile to come out of her room, or for her to at least speak to one of them. I remember the looks on all their faces as they came back down the stairs, defeated. Louis' was the most heart-wrenching out of all of them. He'd come back down with tears on the verge of falling. I remember him wiping at his eyes as he picked up his bag and practically ran out of our house. I had run out after him, begging him not to take it personally, but as I had watched him fumble with his keys and back out of the driveway, the tears on his cheeks hadn't gone un-noticed. I knew he was close to her, and to be shut out by someone you care so much about is heart-breaking.
Louis must have felt... Like me.
In the evening, I'd gone out for a walk to clear my head. The atmosphere of the once loving and inviting house had slowly faded into a museum of haunting silence. I swung the door open, kicking off my shoes and my jacket as Mum stepped out from the kitchen and into the foyer upon hearing me come home.
"Hi," I croaked, trying to make my voice sound stronger than it was. I flicked my head in the direction of the stairs, "has she...?"
Mum only shook her head before stepping over to me, "Honey, I know you've heard this a thousand times this past week, but I'm so sorry. This can't be easy. I hate seeing you in pain."
I shrugged, "I'm good, Mum, really."
She ignored my words and pulled me into a hug, "on the outside you are, but all I have to do is look in your eyes and know that you're not alright."
I bit my lip as I struggled to break free from her hug. I'd been strong all week in front of everyone. I was the man; I wasn't supposed to cry over anything, especially this.
"Mum," I whimpered, trying to pry her hands off of my back. She only held her grip tighter as she took one of her hands and pushed on my neck, trying to keep me to her.
"Shhh, baby," she cooed softly, but I heard the crack in her voice as she spoke.
I struggled for a few more seconds before I finally collapsed in her arms, my weight becoming too heavy on my legs as I sank to the floor, Mum holding me as I went. Her fingers ran through my hair as one hand ran up and down my back. I held her around her waist, my face buried against her shoulder, my tears falling quickly. The air around me became constricting as I gasped for breath between each teary sob.
"Shhh, love. It's okay," she cried along with me.
"Oh my God," I choked out, the heavy lump in my throat causing me to cough out my words.
"I know," she whispered, resting her head against my own as she continued rocking me back and forth.
"I can't help her," I cried, my grip hardening around her, "she won't let me help her, oh God."
My crying became rougher as my breaths became harder to regain control of.
"Honey, you have to calm down, please," she begged.
"She doesn't want to see me, Mum! I love her so much and she won't let me take care of her! What if this is the end of us," I whined, "oh God, oh my God, I can't handle this!"
I sniffled, a constricted sound emanating from my blocked nostrils.
"She loves you, Niall, she's not going anywhere. I promise everything will be alright."
I sniffled once again, wiping away the dried tears away from my face. I stayed in my Mum's embrace for a little while longer before my body felt entirely drained of all its energy. Mum let me head upstairs. I paused at Lezile's door for a moment until I heard her let out what sounded like a groan. I left to my own room, closing the door behind myself.
*Lezile's POV*
I heard Niall close his door. I let out a large breath that I'd been holding. I knew that he had been outside my door. Every time that he'd stood out there this week, I'd wanted him to come in and to leave me alone all at the same time. I hadn't formed a single coherent thought this week, other than thinking about losing the baby.
I'd been so unfair to everyone this past week. I'd put this depressing cloud over the whole house, along with everyone in it. I've only spoken to Niall's Mum, despite everyone's pleas. I remember hearing the boys' attempts to get me to come out, but I hadn't listened. Louis' was the worst; his sturdy voice had quickly faded into desperate pleas as he struggled with the locked doorknob. I remember biting my lip to stop my own tears from falling as he quietly banged on the door, begging for me to speak to him. The sounds of his footsteps running down the stairs still ring in my ears.
I sat up in bed, the abrupt familiar tune coming to my ears. It was coming from Niall's room. I groggily got out of bed before silently walking over to my door, my hand on the knob. An abundance of pro's and con's made their way through my mind as I stood there, but in the end, there was only one Pro that outweighed all of the con's; Niall.
I carefully opened the door and stuck my head out into the hallway. Upon seeing that no one was out here, I tip-toed down the hall to Niall's room, the sounds getting louder as I came to a halt in front of his door. My heart was pounding furiously against my chest as a nauseous feeling made its way into my stomach. I worried that Niall didn't want to see me after I'd treated him so horribly this past week. I decided to take the risk and see how he'd react, because at the moment, all I wanted was to see him.
I slowly turned the knob before pushing the door open the tiniest bit. Niall's voice rang throughout the room clearly as I pushed the door open the rest of the way. I nervously stood in Niall's doorway before closing the door behind me.
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat as the strumming of the guitar ceased and his voice died off. His eyes were opened a little wider than usual as he stared back at me. He was sitting in his sofa chair in the corner of his room, his desk lamp the only light in the room. I sniffled back the oncoming tears as he looked away from me for a brief moment as he set his guitar down on the floor. He turned his hands palm up towards me, silently ushering me over. I bit my lip and dragged my body over to him, immediately sitting on his lap, my body twisting as I wrapped my arms around him. He breathed out a huge sigh as his arms snaked around my waist and he buried his face into my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut as I breathed in shaky breaths against his skin, the familiarity of his embrace feeling somewhat foreign to me.
After minutes of us just holding one another, he pulled back and looked into my eyes. I shook my head a couple of times before shrugging, my eyes never leaving his. I saw him gulp as his eyes flickered down to my stomach. One of his hands left my back and he placed it gently over the sweatshirt above my stomach.
He took a deep breath before he parted his lips and began quietly singing, "you can lie with me, with your tiny feet, when you're half asleep I'll leave you be,"
His lips quivered as he quietly sang between us, his eyes focused on where his hand was. I saw the tears beginning to brim on the edge of his eyes.
"...For a couple weeks, so I could keep you safe," he mumbled, biting down on his bottom lip.
I placed my hand over Niall's as my other wiped away the fallen tear from his cheek. He took a shaky breath as he shifted on the seat, adjusting me so that I was sat off to his side as his arms came around me, hooking in front of me. I intertwined my fingers over his as he rested his chin on my shoulder, his head leaning against mine.
"You were just a small bump unborn, for four months then torn from life...," I closed my eyes as his gentle voice resounded in my ear, "maybe you were needed up there, but we're still unaware as why."
Silence filled the room as Niall finished singing. Despite the tragedy of the lyrics, they comforted me. In his own way, Niall showed me that he'd been just as upset as me.
"I'm sorry," I weakly said, my own eyes filling with tears.
"It's not your fault, Sweetie," he whispered, his lips kissing my cheek lightly.
"It is, my stupid body couldn't just hang for a few mo-"
"Hey, hey," he interrupted, "I know we lost," he paused, "our child, but we didn't lose each other. I'm here for you and I'm not leaving. I'm not letting you leave me."
I internally smiled as his comfort, leaning my head back to rest closer to him. His arms held tighter pressure as he leaned his forehead against the side of my head.
"I love you, okay?"
I ran my fingers delicately over his own as his words were whispered next to me. I nearly choked on my own words as they left my lips, "I love you so much, Niall."
I turned my head to face him, his lips planting a couple kisses against my forehead.
"Everything's going to be alright," he assured.
In my head, a giant sigh made its way through my whole body. Niall had promised me this before; I was just hoping that this time, he'd be right.
Hello! Holy shit, right? An update that didn't take longer than a month. I immediately began writing this after I posted the last Chapter. If you guys don't like it, then I apologize. If you want, I could end it here, or I could continue with what I've got planned for it. This wasn't meant to be the ending, but if you want, it can be. It's up to you guys! Review and let me know! If you review that you want it to be over, please don't be rude about it.
And thanks to the very sweet people who posted reviews on the last Chapter, I was nervous when I got the emails, but once I read them, I smiled at what you'd written. You're such wonderful people! Thanks for making me smile when I was feeling down :)