Chapter Thirty-five: Breaking Point

Dead silence fell over the entire room. Tenchi remained silent for a long time as he looked at his mother. And yet as he looked at her something strange happened. She looked different. And yet she matched up with his memories.

It was as if this was a different woman from the one he had known. She had long white hair tied back behind her head in a ponytail and wore a white kimono. Tenchi thought about all this.

Had someone changed reality to make his mother come back alive? Could it have been dad? Maybe he set this up when he sealed Kagato. Tenchi couldn't blame him. But what about all the other changes. Zero and Kiyone.

There had to be more to it than this.

So maybe Mom had been alive all this time. She'd never died at all. She'd only faked her death and then left. Left Tenchi. Left Dad. He remembered Dad's thoughts. "...Are you a shapeshifting android?"

"No." said the woman. "Tenchi I'm-"

"So you are who you look like." said Tenchi.

"Well, yes." said the woman.

There was no emotional connection here. Tenchi felt very distant. "Where have you been?"

"What?" said the woman.

"It's been years. I thought you were dead." said Tenchi. "Dad thought you were dead. I should have known it made no sense for someone with the power of demigod to die of sickness.

"But I never thought you'd abandon us. Why would you leave us?"

"Tenchi, I'm not your mother." said the girl. "I'm your older sister, Tennyo. I just look like her."

Tenchi blinked. "Oh. Okay. Well, that explains nothing. I don't have a sister."

"Well you see, back when Kiyone was alive we used to switch places with each other." said Tennyo. "You never noticed did you?"

Was this what fictional characters felt like when someone wrote them into a bad fanfic. "Right. Of course."

"I would make your dinner for you." said Tennyo. "Sleep right beside you. Sometimes I'd even give you a bath."

Tenchi had had enough of this. "And we're done. I'm going to go work in the carrot fields. You have five minutes to leave the property before I unleashed Ryoko."

"What?" said Tennyo. "But I have to introduce you to someone!"

"Good point." said Tenchi. He looked behind to where the girls were crowded. "Hey, Ryoko. Give this mystery person five minutes before you beat her to a bloody pulp as well."

"You got it." said Ryoko, giving a thumbs up.

Tenchi walked for the door, making for the shed. Washu stepped in front of him. "Tenchi I'm not sure-"

"Choke on it, Washu." said Tenchi, brushing past her.

A red energy shield appeared in front of the door. Tenchi paused and forced against it. It held. Finally, he glanced to Washu. "Washu, what are you doing?"

"Tenchi, this is important." said Washu. "She's from Jurai. This concerns your future."

"Sure it does." said Tenchi. "As in, in five minutes I expect never to see her again.'

"Tenchi please!" said Tennyo. "This is incredibly important! And, look I realize this is very sudden but could you just stay and listen?"

Tenchi sighed. Then he looked to her. "...Explain why you're here in one paragraph or less. That's all the time I'm going to give you. Then I have Ryoko escort you off the premises."

"I came here from Jurai to introduce you to your new fiancee." said Tennyo quickly. "This was an arrangement made long before any of these girls ever met you. It was made by Seto Masaki Jurai."

"You mean my grandmother, the Devil Princess of Jurai?" asked Ayeka in shock. "She is the single most powerful person in Jurai, behind the scenes that is. Even my Father, the Emperor, wouldn't dare defy her."

"I don't care!" said Ryoko. "What right does this old hag have to decide who Tenchi marries?"

"You were perfectly alright with being a mistress when Ayeka was the one angling to be his fiancee." noted Washu.

"Yeah, but I like Ayeka." snapped Ryoko. "And we're not gonna stand for this."

"And what exactly do you plan to do?" asked Washu.

Ryoko thought about it. Then she looked to Tenchi. "Tenchi, mind if I burn down Jurai again? You know, send a message."

"Don't worry about it Ryoko." said Tenchi. "You have nothing to worry about."

"I'm sorry this was so sudden." said Tennyo. "But like it or not you're in the direct line for Jurai. Arranged political marriages are common there."

"Yes. But we're on earth." said Tenchi. "A civilized planet where absolute monarchy was discredited centuries ago.

"So let me just respond to your previous paragraph.

"I'm not marrying someone just because some person I've never met says I should. I don't care if she thinks she can control my life, she can't. And I don't care what her name was.

"Get off my planet."

Tennyo blinked. "...Um, Tenchi, you really won't get away with this."

"Like hell, I won't." said Tenchi. "I've got an entire household of physical gods living with me. One of whom is Tsunami incarnate. You know, the goddess you get all your powers from." He looked up to Sasami. "Sasami, will Tsunami support me if I say I don't want to marry someone I've never met against my will?"

"Um, yes, but-" began Sasami.

"Thank you Sasami." said Tenchi. "So yeah. Jurai is about as intimidating as a paper tiger."

Tennyo paused. "Could you meet her first?"

"Why should I?" asked Tenchi.

"Because I'm not allowed to leave until I introduce you to your new fiancee." said Tennyo. "You can refuse to marry her fine. But if I don't at least introduce you, Lady Seto will be furious with me." She shuddered. "She's terrible when she's furious."

Tenchi remained silent. "...Fine. Whatever."

There was a phasing and into view appeared a green haired woman in an orange and black uniform. She looked about thirty. Tennyo blinked.

"Hang on a second-" began Tennyo.

A bolt of pure red energy shot across the living room and blew the woman's head off. Such was the shock that the entire body exploded. Blood spewed everywhere, soaking the carpet and sofa in gore.

"Oh my god! What happened?" said Tennyo.

"Oh no, I shot Tenchi's fiancee." said Ryoko with a huge smile and a smoking hand. "What a terrible accident."

"Why the hell did you do that?!" asked Tenchi.

"What? There won't be a political crisis now." said Ryoko. "She's dead. So she can't marry anyone."

"Ryoko what..." gasped Sasami. "You just killed that woman."

"Yeah. I'm the most powerful Space Pirate whose ever lived. I burned down half the Jurai Royal Palace. I also went toe to toe with the Legendary Warrior Yosho and killed Kagato." said Ryoko. "When they say I've committed every crime there is a law for, did you think they meant 'every crime except murder?'"

Tennyo stared at the bloody corpse, her face splattered in gore. "...This is... not good." she stammered.

"Well, we've met Tenchi's fiancee." said Ayeka with a smile. "Washu, why don't you dispose of the body? Sasami and I will make Tennyo a nice hot cup of tea. I'm sure she's had a long journey."

"Princess Ayeka, how can you be so calm?!" cried Tennyo.

"I want to be Tenchi's first wife." said Ayeka with a shrug. "Ryoko has just killed someone who was slated to take that position. And since Ryoko is now going to prison all opposition to me getting Tenchi has been cleared away."

"Why you little traitor!" said Ryoko.

"What are you talking about Ryoko?" asked Ayeka with a laugh. "I was never on your side, to begin with."

"Um, Tennyo, was my fiancee important?" asked Tenchi.

"This wasn't your fiancee." said Tennyo, wiping gore from her face with one ruined sleeve of her kimono. "This was our grandmother."

"Oh." said Ryoko. 'Okay, well, serves her right for trying to marry Tenchi off. Guess the whole thing can be called off."

"No, you idiot! Seto is Ayeka's grandmother!" snarled Tennyo. "Ayeka is Tenchi's great aunt which makes Seto uh... something I don't know; I don't have the flow chart on hand, okay."

"You don't seem very upset." noted Tenchi.

"Why would I be upset? I didn't meet this woman until I was fifty." said Tennyo. "I only left for Jurai because people were giving me strange looks. I kept on looking young while all my classmates got old.

"...Fuck. Way to kill our grandmother Tenchi."

"Me?!" said Tenchi. "Why are you blaming me? Being unable to control my wife is practically mandatory for Juraians! It's an entire species of spineless beta males!"

"Fuck you!" roared Tennyo.

"No, fuck you!" roared Tenchi. "You don't get to do this! To just come right the fuck out of nowhere as a sister I've never even met and write yourself into my reality!

"Now get your bad fanfiction self out of my life!"

"Fine!" snapped Tennyo.

And she stormed out. Leaving only the bloody remains of Tenchi's grandmother all over the room. Ryoko rubbed her hear. "...I'm going to prison aren't I?"

"I'll visit you Ryoko." said Sasami.

Washu recovered from her shock. The genius opened her console. "...I uh, I'm going to send a copy of my mind back in time and prevent Ryoko from killing your grandmother. I figure things will be a lot simpler that way."

"Right. Uh, good idea." said Tenchi.

Washu received the warning as the person began to appear. Acting quickly she summoned a shield just in time as Tenchi's grandmother appeared.

"Hang on a second-" began Tennyo.

A bolt of red shot across the room and was deflected by a shield. Washu breathed a sigh of relief. Then several hundred logs appeared around the woman. They unleashed an onslaught of lightning. There was a scream, and the middle of the room exploded.

The sofas were thrown around, and the tv was ruined. The only sign of the woman was a charred corpse. Washu looked up in horror. "Ayeka!"

"Oh this is such a tragedy!" said Ayeka. "I thought that Kagato had returned to life and was trying to attack Lord Tenchi! What have I done?"

Tennyo stared. "…Killed our grandmother."

"Yes, it is a shame." said Ayeka. "I'll go make some tea to steady everybody's nerves."

Washu looked to Ryoko and Ayeka in disgust. "You two are real pieces of work you know that." Then she went back in time. Again.

Washu received the warning as the woman began to appear. At once she took action.

"Hang on a second-" began Tennyo.

Ryoko's bolt was blocked. Washu then created an energy shield that protected the woman from Ayeka's attack. Finally, it was over. Washu relaxed.

Then a bolt of yellow shut through the woman's face. Washu looked up to see Mihoshi had been fiddling with her gun. "Mihoshi?!"

"Oops." said Mihoshi.

Washu screamed in anger.

This was the fourth time Washu had to do this.

"Hang on a second-" began Tennyo.

This time she used her console to stop Ryoko and Ayeka from gathering power. She disabled Mihoshi's gun with another button push. Then she got between them. "Stop! Stop killing her!"

"Why should we?" asked Ryoko. "She's going to steal Tenchi away from us!"

"Yes." said Ayeka. "I see no reason why this woman should be able to be Tenchi's first wife, even if Lady Seto desires it. Who is she?"

"I'm Airi." said the woman. "Pleased to meet you."

"Out of curiosity why is the title of first wife significant?" asked Tenchi.

"In the Jurai Royal family only the children of the first wife are legitimate heirs to the throne." said Tennyo. "The others form branch houses."

"So you're telling me that this old hag is going to be Tenchi's fiancee?!" asked Ryoko.

Airi surged forward and slapped Ryoko several times across the face. The Space Pirate reeled. "Old Hag? Care to say that to my face?"

Ryoko looked up, and her eyes went red. "Sure thing." One hand surged forward and plunged through Airi's chest. Blood poured from the wound as Airi screamed in agony.

"Old Hag." said Ryoko with a smile.

There was an explosion of blood which covered everything in red.

Washu put her head in her hands and began to weep.

"Tenchi what the hell!" said Tennyo.

"What the fuck do you want from me?!" asked Tenchi. "Ryoko is a former space pirate who ravaged the entire universe! And Airi just tried to beat her up! What did you think would happen?"

"It's going to be one of those days." said Washu, typing into her console.

Back again. In the past few minutes, they had advanced about thirty seconds.

"So you're telling me that this old hag is going to be Tenchi's fiancee?" asked Ryoko.

"Old hag?" asked Airi.

And she surged forward to slap Ryoko. This time Washu got there in time and caught her hand. "And I think that's quite enough. No reason we can't all be friends here. Nobody has to do anything they might regret. Like, say, slapping the most powerful space pirate who ever lived. We can all live and let live and not die horribly."

Airi looked back and probably realized what a stupid decision she'd just made. Her eyes certainly went wide enough. "...Right. Thank you, Washu.

"Just as we're clear I'm not Tenchi's fiancee."

"Then I'm confused." said Ayeka. "Who are you?"

"She's my wife, that's who." said a voice.

They looked up to see Yosho entering the room. Airi ran to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh, my darling."

"What?!" shouted everyone in the room. Except, oddly enough, Tenchi.

"Okay, that's it, I'm calling this out." said Tenchi. "Ayeka was engaged to marry Yosho. There is no way short of reality warping that she could not know about him already being married.

"And Grandpa, what are you even doing here? You're supposed to be training to become the strongest in the universe or something. You don't get to leave on a mysterious important mission and then pop back in for tea and biscuits."

"Actually my mysterious mission was complete." said Yosho. "What you see here is more of a shell. I went to Jurai to regain my lost youth to be at full power. Now I'm going to be leaving on another one.

"I thought I'd stop by."

"Well then you can be the one to tell this Lady Seto to shove it." said Tenchi. "And you didn't answer my question. How is it possible that Ayeka didn't know about your secret marriage to this random women.

"And how many secret loves do you have?

"First we have that Haruna slut. Now this Airi person."

Airi looked up at him. 'You're pleasant."

"I've had it up to here with Jurai's Royal Inbreeding program if that's what you mean." said Tenchi. "Did you know about this fiancee thing?" This was bad. Tenchi tended to rebel against people telling him what to do. He was obviously pissed right now.

"Yes. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it before." said Yosho. "It's against the Masaki Families principles to interfere with developing planets. Because of this, we cannot allow anyone to know of our true identities. But that does not change the fact that we are also people of the earth.

We live our normal lives, take wives and husbands, have children. We keep these things secret from them until they finally come of age. It is only then that we can reveal the secrets of our family."

"Yeah, because a few weeks notice before signing away my entire life would be unreasonable." said Tenchi.

Time to break the ice a bit. "Well, this has been a whacky week. If she's not Tenchi's fiancee then where is she?"

"I... I turned around for just a second and then she was gone." said Airi. "She must have run away."

"Oh no. Maybe she got scared." said Tennyo.

"Anything else?" asked Tenchi in a voice that could freeze ice.

"Um, not at the moment." said Tennyo.

"No, no, I know you're saying this is the full story." said Tenchi. "But grandpa has been lying to be my entire life so I know there must be more to it."

"That's a little harsh." said Washu.

'Not harsh enough actually." said Tenchi. "In the short time, I've known about my heritage I've been almost killed by Kagato. The guy you failed to put down. Twice."

"Well yes-" began Yosho.

"And who could forget that wonderful visit from the Emperor." said Tenchi. "Where he proceeded to act all condescending to me for being a mere Earthling. Despite him marrying an Earthling."

"I admit Father could have made a better first impression-" began Yosho.

"First impression?" asked Tenchi. "How about his second impression where he tried to marry Ayeka off to a pink haired idiot who insulted Dad's trade. Not that you bothered to stand up for either of us."

"I-" began Yosho.

"And of course, there was a great reunion with your crazy ex-girlfriend." said Tenchi. "You know, the one who kidnapped me for six months — brainwashed me. Then she raped me. And was only able to do it because you bound her spirit to a bunch of trees and refused to hack them down!

"Angsting over an insane ghost yandere was more important to you than my life!"

"You will not speak of Haruna-" began Yosho.

"I'll speak of her any way I like you old bastard!" roared Tenchi.

Yosho lashed out with a hand, but Tenchi caught it. He looked at Yosho with dead, cold, eyes. "Don't try that again, grandpa. We're not fighting with sticks anymore.

"Honestly, I could have forgiven everything else. But what really got to me was you, and she expected me to sympathize with her. Like it was a great tragedy that my rapist, a woman who drained my life force, was dying. Because she was female and therefore entitled to free pardon for all her crimes.

"I lost six months of my life. I'll never get them back. And it's your fault. Just like it's your fault Kiyone is dead."

Was he referring to his mother? Or the woman detected in Washu's logs. Tenchi's anger was causing him to break free of the timeline. Washu quickly took readings of what was happening. It could be useful.

"And it doesn't even end there." said Tenchi. "Now I find out that the family I never had are planning to marry me off to a woman I've never met. On the orders of another woman, I've never met. The news of which is being delivered to me by a sister I didn't know I had.

"And you're acting like its no big deal.

"This isn't a TV show where everyone smiles for the camera and the credits roll. I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with this woman, and you expect me to take it in stride? I've never even met her. I don't know her. I'm sure she's pretty, but what if she's a horrible person. What if we loathe each other? And judging by her absence, she doesn't want to marry me either.

"And don't give me the political marriage angle. I'm Prince of Nothing. I've been seriously considering giving up my claim to the throne. I'm sure as hell not qualified for the job.

"But then again, maybe I'm unreasonable. I should act like a pureblooded, born and raised Juraian Prince. I'll just take it in stride as you expect me to and bend to whims of Juraian society. Do what Azusa and Seto want.

"Just like you did with Ayeka."

Yosho shuddered. Tenchi may as well have shot in the heart with a gun for the effect it had.

"You. Fucking. Hypocrite." snarled Tenchi. "You've screwed up everything you've ever set your mind to in your entire life. You failed to stop Ryoko. Failed to stop Kagato. Failed to live up to your families expectations. And you sure as hell failed Ayeka when you stood her up.

"Now you want to live vicariously through me to make yourself feel better about being a failure. Well, guess, what I'm an extension of you. I want to live my own life. That's why you forced me to stop going to church. You couldn't stand the idea of me being something other than the perfect Prince of Jurai you never were." He breathed out then turned away. "I'm done. Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Washu, Mihoshi pack your things and get Ryo-Oki. I'm going to go gather some carrots for her."

"Tenchi, what are you-" began Washu.

"We're leaving. I'm not being married off so Jurai can keep their power intact. They don't want me. They want my light hawk wings. That's it, just like they only came to visit so they could ask Washu to build another Ryoko.

"But I can't just refuse. Sooner or later they'll find a way to force me unless they don't know where to find me.

"I'm not going to force any of you. If you don't want to come, that's fine. If you do, that's also fine. I'll be glad to have you.

"Either way, I'm not going to be a Juraian Breeding Stud."

"Took the words right out of my mouth Tenchi." said Ryoko.

Then Tenchi stalked out. Dead silence filled the room. The gauntlet had been thrown, for all intents and purposes. Washu should have seen this coming. The signs had all been there. Snide comments made about things, little concerns unaddressed.

Now it had all exploded. Could she have averted this if she'd been better?

"...Come on Sasami, we'd better get our things together." said Ayeka.

"But do we have to go?" asked Sasami.

"We have to stay with Lord Tenchi." said Ayeka. "He needs us."

"Ayeka-" began Yosho.

"You abandoned me Yosho. I remember how much I was looking forward to marrying you, and then you left." said Ayeka, voice breaking. "Without even saying a word. It hurt so much; I thought I would die.

"I spent years searching for you.

"I... I forgive you for that, of course. It was understandable.

"But you have no right to run away from one arranged marriage, and then tell Tenchi to accept his fate. And worse, you've been in contact with my grandmother. You must have to have known about this.

"All that time you could have sent me a message. Anything. And you didn't.

"That I cannot forgive. I'm going with Lord Tenchi." And she left.

"Um, wait for me Ayeka, I don't want to be left behind!" said Mihoshi, running after her.

What did Washu do now?

Tenchi would calm down eventually. Or maybe he wouldn't. But either way, Washu wasn't here for Yosho. So she already knew what she was doing. "It was fun while it lasted, Yosho. I guess I'll have to pack up my lab. Sorry I couldn't give you two weeks notice. But Seto sprang this on us."

What the hell had Jurai been thinking?

They hadn't been thinking. They probably assumed that Ryoko and Ayeka would be the only obstacles. It made sense. Most Juraian males were passive and thoughtful. Contemplative and polite. Nice guys who relied on females to spring them into motion. But Tenchi took a lot more after his earthling side. He had different ideas of masculinity.

But what was it that had set this off?

What was that Tenchi had said about church?

Washu would ask about it after she packed up her subspace lab.

Tenchi was in a fouler mood than he'd been in a long time. He hadn't meant to just unload on Grandpa like that, but with everything happening it had come rushing out. And now that he thought of it, he believed most of what he said.

Where did Legendary Warrior Yosho get off forcing Tenchi to live the life he had refused.

Then something else occurred to Tenchi. "I can't believe I'm going to have to skip school again just to get these depraved space elves out of my life. Maybe Washu could create some kind of virtual clone which I can pilot or something."

He found Ryo-Oki digging in the fields. He kneeled by her and petted her. "Oh, hey Ryo-Oki."

"Meow." said Ryo-Oki.

"Ryoko has been looking for you." said Tenchi. "You'd better go find her."

Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He saw a green-haired woman clad in white. He kept his eyes off of her enormous bust as he stood. "Oh, hello. Who are you?"

She stared at him. Then she froze. "I... brother..."

And then she fainted. Tenchi put his head in his hands. "Here we go." He pulled her into the shade. Should he go and make a call? He was just about to carry her when she woke up.

"Are you all right?" asked Tenchi.

"Yes, I'm fine now." said the woman. "Anyway, are these your fields?"

"They were. I'm not going to be seeing them in a while." said Tenchi.

"Oh? Why not?" asked Noike.

"Family trouble." said Tenchi. "My relatives want to control my life without actually being a part of it. I figure it's time to move on."

"So you plowed all of these fields by yourself?" asked the woman.

"It's a hobby. Helps me clear my mind." said Tenchi.

The woman made her way to them and scooped up some of the earth. She smelled it. "It smells nice. This is good soil. Would you mind terribly if I tasted one of those carrots."

"Yes." said Tenchi. "No offense, but this is private property. So unless you've got a reason to be here you really shouldn't be here."

"Well I was sort of here to meet someone." said the woman.

"It's not a fiancee is it?" asked Tenchi.

"Actually it is." she said. "How did you know?"

This had to be an act. Tenchi had met nice people. He'd met gullible people. Noike wasn't coming across as either. "Goddamn it. No reason. What's your name?"

"I'm Noike." she said.

"You know what, keep the carrots." said Tenchi.

"Wow, thanks a whole lot. But I'd feel bad just taking them." said Noike.

"I really don't care about the carrots frankly." said Tenchi.

"Meow. Meow. Meow." said Ryo-Oki.

"I suppose I'll take a few." said Tenchi.

"Meow." said Ryo-Oki.

"More than a few." said Tenchi.

"Meow." said Ryo-Oki.

"We are not taking the entire field, Ryo-Oki." said Tenchi. "It wouldn't fit inside you."

"You've worked way too hard for me to just take these things off you." said Noike. "I could pay you, but I haven't really exchanged currencies yet. So are you a servant to Prince Tenchi?"

"Well I certainly get pushed around a lot." said Tenchi. "Tell you what, you give me your best price with the currency you do have. Then take all the carrots aside from the ones in that basket. Then we'll call it even."

"Let me try one first." said Noike, taking one and biting it. " Wow, these are really good. Here, take this." She offered him a large amount of money. Tenchi took it.

"Thank you. It's a pleasure doing business with you." said Tenchi. "Come on Ryo-Oki. We're getting out of this mediocre sitcom."

Noike seemed nice. But something was off about her. She seemed too nice. There was something insincere about her. And anyway, Tenchi wasn't rebelling because he didn't like his fiancee. This was about principle.

He refused to have his life run by the Jurai Empire. Not now. Not ever.

So it was that Tenchi Masaki and the girls departed Earth. They flew into the blackness of space. And far away, Z looked up from his elaborate schemes and realized that the target had flown the coup.

He leaned back in his seat and chuckled. "...Well, this is a spanner in the works. Isn't it."

He could improvise.

Author's Note:

I take it back.

I'm serious. I long for the days of OVA 3 episode 1. Episode 2 is worse. So much worse. In fact, I'm going the summarize the entire episode I just labored through in three words.

NOTHING. FUCKING. HAPPENS.

There is no villain. There is no problem. There is no conflict. There are no funny moments or wacky hijinks. This episode was beyond merely bad; I'm actually insulted. It offends to think anyone could think this episode was even remotely entertaining.

Which is why things go completely off the rails in this chapter. I didn't plan this, of course, but it seemed like what this Tenchi would do.

I think I need to go lie down.