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How about we step away from Arthur and the Sarrum for a bit and let's return to Camelot? Let's see how Morgana is getting on?

PART THREE

THE WAR

Chapter Thirty-Six

Morgana's Worry

MORGANA KNEW THAT SHE WOULD have better control over her dreams if she wasn't worrying about Merlin but it was the only thing that she could do. By the fact that no one had burst into her chambers, she could only imagine that this was only one of the few dreams in the last month that she hadn't screamed herself awake. With her body being covered in sweat, she knew that she would feel too uncomfortable to even attempt to go back to sleep. Yet she knew that if she didn't try, she would be wanting to fall asleep before the day has even begun.

She now knew why Uther always seemed so grumpy. The restless nights were getting to her and she knew that she was being short with people that she shouldn't be short with. Gwen was probably getting the brunt of it and she felt for her friend. But was it best that she took her lack of sleep out on her friend or the council?

Morgana dropped into the chair behind her desk with a sigh.

Arthur and the Sarrum were making her duties harder. She wanted to be able to protect her city and kingdom but how could she when every patrol she had sent out to assess the Amatan army didn't return? How was she meant to know the course that they were taking? How was she meant to protect the outlying villages? How was she meant to protect the fields? How was she meant to protect her people? How was she meant to do all this when she allowed one of the people that she cared about most to be kidnapped?

She knew she was asking herself too many questions and it wasn't helping her get any closer to where she wanted to be but it was the questions that she asked herself every second of every day. The council was also starting to get on at her about it. It was her first war and she had only had the throne for a couple months. No one had prepared her for war, although she would admit that she didn't think anyone could prepare for war.

It was like Gwen knew her movements as she pushed open the door to her chambers and walked over with a tray.

"You might as well eat now." She said.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, Gwen."

"You did nothing. I am happy to help."

"You are doing a lot more than just helping."

"Same dream."

Morgana shook her head. "Just a scout telling me that they had found Merlin's body. I don't wish to explain how they found it."

"At least it wasn't the one you had last night."

"I never want that one again."

She had dreamt that Merlin had somehow been brainwashed and returned to Camelot with Arthur in tow. Once they were inside, he brutally murdered her, laughing as he stabbed her multiple times. It was something that she had tried to put firmly to the back of her mind but it crept up on her at some points.

"I am sure he will return safe and sound."

"I am so glad that you still have faith, Gwen. Every day I lose a little and soon I know I am going to lose the throne. Whether there is a rebellion inside the city or I have to wait for Arthur and the Sarrum to bash on the gates. I am going to lose it all Gwen and my life is the last thing that I am thinking about at the moment. If Arthur and the Sarrum win then magic will never come back. The last few months of me trying to gain the council's trust will be for nothing. I made myself so many promises and hoped for so much but this is how it is all going to end. I am not going to be able to do a single thing of what I wanted."

She had tried to stop the tears leaving her eyes but as soon as Gwen brought her into a rather uncomfortable hug, Morgana knew that she just had to let it go. With Gwen resting her head on hers, it was the first real comfort that Morgana had felt for a month and there was nothing else that she wanted to do was to bring Gwen into a proper hug.

"You need to stop putting pressure on yourself."

"It would be easier if Merlin was here."

Gwen sighed. "I know. Ask him again when he gets back. You need him by your side."

"He will only say no again."

"I don't think he will."

"I wish to have your faith."

"I know because if he only misses you half as much as you miss him, then he would be a fool to turn you down again."

"Merlin can be a fool."

"Not about his love for you. Morgana, believe me, ask him again when he returns."

"That is unless he kills me."

"That won't happen. For Merlin to be brainwashed, one would think magic would be involved. The Sarrum and Arthur would be hypocrites."

"I wouldn't put it past them."

Gwen pulled back and Morgana wished that she didn't. She wondered whether she could get her friend to say with her while she tried to get another hour of sleep. She would wear herself out eventually.

"What would you do if Arthur returned, asking for forgiveness? Saying that he was wrong for what he had done?"

"In a minute Gwen, I am going to think you have some magical powers." She paused. "I would be lying if I said that I hadn't thought about it. He would have to prove himself. I don't know how I would do that but he would have to be watched. I haven't worked all the ins and outs of it but, I would allow him to come back to Camelot. It is his home after all."

"Morgana, you do realise that it is decisions like that which will always put you apart from the likes of Uther. The fact that you still have that kindness, even after being locked in that tower for as long as you were, shows something about you. I am proud of you Morgana. You are becoming the Queen that everyone hoped for."

"You are too kind Gwen."

"I do mean it."

"I know you do."

Morgana tried to stifle a yawn but failed. Gwen had managed to distract her enough to feel tired again.

"Want to go back to bed for a bit?" Gwen asked.

"Can you stay with me?"

It was a question that she had asked so many times but hadn't recently. There was a moment that Morgana thought that Gwen was going to decline her but as the smile rose upon her face, she knew that she might get another hour or two.

Gwen was apprehensive about getting under the covers but Morgana found herself moving closer to her friend once she did, bringing her into the proper hug that she would have preferred earlier. She knew that Gwen would be gone by the time she reopened her eyes but for that moment, Morgana felt at ease, and most of all, safer than she had felt for weeks.